ever been molested and can't tell anyone?

[Guest ddcee]

Pastel-pearl,  I am absolutely sorry to hear that.. I'm also really horrified how your family is guilt tripping you towards the situation.

It's never your fault, it wasn't your fault at all... this is what I hate about being Asian. 

Asian families are always about keeping their faces and reputations.. It pisses me off to the extreme!

If you don't do anything about it.. the man would do this kind of stuff to more and more children..

someone needs to put a stop to it.

Honestly, if that happened to me.. I wouldn't even care if I got killed, I would press charges and put that a-hole in jail.

[Guest rachelsaur]

These stories all made me feel so sad. D8

I am sorry for your loss. T______T

When I was young, my cousin would usually babysit me and my brothers. (Since he was older and everything.) He would do bad stuff and make us lie for him and everything. And if we told on him he said he was going to steal our money and hit us. (That was a very scary threat when we were young.) I guess I was 4 at that time. Or maybe 5, but my brothers were in a different room playing video games, and since I was a girl, I would usually play house or with my brother's power rangers toys. One day, my cousin walked in and said something about playing horse. I was like, "Oh sure!" and so I went on to get on his back, but he would be like, "No, no, no." and put him on his front. :X and he would rock up and down, and I would be scared and would try to run but he would always hold me back. I would say something like, "The back is more better!" and he always told me to shut up, so I was scared and started crying. My brothers would barge in but my cousin would push me off and act like nothing happened.

Another time was when I was changing behind this cover or something and my cousin would come and "help" me change, but I would always go, "No! I'm a big girl." or something like that, but he would always make a face and still help me change anyway. And I'd start crying, so he'll leave and act dumb. (His parents believe every word he says because they think he's responsible, trustworthy, and he's "better" than us.)

Thankfully we moved, and if anything ever happened again, I would use my karate moves or cuss him out in english/korean. Sick bastard.

[tangledlove]

So long ago and my memory is so unclear right now. WHat I remember?

I don't know where and who he was except that he was an uncle of mine i think.

We would go over to my aunty's place sometimes and my ma would drop me and my sisters

over there. I don't even know if he was my uncle, but he used to touch me in ways

I never understood. I was still so young, but I've told him to stop. He never stopped and has melosted me (including my sisters) mulitple times...and has done it to my sisters too. Now that we're older now...does it really matter? This was like 8-9 years ago. A few times when I was still young, I used to ride the bus to school. This black guy who was like...in 8th grade or a bit older he used to sit by me or one of my sister's and he would touch my

thighs. I didn't know better and I was young so I just tried to shove him away

I don't know about my sisters, but sometimes I would think back and I would feel soooo

disgusted and dirty. And I would sit here and think about it :/

I'm not sure if my sisters still think about it, but I know I do. Everday

[Guest 0h-joy]

<!--quoteo(post=3080570:date=Jul 9 2006, 11:54 PM:name=Baybe Gyrl`)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Baybe Gyrl` @ Jul 9 2006, 11:54 PM) ←</div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->

for those who have been a victim of molestation, does it make you feel better when you tell people about your experience?

i'm a victim myself & when i told a few people, i didn't feel relieved or whatever. instead, it made me feel regretful speaking up.

<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->same here. i get no comfort from knowing that it's no longer a secret of my own, but another story for someone else to butcher and give their "deepest apologies" to when they just don't understand. and even more so, by telling the story, it just brings out a lot of shame..? i hate myself afterwards.

I was raped when I was about 6 or 7; the guy was 13 at the time and performed oral on me. I regret telling my mother years later because she told me that I probably liked it and tat's why I didn't stop him from doing it. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW about sex at this time. She also threatened to tell my dad when I begged her many times not to. Sometimes I hate that bi.tch for it so much. I'm in my mid 20s now and whenever I think about her poor treatment of me (with this incident and with many other times when I really counted on her to understand and she didnt) which contributed to my inadequacy today, I just want to strangle her to death. Sometimes I make her cry by telling her how much I wish she'd die of cancer or something and destroy things around the house. I've gotten therapy for it (I didn't tell my therapist about the rape) but I've quit. My outbursts are milder and I don't make my mother cry anymore...but I still get really emotional thinking about all that crap I had to go through.

So, to answer your question. Contrary to the notion that letting things out will relieve you of the hurt, I think that it's better to keep it in and pretend that it didn't happen.

