Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[Guest expr3ssion12]

I really like this girl at my work. She's Korean, Christian, really beautiful, and has the nicest, sweetest personality ever. However, I haven't had much luck trying to get to know her. She's friendly to everyone, but it doesn't seem like she's that interested in me at all. I tried being really nice to her, asking her out to lunch and to hang out on various occasions, but she always makes up excuses or she's too busy with her work. 

Every time I talk to her or message her, she doesn't seem to be that responsive about herself, making it really hard for me to get to know her better. Its almost as if the friendliness is a shell, and on the inside she's really reserved or something. The thing is, I'm running out of options as to how to get her to notice me more, how to get her to think of me as more than just a co-worker. The thing is, she doesn't know that much about me, so I don't think it's anything to do with my personality, after all, the parts of my personality that I do show around work has been very positive. 

So that's my question, I'm at a loss to why she's not interested in getting to know me at all (we have very compatible backgrounds and she hardly knows me!), and what my next options are in terms of trying to get to know her / getting closer to her. Hope someone can help *quoted image*

You said she was christian, by any chance if your also christian or know anything about Christ you should try to converse with her about christianity. This just my 2 cents but, i'm having the same problem so i hear you out loud and clear when you txt her but she doesn't reply... but hey if this helps my friend and her co-worker both work at the same place and if you ask me they don't work during same shifts however, right now they currently dating so... don't lose your hopes my friend haha but you really have nothing to lose whether or not you screw up its really up to her in the end, so just do what you gotta do. Don't let these things bother you at your workplace cuz you'll constantly think bout her while ur working, and you don't want that to happen...

Good luck

[Guest joie.de.vivre]

I really like this girl at my work. She's Korean, Christian, really beautiful, and has the nicest, sweetest personality ever. However, I haven't had much luck trying to get to know her. She's friendly to everyone, but it doesn't seem like she's that interested in me at all. I tried being really nice to her, asking her out to lunch and to hang out on various occasions, but she always makes up excuses or she's too busy with her work. 

Every time I talk to her or message her, she doesn't seem to be that responsive about herself, making it really hard for me to get to know her better. Its almost as if the friendliness is a shell, and on the inside she's really reserved or something. The thing is, I'm running out of options as to how to get her to notice me more, how to get her to think of me as more than just a co-worker. The thing is, she doesn't know that much about me, so I don't think it's anything to do with my personality, after all, the parts of my personality that I do show around work has been very positive. 

So that's my question, I'm at a loss to why she's not interested in getting to know me at all (we have very compatible backgrounds and she hardly knows me!), and what my next options are in terms of trying to get to know her / getting closer to her. Hope someone can help *quoted image*

I think you're laying it on too strong, too early. She seems like a sensitive girl, who probably finds turning down someone outright pretty awkward and distressing. If you really want to get to know her first, you should find ways to hang out with her in a group setting with some coworkers or mutual friends NOT one-on-one. Another way is to try talking with her online through chat or email. Maybe she'll open up more that way. Good luck.

I would.... but i registered to view something but have never posted so.... haha yea.... and i'm not sure but it tells me i can't start a new topic or whatnot... first time on soompi forums plz help

me out >.< thx

Sorry i'm posting this here but a little help plz?

Well theres this girl i really like but she doesn't reply to my texts sometimes or rather at all either... but when she meets me she really talks. I mean like talk talk...

and this is really good.. but its really confusing and i choose not to over think but she doesn't open up to ppl she first meets but it hasn't been a week and we just met last week... and that day she really talked... like open her deep thoughts to me.... i'm not sure if i should continue to venture out for her..

Much help would be greatly appreciated THANKS!

That is kinda weird...But what kind of stuff do you text her? Sometimes if the text isn't a question or isn't that interesting, I wouldn't answer either :\. Also, how does she act around other people, other guys? If she's naturally outgoing and talkative, then I don't think her chattiness means much. Good luck

[Guest expr3ssion12]

I think you're laying it on too strong, too early. She seems like a sensitive girl, who probably finds turning down someone outright pretty awkward and distressing. If you really want to get to know her first, you should find ways to hang out with her in a group setting with some coworkers or mutual friends NOT one-on-one. Another way is to try talking with her online through chat or email. Maybe she'll open up more that way. Good luck.

