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Help! My Boyfriend's Parents Are Crazy

lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
edited August 2009 in love & relationships
from following him, to reading his texts &comments, & setting
today, my boyfriend whose parents hates me to death, (we pretended to break up so that they wont bug him all the time about me , they claimed i was a gold-digger [ironic, because i made way more money than he did and spent more money on him than he did on me], that i was rude, and i was Buddhist and it wouldn't work if he was Christian and i was BUDDHIST) set him up with a date with this girl from church without his permission or notification until after the date was set up.

They claimed she was way better than me (i.e) prettier, smarter, and nice-r. sleep.gif'' (btw, they only met me twice LOL and they barely know me, though they claim they do..)

JUST SOME BACKGROUND INFO: when we were "dating" (we still are , but they think we arent), and when we hung out, his parents would always make him come home at 8 or 9, texting him every minute until he came home, and if he came home later than that, they would come up with some excuse to ground him, and take away his car and phone for weeks. (so that we couldn't see eachother or communicate) They would be constantly blaming everything he did wrong on me. Saying that i was his bad influence. They also claimed that because of me, the Buddhist, he became less religious in his Christianity. and i was affecting his grades and blah blah.


I seriously dont get it. all of my past ex boyfriend's parents loved me. I tried so hard for them to at least like me, but it feels like they just automatically disliked me because of my religion and ect. .. they've been trying to convert me to Christianity ever since we started dating ...

*EDIT* i think i was so mad when i found out about the set up date, that my blood was boiling O_O'' and i was shaking uncontrollably, and thinking mad, crazy, and murderous thoughts O_O\



what should i do with the girl? since i dont want the parents to know that we're still dating, but i still want to scare her off..
should i have my boyfriend go on the date with her, and make it a horrible date? or what?! soo confused.
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Replies

  • I_play_with_dollsI_play_with_dolls c: under your bedPosts: 2,704Member

    IDOL

    edited August 2009
    I say if you're boyfriend really does love you, let him go on the date and tell him to act like a pompous Richard Simmons of himself so the girl wouldn't like him.
    His parents are seriously close minded if they can't let a Buddhist girl into their house hold, I mean it's not like you're a run away that became some stripper and named after alcohol like Cristal
  • x3Jaex3Jae SydneyPosts: 693Member
    i think yu should find a time where yu can go to the parents and have a serious, non violent talk with them
    tell them that religion shouldnt control every part of yur lives (im sorry if this sounded offensive ><")
    and with the girl, confront her maybe ? explain the situation to her, if shes nice, she'll understand
    but be prepared for some bad reaction in case
    thats about all i can think of ><"
    good lukc with it
  • greeenkiwigreeenkiwi Posts: 270Member
    I don't think it's necessarily you that they hate. I mean, they've barely even known or met you. They're probably just very close-minded and it seems like they just dislike simply because of your beliefs.

    I really don't think there's much you can do. I mean, how are you going to even contact the girl? How come your boyfriend isn't the one doing anything? They are his parents and his "date" so I think he should be the one stepping up and telling the girl himself that he is not interested. Unless your boyfriend wants to actually stand up for himself and talk to his parents about their craziness, there's nothing you can do except try your best to ignore it all.

    Oh, and don't convert for the sake of someone else!
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    i know, and they assume that my parents are bad because they go out to some parties here and there, so they assume that i'm bad.. i guess. They basically had a mindset that all non christians are bad and even his mom said that a marriage between two different religion people wont work. I believe it would, but its too early to talk about all that. My boyfriend is planning on doing that, hes waiting for me to make the decision. and he'll do whatever. its just horrible since they just met the girl and they already like her, its not fair, i tried SO Long for them to like me. but no matter what i do, they don't. :/

    and if i tell the girl, im afraid she might tell on us, saying to her parents or his parents that he has a girlfriend or something, and itll be worse >.<

    QUOTE (greeenkiwi @ Aug 24 2009, 01:40 AM) »
    I don't think it's necessarily you that they hate. I mean, they've barely even known or met you. They're probably just very close-minded and it seems like they just dislike simply because of your beliefs.

    I really don't think there's much you can do. I mean, how are you going to even contact the girl? How come your boyfriend isn't the one doing anything? They are his parents and his "date" so I think he should be the one stepping up and telling the girl himself that he is not interested. Unless your boyfriend wants to actually stand up for himself and talk to his parents about their craziness, there's nothing you can do except try your best to ignore it all.