[Guest 0h-joy]

I've never been molested, but I havea feeling my litle cousin has.

I know this will sound really weird, but it's just what I think. Well, my cousins granmother (not on my side, his other side) is super weird. I mean CREEPY weird. In case you're wondering, she's korean and you korean's know how weird OLD halmoni's here are with little kids. Well he's only 4 years old. Everytime I'm alone in the house with him and her, she's always..touching him. And he touches her too...but he doens't know better, ya know? It's what she's raised him on. Anyway, she always strips his clothes off as soon as his mom leaves the house, and sometimes she takes her shirt off and lets him....touch them. In front of me!!

I don't know if this is supposed to be normal here or if she's just really sick in the head.

She's sick. Please report her; that is not normal.

[Guest -minchee-]

Reading these stories make me depressed

I haven't experienced being raped or anything because I have a really overprotective mother.

Please be careful guys! 

These sick people need to be brought to justice!

[Guest bonjour]

I wasn't personally molested but my mom was. She told me when I was 18 years old, and it broke my heart. And it's even worse that it was by her mom's husband, not her actual father but by her then step father. She didn't go into detail, for i'm her son and I guess it was graphic. But she explained that she made an attempt to tell her mom, but her mom believed her husband over her own daughter. I actually haven't lived with my mom ever since I was 4, but I cried a lot, I didn't know what to say, she cried a lot too, when someone gets taken advantage of like that, I wouldn't wish rape on anybody.

[Guest babixazn]

mine isn't as intense as everyone elses is, but it still bothers me a lot.

when i was at the mall, i was looking at the flamingo exhibit, i kept feeling something touching my butt, but i thought it was just someone's purse because usually it's crowded there, everytime i felt the touch i moved forward, but the more i moved forward the "bag" touched me more. When i turned around the old man had turned around and walked away. I was with my friend and she wanted to hunt him down and report him but i never did

i wish i had, stupid me

[Guest lala-123]

I've never been molested, but I havea feeling my litle cousin has.

I know this will sound really weird, but it's just what I think. Well, my cousins granmother (not on my side, his other side) is super weird. I mean CREEPY weird. In case you're wondering, she's korean and you korean's know how weird OLD halmoni's here are with little kids. Well he's only 4 years old. Everytime I'm alone in the house with him and her, she's always..touching him. And he touches her too...but he doens't know better, ya know? It's what she's raised him on. Anyway, she always strips his clothes off as soon as his mom leaves the house, and sometimes she takes her shirt off and lets him....touch them. In front of me!!

I don't know if this is supposed to be normal here or if she's just really sick in the head.

Sick in the head. You should tell someone.

[Guest sweetfantasy09]

wow! i can't believe that i have spent hours in this thread alone reading so many ppl's stories. but of course i didn't manage to read everyone's.

it must be hard for the most of you eh especially to those who have affected them and gave them such a huge impact. do go for counseling or some therapy.. it really helps. and to those who did go for counseling, you have to tell them what had happened to you; otherwise it will never go away.

to me, i was molested by my grandfather. back then i was 11 or 12.. i couldn't remember. now.. most of the things happened to you guys while you were 5 or 6.. that's when you girls did not know what happen but i was 11 or 12 yet i wasn't thinking much. sigh~ i was sitting next o my grandpa that time and i don't know why he suddenly groped my breast.. more like massaging it. he was rubbing ice over it and all.. i felt weird but i didn't give much thought and just sat there. yeah very stupid. anyhow, another incident was when i went into his room to give him something, before i went out, he sorta stopped me and then massage my breast again and said "it's getting bigger already" then i left the room.. still didn't give much thought to it. didn't even tell anyone.

then as i grew up my dad and my mom divorced and we started to live with my mom since then and i never thought of that incident and it didn't strike my mind or whatsoever. until when i was in my 19 or 20.. when i got to know about molest and such.. that scene just flashed back into my mind. then only i realized what my grandfather did is molest!! then i was like "oh my gosh! so, that means i was molested by grandfather?!!" and by that time i knew it, he passed away a while back without us knowing it because my mom has totally cut off any connection to do with my dad's side. and i heard my dad and the siblings weren't treating him well when he was still living. they didn't wanna take care of him and sent him to old folks home until he died.

what goes around comes around?

but i am alright and still living happily and cheerfully. yeah.. i learned about sexual thing really late. hahah! i learned about reproduction and all at school but never really know how to do it and what is sexual intercourse. until i was 20 or 21.. only i knew.. and that's also by watching hentai =.=" duh!!

