This is something I've been wondering for a long time. When I was a child, I had a great relationship with my mother. But as I grew up, I started to notice big differences in the way she treated me versus my older sister. At first, I thought I was imaging things and that it was teenage hormones, but now that I'm older it's become more clear than ever. She treats me as if I'm a step-daughter when the three of us are all together. For example, I remember there was an incident when we got into a minor car accident. My sister, who is an extremely nervous driver, was driving. I was in the back seat and my mom in the front, but my mother somehow managed put the whole blame on me - for "talking too loudly" to my sister when it happened. Whenever we go on vacations and shop/eat out, she always always makes sure my sister gets what she wants first even if she tells it way later than I did and will "forget" something I wanted to do. Sometimes, I feel like she purposely leaves me out of "family" activities as well. When I go somewhere over the weekend like visit a friend in a city, she 'suddenly' decides to do something with the rest of the family. Sometimes, I come back to an empty house with just a note on the kitchen table, and it makes me feel so sad because this has happened not once, or twice, but almost every summer/break there has been throughout my life. Not only that, but she'll buy a ton of nice stuff [designer bags, clothes] for my sister but to me will say "Oh, you won't like it anyway." [what kind of girl doesn't?] My sister and I can usually get along if my mom isn't around, but I admit my jealously makes me dislike my sister a lot. We borrow each other's stuff all the time, but when I wear something of my sister's my mom will get all bean pie and say, "hey, that's not yours! why are you taking your sister's things?! put it back!" While she'll actually GO through my stuff and actually give it to my sister, saying I have "too much" or I'm too "selfish" with my things. If I confront her about it, she'll say "there's no such thing as yours or mine's." The IRONY.
It's gotten a little better now but when I was a teen, it was really bad. She intentionally went out of her way to degrade me. She would tell me I wasn't tall enough or smart enough or active enough. [both my sister and her are 2 inches shorter than me] If I had one pimple on my forehead, she would make snide remarks about how "dirty" my skin was. [compared to my sister who spent thousands of dollars curing her back acne] She would also tell me I looked like I dried up anchovy (nice, right?) and tell me to gain a lot of weight b/c I looked bad. My weight was perfectly fine and healthy. I was always happy with it, but then I would try to please her b/c I felt like there was something I was doing wrong. She was SO nice to my sister. And when I a little gained weight, she would call me fat and laughingly tell me to lose it. If I got one B on my report card, she would call me stupid and a failure and act like I gave her so much stress. . She degrades me in front of friends and family members whenever they try to compliment me, telling them I'm actually "lazy" and gossips about our fights and how I have a huge "attitude problem" or if she's realllyyyy nice she'll just ignore what that person said. I thought she was joking at that time. And the thing that REALLY disturbs me above everything else is that she seems like she doesn't like when my dad and I get along. He always takes my side on fights. And I remember talking to my dad outside of the house one day and coming in, I could immediately tell she was eavesdropping on us. And she had a discomforting look on her face.
It's just...I don't get it. I felt bad about myself all the time when I was a teenager, and I had no idea why. I'm now in college and try to avoid my mom as much as possible because I didn't realize how bad it was until I got out and was able to be happy on my own, but now she actually calls me, tells me how much she misses me and when I don't return her phone calls, threatens to visit me. But she still comes to my sister's defense about everything, I see her constantly trying to raise my sister's self-esteem and jumping over hurdles to do everything for her, and still goes out of her way to tell me how much better/prettier/taller/smarter/nicer my sister is compared to me. If not directly, than indirectly. My sister just graduated from college and is jobless/barely makes the effort, yet my mother yells at ME for not getting a summer job fast enough. And something I found really funny a couple days ago is that when I got my financial award letter, I got a ton more scholarships and when my mom told me she actually patted my sister while telling me "good job." It's almost like she wanted to transfer the affection to my sister. And how could I forget, she once told me straight to my face that she didn't like me. That was a big shock at the time, but not anymore. I just don't understand why she loves her so much more than me. I'm not saying love should be conditional or based on accomplishments, but I just don't understand why her behavior is SO different. She's like two different mothers. I know she'll never change, and no matter what I do it won't change the way she treats me, but I just can't let go of the hollow feeling I get whenever I think about it.