Do Your Parents Know ¨who You Are¨?

[loversixteen]

my dad always wanted me to speak chinese at home, but I'm not really good at expressing myself with that language. Of course I can read, write and talk, but I'm just not good at expressing myself. and yes I do have that language barrier with my parents, especially with my mom. she can understand English, but she always use broken sentences. My dad is the opposite, he can talk fluently (I'm surprised about that).

In truth, my mom can see through me.. in aspect of what I'm thinking or acting. My dad on the other hand, thinks I'm just a sweet girl who does nothing except going on the internet 24/7. I can't communicate well. especially to my parents.. it's a hard task. I like keeping secrets to myself.. it's like a habit now.

[Guest Rainy Day]

You just described how I felt to a tee.

I'm so frustrated when I try to explain things to them or argue with them because I can't express myself fully.

Like when they yell at you and you have this perfect comeback that could change everything...

But you can't convert it from English, so you just sit there silently like an idiot and they think they've won!! :tongue2:

Grrr...

And my parents don't know anything about me...

They think I'm quiet because I don't usually talk to them much. But that's just because I don't know how to say things.

Oh my goodness, quiet...? That's like the opposite of me.

I wish one day that the language barrier will be gone, and we could have an indepth discussion on like, the economy or something.

[jisol]

The language barrier affects my relationship with me and my mom a lot that it hurts both of us.......

[FallenSkies]

not really, when i'm at home i usually either speak cantonese or english. My parents dont mind when i speak to them in english, they just respond back in cantonese lol, even though i usually just try to use canto at home. I would also say my mom knows me pretty well.

I know conversational cantonese pretty well because i've lived with my grandma for a long time and she doesn't know english AT ALL, so language barrier isn't much of a problem, but when it gets advanced then i start having difficulties. I can't read or write it either lol.

[Guest mrskimjinho]

We're on the same boat. I feel like I just read something about myself.

The only key difference is that my language barrier is Korean. I can read, write, and speak it very fluently, but I can't quite express myself like I can in English. Very frustrating when you're arguing with your parents. A lot of times I'll be arguing with my parents (usually my mom) and then I'll just stop talking because I don't know what to say to her and she'll just keep yabbering on and on and on and get the impression that she's right and that I'm silent because I've realized that she's right. Then I'd get so damn frustrated that the tears just come, and then she'll go "What are you crying for? You're in the wrong, stop acting like you're so innocent." I honestly hate her whenever that happens.

I know it's not entirely my parents' fault that there's such a problem between us, but the fact that they just don't take the time and effort to forget what they want from me and instead get to know their own daughter and what I want with my own life, well then, things would be so much better. No more ignoring my efforts to do what they want me to do, no more criticizing me when those efforts don't give the expected results, no more talking over me, no more expecting me to believe that they know what's best for me.

I also think it's practically impossible for Asian immigrant parents to fully understand you and why you act and think the way you do. There's the ever-imposing generation gap, and then there's also the impossible-to-bridge cultural gap. Thus the reason why I hide so much from my parents, why they will never truly know the "real" me, and why I have such a stronger bond to my boyfriend and my best friend than my own parents. Blood is not thicker than water in my case.

[Guest screamxlove]

They don't really know me at all, because one of the main reasons people have listed so far, is because of the language barrier.

And also, because I was born and raised as an American, it... I don't know. I have a wide range of friends with different backgrounds, I have different interests and a different mindset as my parents. So it's hard.

[Guest 영원한 사랑]

My parents think I'm really, really, really quiet and shy but thats cuz I dont really have much to say with them. Or even with other of my parents friends or korean adults, I'm really quiet. Mostly because they always speak korean and find it difficult to speak in korean to older adults because of the formal talk and they always speak so much in detail and about weird topics. Plus, I'm not fluent in korean so it makes me self conscious speaking in korean.

[Guest ny-sw / ny_sw.]

I think despite the language barrier (I'm like you, except with korean), my mama at least knows me better than my friends.

My dad on the other hand... ughhh. Every time I argue with him, I end up getting so frustrated that I start crying and yelling 'cause he doesn't understand my english OR my korean. so he thinks I'm 1) super stupid anddddd 2) a crybaby.

[Guest auroralbutterfly]

I doubt my dad knows any of my siblings and I very well in terms of personality and "who we are".

