ever been molested and can't tell anyone?

[Guest yhsim!]

wow i can't believe so many of you had this happened to you. i dn't knw if i am considered one of them but i haven't told anyone this story before. i do'nt have a good memory of the past when i was young like around 6 or 7 so it's kind of fuzzy but from what i remember, we had HBO and cable, my dad watched porn and i guess my younger brother by two years watched it because maybe my dad didn't care if my brother was around because he was so young. and then once i remember my grandpa's sister would babysit us and then my brother would take me into my parent's room and lock the door and perform the activities he saw on the TV to me. i remember lying down on my back with him on me and confused with what was going on, didn't know what he was doing or anything and i remember hearing my grandpa's sister knocking on the door for a really long time, wondering what we were doing but i didn't say anything. i don't know if he inserted his penis in me though.......gahh. and i remember i had a lifesize barbie and he would always play with it....wtf dude.

i'm not sure if my brother remembers it but he is very touchy sometimes to me even now but not anywhere like in my private areas and i'm 18 now. but i always ask him why the john tesh is he so touchy, he just laughs. and i don't want to ask him if he remembers because it's so disturbing and awkward if i bring it up and every time he hugs me, i just pull away tell him to get off. but idk...but now things are different, he isn't a sexual person. but at the same time, he isn't very open with his feelings.

[Guest Nynna]

I feel very uncomfortable looking back on this. I wasn't molested by a pedo, but i was molested by my best friend's older brother. we've known each other for almost 4 years. my friend was always there for me since 7th grade when i was alone. her brother was always super quiet and would isolate himself when he was home. it was like that for the next 2 years. i think he's around 3 or 4 years older than me. then he started coming into his sister's room when me and her went in there because we always liked to talk about stuff. he'd usually interrupt or whack me or her in the head. i started noticing how weird he was. he usually made dirty comments or touch his little brother a lot, some times even to his cat. one day i went to six flags with him and his family during the summer. i didn't want to show my swimsuit around his family or him so i wore a big t-shirt over it. i heard him mumbled really quick "you better take that shirt off". so i dragged my friend far away from him. so then when we went back to his house, my friend had to wash the dishes so she told me to go watch tv until she's done. he came and sat next to me and tackled me trying to grab my chest and slap my butt. i rarely come over anymore but not because of the incident, it was something else. but when i do he would slap my butt when i'm not looking. there's more to this but i'd really rather not say the rest. i ended up telling my parents and the word got to his parents and they punished him. he still does weird stuff to me like slap me for no reason and run though.

[Guest minpop]

wow i can't believe so many of you had this happened to you. i dn't knw if i am considered one of them but i haven't told anyone this story before. i do'nt have a good memory of the past when i was young like around 6 or 7 so it's kind of fuzzy but from what i remember, we had HBO and cable, my dad watched porn and i guess my younger brother by two years watched it because maybe my dad didn't care if my brother was around because he was so young. and then once i remember my grandpa's sister would babysit us and then my brother would take me into my parent's room and lock the door and perform the activities he saw on the TV to me. i remember lying down on my back with him on me and confused with what was going on, didn't know what he was doing or anything and i remember hearing my grandpa's sister knocking on the door for a really long time, wondering what we were doing but i didn't say anything. i don't know if he inserted his penis in me though.......gahh. and i remember i had a lifesize barbie and he would always play with it....wtf dude.

i'm not sure if my brother remembers it but he is very touchy sometimes to me even now but not anywhere like in my private areas and i'm 18 now. but i always ask him why the john tesh is he so touchy, he just laughs. and i don't want to ask him if he remembers because it's so disturbing and awkward if i bring it up and every time he hugs me, i just pull away tell him to get off. but idk...but now things are different, he isn't a sexual person. but at the same time, he isn't very open with his feelings.

I so understand, I've been there too, somewhat the same situation. I've never brought it up to anyone. And I know that my Brother doesn't remember doing stuff to me either. Like you I'm not sure if his Penis went inside of me either. It's just the perverted thoughts that a brother would ever think of doing that to his sister. But I've lived with it for 20 something years. And If I bring it up now, to anyone. My thoughts are like will they believe me and what will it do to our Family and he's married and has 2 girls. He's great with them, He's so changed so letting all this out of the bag will just mess up everything. So probably on my death bed I'll say something about it. But I know where your coming from, it sucks that the victims have to remember all the bad stuff. Just hang in there. I would like to know why though that he did that to me. Like was he practicing having sex so that when he gets with a girl he'll know what to do? But why? I am his sister, to me that's disgusting and incestuous.

