I'm Fed Up With My Mom's Behavior

[BoAFriend]

Advice?

Today I got in a pretty bad argument with my mom, and I initiated it because frankly speaking, I'm sick of her sh--. My mom makes me do THE most ridiculous things, and I swear NO OTHER SON will ever do these types of things for her. Among her ridiculous antics are:

1. Making me wipe the nail polish off her nails (hands and feet)

2. Coming home and calling me to go upstairs just to take her boots off for her. Her excuse is always that her hands hurt

3. Making me drive all the way from home to make a payment at Lowe's when her office is literally right across the street. I'm not even kidding - RIGHT across the street. Her excuse is that she's "too busy"

4. Forcing me to be her secretary for 2 summers straight at her office (all I did was slave work, I swear) and refusing to pay me because "I'm her son" and "I should be doing this". I got upset and my brother said that my mom said she didn't care about whether I was happy or having a good summer. What mattered was that I was available to work for her when she needed me. Major WTF

5. Going grocery shopping, then just leaving everything in her trunk so I can go unload everything. She's done this so many times, even on Fridays when she knows I'll be coming home from school. She just purposely leaves stuff in need of work so I can come home to do it

6. One time, she made me drive my car from home all the way to her office just so I could get out of my car and then take her car and fill it up at Costco Gas. Costco is like 2 minutes away from her office. Her excuse was that she was busy. BULL - I've worked at her office long enough to know that she is NOT that busy.

7. Many times she just orders me to wash her car. Sometimes she tries giving me hope by saying, "I'll help you." Does she ever help? Nah - I just end up busting my richard simmons over her whale of a 528i

And trust me, this is just scratching the surface of the list of ridiculous sh--. She's so lazy and feels that as long as I'm around her, I'll pick up her dress train and dust off her pretty shoes or something. I'm so sick of it.

Today I hit my breaking point when we out to eat and she dropped her wallet on the ground, right at her feet. She then started tugging on my arm and pointed at her feet, telling me to pick it up for her. I was in absolute disbelief.

At the table my mom was being so childish too, purposely ignoring me the entire time, only to finally say, "I don't get why you're so upset. What have you ever done for me?" <-- Are you effin serious?

I just think her antics are going overboard. I've tried sucking it up and telling myself that I'm being a good son, but you know something is wrong when you're the only guy doing crap like this while all your friends are like "Wow my mom never makes me do stuff like that." I even told my dad (my parents don't live together anymore) about my mom making me clean off her nail polish for her and he hit the roof. I feel like there's a definite line between being a good son (and doing what you should do) and being taken advantage of, and I have no reason to not be upset. I kept trying to tell my mom off while we were eating and she kept telling me to shut up.

Right now my mom is trying to get me to go to her room, presumably for a "talk", but honestly I don't think we're gonna come to any agreement. I feel she's taking advantage of me because I'm so obedient and I find it hard to say "No". My brother keeps telling me to just not do any of her stuff, but the thing is...it's impossible for me to get away from my mom. Every moment that I am home, I'm on slave call.

Any suggestions? Advice? Please be realistic and no ucking around. This is serious.

Thanks

[kokotoo]

Do you live with her? Do you help pay her mortgage or rent?

[Guest mechant-lapin]

Damn, your mom sounds like she has ajumma perm + permanent blueish makeup tattooed on her face

Don't do any of her stuff, she'll grow tired of you

[BoAFriend]

Do you live with her? Do you help pay her mortgage or rent?

I live at school right now, but I go home every weekend.

No, I don't pay for our house or anything, and I think I already know where this is gonna go (ex. I don't pay for anything, I shouldn't even be complaining or getting mad, etc etc). But let me make clear that the point here is how ridiculous my mom is becoming.

[Guest ooBah]

We'll need some info about you. How old are you? Do you have friends you can stay with IF it comes down to that? And what ethnicity are you? Maybe we can give you a better input if you can tell us that.

But overall, she is asking for you to do these ridiculous things as if you are her slave instead of her son. My way of thinking may be different from many others, especially for an Asian. I believe in equality even in a parent-child relationship. If they don't show me at least some respect, they can only wish for me to also show them respect. So as much as I love and care about my family, I've gotten in many arguments with my dad because of this conflict of belief. He always look down on me and never shows any encouragement and care a good dad would. Plus he would do these ridiculous things too, not as bad as your mom but they are definitely enough to make anyone mad. His reason is that he's my dad so I owe him everything for my existence and i should respect him and obey him just because he's my dad, regardless of what he do or say. So my suggestion is to have a serious talk with your mom first rather than blowing up. If she won't even listen, then I'd prepare to move out if it's possible..or just tell her to do it herself from now on and see how she'll react to it

[edit]Ok you posted while I was typing it. Since you are already living at school, I'd just stay away from her as much as possible. If you are home and she acts up again, just either suck it up bc you will only be there for a day or two, or fight back for your dignity,.