On the other hand my mom can be very understanding. In my family, we (my siblings and I) speak Cantonese with my mom and this other Chinese dialect with my dad. Both of my parents do not understand English at all. My older brother would probably be the best in expressing himself with one of my younger sister being the worst. My mom can still understand her personality well even though my younger sister can't express herself well sometimes. Sometimes you can understand someone by their actions without any words and that's how it is. Recently, my younger sister has been more willing to talk to my mom about little details and just talk more in general. It really helps parents understand you even if you can't fully express yourself. If they see that you're mad, they know that there must be a reason. If you're right and they're wrong, let them know somehow through your actions. If it really is your problem without you noticing, then you'll eventually notice it someday.

My younger sister and my dad can never mix together. She can barely saying anything to him because of the language barrier. We all speak a different dialect of Chinese with my dad and for some reason she just refuses to learn it when she was younger. They hardly speak, but argues a lot. I speak that Chinese dialect the best out of my siblings and sometimes my sisters would ask me for help on how to say something.

I may not be able to fully express myself in Chinese and sometimes I would wonder if they really know what kind of person I am, but I'm pretty sure they are able to understand me through time. You can spend more time with them and tell them bluntly what you prefer doing. Little actions help too.

[Guest jaeka]

No language barriers, or anything. My parents don't know the real me because I never show them it. I always put on a brave face to them, if I'm sad, I don't tell them or show it. I act normal. Unless it's super bad, then I might turn to them and that's the only time they see the real me. All they know is I play games, go on the internet, learn language, hang with friends & boyfriend. That is pretty much my life but there's been plenty of other things, too. But I prefer to keep my real self from them. We do just fine like that. (:

[Guest -L-otus]

My parents dont know the real me.

When i was a kid, i was able to talk viet to my parents pretty well but when i got into primary school, my viet got ALOT worse. Talking to my parents got really hard and frustrating until eventually i just stopped talking to my parents and just lived in my own house like a stranger.

[Guest Kittykitt129]

My parents and I don't have a language barrier.

My dad knows more of the real me, but mom doesn't know half of the real me.

However, there's parts of everyone they don't want others to know.

[Guest xl0v3juicy]

I don't think there's much of a language barrier between my parents and I. They're pretty fluent in english, and I guess I'd say I'm pretty fluent in chinese. I use a mix of both when I talk to them, and they understand perfectly (most of the time anyway).

As for knowing who I really am, I doubt they do. They know me as I was when I was a child... but not as a teenager. Somehow they keep looking at me like I'm still the child they know. It doesn't really bother me though.

If you're having a hard time communicating with your parents, try having normal conversations with them daily at the dinner table. You can talk about normal things... that way they can get to know you better AND you can practice your language skills. That's what I do anyway. You can also throw in english words and teach them the meaning, etc. etc.

[Guest cannotfindserver]

no language barrier whatsover between us. and they think they know me too well but they really don't. i don't tell them things that some of my friends know.

[loversixteen]

same here. I can't fully express myself in my own native language. but we don't have any language barriers with my parents because first i speak Cantonese and they understand English, so I guess it's fine.

[Guest remmy]

For me, my parents really dont have any idea what kind of person I am. Not only is it a language barrier its more of a cultural barrier than anything else. How they perceive me is dramatically different from the person I really am.

[Guest kame0o]

Nope, my parents don't know me at all because of the whole cultural and language barrier. I can't express myself, let alone really talk in Chinese (because they never really talk to me as a kid.. except nagging). I only know enough to get by. They don't really understand english either. The way my parents always talk to me is nagging so I think they perceive me as ignorant about the world.. or whatever. Whenever we argue, of course they win because I don't know how to say what I need to say to respond. It's so frustrating. And of course, they think they won.. but not really because they know I don't really listen to them. I don't talk to my parents unless I have to, which is sad really.

[Guest Kiss Me]

I'm not fluent in Korean, but I can still hold a pretty good conversation with my parents.

Even though I don't speak it well, I still put it an effort to talk to them.

Really... for me... its not the matter of words that are spoken, but the time you spend with them.

[Guest <3 Kim]

I used to be really good at speaking viet, but ever since I started school I began speaking English at home... but my parents got used to it, their English is pretty good now so I can't speak Viet at all now (only can understand it).

My parents sort of know me, but I don't act the same around them as I act around with my friends :/

[chilovesjj]

My dad? Not so much.

But my mum is a different story entirely xD My mum knows me so well it's scary.

She is like, psychic or something I swear, she just has a 6th sense when it comes to me. o__0

Can't hide anything from her, she sees right through me