That is kinda weird...But what kind of stuff do you text her? Sometimes if the text isn't a question or isn't that interesting, I wouldn't answer either :\. Also, how does she act around other people, other guys? If she's naturally outgoing and talkative, then I don't think her chattiness means much. Good luck

Thanks for replying well i just txt her like how she is and whats shes up to cuz shes been sick for a while and all so i kinda might see why but still... this proceeds even after she IS feeling better you know wat i mean? well i also ask her like if she wants to come out and chill for a bit and talk and stuff but she says she can't come cuz shes either doing something or she has plans alrdy... maybe my bad timing? haha but when we're out she really talks u know.. like she opens up to me when she told me the other day that she doesn't open up to ppl she has met like just recently... so that kinda confused me... but wats ur response on this?

Thanks again for replying

[Guest]

Regarding the question posted early about physical contact..

I feel like I'm one of the only few girls that is uncomfortable with physical contact (from guys / guy friends) .__.; Hand-shakes and High-Fives are as far as  I'll let a guy friend make "physical contact". Anything more than that (tickling, poking, playful punches to shoulder/knee/etc, etc).. I usually express that I don't like it >__< by body language or saying it honestly if he doesn't take a hint the first time. I know guys probably don't think much of it, but yeah x.x; I just feel like only my S/O is allowed to do that. I don't think anything is wrong with making physical contact with guys.. It depends on the individual! One of my best friends is a real hugger x) and hugs almost all of her guy friends.. but I just prefer to wave 

[Guest expr3ssion12]

Alright well... that girl i was talking about... haha we came in contact today... as in like txting each other but... it was just so simple and she later told me that she doesn't really txt.. i'm thinking i caught up on this way too late... but i'm not sure how to approach her now that i know that she doesn't like txting or doesn't usually txt often... any opinions or ideas would be greatly appreciated THANKS!

[Guest NONE.LIKEYOU]

I really like this girl at my work. She's Korean, Christian, really beautiful, and has the nicest, sweetest personality ever. However, I haven't had much luck trying to get to know her. She's friendly to everyone, but it doesn't seem like she's that interested in me at all. I tried being really nice to her, asking her out to lunch and to hang out on various occasions, but she always makes up excuses or she's too busy with her work. 

Every time I talk to her or message her, she doesn't seem to be that responsive about herself, making it really hard for me to get to know her better. Its almost as if the friendliness is a shell, and on the inside she's really reserved or something. The thing is, I'm running out of options as to how to get her to notice me more, how to get her to think of me as more than just a co-worker. The thing is, she doesn't know that much about me, so I don't think it's anything to do with my personality, after all, the parts of my personality that I do show around work has been very positive. 

So that's my question, I'm at a loss to why she's not interested in getting to know me at all (we have very compatible backgrounds and she hardly knows me!), and what my next options are in terms of trying to get to know her / getting closer to her. Hope someone can help *quoted image*

She's just not into you. I think your aggressive approach may have scared her off. The signs all point to her disinterest... 

The best thing you can do is slow down your approach and not display such a strong interest in her. It sounds counterintuitive but girls really dislike (well, at least I really dislike) guys who can't take a hint. You're going to have to work at this in a different angle because instant mutual attraction isn't there.

And, I'm not really sure if expr3ssion12 is the same person (posing a question and responding..?), but if you are... Lay off with the constant approach and just relax. She's obviously not digging that. Props to you for being clear and direct, but understand that her reactions mean for you to give her some space. Just start by getting to know the girl a little better, as a person, before reeling her into one-on-one situations with romantic undertones.

[Guest NONE.LIKEYOU]

1. What kind of fashion appeals most to you? What would be your ideal outfit on a guy?

Keep in mind that it really depends on the girl. Casual style works for me. V-neck/Scoop-neck/basically any wrinkle-free, no-hassle top, hoodie, and regular denim jeans (no skinnies please) would be ideal. I don't care much for shoes, but kind of dislike flip flops on a guy.

2. What aspect of a guy do you place the most importance on (hair, physique, ect.)?

Face/looks in general. Then, personality. I'm mostly attracted to others because of their looks/vibe, not going to lie. Personality is what keeps me interested, and can be something that draws me in.

3. What is your opinion on men who occasionally swear, drink, party?

Prefer them not to swear often... As for partying/drinking, it's normal and as long as he's not an alcoholic/ usually goes with me, I'm fine with that.

4. What hobbies do you like men to do?

Something creative like art or music. But, it doesn't earn major points and I'm perfectly fine with a normal guy.

5. Is creating physical contact (like playfully shoving) more a friend thing or flirting thing?

Usually flirting. Unless I feel really comfortable with the guy friend and we're on the level of brother/sister closeness.

6. Do more effeminate characteristics attract you more or more masculine ones? Specifically things like a deep voice vs. higher one, rugged look vs. beautified one, confidence vs. shyness.

Masculine, for sure.

7. If it's okay to ask, what is something or some activities you do during your free time?

Surf the web, out with friends, shopping, reading.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to men (dirty room, unshaved face, ect.)?