[Tuffcore]

Women have babies for different reasons, one of which is so they can have a baby to love them forever. Sucks for you bro.

[Guest SilkInfused]

Tell your mom she needs a boyfriend, not her son to do inane chores for her which she's highly capable of doing herself.

Advice: Simple, stone-dead Ignoring. Ignoring always works because you never do what they say, and they never get what they want even after fighting relentlessly for it. It takes a lot of energy for the other party to exert constant control over you, but all you do is simply put them on ignore, which requires almost 0 energy. Live like you own the place.

I'm guessing you are reasonably helpful around the household? Just only do important chores and stick with it. If your mom beckons for anything else other than that, put her on ignore. Everytime she asks, DEMAND her attention. Treat her like a child, look down at her, and tell her that what she's doing is inappropriate and she needs to be responsible for her own life. Constantly send her messages of rejection, defiance, authority, to get any idea across - including body language.

When people have known you for years that you're either lazyslob or workhorse, that impression rarely dies, so the quicker you start implementing this tactic, the better.

Honestly, and I apologize for saying this, your mom sounds as if she needs to attend an obedient school. Perhaps you should try training her to be self-sufficient instead of being lazy. But first you have to train yourself to learn to say, act, behave "No."

[BoAFriend]

Thanks everyone.

And yeah, my mom is just straight up lazy.

I feel bad for her sometimes because she's gone through boyfriends and she constantly tells me how sad she feels without a male companion, and I understand, which is why I really just suck it up and do her crap sometimes, but honestly...the little things are getting out of hand and ridiculous.

[Guest OneChance]

What the heck. What kind of mom makes her son do that, she sounds INCREDIBLY lazy...

I think you should just listen to your brother and stop doing things for her.

You're already living out of the house, so might as well stay out to avoid being her slave.

When she tells you to 'shut up' you need to confront her and say no and tell her what she is doing to you is extremely ridiculous and you've already done so much for her. Ask her, would she like it if her mom treated her that way? No. I don't think so. No one wants to be treated like a slave. It's okay for sons and daughters to help their parents of course, but this is getting completely over the limit.

[Tuffcore]

Thanks everyone.

And yeah, my mom is just straight up lazy.

I feel bad for her sometimes because she's gone through boyfriends and she constantly tells me how sad she feels without a male companion, and I understand, which is why I really just suck it up and do her crap sometimes, but honestly...the little things are getting out of hand and ridiculous.

Well, you need to do something about it because by the time you bring home a GF, she's going to feel competition. Your mom will only approve of your GF if she's willing to wash your mom's feet.

[Guest SilkInfused]

I feel bad for her sometimes because she's gone through boyfriends and she constantly tells me how sad she feels without a male companion, and I understand, which is why I really just suck it up and do her crap sometimes, but honestly...the little things are getting out of hand and ridiculous.

You both need to evolve out of this damsel-in-distress and rescuer-knight phase.

Maybe you could tell her "Mom, you don't need me to do these things for you. You're strong enough and I guess that's why you haven't been able to get a boyfriend yet."

I'm hoping she's going to be so upset at this revelation that she doesn't need you to lavish her anymore, lest she gets another one of these truths.

[Guest omfgnicole]

Don't do things for her..

yeah, it's obviously not going to be easy.. but you're going to have to force yourself not to.

If it were me:

When she asks you to do things for her.. say no.

There will be a fight.. (probably not physically?)

Things should be awkward for a week or so minimum.

Then after that time really talk to her about how you feel.. Maybe tell her you don't mind helping her but there's only so much I can take.

She becomes more understanding of you and probably will ask you to do some things for her.. but now she won't be able to get away with the ridiculous things.. unless you let her

ps. Sorry for the sloppiness of this post.

[Guest usagi~]

Wow, your mother is freakin' CRAZY.

Like honestly her behaviour is waaaaay over board.

I hear people complain that their parents make them do too much, and like... that's not even CLOSE to what you have to put up with.

I agree with you 100%, you have a right to get into fights with her. Tell her you're not her slave and if she wants someone to pick up her dress train and paint her nails... hire a maid or something.

