Ask The Fellas

[Guest yuwing]

quickquestion, you know when guys are seeing someone or just dating someone do they expect the girl to have really nice bodies most of time? as in do guys think every girl has a nice body and if she turns out not be so attractive physically then it's like a bombshell.

hey i know guys aren't shallow but physical attraction plays a part in every relationship, both ways too.

i think most guys focus on the face more than the body. frankly, if you are dating someone or in a relationship, you already know her body type and know what you're getting into. I don't know what you mean by having a nice body most of the time. Do you mean gaining like +10 lbs? I think it's acceptable. or saggy boobs and bums? that's after you're 40! I believe that the body doesn't change so much within a 5-10 year period. However, I do have a friend who went from skinny to full blown fat after 3 years. (genetics, low metabolism, kept eating as much as he did when he was a teen even though he doesn't use that energy)

If i could, i would also look into her parents because that's a high indication of what she will turn into in the future.

if she goes from skinny to obese, then it's obvious a dissapointment and one should GTFO immediately.

[me0z]

i think most guys focus on the face more than the body. frankly, if you are dating someone or in a relationship, you already know her body type and know what you're getting into. I don't know what you mean by having a nice body most of the time. Do you mean gaining like +10 lbs? I think it's acceptable. or saggy boobs and bums? that's after you're 40! I believe that the body doesn't change so much within a 5-10 year period. However, I do have a friend who went from skinny to full blown fat after 3 years. (genetics, low metabolism, kept eating as much as he did when he was a teen even though he doesn't use that energy)

If i could, i would also look into her parents because that's a high indication of what she will turn into in the future.

if she goes from skinny to obese, then it's obvious a dissapointment and one should GTFO immediately.

thanks for the reply, so funny to read. when i said, nice bodies all the time i meant that you know how you see really good looking people on T.V, is there some sort of expectation in terms of bodies because that's what you can't see underneath all that clothes.

[Guest Tenshi-Tenshi]

Okay, well, lets name him W. I've been dating W for awhile. He's a closed kind of guy. Usually if i ask him something he'll tell me. And he doesn't tell me he loves me often but I can tell that he does by the things he does. Like he'll always stand up for me when other ppl say things and he always tries to make time for me even when he's dead tired.

but I'm a little worried b/c we brought up the topic about ex's. all he would tell me is that he was head over heels for her and that it was a bad memory. but he's not able to fully talk to me about it. I guess what i'm wondering is.....is there a chance he's still in love with her?

Thanks in advance.

[Guest yuwing]

thanks for the reply, so funny to read. when i said, nice bodies all the time i meant that you know how you see really good looking people on T.V, is there some sort of expectation in terms of bodies because that's what you can't see underneath all that clothes.

Well everyone has certain and unique standards.

just because one person watches a lot of TV with models who have amazing bodies has high standards, it doesn't mean that another person who doesn't watch TV and goes out a lot and meets other people has the same standards and expectations.

we're all uniquely different. I can't generalize and give you an answer you're looking for.

Okay, well, lets name him W. I've been dating W for awhile. He's a closed kind of guy. Usually if i ask him something he'll tell me. And he doesn't tell me he loves me often but I can tell that he does by the things he does. Like he'll always stand up for me when other ppl say things and he always tries to make time for me even when he's dead tired.

but I'm a little worried b/c we brought up the topic about ex's. all he would tell me is that he was head over heels for her and that it was a bad memory. but he's not able to fully talk to me about it. I guess what i'm wondering is.....is there a chance he's still in love with her?

Thanks in advance.

I think the important thing here to let go of your own insecurities, move on and grow constructively with him in the relationship. Don't go digging through his past and worry whether he has moved on or not (your insecurities and lack of trust will affect him). He stands up for you, he tries to make time for you, his body language and the things he does indicates that he cares about you. :]

let's name him Ken-chan. i saw him while walking in the hallways at school. he's a senior at my school and i'm a junior. he's japanese [ i think japanese is his first language...? maybe not he sounds somewhat fluent in english]. my friend [K] is friends with him. so one day ken-chan goes over to my group's lunch table [tables are like...20 ft apart.?] and stands next to me and faces me and he's like half a foot away from me, but says hi to my friend, K, who is to his right like 5 feet away. my friends and i all notice and i just freeze with eyes like "O_________O" and i can't stop blushing and laughing [i laugh when i'm nervous. actually i was more like covering my mouth and smiling cuz i was eating my lunch]and looking at my friends and back at him and then i STUPIDLY turned to my friend K and started talking to him. >_______> everyday i look forward to seeing him when i walk to class and eat at lunch. he sometimes looks and sometimes he doesn't.oh gosh. = /we used to catch eachother looking at one another and now he doesn't look at me

does he think i'm retarded or something.? or that i was laughing at him?