Ummm I don't know. Arrogance/over-confidence. Does that count...?

9. What's the best way a guy should let you know he wants to be a friend and not necessarily anything more? I hear a lot about how girls want gay friends because it ensures that they can have conversations freely with a man, without potentially starting a relationship. In a lot of cases, i just want to be a good friend with a girl because i enjoy her company, but i don't know how to do so naturally or casually.

You don't need to be so uptight about that. Let whatever happens happen, and only when a close girl friend is coming on to you and you're not interested, do you need to be concerned. As for now, you can't predict everything that will happen in the future, including your feelings...

[Guest Gofishus]

Thanks for the responses .

She's just not into you. I think your aggressive approach may have scared her off. The signs all point to her disinterest... 

The best thing you can do is slow down your approach and not display such a strong interest in her. It sounds counterintuitive but girls really dislike (well, at least I really dislike) guys who can't take a hint. You're going to have to work at this in a different angle because instant mutual attraction isn't there.

Story of my life...  if only there was some grand or magic formula to have mutual attraction eh...

[Guest NONE.LIKEYOU]

Aw, chin up

You shouldn't have to change yourself too much for someone. You can always improve yourself (looking more put-together, good manners, changing your approach), but at the end of the day someone will like you for you. Don't worry too much about it, and don't get hung up on one girl. Look around you, there are a lot of interesting people you can get to know and lots of places you can explore. Girls aren't everything, and when you find "the one", the feelings will be mutual

[Guest selinaym]

1. What kind of fashion appeals most to you? What would be your ideal outfit on a guy?

I prefer a simply style e.g. polo t-shirts, white t-shirt and jeans. I also like guys in shirts, appropriately buttoned up.

2. What aspect of a guy do you place the most importance on (hair, physique, ect.)?

His mannerisms and physique.

3. What is your opinion on men who occasionally swear, drink, party?

I wouldn't mind at all.

4. What hobbies do you like men to do?

Anything. Tennis, golf whatever. I dislike men who gamble though.

5. Is creating physical contact (like playfully shoving) more a friend thing or flirting thing?

It can be both.

6. Do more effeminate characteristics attract you more or more masculine ones? Specifically things like a deep voice vs. higher one, rugged look vs. beautified one, confidence vs. shyness.

more masculine characteristics. Confidence and a deep voice <3!

7. If it's okay to ask, what is something or some activities you do during your free time?

Reading, shopping, hang out with friends, clubbing, horse-riding.

8. What is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to men (dirty room, unshaved face, ect.)?

Laziness?

9. What's the best way a guy should let you know he wants to be a friend and not necessarily anything more? I hear alot about how girls want gay friends because it ensures that they can have conversations freely with a man, without potentially starting a relationship. In alot of cases, i just want to be a good friend with a girl because i enjoy her company, but i don't know how to do so naturally or casually.

Just be yourself. If you worry over that, it's more likely that she'll think you want something more. Treat her as you would treat your other friends.

[Guest hkukaudition]

I don't think it's necessary or even right to make him change or break up for that matter. You can have a talk with him and set some ground rules. Let him know that when you are with him, you want to be with him, not be the third wheel in his relationship with his video games. Do you play video games with him sometimes? Play a two player game with him. Also, maybe find other things that you two can do together that doesn't involve video games.

Its important to let guys have their time to their video games especially for those gamers who are accustomed to playing video games every chance they get. And its okay for you to interrupt and suggest something that you both can do together (watch a movie, etc). If he doesn't understand this or gives you a hard time, then it would be wise to rethink your relationship and wonder if 2 years down the road you will still be able to put up with it

Well We've already talked and he knows that whilst i dont want to stop him playing his video games, i would like him to tone it down a little. Sometimes he spends his whole day playing to the point he now has lamps on both wrists (so now he has to wear wristbands or his wrists will hurt) and his eyes hurt. I mean, come on, thats a bit extreme!

Im not good at video games- not the ones he likes to play anyway... he generally plays the same game online which i would be useless at.. even when i sometimes watch him play to try to spend time with him.. i dont know what going on and he moves so fast that i cant see how he plays it. Sometimes when i try to chat to him about something that interests me, he cuts me off and says stuff like 'oh i really dont care about that.' so i can't even have a conversation with him about the stuff that interests me.

When he's not on his games though, hes lovely and so sweet to me.. but when he is- he completely zones out. He doesnt even answer his phone, he doesnt stop to eat.. sometimes he will miss breakfast lunch and dinner just because hes constantly playing his games ¬_¬ What annoys me aswell is that sometimes i feel like his mum when i say to him 'lets eat!' and he just stays there as if he didnt hear me.. but if i say it again he gets annoyed at me like a teenager does when their mum nags at them.