    Oh, and don't convert for the sake of someone else!



    its horrible, because i actually THOUGHT about even going to church simply for them to kind of like me.. but i didn't want to just give up a part of myself and kind of throw off my own religion in order for others to like me. its horrible.

    my boyfriend told his parents that they were crazy and he wasnt going on the date, but they are seriously FORCING IT DOWN HIS THROAT. They told him the day he had to take her out, and where to go.

    theyre supposed to be going to his school football game this friday, something ill be going to.. but i dont know if i should just stay home and let him be a pompous in front of her, or just confront her... i really dont want to blow our cover, his parents would make both of our lives hell.
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  • greeenkiwigreeenkiwi Posts: 270Member
    QUOTE (lilimac @ Aug 23 2009, 11:41 PM) »
    i know, and they assume that my parents are bad because they go out to some parties here and there, so they assume that i'm bad.. i guess. They basically had a mindset that all non christians are bad and even his mom said that a marriage between two different religion people wont work. I believe it would, but its too early to talk about all that. My boyfriend is planning on doing that, hes waiting for me to make the decision. and he'll do whatever. its just horrible since they just met the girl and they already like her, its not fair, i tried SO Long for them to like me. but no matter what i do, they don't. :/

    and if i tell the girl, im afraid she might tell on us, saying to her parents or his parents that he has a girlfriend or something, and itll be worse >.<


    Don't worry. I think no matter how hard you try, they will never admit to liking you, even the slightest bit.
    Maybe if the girl turns out to be really nice, you two can get her to pretend like she is dating him. That way when he goes out he can lie and say he's going out with the girl, but in reality he's out with you. image
    But hey, if you guys stay long enough together.. maybe his parents will realize that no matter how hard they try to scare you away you aren't budging. Then maybe they'll slowly lighten up a bit and accept you a bit more. Though that would take a while. If your boyfriend truly loves you and wants to be with you, he won't listen to their nonsense and find a way to make it work for you two. If not, he's the wrong guy.
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    its been 8 months since we've been together, and we both are realllyyy serious, hes the sweetest guy ever, and i'm so happy with him, i really dont want to lose him, but a part of me is JUST SO SICK and tired of all this drama with his parents, i feel like its some crazy korean drama about forbidden love O_O. its stupid. and its stupid how much crap they talk about me, saying after the "breakup" that i probably broke up with him because he ran out of money and that i'm with some other guy at the moment

    I dont think i can be patient enough to wait that long, i think id kill his parents before they would ever even accept me.
    image

    and that idea with the triangle love thing, its amazing. i thought about the same thing, but i dont know if she would go along with it, i dont even know her O_O
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  • damyoungjidamyoungji Toronto, CanadaPosts: 4,233Member

    IDOL

    There are some things in life that you will never understand. This is clearly one of them (why they dislike you so much when all your ex-boyfriend's parents loved you). You can't really expect everyone to "love you", right?

    There is not much you can do about his parents if they are so narrow-minded. It seems like they are quite conservative and to make things worse, they are quite religious when it comes to relationships. The only way to avoid them is when you and your boyfriend are both financially prepared to move out or something.

    As for the girl from church that his parents set him up with, I suggest that you DON'T do anything about it - as in scare her off. She probably means no harm and even if she does agree to seeing your boyfriend, she probably doesn't know about you. If she is interested in him, you can't really blame her for this. It's your boyfriend's parents fault and if you try to ruin their date or something, I am sure his parents will know about it. That will totally blow both of your covers about not being together anymore. All your boyfriend has to do is let the girl know that he is just not interested in her in that way. If he does that, make sure he doesn't tell her about you just in case she does like him and tries to get revenge by talking to his parents about you.
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    edited August 2009
    ahhhh, im glad i went on soompi before i tore off her head this friday. O_O
    im a whole lot more calm now, i was spazzing out a while ago. and youre right, i can't expect all my boyfriend's parents to like me, but its still ironic about how i tried so hard and failed so farrrrrr.. image

    and youre right, we cant do much, until we are older.... image T.T'' T.T"
    im sorry, this is like a reality check.. i was just hoping we could get out of this mess as soon as possible

    and youre right, again, i shouldn't kill her for not knowing that we weren't together....
    so i guess im staying home this friday image it kills me that hes out with her

    AGHH this is like a triple reality slap to the face.
    1. his parents will hate me forever, probably
    2. I cant do much about it
    3. My boyfriend has to go out with HER image

    ... ugh im probably the biggest green jealous monster ever.
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  • charatcharat californiaPosts: 1,079Member
    his parents are dumb. you should just walk up to them and Richard Simmons slap the n*gger Richard Simmons out of them. they deserve it. people who think their own religion is better go to hell anyways. (but then again thats every religious person...)
    S2
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    edited August 2009
    haha charat, sometimes i really want to do that, but it would make everything even worse >.<
    for now, i think ill just do that in my head, if that is allowed image *giggles*
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  • gkstmdhQkgkstmdhQk Posts: 94Member
    edited August 2009
    Mind you, majority of Christian/Catholic parents are very extreme when it comes to dating someone not in same Religion.

    I'm not surprised that they hook him up with that girl from church.
    I mean, Christian parents are like that.

    i bet those reasons that you said are BS.
    It's probably not coz of your behaviour/attitude, it's just that they don't like the idea of you being non-christian.