my other friends, Erika and MiMi are friends with him and they say he's really nice. they also told me that a few weeks ago he asked this girl out and she rejected him. the thing is SHE'S FREAKING PRETTY/BEAUTIFUL/CURVACIOUS/NICE/CARING etc. i mean if i was a guy i'd probably like her too x___x

plus he has a lot of girl friends. competition..? =o

i feel like i can't compete and i shouldn't even try going after this guy. he'll probably think i'm ugly. and then i'm not sure if he can even speak english o___o but the way he types on his facebook sounds like it..most of the time o__o. will i have trouble talking to him.? should i even try talking to him or no. and yes i do have something to lose= my already cripplingly low self esteem [a test i took in health told me i have cripplingly low self esteem lol T__T]

You should know more about a person before you like him, no? You dont' even know if he speaks English fluently.

[mz-amyz]

mmm.. from a guys P.O.V what is a "fling"

...lets say..

girl meets guy.. and they get along really well... then guy holds the girls hands... out of nowhere... kisses her.. cuddles her.. all the time..

girl gets confused with her emotions..

at the end of the day..

guy tell girls " this is just a fling".

1 week later .. guy kisses girl AGAIN.. and then says " i dont know if this is a fling" so girl.. thinks that guy likes her.. (is this right?)

yesterday... girl saw guy.. .cuddling another girl..

...fling much?? iono i dun get it T_T

[Guest rachellee39]

Is my friend's boyfriend hitting on me?

About 3 months ago, I became friends with this girl. Not close friends or anything but we hang out together in a group sometimes. Her boyfriend comes along at times.

he has messaged me once asking me to go out for dinner with him cos he happens to be near my home.I declined.

He has called me on 4 occasions too (for reasons I can't remember). I picked up 2 of the calls.

Is he just being a friend or is he trying to hit on me?

I never call my girlfriend's boyfriends on the phone nor message them ( unless I know them very well, or if they were friends with me before the girl). I usually go through my girlfriends.

[Guest yuwing]

mmm.. from a guys P.O.V what is a "fling"

...lets say..

girl meets guy.. and they get along really well... then guy holds the girls hands... out of nowhere... kisses her.. cuddles her.. all the time..

girl gets confused with her emotions..

at the end of the day..

guy tell girls " this is just a fling".

1 week later .. guy kisses girl AGAIN.. and then says " i dont know if this is a fling" so girl.. thinks that guy likes her.. (is this right?)

yesterday... girl saw guy.. .cuddling another girl..

...fling much?? iono i dun get it T_T

flings are just sexual interests, dating and for fun. it's not serious, nor does it intend to develop into long term relationships, or bf/gf status.

Is my friend's boyfriend hitting on me?

About 3 months ago, I became friends with this girl. Not close friends or anything but we hang out together in a group sometimes. Her boyfriend comes along at times.

he has messaged me once asking me to go out for dinner with him cos he happens to be near my home.I declined.

He has called me on 4 occasions too (for reasons I can't remember). I picked up 2 of the calls.

Is he just being a friend or is he trying to hit on me?

I never call my girlfriend's boyfriends on the phone nor message them ( unless I know them very well, or if they were friends with me before the girl). I usually go through my girlfriends.

if you can avoid, then avoid. lol don't invite possible drama, even if it's "friendship". believe me, girls who have gotten into drama want to stay the f out because all of the consequences, backstabs, and pinkberryes. do not ever risk of entering a drama scene.