[Guest misschika]

You poor girls, I hope all those pedo get what they deserve. My story is not as bad but it still scarred me. I remember when I was younger around 6 or 7, my uncle had a traditional party and everyone was there. The parents would ask my older cousin to babysit us. I remember she told all the kids that we were going to play a game call girlfriend and boyfriends. She had the boys and the girls partner up. She'd tell some to hide in the closet and do boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. And if we didn't do it then she was going to tell our parents how bad we were. We didn't know what it was but we knew that it was gross. she told us that it's like kissing on TV. I partner up with my boy cousin, but I told him that I'm scared. I told him that we should lie to her that we did it so we can leave. He said it was stupid how we were playing this game. So we told our cousin that we did it and we were leave because we were thirsty and we want sodas. She said that the only way we can leave is to kiss each other. but, thank god, her mother (my aunt) came home. And we rushed out of the house. I hated how she did that to us. I hate her for doing what she did. Making us do stuff like that. I don't talk to her anymore.

[Guest Joisushi]

^Oh my gosh that's disgusting...how can she do that to you guys? >=(

Everyone's stories make me want to cry. TT_________TT

[Guest x_Pres_Kitten_x]

This is really tame but seriously, little things like this shows how CORRUPT and DISGUSTING society and men (except for the good ones!) are and their attitude to females:

I was on the bus and some guy in his 30's sat next to me. It was summer so I was wearing a tank top and as it does (due to love-handles :$) my top kinda went up a bit so a bit of my hip/side skin was exposed.

So he was sitting there, next to me with his arms crossed. I HATE dodgy men looking next to me, but the bus was packed so I couldn't move. So he had his arms crossed... This meaning his right hand was crossed over near to the exposed piece of flesh.

And gradually, I thought I was going insane, but GRADUALLY it got closer, and closer to my skin. As SOON as I felt the slightest bit of contact I JUMPED back and shouted, lucky for him the bus had stopped and he merely ran off the bus.

There are too many perverts nowadays aswell. When I'm on the bus going past schools, I actually deliberately see how many grown men's heads turn when they see the school girls come out of school. I'm afraid to say, it happens almost every time.

My daughter/son is seriously getting protected.

[Guest sunwoo_shinae]

I just read like 20 pages of this thread and it made me so sad.. I hope everyone finds the strength to fight back, or at least get some justice.

[twinkystar8891]

oh my gosh, seriously!!!! those people should died...i swear i would kill them

they arent human, how can they do something like that to a kid?!?!

john teshing those bastard >.<

[fcukfish]

OMFG WTFF!!! john teshING RETARDED PEDOS GOO DIEEE!!

i hate those horny retards!

OMGOGMOGOMGOMGOMGMOMG! THIS IS PISSING ME OFFFFFFFFF!!

STUPID PEDOOOS!

[Guest crayon851]

I've been molested and harassed by social conformism and commercialism. I feel like they've taken something dear to me that I cannot get back!

Sorry to hear all those who have experienced actual molestation. You should confront them, facing your fears is the best thing you to do. Make sure you're with someone who can back you up though.

[Guest Shikabane Hime]

The fact that half the time it's some cousin or close relative, pretty stupid.

Your father's brothers and their kids should never be allowed near the house.

[Guest ashchronicles]

ohkaaay..=___=; reading all these stories just triggered something dat i have long forgotten..

it was pretty..gross..and i felt violated whenever i remembered it..

happened soo long ago..i'm about 5-6 years old..

my brother was 5 years older than me..

onced when we were kids, he pulled me alone, pulled off his pants and showed me his u-know-what..

it's a pretty vague memory though..but i'm pretty sure he asked me to touch it..

too gross..i said no and left him alone..

lol, no wonder i always followed my sister everywhere she went when we were younger..maybe some parts in me were afraid to be left alone with my brother..

sheesh..datz a pretty messed up experience..

he's okay now though..i wonder if he still remembers dat time..

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest Jah nee nee x]

aunts and my mom's friends keep touching my boobs, but it doesn't bother me that much. They just compare

yea I was molested by a kid like 2 or 3 years older than me. I went swimming a lot with his little sister, so once when I was underwater he swam under with me and put his hand in my bottom bikini ... and I liked him too but not after what he did.

[Guest `Koko]

Mine's not bad at all compared to everyone else's.

I used to live at my Aunt's house to take care of my Grandma,

I live back at home now, but anyways.

My uncle has relatives in like Switzerland and France,

and they came to visit. So I was 9 or 10 at the time I believe,

and the guy was 14 or something. I don't remember.

Anyways, it was summer time and I always wore shorts,

and every time that I would walk by him, he would smack my richard simmons

with either his hand or like, his damn red bandana.

He would do it really hard too !

I never said anything to anyone, but I just told him off, like

"Stop touching me!"

In the end.. when he was leaving to go to the airport,

he pulled me by the wrist and dragged me outside to the backyard, even when I didn't want to,

and he told me to hug him, and that if I hugged him I would get $20.

I took the $20 first, and then quickly hugged him and tried to leave,

and then he pulled me so tightly into his chest and then my uncle came out,

and he was like ".. what are you doing?"

