Clubbing when you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Anyways, my ex used to always go clubbing without me because she was older than I was. So I always ended up staying at home, she would go clubbing on her birthday and with her friends on other days. I always felt left out, I always told her do you HAVE to go? She then replies back angrily I want to have a life too. But in all seriousness, I've always hated the fact that she went clubbing since 80% of people in there are single trying to get laid or 20% of people pretending to be single. In addition, with the way we dance now it's just not regular dancing, it's grinding. I can't imagine her grinding on other guys and while wearing sleazy outfits. Anyways, I'm just wondering if it was too clingy of me to think like that or not. I know we broke up already but for my next relationship I don't want it to happen again.

Personally I wouldn't go for those types of girls. Too much hassle, unnecessary worrying, fights and arguments. Not worth it.

I don't necessarily view it as unethical insomuch as it is being a bit self-centered/selfish in the relationship. In your specific case, it just didn't sound like your partner was particularly considerate about including you in things or at least compromising/curbing on the things she likes to do in deference to you.

But then again, just by the sounds of it, you guys may not have had much in common.  Were there things that you genuinely and mutually liked doing together?  I mean, if she's seemingly the more outgoing/clubbing type and you have much more contrasting interests, then maybe it's just as well you are broken up.   In the end, it's probably not so much that you were clingy - maybe you guys just weren't compatible.

I don't necessarily view it as unethical insomuch as it is being a bit self-centered/selfish in the relationship. In your specific case, it just didn't sound like your partner was particularly considerate about including you in things or at least compromising/curbing on the things she likes to do in deference to you.

But then again, just by the sounds of it, you guys may not have had much in common.  Were there things that you genuinely and mutually liked doing together?  I mean, if she's seemingly the more outgoing/clubbing type and you have much more contrasting interests, then maybe it's just as well you are broken up.   In the end, it's probably not so much that you were clingy - maybe you guys just weren't compatible.

We started out really liking each other. We had a lot in common, if not, too much in common. But as the relationship further progressed, she started to drift away slowly. We got into constant arguments and it's always over dumb useless unnecessary things.

Last year she would go clubbing on her early-birthday (the day right before her birthday) and left me home. I came to her work place standing outside with balloons + flowers waiting for 3 hours only to find out she was going to ditch me that night. She ended up asking me if she could go out with her best friend tonight and I was like "it's fine" (of course it wasn't) but she left anyways. She said she'll be back after dinner, and turned out she called me to informed me that she wasn't coming home anymore and that she was going to go clubbing with her friends. And the thought of her grinding on other people just drives me insane. I'm glad we broke up.

And the thought of her grinding on other people just drives me insane. I'm glad we broke up.

I think this is a good example that people don't date reality. Instead, people date their own imaginations. The secret to a healthy relationship is the continuing commitment of both parties to paint a comfortable picture in each others mind. Once you fail to do this, you will lose the other person very fast. In your case, your Ex failed to paint a good picture in your imagination and as a result, she lost you very fast.

Reality is, she probably didn't grind anyone at the clubs. She also probably didn't go to the clubs to look for sex. She may have even only thought about you the entire time she was at the clubs. There is nothing ethical or unethical about any boyfriend/girlfriend going to the club as much as there is a fundamental importance in the element of trust with one another. With trust, you won't imagine the worst. Without imagining the worst, you two can comfortably pursue friendships and personal lives outside of your relationship. That's the way a healthy relationship should be.

You two didn't have trust. Either, there was a break down in communication and understanding of each other, Or, you two aren't compatible and you two are better off with someone else.

I think this is a good example that people don't date reality. Instead, people date their own imaginations.  The secret to a healthy relationship is the continuing commitment of both parties to paint a comfortable picture in each others mind.  Once you fail to do this, you will lose the other person very fast.  In your case, your Ex failed to paint a good picture in your imagination and as a result, she lost you very fast.

Reality is, she probably didn't grind anyone at the clubs.  She also probably didn't go to the clubs to look for sex.  She may have even only thought about you the entire time she was at the clubs. There is nothing ethical or unethical about any boyfriend/girlfriend going to the club as much as there is a fundamental importance in the element of trust with one another.  With trust, you won't imagine the worst.  Without imagining the worst, you two can comfortably pursue friendships and personal lives outside of your relationship. That's the way a healthy relationship should be.

You two didn't have trust.  Either, there was a break down in communication and understanding of each other, Or, you two aren't compatible and you two are better off with someone else.