[Guest sidney]

On Wednesday my s/o called and I was studying for 3 exams straight (he knew about it too) so i didn't have time or too tire to return his call. On Thursday, I was still studying so I didn't call at all and he doesn't call either. So i guess we went on 2 days without talking to each other. To be honest, i was too tire and exhausted about my exams, i dont really think about it much. On friday, i called him, and for some reason he was acting all cold and mean and give me one word answers. He's all "i don't know" "it's your life. do whatever you want" or "oh okay". T_T I am a very stubborn person myself so i ended the conversation early and we hung up since he was acting like a jerk. Today, saturday, he was the one who IM me first on aim and i tried to be cutesy/lovey dovey...saying stuff like i miss you etc. But he was still acting like a jerk and be like "omg you're so cheesy today" (and note, in our relationship, he's always the one that said all these corny stuff) "go talk to your bff" "i'm busy"..wtf? I asked him if he's mad at me and he said no....but then he was being so cold and mean still!! here's the convo

me (11:39:12 PM): i miss you like a fat kid on diet miss cake

him (11:40:46 PM): omg you're cheesy today

me (11:41:01 PM): whatever

me (11:41:02 PM): i got more

me (11:41:02 PM): lol

him (11:41:18 PM): omg

him (11:41:22 PM): plz dont

me (11:41:28 PM): what?!

me (11:41:29 PM): fine!

me (11:41:33 PM): whatever

him (11:42:45 PM): good

him (11:42:46 PM): lol

me (11:42:57 PM): (ignoring)

him (11:43:23 PM): okay

him (11:43:26 PM): if you wanna

me (11:47:05 PM): why are you so mean to me these days ='(

me (11:47:31 PM): did i do something to make you mad?

me (11:47:33 PM): you know what. nvm

him (11:47:45 PM): why are you asking me?

me (11:48:02 PM): i dont know....

me (11:48:11 PM): are you mad at me??

me (11:48:12 PM): no right?

him (11:48:52 PM): no

me (11:49:24 PM): you're so mean

me (11:49:35 PM): you make me cry

him (11:49:40 PM): no i didnt

me (11:49:45 PM): uh huh

him (11:49:54 PM): i dont believe you

me (11:50:02 PM): lol

me (11:50:07 PM): cry from the inside

me (11:50:21 PM): well good to know you're not mad at me

me (11:50:29 PM): i dont know i have a feeling

me (11:50:40 PM): but nvm =)

him (11:51:04 PM): 'lol

him (11:51:11 PM): what your feeling?

me (11:51:26 PM): i sense that you're mad at me or something

me (11:51:29 PM): i guess i'm thinking too much

me (11:51:31 PM): lol

him (11:52:55 PM): lol

him (11:52:56 PM): then don

me (11:53:55 PM): okay

me (11:54:12 PM): please don't be so mean and cold to me anymore

me (11:54:14 PM): it's scary

me (11:54:17 PM): lol

him (11:54:18 PM): what?

him (11:54:33 PM): go talk to your bff

me (11:54:49 PM): but i love talking to you <3

him (11:55:41 PM): im busy

me (11:56:19 PM): OKAY

him (11:56:39 PM): sigh

(end of convo)

kk my question is, base on our convo, do you think he's mad, or am i just being paranoid? and if he is mad, don't you think he's being such a girl? Am i strongly the one at fault here? What should i do? It's like when i try to talk he acted all cold and mean toward me and stuff. =/

[Guest StealthGnome]

Guys, stop being such cockblocks.

Damn my friends are idiots.

[raini]

what's really going on in a guys head when they randomly say you're pretty?

especially if you can imagine them saying it to every other girl?

[Guest ShadowMax76]

@ sidney .

he's being a little immature. but us guys are like that when we don't know how to handle new feats of responsibility. [like letting you do your exams and not feel rejected. but rather understand]

obviously he's trying to see how you respond when HE'S 'busy' .

and get a little pay back for the trauma he's felt. =/

.

@ raini .

...do you <b> really </b> wanna know?

[Guest Ahoyhoi]

Lately my boyfriend of 2 years has been wanting to hang out with a girl he considers his ex. They used to have feelings for each other and he says they're just friends now. Well I found out he recently went behind his word to not see her again after it upset me. Even went to the fair with her and gave away my prize to her.

What is he thinking? Any clues?

I gave him an ultimatum and it was either she goes or I go and he said "there is no other her" and agreed to. Do you guys think im being cheated on?

He's been talking to her behind my back even though he knows that it hurts me. This is the 3rd time now ...

Please help!

[Guest Deadalready]

Lately my boyfriend of 2 years has been wanting to hang out with a girl he considers his ex. They used to have feelings for each other and he says they're just friends now. Well I found out he recently went behind his word to not see her again after it upset me. Even went to the fair with her and gave away my prize to her.

What is he thinking? Any clues?