[Guest kookie.kjk]

Well We've already talked and he knows that whilst i dont want to stop him playing his video games, i would like him to tone it down a little. Sometimes he spends his whole day playing to the point he now has lamps on both wrists (so now he has to wear wristbands or his wrists will hurt) and his eyes hurt. I mean, come on, thats a bit extreme!

Im not good at video games- not the ones he likes to play anyway... he generally plays the same game online which i would be useless at.. even when i sometimes watch him play to try to spend time with him.. i dont know what going on and he moves so fast that i cant see how he plays it. Sometimes when i try to chat to him about something that interests me, he cuts me off and says stuff like 'oh i really dont care about that.' so i can't even have a conversation with him about the stuff that interests me.

When he's not on his games though, hes lovely and so sweet to me.. but when he is- he completely zones out. He doesnt even answer his phone, he doesnt stop to eat.. sometimes he will miss breakfast lunch and dinner just because hes constantly playing his games ¬_¬ What annoys me aswell is that sometimes i feel like his mum when i say to him 'lets eat!' and he just stays there as if he didnt hear me.. but if i say it again he gets annoyed at me like a teenager does when their mum nags at them.

well to be honest i've been through exactly this kind of stuff xD

in short, games are fun. really fun. and if your boyfriend is as good as i think he is, it means he takes games seriously. from my personal experience, i used to play games like CSS, LoL, SC2, ect. for hours and hours with all my friends online and literally an entire weekend could pass by... damn those were good times~~. when i was a kid my mom would have to call me 3-4 times for dinner and i'd just ignore her if i was in the middle of an exciting match or crucial point in a game. once you're immersed within a good game, you get sucked into that world and things in reality seem alot less important than completing some virtual objective hehe. the thing is, right after i entered college i completely switched my habits. i think it's a combination or just becoming bored with videogames in general (yes, i used to play that much), and just realizing how much more fun socializing can be.

what you end up doing is entirely up to you, but here's my tentative advice: boys will be boys. i don't think you should straight up say, "me or games" that will either mean he feels forced to choose you, or he may be completely ignorant and choose games. if you really like this guy, just try to control the amount of time you spend with him. let him be the one to call you and let him realize how much he misses an authentic relationship that's not online. don't spend much time with him while he plays games, it's not going to go anywhere to be honest. once he gets 5 min. in, there's probably no going back. just hang out together while you're both free, and you should also immerse yourself in your own hobbies. i know as a guy that busy girls are more interesting to chase haha. i dunno if this will help at all, but i just thought i kinda experienced this stuff so..

[RiderKamen]

I consider myself as person that can not sell myself. I see myself as shy, reserved, but friendly and I see that women pick up on it. Its like I'm cool enough to hold a conversation with but not enough to be a "interest". How can I improve on my selling? cause I know I got more to offer than just "convo".

[MrPower]

I posted this in the Ask the Fellas section, but having a wide variety of opinions is always great right?

I need your help with a couple things.

I'll try to keep everything short and easy to understand.

There was a woman I met who randomly struck a conversation with me in one of my classes last semester.

Well, this was drawing towards the end of the semester, and nearing the finals... With everyone scrambling to study and get their stuff together. She ended up sitting next to me, even with her friends next to her. She introduced herself, and asked a bunch of questions about me, and started playing around with my phone and complimenting me, etc. She is definitely my type, but I didn't respond back during this time because I was getting over a breakup. (btw, she never spoke of anything related to the class we were in together).

Right now, I'm over it, and I see her around campus from time to time, but I don't even remember her name (I'm terrible with names). How the heck do I approach this without seeming like a creeper? I'm usually the type to never care about this, but my gut feeling tells me something different this time.

Should I even approach her? What the heck would I start off on?

[Guest x123x]

Sounds just like my bf. He's well in his 20's and still games all day. In fact, he's doing a master's degree and sometimes I really don't understand how he manages it. Anyways my point is, if that's who he is, then he won't be changing anytime soon. I like to think of it as "boys to gaming as is girls to shopping". Somehow it makes sense when I think of it that way.

Also, I think it's good that you try to take interest in games, but the way he responded to your interests is kind of rude (I guess it sort of depends on his tone, or if he's just usually that blunt...) but either way I think he could have settled it nicer.

If I were you, I would try to tell him that you also want to spend time with him once in awhile, and it's something that should be part of what's called "being in a relationship". Tell him that's important to maintain a balance in gaming and your relationship with him.