T^T

Btw you look like Ryan Higa... a little ^_~

[Guest forgottenmemories]

It sounds to me like your mom is trying to make you her "male-companion". I mean all the "little" things you're doing for her sounds like something a boyfriend MIGHT do for her. But she sounds really selfish, I would sit down and have a talk with her. If she still can't see her wrongdoings then I suggest stay at your dorms even on weekends. Eventually she'll have no one to boss around and she'll learn to do things on her own. I mean seriously? Wipe the nail polish off her nails? That's a bit too much.

At least you don't have to deal with a dictating dad who thinks he's god and his words are everything. I just got in a huge fight with my dad today and he says I can't fight back even if whatever he's saying is wrong. Because the only reason I exist is because of him. I hate that king-syndrome mindset. Sigh.

Anywho, I didn't mean to ramble along. Good luck!

[Guest bombb_]

well..idk maybe my mom raised me and my siblings odd, but often when she drops things and we're nearby, we always go pick it up for her instead..since..idk why. since shes our mom/:

and we always load/unload the shopping cart/car..

and she tells us to wash the cars too..idk/:

and a few summers my mom made my sister go help my aunt at her work, my sister was like..13 haha.

but the taking the boots off, wiping her nail polish off (especially since youre a guy), and making her run errands for you thats out of the way is on the bioootchy side.

i think the only thign you can really do..is wait until youre independent. otherwise, i dont think your mom will stop treating you that way..she is your mother..and it doesnt really seem like she'll listenlisten if you talk to her, she would probably just disregard what you say or blow up more about your complaints.

[Guest tofuxx]

if this is what you have to go through every weekend.. why do you even bother to return home? i would just stay in my dorm at college.

and does your brother have to go through what you have to? (im guessing not but why?)

i feel sorry for you and it makes me feel like a really bad daughter. my mom usually doesnt ask me to do things because she thinks im too busy =/ i think its best you tell her that youre not going to do all those little things for her. its not even a matter of being a good son or not. shes not even being reasonable. and then just stop doing what she tells you to so she will see that youre serious.

[damyoungji]

If she had a medical condition, I would understand why she is so demanding, but in this case, your mother is just taking advantage of you. It seems like the only reason why she is getting away with it is because she is helping you pay for whatever you do not have the money to cover yourself. But even then, to me, it is as though you are just sticking by her just so that she can help you pay for stuff, rather than doing it to be a "good son" (sorry if that sounds harsh).

Does she do the same to your brother? Or is he independent, and is never home? Like your brother said, you do need to learn how to say "No". You might feel bad, but it is your life and you need to do what you need to do, especially if it is more important than what others request from you. The next time you are busy, just tell her that you are occupied and that you cannot help her. Either she helps herself, or she will have to stay put until you have the time to help her.

If it comes down to dropping her stuff and telling you to pick it up, perhaps you can kind of embarrass her? That is, in hope that she will learn that it is not only embarrassing for you, but for her as well. It seems like she is perfectly healthy and most people around you will assume so in public. Perhaps you can walk away, and then turn around and see what she does. Just pretend like you did not notice that she had stopped walking and when you realize it, there are already a few steps between you two.

If it gets really bad, perhaps you can stay at your father's place on weekends if he does not live too far away or something? I know that everyone has children for a reason, but it is not like you are doing slave work in order to have someone to support you. You do have a choice and you need to make the best out of it. Not to mention, unless you are planning to stay by your mother's side for the rest of your life, or she is planning to hire someone to take care of her when she is older and you are not around as much anymore (i.e. living somewhere else in the world), she needs to learn how to do such simple things herself rather than spend her energy making up excuses.

[Guest WhiteRabbitsTime]

I'm sorry but, for some reason I think it's cute^___^

But, I do get what you mean- whipping the polish off her nails is just over the top.

I think it's because you are a good kid that you do that for her so, she's probably taken a little bit of an advantage of it.

[Guest RollingStones]

this might sound horrible but maybe you should consider not being around for awhile. without your presence, she'll have no choice but to be more independent and less lazy. i'm not saying this is the best thing to do, but its worth taking into consideration.

plus, the shock of driving her own son away might just open her eyes.

[Guest bk.]

In my opinion you should just go live with your dad. Or at least ask your dad to have a talk with her. You may be her son, but your also his son too. The way she's treating you is completely unfair.

If your dad won't talk to her, my best advice to you is to completely ignore her.

Seriously, treat her like she's invisible. Don't even talk to her or look at her. Just don't go to her house. What reason do you have?

She doesn't deserve your respect as her son because she doesn't give you respect as your mother.

Your too much of a nice person that your turning into a push-over.

But really, the best way to fix something like this is to completely cut her out of your life. At least for a while.

If she still doesn't realise your value as a son even after you're gone, then she doesn't deserve you as a son.