The guy let go, just snickered at me and then went back inside.

Not that bad, but like .. jeez.

[sweetlush.]

Omg, this is the first time i've seen this thread.

I can't believe how many you are--who haven't told anyone. It makes me think, "This is only soompi. What about the world?" Ohmy.

[Guest ntsxhgr]

All of you guys story are so heart breaking. This is why I'm so protective of my nieces and nephews. I also have a family member that was rape by a family member at a very young age. I didn't know about this until last year by another family member. Got me sick to my stomach. I just couldn't believe it. Thank you for sharing your story. Take care

[Guest Autumn1430263885]

i feel kind of weird posting here because i know some people who personally know me on soompi

but w.e. i doubt they read it, so here goes

i wasn't going to post, but after reading about all these ppl admitting to it, i think i should finally speak out like they did

i wasn't too young like most of the ppl here, it was only actually a few years ago

3-4 to be exact

i was single and i was joking around with a friend about how i wanted a boyfriend, and that week she called me and wanted to set me up with a guy.... like most friends, she said that we'd be 'perfect for eachother' and such, but really, all she wanted was to be able to say 'hah~ told you so! and I set you up~ it was all ME'... i don't blame her, if it works out, that's great, right?

but the truth was, she didn't tell me that she barely knew the guy

they were aquaintances through different friends, and it just so happened that he told her that he wanted a gf

so we met up, just me and him.

and up to that point, i was pretty much whitwashed and i knew almost nothing of korea even though i was korean too

this guy was korean as well and obviously took me to a neighbourhood in canada thats basically koreatown

he took me to a restaurant, and held my hand, and he was really sweet and he was talking about a bracelet that he had on that i noticed.

he said that he made it and it was a cross... so i assumed this guy was really christian... i guess i was wrong

he asked me then what movie we should watch

and i told him that i don't really mind watching any movie

for some reason, even though there was a movie theatre about a block or 2 away, he kept insisting we go to this place called a video room.

i had NO idea what that was, so i asked him

and he said it's like a regular room with a large screen TV and a big sofa for us to watch any movie in.

and i thought that he was just being sweet.. maybe he wanted it to be more romantic

so i was dumb enough to go along with it

i should've known something was up when he covered the window on the door with his jacket and bag

i should've known something was up when he suddenly got too close to me

but i was stupid

and retarded

and i hate myself for it

he kissed me on the cheek as soon as the movie started

i thought it was a sweet gesture, so i kissed him back on the cheek

then it lead to making out...

i was kind of scared, but i just kept thinking 'maybe this guy really likes me... maybe it's not THAT wrong to have a kiss on the first date'

so i kissed him back

but then he made me lie down on my back

and then before i knew it, i couldn't find my bra or t-shirt

and he was insisting that we have sex

and i said no with a smile at first

but he kept pushing it

so i kept saying no

but he just kept saying 'ok then'.... but his actions weren't the same as what he was saying

he nailed my hands down with his and took off my skirt

i was crying at that point, and i was squirming trying to get him off of me

finally, i had an idea and looked around as if i heard something, saying 'what was that? i think i hear someone trying to come in here'

and he finally jumped off of me, and i told him i would go check to see what was going on

when i finally came back into the room, he was sleeping

he got most of what he wanted from me

even though what he did was terrible, my mental state wasn't stable. i thought 'ok, i never went this far with anybody. maybe he'll understnad, and maybe we could even go out.'

i don't even know what i was thinking! this guy made me cry and he left bruises on my wrists, yet i just sat with him until the end of the movie

after the movie was done, we walked out and he said 'oh, um.... i have to go somewhere' and that was it... he was gone

i felt so numb, so dirty, and disgusting, and.. i still can't find the words to describe it.

As soon as i got home, i just jumped in the shower and stayed there with all my clothes on for about 2 hours, scrubbing the myself and the clothes like crazy. and i dind't even notice that the water was cold.... i know it sounds like i'm some korean girl who just wants to make a drama, but i'm just being honest... this is exactly what happened

then i crawled into bed and felt like i didn't ever deserve to go out again. i felt like i was an unworthy richard simmons and that it was all that boys ever saw me for if not an ugly loser. I laughed at myself for ever thinking at anyone could ever like someone like me. I became suicidal too and started cutting myself a little. I dind't cut myself because i wanted to die though, if i wanted to die, i would've probably thought of a quicker way than that. I cut myself because I was always so numb, and I just wanted to feel something. Anything. jokes weren't funny, movies weren't sad, school wasn't serious... i was just so numb and i wanted to feel anything so desperately. desperately enough to think that as long as pain was a feeling, i'll take it. That's why i cut myself

my parents started freaking out after a couple of weeks since i was still in this kind of state, where i always look frozen and not really present. i stopped wearing skirts and t-shirts even though it was summer, and i wore sweatpants and sweaters. i didn't care about the weather, i just wanted to be covered. normally, im pretty much the loudest girl out of all my friends and i'm always laughing and cracking jokes and living a healthy lifestyle. My weight dropped since I never ate, I felt my own body getting weaker, and I never ever smiled. I only spoke when I had to. My parents worried that i was on drugs or something or that I was going to commit suicide. I saw my mom crying, and that's when I knew that if it weren't for me, my mom wouldn't be hurting right now. So I needed to fix my problem

