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cookiegirl

Should I trust the actions of a drunk guy??

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If a guy has had a few to drink, should I trust his actions/feelings?

I'm in a bit of a situation, and I really don't know what to do about it. There's a guy I've known for a year and half from class, we are good friends/classmates - but recently, things have slightly changed whilst we went on a field trip abroad with the class. A bit of background on the guy: he is confident in general, but is private and doesn't share his personal/relationship experiences, nor is he the touchy feely type of guy either during the day. 

It all started when I slipped and fell on the trip and hurt my back, I previously injured myself weeks before this trip, therefore injuring myself again from slipping made things even worse. He noticed something wrong and asked, and I said I slipped and my back is in pain. And then all of a sudden, he wrapped and touched my lower back - but it was a bit of an awkward touch, it was more of a "trying to support my back" kind of touch and he smiled whilst he did that. I was already taken back from that, because he isn't touchy - nor have I seen him do the same to girls. So, in my head I was thinking "what the.....". After, he offered to carry my backpack, but I refused and said it's ok, i need the weight to keep me upright. Then throughout the day, he kept asking me how was my back etc. He even fell asleep on my shoulder at one point.

The same night, we went back to the hotel and had drinks with my classmates - as the night got later, many of them left aside from myself, him (A), and two other people. We were just chilling on the sofa, and I was quite cold as the terrace door was open as they were smoking, so I had a blanket over me and he sat next to me on the sofa. He kept trying to snuggle near me and looking at me into my eyes as I was leaning back into the sofa because of my injured back....he kept saying "how cosy". He was already kinda drunk by now after 3 drinks. We sat super close, and at one point, our arms were overlapping - my arm was under his arm, and I could feel his hand on top of my hand (i.e you could literally hold my hand). I was very tired as it was already 3am, so I decided to return back to my room, and he also came along to go back to his room - he gave me a goodnight hug before parting ways as his room was closer than mine and I thought that would be it. But 10mins after returning back to my room, he texted me "goodnight, sleep well, hope your back gets better, get up well and sweet dreams"......I was very surprised because even though we are friends, we never really texted before, especially not like that before - it was always very normal texts before like "how's work? etc". Even, before leaving to return my room, he asked how was my back and I said really hurts, and then he was rubbing my lower back several times and smiling at me.....I already thought that was weird.

The next day, we appeared to be even closer by sitting and walking closer to one another during the day. I bought a really heavy book, and he automatically took the bag out of my hand to carry it, and I said you don't have to do that, I can carry it. And he said "let's take turns then". Later that night, we went to a bar for some drinks, we all got really drunk, him especially - he can drink very well, but still he wasn't sober for sure. Throughout the night, we sat next to one another very close, at one point his hand was always on top of mine, whenever he was trying to support himself to sit upright - and me thinking "i'm sure you know my hand is placed there". He kept rubbing my shoulder, and even rubbed my thigh and tapped my knee. We were sitting/talking so close, that I would say it was almost like kissing distance. Throughout the whole night, I was thinking "what the hell is going on.....why is he like this out of the blue". 

As we were leaving the bar to go back to our hotel (by then it was myself, him and two other people again) - me and him were walking way ahead and he put his arm around me and holds me really tightly and close to him, I had both of my arms in front of me holding my bag tightly and then all of a sudden he tries to grab my left hand, but I was gripping my bag tightly and I also didn't want to lead him on/give him any wrong ideas as I was still trying to figure out what is going on, so he returned back the tight shoulder grip. But, then we were walking down a steep hill, so he held his arm out as if he wanted me to hold his hand.....I was super hesitant and thought about it for a good 10-15 seconds, but in the end I grabbed hold of it because I already wasn't walking very straight from the drinks (i'm a lightweight) - we were holding hands down the hill, and then he changed from a hold to a interlocking finger hold. Outside the hotel, he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek goodnight and then before I went into my room, he did the same thing again before he returned to his room. Again, he texted me after 10mins with the whole "sleep well, sweet dreams" text. By now, I was super confused what was going on, because he is not the type/nor have I seen him be like this in general.

Anyways, since the trip has ended and we are back to normal school times, he seems back to normal now?.....as if nothing happened. I really don't know what to do, my mind thinks he likes me, but he wasn't sober, so I don't even know how much of it I should believe. He only appears close to me when he has had a few to drink. Like last night, we had our christmas party and I noticed the later the party was, he was standing closer to me, because from the few beers he had - and as we were leaving, he gave me a really long hug and even held me as I looked up and he looked down as he complimented that I took amazing photos from the trip and to keep in touch over the christmas break. As we parted ways, I felt super upset because I really wanted to ask him what happened from the trip, but I didn't get a chance to as it was a party.....and I texted him to get home safe and he replied back with a "thanks, that goodbye made me feel a bit sad to be leaving (as he was going back home for the holidays)", but then he added "i love the people here" and then I don't know what came over me, but I said to him "me too...i wanted to ask you something, but didn't get a chance to, I'll ask you in the new year" and he wrote back with a "oh ok, i guess i got to wait. sounds serious though".

But yeah, I really don't know how to take this situation :( does he like me? or is it all drunk talk and I shouldn't take any notice of it whatsoever? I won't see him for another 3 weeks. Sorry the post is really long.....but he is so confusing!!

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@cookiegirl Sorry I've only seen this now. It's also a long read, which is why most people didn't respond I guess. Long pieces of text tend to scare people off. Good lesson for next try you need help I'm sure :)

Anyway. What you're basically asking is if the guy who was close to you on the trip, only likes you because of the drinks he had or if it's real.