I gave him an ultimatum and it was either she goes or I go and he said "there is no other her" and agreed to. Do you guys think im being cheated on?

He's been talking to her behind my back even though he knows that it hurts me. This is the 3rd time now ...

Please help!

I think you guys should really sit down and write down what is important to your relationship. Specifically share what is important to you in a relationship and find out what is important to him in a relationship. Your definition of cheating sounds different to his and unless the two of you define boundaries that you share, it's easy to cross them without knowing. Think it as playing chess on a blank piece of board, you couldn't possibly know where to move without defining the squares.

I was listening to an audio about a couple who were having marital problems, one of the things they had problems with were boundaries. The husband claimed that his wife was too flirty with others and his wife claimed he wasn't attracted to her. The husband believed that being faithful was not flirting with others, while the wife's definition of being faithful was being trusted that she could be flirtaious while being faithful. The twist was that the wife didn't feel her husband didn't flirt with her anymore so she resorted to flirting with others to get an ego boost.

[kimbb4b]

This guy i met at school just recently broke up with his girl that he's been going out with about a year and 3 months.

Well he told me they were on a "break"

should i make my move or just back off?

should i flirt or just be the "friend"?

because my friends been telling me that he's gonna go back out with her

but others tell me to go for it.

what should i do?

[Guest femme.fatale`]

there is this guy friend i havent talked to in years. he recently got in contact with me. and we've been talking. however, he would talk to me for many hours at a time. no specific conversation points. just talking about random things, getting to know me and vice versa. most people tell me usually when a guy talks to you for a long time like this they are interested. however in my case i havent talked to him in a while so it could possibly be just catching up on each other's life? I'm not positive?

[Guest sidney]

@ sidney .

he's being a little immature. but us guys are like that when we don't know how to handle new feats of responsibility. [like letting you do your exams and not feel rejected. but rather understand]

obviously he's trying to see how you respond when HE'S 'busy' .

and get a little pay back for the trauma he's felt. =/

.

@ raini .

...do you <b> really </b> wanna know?

what should i do then? the convo just ended there and I sign off.. Should i call him today and be normal again? I'm sorta mad at him though -__-. If you were him, what would you like me to do/say on the phone??

So base on the convo, he IS mad at me right? and i'm not being paranoid? omg i swear my bf is like a girl.

[Guest yuwing]

On Wednesday my s/o called and I was studying for 3 exams straight (he knew about it too) so i didn't have time or too tire to return his call. On Thursday, I was still studying so I didn't call at all and he doesn't call either. So i guess we went on 2 days without talking to each other. To be honest, i was too tire and exhausted about my exams, i dont really think about it much. On friday, i called him, and for some reason he was acting all cold and mean and give me one word answers. He's all "i don't know" "it's your life. do whatever you want" or "oh okay". T_T I am a very stubborn person myself so i ended the conversation early and we hung up since he was acting like a jerk. Today, saturday, he was the one who IM me first on aim and i tried to be cutesy/lovey dovey...saying stuff like i miss you etc. But he was still acting like a jerk and be like "omg you're so cheesy today" (and note, in our relationship, he's always the one that said all these corny stuff) "go talk to your bff" "i'm busy"..wtf? I asked him if he's mad at me and he said no....but then he was being so cold and mean still!! here's the convo

me (11:39:12 PM): i miss you like a fat kid on diet miss cake

him (11:40:46 PM): omg you're cheesy today

me (11:41:01 PM): whatever

me (11:41:02 PM): i got more

me (11:41:02 PM): lol

him (11:41:18 PM): omg

him (11:41:22 PM): plz dont

me (11:41:28 PM): what?!

me (11:41:29 PM): fine!

me (11:41:33 PM): whatever

him (11:42:45 PM): good

him (11:42:46 PM): lol

me (11:42:57 PM): (ignoring)

him (11:43:23 PM): okay

him (11:43:26 PM): if you wanna

me (11:47:05 PM): why are you so mean to me these days ='(

me (11:47:31 PM): did i do something to make you mad?

me (11:47:33 PM): you know what. nvm

him (11:47:45 PM): why are you asking me?

me (11:48:02 PM): i dont know....

me (11:48:11 PM): are you mad at me??

me (11:48:12 PM): no right?