I couldn't go to my friends as much as i love them, because stuff like this isn't really possible to keep as a secret when you're a high schooler just coming out of middle school. My parents would freak out and probably find him, which would traumatize me even more because then i'd have to face everything all over again. My sisters woulnd't understand either.... So I went to my female pastor after a few months.

She prayed for me and made me feel forgiven by god, and she helped so much. But I wasn't able to forgive myself. So she encouraged me to go tell my guidance cousellor.

At that point, I was like a zombie. I never wanted to cause a scene or argument (like i normally would with my siblings), so i just always did as i was told to do. I told my guidance counsellor. She was the one who was able to sum up what i encountered. I wasn't able to find a word for what i experienced, but I was somewhat relieved when she said it. It gave me something absolute to hold on to. Date Rape... And before I knew it, the principal of my school and 2 police officers were informed. They wanted me to press charges again him. I knew his name, and I still do. But I told them that I don't remember his name or what school he goes to. I don't know why I didn't rat him out. I want my revenge so badly, but I just can't do it...

This experience still scars me, and I won't be able to forget it ever. My pastor told me that it's something unfortunate that I'll have to carry on with my for the rest of my life. I don't cut myself anymore and when i'm not alone in my own thoughts, i'm loud and crazy and funny again with my friends and family. School was hard to catch up on, but omehow I managed, and even got into university this year. Time passed by... Years, in fact. I don't think about it as often, but when I do, it still hurts just as bad. I still wonder when I'll be able to permanently move on.

and the sad part is that i saw him again in that neighbourhood a few months later, and he just tried to act like he didn't see me. then he apologized and said that he'll make it up to me... he never did. it was just his escape route, and he took it. He was ultimately a chauvenist pig, but what can I do about it? I can sue him, yeah... but something in me won't allow for it to happen, because then, it'll all come out again.

wat the hell. Report him!! agh!! justice!! you'll feel better once you do the right thing. he needs to know that what he did is wrong! D: <<<

[Guest ailui]

god where do you people live?

is all this in america, the promise land?

richard simmons i'm never leaving my country i just fell in love with it all over again

[Guest be_mellow]

It's still hard for me to say it even after years but I guess life has to move on.

My father (my parents are now divorced and I hate him.) used to bring me to his

best friend's house. Yes, it's my very own father who allow someone to RAPE me.

I was about 8 years old then and a few times in a week, I would be brought to his friend's house.

His friend started off fingering me and making me give him a blow job.

Then he started licking my down there and finally he just went all into it and raped me.

Each time I cried, my dad would whack me hard and told me to just stfu and threaten that if I tell anyone,

he would disown me and I would be abondoned and that my mom will abondon me too.

Some times, his friend would even do it from the back (i.e. anal sex) and just goes on and on in it,

and this is not even funny but after a while even when I scream that my anus hurts like crap, he continues doing it.

It really swelled bad and I was raped over and over agian.

The best part of all was, everything was done under the consent of my own father.

I really have no idea why he did that.

When I really couldn't take it anymore, I told my mom and because she loves my dad a hell lot, she did not report the police.

They just got divorced and that's about it.

Sometimes when I think through, it really angers me. I have no right to put someone who ruined my entire life to jail.

I feel that I am borned wrongly. To a dad, who made his friend raped me over and over again.

I really felt that I shouldn't exist and in the past, I felt like suicide many time.

It's because of God and how I see my mom struggle hard to feed me that gives me the strength to go on.

I don't blame my mom because she really loves my dad (well does he even deserve to be called dad???).

The very first time I finally overcome my fear for guys and fell in love with someone, we broke up with him calling

me a sl*t because he said I lied to him about never dating anyone before after realising I'm not a virgin.

It's not my fault that I lost it after bieng raped over and over again.

I really was hurt and he was a really sweet person I guess who would have believed me?

Any ordinary person would felt cheated after putting in so much effort in a person only to find out that they are "cheated".

But now he believes me and we're good friends.

Currently I feel really blessed to be surrounded by really good friends like him, my boyf, my mom and God.

I think I've typed really long, sorry to all who have to read a big chunk,

but I just had to get it off.

Your post brought me in tears.....and so does everyone else's story.....It had never happened to me.....but it's sad to see soompiers who had gone through this.....