Well, it's hard to tell to be quite honest. Men, away from friends and family and their normal habitat (i.e. school/dorm/home) will tend to get a bit emotional and clingy. Booze only emphasizes that. So he may only have been looking for a shoulder to cry on.

On the other hand, it's also possible he just needed the drinks to get rid of his nerves and (somewhat) confess to you. Being back in his normal habitat, without the booze, might have closed him off again.

I'm afraid that the only true way to find out, is to ask him: "Why were you so clingy on the trip? Are you trying to tell me something?". Let's see if he will either man up or coward out. Don't worry though. The only one able to lose here is him: your feelings haven't settled yet (or so it seems), and he needs to come out or lose you. You hold the cards here, just play them well and you might end up with a nice guy :)

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Yeah I think he likes you. I get like that when I'm drunk and to the post who said he's alcoholic, he's prob not and just enjoys having fun. My current gf used to get really annoyed with me because I would give her mixed signals and only be affectionate when drunk but ignore her the next day.. sound familiar? It's just coz when I'm sober I'm embarrassed and self-conscious and scared that she would reject me. Haha luckily she called me out on it. You should do the same. Just text him and start convos and if he's interested he will continue the conversation.

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On 18 January 2016 at 8:10 PM, CamelKnight said:

@cookiegirl Sorry I've only seen this now. It's also a long read, which is why most people didn't respond I guess. Long pieces of text tend to scare people off. Good lesson for next try you need help I'm sure :)

Anyway. What you're basically asking is if the guy who was close to you on the trip, only likes you because of the drinks he had or if it's real.

Well, it's hard to tell to be quite honest. Men, away from friends and family and their normal habitat (i.e. school/dorm/home) will tend to get a bit emotional and clingy. Booze only emphasizes that. So he may only have been looking for a shoulder to cry on.

On the other hand, it's also possible he just needed the drinks to get rid of his nerves and (somewhat) confess to you. Being back in his normal habitat, without the booze, might have closed him off again.

I'm afraid that the only true way to find out, is to ask him: "Why were you so clingy on the trip? Are you trying to tell me something?". Let's see if he will either man up or coward out. Don't worry though. The only one able to lose here is him: your feelings haven't settled yet (or so it seems), and he needs to come out or lose you. You hold the cards here, just play them well and you might end up with a nice guy :)

 

thank you for your reply!! I realised it was very long....I'll know better next time :) I still haven't sorted out this situation....it's so difficult to have some time alone for me to ask.....but since my first post - he has been more affectionate like leading me with his hand on the small of my back, stroking my arms, but all this is under the influence of booze, and again I can't tell whether it is his true feelings or not.

He has invited me to go to this lecture seminar next week about his home country (austrian culture), and he messaged me with a "could be fun :)"  and I agreed to go with him, not sure if it is a date, but I will take it as a hang out. Originally, I thought it was a date with the way he was hinting "could be fun", yet didn't purposely ask me if I wanted to go - and I said "looks good! We need to book, if you are up for it" and he said "yeah i will go, I'll book 2 tickets". But afterwards, it turns out his friend is hosting the lecture, so she will be there....therefore, I'm assuming it's more of a hang out.

On 21 January 2016 at 3:44 AM, polarbear88 said:

Yeah I think he likes you. I get like that when I'm drunk and to the post who said he's alcoholic, he's prob not and just enjoys having fun. My current gf used to get really annoyed with me because I would give her mixed signals and only be affectionate when drunk but ignore her the next day.. sound familiar? It's just coz when I'm sober I'm embarrassed and self-conscious and scared that she would reject me. Haha luckily she called me out on it. You should do the same. Just text him and start convos and if he's interested he will continue the conversation.

 

thank you for your reply! I agree that he isn't an alcoholic - he just knows how to enjoy himself and have fun. But he is very confusing with this affectionate when drunk, and cold the next day :( It's like two different people that I am dealing with! Sounds like I am going through what your current gf went through.

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14 hours ago, cookiegirl said:

He has invited me to go to this lecture seminar next week about his home country (austrian culture), and he messaged me with a "could be fun :)"  and I agreed to go with him, not sure if it is a date, but I will take it as a hang out. Originally, I thought it was a date with the way he was hinting "could be fun", yet didn't purposely ask me if I wanted to go - and I said "looks good! We need to book, if you are up for it" and he said "yeah i will go, I'll book 2 tickets". But afterwards, it turns out his friend is hosting the lecture, so she will be there....therefore, I'm assuming it's more of a hang out.

Eventhough we're courageous in battle, fight all the monsters (spiders), rescue damsels in distress and climb mountains to conquer the evil dragon, when you get down to it, we're still soft and weak. We still don't like to get hurt and so we try to get girls out on dates without it being a real date.

If the date goes well, it's an official date (and he will tell all his friends about it). If the date goes south, you two just "hung out" since he thought you'd might be into it. It's a way to steer clear of certain emotional damage and embarrassment. It's got nothing to do with you, other then that he might really like you.

His friend being there too could be a cool way for him to divert attention once he notices you're not really interested, but it could indeed also mean you're just to hang out. Just see how things go. Make sure to drop him some very obvious hints (like touching him in return when he touches you, or looking into his eyes and smile when he touches you). We're still pretty clueless :)

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That's a lot to read, but I wouldn't trust the words of a drunk person because I only mean 20% of the things I say when I'm drunk.

And maybe 50% when I'm sober. 

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40 minutes ago, severus said:

That's a lot to read, but I wouldn't trust the words of a drunk person because I only mean 20% of the things I say when I'm drunk.

And maybe 50% when I'm sober. 

I wonder how much of that you really meant though :P

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