anyhow.. i did recall every now and then before this on why would my grandpa do something like that to me!! now when i recalled.. i can remember his face while he was massaging my developing chest, his face was sort of sexually stimulated or something.. but am glad that he didn't do anything to my private part or anything further than that. thank GOD!!

but anyhow, i chose to move on and forgive! never a second i thought it's my fault for such thing to happen.. if i knew back then that it was wrong, i would have told my parents.. but by the time i knew is wrong.. it was as close as a decade ago. and he is dead. so, i see no point of me of telling my mom now as i don't want to add any guilt to her since she has been saying that she felt bad for leaving us at home with maid last time cus she has to work all the time. every now and then i told her what happened back then at home between us siblings.. fought and all, she felt bad and guilty because she didn't spend a lot of time with us at home due to working.. and if i told her this grandpa incident.. i think she will be more guilty.. so, i don't want that.. plus i didn't get stuck by this incident or anything.. so, yeah.

on the other story.. that reminded me of when i was little around 8 or 9 years old.. when me and my brother who is 2 years younger than me.. we were taking bus and we were holding onto the seat's handle as we didn't have place to sit. there were these adults (guys) kept touching my hands and i was scared to take it off.. as you know kids.. but i don't feel comfortable.. then the next thing i know my little brother was putting his hand on top of mine so that those guys can't touch my hands. awww..

now that whenever i become angry with my brother as he has turned into such a naggy old man. hahah! i will recall of what he did last time.. then i won't be angry anymore. hahah!

i think i have wrote really long and here i really wish all of you will somehow find a peace in your heart and move on.

[simplii_forevah]

pastel-pearl I'm so sorry to hear about this ):. I think you should really speak to the authorities. Who cares if your family abandons you! I wouldn't even call them my family if I were you. How can you value 'face' more than your own family member? Your own daughter? That's just effed. Don't keep silent. Trust me, there ARE people out there who WILL care and listen. If your family chose face over you, why should you choose them over your own feelings?

^Keeping face is extremely important in asian communities. All those years of building a good reputation and losing it all because of your daughter is not something the entire family will accept. If she does choose to come out, hopefully the family won't do anything crazy like some sort of "honor killing" like they do in india.

From my indian friend, abandon does not mean disowning, it means death.

I don't care how important it is in asian culture. They should learn to get over their stupid little 'reputation' and help their daughter. It disgusts me how some families can turn their backs on a family member like THAT.

[Guest hkukaudition]

pastel-pearl I'm so sorry to hear about this ):. I think you should really speak to the authorities. Who cares if your family abandons you! I wouldn't even call them my family if I were you. How can you value 'face' more than your own family member? Your own daughter? That's just effed. Don't keep silent. Trust me, there ARE people out there who WILL care and listen. If your family chose face over you, why should you choose them over your own feelings?

I don't care how important it is in asian culture. They should learn to get over their stupid little 'reputation' and help their daughter. It disgusts me how some families can turn their backs on a family member like THAT.

^

I totally agree with what you've said. They dont even deserve to be family. Family should protect each other, not throw a member away just to save face.

Thankfully my parents and brother would kill anyone who would dare to touch me and not stop until the person gets whats coming to them.

I really cant believe there are so many people on this forum that have had such awful experiences, i just hope that all of you arent too badly affected by it and that you are enjoying the rest of your life and look forwad to some happier times ahead =]

[Guest Gofishus]

sure FACE is a great deal to Asians, but if some one touches me, my parents wouldn't care who they are, they would jump to protect me. Face is no excuse to be a coward and let your kid get molested. NEVER will there be a good enough excuse not to protect your own child, any children for that matter.

Asian culture is quite different than American culture. I agree with the Western ideology of kids before reputation, but I would not force those beliefs upon other cultures if they've been ingrained with the idea that reputation (face) is most important.

[TVBuddy]

Asian culture is quite different than American culture. I agree with the Western ideology of kids before reputation, but I would not force those beliefs upon other cultures if they've been ingrained with the idea that reputation (face) is most important.