    Just imagine a traditional Korean parents, most don't agree with their children dating someone from another race.
    I say Korean because.... it seems like they're ones that are very sensitive about this matter o.o..........
    No offense.

    Just using an example. I guess.

    lol I know this doesn't help at all.
    BUt then again, Idk what can be done.
  • SailorBoy62SailorBoy62 Bay Area, CAPosts: 1,118Member
    edited August 2009
    Some parents are controlling. It's not you they hate per se, it's the idea of you--a girl that they didn't hand pick and force on their own child because she's going to one day become a mindless drone of an offspring producing daughter-in-law (or so they think anyways). We can debate whether parents do it out of love or whether they do it for their own benefit. Some people will try to argue that his parents must really love him to be so overprotective, etc. etc., but that'd be a broad overgeneralization. The fact is, there's not much you can do about it so long as you're both under the age of 18 and he lives with them. That's just how it goes. I really wouldn't follow the advice that some people have been giving of, "Going to his parents and having a talk with them." If anything, that would probably make things worse.

    This is a blind date though right? So who's to say that this girl is even a willing participant. She could easily have just agreed because his parents asked her to do it, not because she likes your boyfriend. If she's sane or nice, he could easily just explain the situation to her. If she's psycho, just have your boyfriend tell his parents she's a certifiable nutjob after the date and they can chalk it up to one failed attempt. They'll keep trying though, but that's just going to have to be something you can live with in the mean time.
  • KaylmeKaylme Posts: 34Member
    edited August 2009
    wtf?!?!?! his parents doesn't like u cuz ur Buddhist?? I'm buddhist too and i dont have any problems with people who are christian or other religions. If i were u I'd beat the crap out of them. And my aunt is Buddhist but she's married to this guy ( who is now my uncle) who is christian and they're married for more than 20 years
  • sussus AussiE lANdPosts: 3,213Member
    hmmm ur bf should grow some balls
    n stand up to his parents
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    edited August 2009
    sailor boy, id have to say that your are completely right,and I'm afraid that they wont ever let this settle. image They never admit that they are wrong, and they are just SO SET ON WHAT THEY WANT and feel that what they are doing and teaching him is right. They blame all of his mistakes on his friends, and people that he hang out with. Not their own mistakes in parenting. What they need to do , i believe is to just back up. Something very hard to do when they have been hovering over their sons forever. And i'm really hoping that its a blind date, because i really dont want to have any confrontations with anyone that i dont know image . I'm also very protective and jealous ....

    my boyfriend came to see me today, it was our 8th month anniversary. we were supposed to hang out this friday, but i told him to take her out, since that would make his parents happy.. while i just stay home or hang out with some close girlfriends .. something to keep my mind off of some girl draping herself all over someone i care about...
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  • adiavoyadiavoy Posts: 2,281Member

    IDOL

    edited August 2009
    Hmm, haha, I know a lot of parents like that... ones who strictly only want their child dating in their race/ethnicity/religion. Sucks huh? haha, the reason they don't like you is because they probably see you, as a devil and they can't accept differences. Your boyfriend needs to stand up to your parents and say he doesn't want some other chick! Sooner or later they need to accept other people and stop being selfish. Btw... explain it to the other girl that he's taken, I think she'll understand and stay away, no need to scare the girl and make her miserable image
  • koreanwarriorkoreanwarrior too strong Posts: 42Member
    edited August 2009
    I understand why his parents hates you.

    You are just way too out of control, girl. You need to grow up in your head.
    Being a Buddhist doesn't matter in this situation.
    Look at all these stupid little planning going on with your boy-friend.
    Let me imitate you for a sec. That's all you are.

    QUOTE (sus @ Aug 25 2009, 12:29 AM) »
    hmmm ur bf should grow some balls
    n stand up to his parents
    Okay, for this one.
    Grow your own balls too, girl.
    i'm so busy when i play. i'm so quick when i study.
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    korean warrior: there is no reply for such a useless comment. I dont want drama on the internet. Please, if you have anger issues, contact others for help, don't bi*CH around on a public forum, you just look like a Richard Simmons.
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  • koreanwarriorkoreanwarrior too strong Posts: 42Member
    edited August 2009
    QUOTE (lilimac @ Aug 25 2009, 03:06 AM) »
    korean warrior: there is no reply for such a useless comment. I dont want drama on the internet. Please, if you have anger issues, contact others for help, don't bi*CH around on a public forum, you just look like a Richard Simmons.
    "Help! My Boyfriend's Parents Are Crazy."
    You are the worst girl-friend alive in this planet.
    Your boy-friend is a Richard Simmons going out with a girl like you.
    You should pity yourself.
    i'm so busy when i play. i'm so quick when i study.
  • lilimaclilimac Posts: 142Member
    edited August 2009
    adiavoy, i can't explain to her bc of the fact that she might be crazy and tell his parents that we are dating still. since we're dating on the downlow, i dont want to blow our cover. image

    korean warrior : lol. i dont pity myself, i pity you. image
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