him (11:48:52 PM): no

me (11:49:24 PM): you're so mean

me (11:49:35 PM): you make me cry

him (11:49:40 PM): no i didnt

me (11:49:45 PM): uh huh

him (11:49:54 PM): i dont believe you

me (11:50:02 PM): lol

me (11:50:07 PM): cry from the inside

me (11:50:21 PM): well good to know you're not mad at me

me (11:50:29 PM): i dont know i have a feeling

me (11:50:40 PM): but nvm =)

him (11:51:04 PM): 'lol

him (11:51:11 PM): what your feeling?

me (11:51:26 PM): i sense that you're mad at me or something

me (11:51:29 PM): i guess i'm thinking too much

me (11:51:31 PM): lol

him (11:52:55 PM): lol

him (11:52:56 PM): then don

me (11:53:55 PM): okay

me (11:54:12 PM): please don't be so mean and cold to me anymore

me (11:54:14 PM): it's scary

me (11:54:17 PM): lol

him (11:54:18 PM): what?

him (11:54:33 PM): go talk to your bff

me (11:54:49 PM): but i love talking to you <3

him (11:55:41 PM): im busy

me (11:56:19 PM): OKAY

him (11:56:39 PM): sigh

(end of convo)

kk my question is, base on our convo, do you think he's mad, or am i just being paranoid? and if he is mad, don't you think he's being such a girl? Am i strongly the one at fault here? What should i do? It's like when i try to talk he acted all cold and mean toward me and stuff. =/

I think that if you really want to let your concerns known, appreciated, acknowledged and accepted, stop using "lol"s at the end of everything. To your bf, it's suggesting that you aren't serious about the whole thing.

When I use lols at the end of the sentence, it means that I want the conversation to be light hearted so that people dont' get freaked out by it. and if im' ridiculed, i can just say that it's a joke. This is a protective mechanism that many of us use, but it works as a double edged sword.

if you want to be taken seriously, cease all use of emoticons, internet slang and abbreviations, and most importantly lol's.

==> encourage intelligent discussion.

Seriously, this is your boyfriend, your significant other, a person who you could spend your whole life with. if you trust him enough to let him be your bf, you should at least stop protecting yourself from him. And if he really treats you as a gf, he should stop being selfish, stop the guilt trip, man up, mature up and listen to what your concerns are.

Work on compromising. it could really go a longggggg way.

what should i do then? the convo just ended there and I sign off.. Should i call him today and be normal again? I'm sorta mad at him though -__-. If you were him, what would you like me to do/say on the phone??

So base on the convo, he IS mad at me right? and i'm not being paranoid? omg i swear my bf is like a girl.

I think that how you started the conversation could be better. You went from being cold for a few days (during exam time) to being instantaneously warm and cheesy. You have acknolwedged that he was being cold. But instead of actually dealing with his problem, you are dismissing it with cheesy lines to make him feel better. However, i'm afraid the problem is much worse than you've imagined. A few cheesy lines can't fix it.

You aren't resolving the problem, you are dismissing it.

Be serious. Ask him how he feels. If he opens up, listen carefully and do not cut him off in the middle, or be defensive about it when he's accusing you. Let him finish, then reread again. tell him you understand and accept his feelings by reiteration, reflect on what happened during your exam time, tell him of your circumstances, and reassure him that you will be there for him.

Guidelines are simple. In practice it is hard. Use your own discretion.

If he doesn't open up, don't be discouraged. Don't interrogate him. Don't fight it. Be understanding, and just reassure him that when he's ready, you'll be there with open ears.

=====

[Guest yuwing]

what's really going on in a guys head when they randomly say you're pretty?

especially if you can imagine them saying it to every other girl?

not interested in you, nothing to lose. => harmless flirt.

sometimes my friends call it headfake flirt, because it forces am inexperienced girl to think about him, (maybe) form an interested, then find out he's not interested at all. headfake

[Guest yuwing]

there is this guy friend i havent talked to in years. he recently got in contact with me. and we've been talking. however, he would talk to me for many hours at a time. most people tell me usually when a guy talks to you for a long time like this they are interested. however in my case i havent talked to him in a while so it could possibly be just catching up on each other's life? I'm not positive?

or he could just be lonely and needed someone to talk to. (been there b4)

[Guest x__harlequin]

when a guy comes up behind you and tickles you or when he pokes (in a playful way) you does that count as flirting?

and when a guy is intimidated by a girl he likes, does he act like he doesnt like her? like shows really little interest in her