Uhm, I'm Chinese from Mainland China so I know the whole "face ideology"

[ParappaRappa]

hey guys, i have a question...

okay, so my friend is visiting guatemala right now (where her family is) and she just told me now that her cousin molested her (tried to kiss her/felt her up/said she "makes him horny"). and her cousin is 24 and is married/has a kid and my friend is 17...

she said she can't tell her mom because it'll just start bad stuff in the family and she said that it's not a law in guatemala so nothing can be done about it. though it's hard to believe...i would think molestation is against the law everywhere but i wasn't sure so i tried googling it but i can't find anything on whether it is or isn't a law in guatemala...

do any of you know if molestation is illegal in guatemala?

she's so unwilling to tell anyone but i don't think she should just keep it to herself...or is it better for to keep it in?

edit: well, my friend is for sure not going to be telling her family what happened...she says she'll only tell if he does it again. i'm still curious on the laws in guatemala...

[Guest rabbit-heart]

reading the stories in here makes me very sad.

[Guest LovelySeoul]

I had a perverted driving instructor. I was only 15 and I was practicing my driving with this old chinese guy. He would put his hands on my right thigh and squeeze it if he wanted me to break. He also put his hands on top of mine on the steering wheel T_T. The last day I was with him he asked if I wanted to take my sweater off cause it was hot. Of course i refused. I was so nice back then and since he was older I felt like I had to be respectful. Ughh it annoys me. Im glad it didn't go to far.... And including I feel like asian culture is more touchy. We tend to touch each other freely and naturally as a way to show friendliness not out just sexually?

[Guest iM A NiNJa!!!]

I never been molested or violated..you soompiers are very strong!..those perverts..

I live in Stockton,California..Stockton is an alright place but Downton Stockton is the worst place..there's alot of drug dealers,prostitutes,people that come here illegally..We go to this church there..I been going there all my life..we live about like 15 minutes from this church though..which is good..

Me,my cousin,and my sister were playing the church playground..which the whole church is gated thank goodness..there's this neighborhood on the other side..a bad neighborhood...anyway so we were playing in the playground and this car pulls up on the street..a man and a woman..I was just looking outside and I saw the lady "bending down and getting back up"..I was like "WTF" is she looking for something?why isn't he helping her?..THEN this was my face O0O!!..i told my cousin and sister..we just got out of there...they were doing the nasty near a holy place..the church!..it was so gross..then they just drove away like nothing..

Okay,my mom's friend(which Asians parents make you call uncle)my mom told us he was going to downtown to this store and he was at a stop sign and some prostitute came up to him..lolz..it's kinda funny..my "uncle" is from Cambodia so he doesn't really speak English..he rolled down the window and the girl flashed him and told him to pay her 5 dollars....she wouldn't leave until he gave the 5 dollars..He told my mom that he was so violated..

[Guest ridesdabus]

hey guys, i have a question...

okay, so my friend is visiting guatemala right now (where her family is) and she just told me now that her cousin molested her (tried to kiss her/felt her up/said she "makes him horny"). and her cousin is 24 and is married/has a kid and my friend is 17...

she said she can't tell her mom because it'll just start bad stuff in the family and she said that it's not a law in guatemala so nothing can be done about it. though it's hard to believe...i would think molestation is against the law everywhere but i wasn't sure so i tried googling it but i can't find anything on whether it is or isn't a law in guatemala...

do any of you know if molestation is illegal in guatemala?

she's so unwilling to tell anyone but i don't think she should just keep it to herself...or is it better for to keep it in?

edit: well, my friend is for sure not going to be telling her family what happened...she says she'll only tell if he does it again. i'm still curious on the laws in guatemala...

She should tell someone. Better yet, she should tell everyone.

She should not want to save his sorry a.ss. Victims should speak out so they can prevent this s.hit from continuing. And they can prevent this pervert from molesting anyone else. HE has a child....your friend needs to say something so that the child can be safe.

These perverts will not stop being perverts. Your friend and others should speak out and get these scumbags off the street. Be a hero. Be brave, it is not your fault in any way. And for the rest of us, thank anyone who speaks out, because through their pain and courage, they are making society and our lives safe.

[Guest chrystalx]

This is not about me but one of my coworkers just admitted to me that when she was 6 years old, her uncle used to molest her but she never told anyone until today, to me. I honestly had no idea how to react because she acted so lighthearted and joke-y about it. I was like "how can you be so okay about this? That is NOT okay!" and she just said, "well it happened a long time ago and I'm over it now, but it just feels good to let it out." She acted so normal about it, as if she was just saying "yeah, I used to have curly hair when I was 6."

I am still really sad for her and disturbed... but I guess there isn't anything I can do about it?