I think maybe you can work on being more confident and be more initiating? Of course it's not something that happens overnight, but as long as you keep it in mind and try, I think eventually it can be changed. Do you lack the initiative? If you're talking about a new restaurant in town, invite her to go try it out with you or something. Or maybe the thing you're lacking is that "charming" aura? Each guy is charming in their own way, some with their looks, or their skills (playing an instrument or sport perhaps?), personality, humour, character (being very nice, hardworking and has goals...) find the type of person you are and just work on it. Good luck!

Well, what I would do is I'd go up to her, do the usual "How's it going?" stuff, and then ask her what her name is again ("You know what, this might sound kind of silly, but can I ask what your name is again?") Yes, it will be awkward at first, but it's probably ok since you two have chatted before. It might not be as bad as you think it is.

Or, if you can somehow have a conversation with her without having to say her name which you don't know, try to make some sort of conversation about student cards and exchange to see each other's. But anyhow, if she's your type, definitely go for it!!!

[Guest mysassyboy]

@MrPower: It definitely sounds like she's interested in you. When you see her, just give her a wave, smile and ask her about the subject you guys had together. Boring convo starter but that's what you have in common yeah? Then later ask her where she's heading...lunch? Cool coz you know you were thinking of getting something to eat too

[Guest hkukaudition]

Sounds just like my bf. He's well in his 20's and still games all day. In fact, he's doing a master's degree and sometimes I really don't understand how he manages it. Anyways my point is, if that's who he is, then he won't be changing anytime soon. I like to think of it as "boys to gaming as is girls to shopping". Somehow it makes sense when I think of it that way.

Also, I think it's good that you try to take interest in games, but the way he responded to your interests is kind of rude (I guess it sort of depends on his tone, or if he's just usually that blunt...) but either way I think he could have settled it nicer.

If I were you, I would try to tell him that you also want to spend time with him once in awhile, and it's something that should be part of what's called "being in a relationship". Tell him that's important to maintain a balance in gaming and your relationship with him.

Thanks Well i guess a problem is that we don't have that much in common interest-wise. Im very 'typically asian'... like boybands, kpop etc, pretty much listen to everything my parents say, dont smoke, do drugs anything like that and im generally relatively girly- into make up shopping etc. Whereas my BF is more english and hangs out with a group of lads who play games all day, smoke, do drugs, drink etc, if im being totally honest- and my BF knows this... him and his friends are usually the type of people that i cross the road to avoid. I mean, i've realised that actually they are nice people even though i don't really agree with how they like to spend their lives but thats their choice and i've no right to say anything about it.

I think his friends think that im a bit...boring. They always say stuff like that to him 'oh she's has made you boring/flacid' and the other day his friend asked me if he was still being locked up. I guess in the same way that i think his friends are a bit rough... I think when he spends time with his friends he spend a lot of the time playing games with them stuff like on the wii and stuff... but he doesnt do that with me...he plays on the PC online games by himself.

We usually spend our time together out- which can be expensive but if we stay in then usually hes playing games if we're at his so at least i know that we'll be spending time together.

[Guest PinkChocobo]

I posted this in the Ask the Fellas section, but having a wide variety of opinions is always great right? I need your help with a couple things.

I'll try to keep everything short and easy to understand.

There was a woman I met who randomly struck a conversation with me in one of my classes last semester.

Well, this was drawing towards the end of the semester, and nearing the finals... With everyone scrambling to study and get their stuff together. She ended up sitting next to me, even with her friends next to her. She introduced herself, and asked a bunch of questions about me, and started playing around with my phone and complimenting me, etc. She is definitely my type, but I didn't respond back during this time because I was getting over a breakup. (btw, she never spoke of anything related to the class we were in together).

Right now, I'm over it, and I see her around campus from time to time, but I don't even remember her name (I'm terrible with names). How the heck do I approach this without seeming like a creeper? I'm usually the type to never care about this, but my gut feeling tells me something different this time.

Should I even approach her? What the heck would I start off on?

She definitely seems interested in you. Maybe you can approach her when you see her hanging around in the campus? Like, maybe when she's having lunch at the cafeteria or something?

You could start by asking her how's she been, what classes are she taking now, etc etc. And casually ask her if you could add her on facebook? That way you can find out her name at the same time. Sounds pretty dumb but, hey, it's still an option!

[Eclectic]

how can a woman tell that a man has self-confidence? (that doesn't cross into arrogance)

please provide examples

[Guest kitty_N]

For me it is the way that a guy carries himself and the way he talks. Arrogant guys usually try to say too much mini cooper about themselves. Guys who are confident don't need to do this and are more interested in having conversations rather than a monologue for others to hear.