I agree with Tuffcore. 

My boyfriend likes clubbing and he knows I don't like it.  So he only goes when his friends have parties there, and still asks me every single time if it's okay for him to go. Whenever he goes, I trust him that he won't go grind on and make out with other girls. Later, he would texts me saying that he left early to resist his urge to dance with people, and he always thought of me while in the club. 

To answer your question, I don't think it's wrong to go clubbing when you are in a relationship. It's more like you have to trust your S/O, and both have to communicate back to each other to reach a certain level of trust =). I hope that make sense : D

I agree with Tuffcore. 

My boyfriend likes clubbing and he knows I don't like it.  So he only goes when his friends have parties there, and still asks me every single time if it's okay for him to go. Whenever he goes, I trust him that he won't go grind on and make out with other girls. Later, he would texts me saying that he left early to resist his urge to dance with people, and he always thought of me while in the club. 

To answer your question, I don't think it's wrong to go clubbing when you are in a relationship. It's more like you have to trust your S/O, and both have to communicate back to each other to reach a certain level of trust =). I hope that make sense : D

I wouldn't mind if my GF was to do this. Something like this would be completely reasonable and considerate. However with the OP's situation, it was/is not fine.

You could argue that it's her life and she could do whatever she wants, but her actions were very selfish and acting like "this is my life! I can do whatever I want!"  is not something that anyone should have to deal with in a proper and serious relationship.

I trust my boyfriend when he goes clubbing with friends. Firstly, because I know he's loyal, secondly, I know and trust his friends are the type to look out for him not egg him on, and thirdly, because he always texts me at the end of the night so I know he still thinks of me at the end of the night and finally, he doesn't go every week but only once in a while. I haven't really been clubbing per se, since I don't like having to wear a minidress at midnight (double standards!!) cos I'm sensitive to the cold, obviously not while dancing but all other times before and after that - which is a while since I live a distance from clubbing areas. But whenever I do go out late with the girls/groups, my boyfriend is understanding and relents on the texting until around midnight or later to make sure I'm alive and well, and/or home safe. I think its better like that because he gives me space, yet is still concerned about my wellbeing.

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Both my ex and I went clubbing when we were dating (we were long distance so obviously went separately) and neither of us minded. Just because you're going clubbing doesn't mean you have to grind on people and get laid. I liked going because I went with my friends, got dressed up, danced and had fun. Both of us trusted each other not to do anything inappropriate, and neither of us did. I don't think it's clubbing that's the issue, but more the trust you have for each other.

I think if someone were to not be comfortable with their partner going out and clubbing, it doesn't necessarily mean they don't trust their partner. It could be that they're worried about the actions of other people at the club, or maybe they're the kind of person that is bothered by the thought of their significant other grinding and flirting with other people. This doesn't always equal lack of trust.

I trust my boyfriend with my heart and life, but if I were to see him on the dance floor rubbing on some other female or her hands all over him, hell yes I would be a little upset. Not because I think he might do something with her, but just the fact that my man is being close and intimate with another woman. I'm not saying I'll go all crazy about it and cause problems, but yes, I would feel a little uncomfortable. Luckily though clubbing isn't my boyfriend's thing, and even if it was I know he would be a lot more considerate of my feelings and willing to make some sort of compromise unlike the girl this OP was dating. When it comes to his case I agree with Exqlusive.

If you are not comfortable with an S/O who wants to go clubbing, there isn't anything wrong with that. The only solution, however, is to date someone who doesn't go clubbing. Basically, you can't date someone who likes clubbing and expect them to change their lifestyle because you don't trust them enough. You either date someone who goes clubbing and trust them enough to let them go out, or you date someone who doesn't club at all.

Either way is fine, in my opinion. I personally agree with the first post in some ways... I could date someone who wanted to go out with their guy friends, but grinding and flirting with other girls is not okay with me. I understand you have to trust your S/O, but I would like to TRUST that they aren't into flirting or getting cozy with other girls. If they feel the need to grind up on other girls or flirt around, then I take that to mean that there is something lacking between us, because if I could personally fullfill their wants in a relationship, they wouldn't feel the need to rub up on other women. Mind you, I'm not talking about going out with friends and clubbing in general, I'm specifically talking about the grinding/flirting. Unfortunately, the two seem to go hand in hand for the most part. That is why I would prefer to date people who are either not into it in the first place, or have gotten the typical "college party guy" part of them out of their system.

I feel like a lot of people who've posted so far would disagree with this, but again, that's why I'm dating someone who isn't into that stuff. There's nothing wrong with having boundaries as long as both of you are in agreement with them.

I personally don't give a flying crap, if my girl wants to go clubbing herself.

She can go with her girlfriends and enjoy herself.

Because i know most guys in the club have no game, they are all sleazeballs.

Only very select few have any game, and if she chooses to go with him that night.

I will get to know this through the grapevine, i will dump her richard simmons right there.

No need to be paranoid over such little things, otherwise you will come across insecure/needy imo.

It doesn't me thaaat much as I'm someone who likes the occasional night out. I mean it is discomforting to imagine your s.o dancing with someone else, and especially since you're not there that does make you think "out of sight, out of mind" but in all honesty when I used to go clubbing by myself when I was with my bf, I would dance with my friends and every time I went to the loo or got a drink I'd text him. He was constantly on my mind all night and he would do the same for me when he went out. He'd text me or even ring me on his way home to talk to me and ask me how my night was. Due to that we never let it bother us that much as we'd show that we were still thinking about each other.

Hmm u should go clubbing as well if your girlfriend is doing so (unless you're too young to enter clubs). 

Cause it sucks when your at home and she's out there having fun..and it's true that most of the guys are just there to find a girl so they can get laid..

it depends on how your girlfriend acts at the club. i personally do not go clubbing often but if i do i do not dance with other guys OUT OF RESPECT to my boyfriend. it's definitely possible to have just as much fun dancing with your girlfriends without grinding on some random stranger. I feel like when girls say something immature like "why are you jealous? you don't trust me or something? why can't do dance with another guy it's not like i like him or anything?" it's because they've never been in your shoes. I'm sure if you say you're going to go clubbing with a bunch of guys and have other girls grind on you it'd be a different story. People are hypocrites. There's not much we can do about it except to watch and see if your significant other cares about you enough to respect those kind of boundaries.

and also there is the other problem of "she tells me she's not dancing with other guys but she could be doing it behind my back." You either have insecurity issues or she's obviously the type of girl that acts that way (flirty/likes attention from guys/etc) that makes you think those things. she should not be worth it in general if she makes you question your trust.

^ Agreed. I don't go clubbing unless Im with my BF or Im with a group of friends, and I only dance with my friends. I go to have fun with people I know, not to get grinded up by creepy guys.

So if your GF is really the type to do that, then why are you going out with her?

Haha, damn most of these replies make me sound like a insecure nutcase. But at least I know answers from a different perspective. Again, we broke up because of many reasons and thinking about it now.. trust really was a problem with my ex. I remembered in 2010, when it was her early-birthday (the day before her birthday) she left me home to go to dinner with her best friend and told me she was coming home but only to change her mind after her friend invited her to go clubbing that night. So unlike MOST of your replies, I texted her and waited for her reply but she never bothered to respond. I also left a voice mail saying happy birthday to her. But.. I didn't even get to talk to her until the next day cause she slept at her best friend's house and her phone died. So I didn't know about anything until after she got out of work that day.

We had lots of trust issues coming to think about it now. We started to drift away more and she would hang out with her best friend who she told me in the beginning of the relationship TRIED to set her little brother-in-law. I guess that made me uneasy. Over the years, she started to hang out with her best friend more than me. She would sleep over her house and other peoples' houses. I'm glad it's over because during the relationship I never left her to go hang out with my friends, I didn't want to make her feel ditched or lonely so I never did. I hung out with my friends on my own time. Guess that's not how she saw it since she replied with "I need a life too".

Even though its okay for her to go clubbing, she didn't ask YOU if it was okay with YOU. Atleast..if it wasnt, you two could have talked about it and came to an understanding. Who knows..the result could have been like - I won't grind with anyone (if thats what you think i was going to do), but i will still go clubbing because i enjoy it.

I've never gone clubbing because I personally don't see the appeal. But it must be fun in some way, if so many on Soompi and people I know are doing it. Can someone tell me what's so fun or appealing when it comes to clubbing? Is it the attention that you receive? Or the fact that you can check out all those good-looking people there? Does going clubbing just make you feel popular, more attractive, hip? lol.I know some female posters have said that they have fun with their girlfriends when they go clubbing and aren't necessarily interested in hooking up with guys, but aren't there many other types of activities that you can do with your friends to have fun, without having to also deal with bumping into guys whom you won't be interested in anyway?