Ask The Fellas

[raymondc27]

Okay so. My boyfriend and I have been going out for a bit over a year. He's currently a freshman in college while I'm a senior in high school. We grew closer when a lot of our mutual friends moved away and we started hanging out more. Eventually we started dating, and he was a senior in high school back then, and I a junior. He was debating a school near home, and another one out of state in MA and for a while I thought he was going to the one near home. But, he got more money to the school in Boston. So, he moved away and we maintained a long distance relationship for a while. It's difficult not having him here, and my friends going out with their boyfriends while I'm stuck just trying to get on Skype the same time he can. Unfortunately, he's doing a study abroad thing in China so he won't be here to take me to my prom. He's not really the party type either, and neither am I so I don't mind it all that much.

The thing is, this long distance relationship thing is taking a toll on our relationship. There's no other guy in the picture, but it's just, I think we're a bit distant. I was thinking about ending it, for the both of us so he could see other girls, not be tied down, you know? He would never, from what I know, break up with me. I know he wouldn't, he's sensitive that way but I don't want to tie him down. And for a while, I began to think it was for the better. And then all that crap in Boston happened and I was so scared, but he's fine. That whole fiasco makes me apprehensive, at the same time I'm worried, but the nagging thought that I'm keeping him from looking at other girls keeps bothering me. I shouldn't ask you guys what to do, but I would appreciate some advice.

You've already devided what you wantto do but talk to him about it to see his reaction

[Guest Ashhong]

Krrypton said: If your S/O gives more attention to people other than you, what does it mean? Does it means he's trying to say its over?

[Guest Krrypton]

Krrypton said:

If your S/O gives more attention to people other than you, what does it mean? Does it means he's trying to say its over?

Did he always do this or just recently?

recently.

[Guest Ashhong]

Krrypton said:

Ashhong

wrote:

»

Krrypton said:<br />

If your S/O gives more attention to people other than you, what does it mean? Does it means he's trying to say its over?<br />

<br />

<br />

Did he always do this or just recently?

[Guest lovefenni]

If you liked a girl, would you tell her you're interested only if you think she's interested in you too? Also, what clues give it away for you guys that a girl might like you?

[Guest Ashhong]

lovefenni said: If you liked a girl, would you tell her you're interested only if you think she's interested in you too? Also, what clues give it away for you guys that a girl might like you?

[Guest lovefenni]

lovefenni said:

If you liked a girl, would you tell her you're interested only if you think she's interested in you too? Also, what clues give it away for you guys that a girl might like you?

Not necessarily. I would ask a girl out on a date without knowing she's interested. The date is when I would make her interested. Physical interaction is what gives it away. Light touches on the arm, things like that.

Oh, btw is that bad for a guy to notice a girl likes him?

I'm not a really touchy feel-y person, but in general, at least where I live, I feel like it's pretty common for guys & girls to hug each other as just friends.... But is it the same the other way around, that if a guy likes a girl, he'll be more touchy as well?

Hmm, I used to initiate texting him a lot, but now I rarely if ever text him. Was it bad for me to text him?

[raymondc27]

lovefenni said: If you liked a girl, would you tell her you're interested only if you think she's interested in you too? Also, what clues give it away for you guys that a girl might like you?

[Guest shoeperr]

Do guys ever pretend to be friends with someone who's a major a-hole, because they're close to someone in you're friends with?

Would you feel the need to put up with them, or just ignore them?

I'm gullible enough to sometimes think that no lying or behind-the-back stuff goes on.

[Ninshark]

lovefenni said: If you liked a girl, would you tell her you're interested only if you think she's interested in you too? Also, what clues give it away for you guys that a girl might like you?

Oh, btw is that bad for a guy to notice a girl likes him?
I'm not a really touchy feel-y person, but in general, at least where I live, I feel like it's pretty common for guys & girls to hug each other as just friends.... But is it the same the other way around, that if a guy likes a girl, he'll be more touchy as well?

Hmm, I used to initiate texting him a lot, but now I rarely if ever text him. Was it bad for me to text him?

[pink_chocolate]

Okay guys, I need answers. 
In less than two weeks, my 26 year-old boyfriend of two years will be taking me back to where he live to move in together and focus on my school. He promise me he will take care of me and want me to finish school. We planned to move in together couple months ago, but my sister just got married last year and I wanted to stay with my family as long as I can. He got angry with me finally since I keep changing the plan and said he waited too long and needed me now. He told me that he's getting older and he wanted a child before he turn 30. I told him I'm not ready for something like that yet, but he's willing to just live together for now. This made me worried. I'm just afraid that he's afraid of his aging and not having a family of his own instead of sincere love for me. What should I think of this?

[radiocat]

pink_chocolate said: Okay guys, I need answers. 
In less than two weeks, my 26 year-old boyfriend of two years will be taking me back to where he live to move in together and focus on my school. He promise me he will take care of me and want me to finish school. We planned to move in together couple months ago, but my sister just got married last year and I wanted to stay with my family as long as I can. He got angry with me finally since I keep changing the plan and said he waited too long and needed me now. He told me that he's getting older and he wanted a child before he turn 30. I told him I'm not ready for something like that yet, but he's willing to just live together for now. This made me worried. I'm just afraid that he's afraid of his aging and not having a family of his own instead of sincere love for me. What should I think of this?

[pink_chocolate]

radiocat said: pink_chocolate said: Okay guys, I need answers. 
In less than two weeks, my 26 year-old boyfriend of two years will be taking me back to where he live to move in together and focus on my school. He promise me he will take care of me and want me to finish school. We planned to move in together couple months ago, but my sister just got married last year and I wanted to stay with my family as long as I can. He got angry with me finally since I keep changing the plan and said he waited too long and needed me now. He told me that he's getting older and he wanted a child before he turn 30. I told him I'm not ready for something like that yet, but he's willing to just live together for now. This made me worried. I'm just afraid that he's afraid of his aging and not having a family of his own instead of sincere love for me. What should I think of this?

[MrPower]

^
It is important to consider that many times, men do not value or love women for who they are, rather for what they have to offer to contribute for the man. It is a very egocentric way of thinking, but keep in mind that women are guilty for the same as well.

There are many reasons leading up to why he is angry, but I can identify two right off the bat. Your indecisiveness, and his insecurity about his perceived lack of stability. While you seem to desire to set foot in the right decision, your cautious thoughts hinder any action from proceeding forward. He views this as a lack of commitment to him, for he wishes to fulfill his goals (one being a father) within his set timeline.

As humans have their desires inherent or accepted through societal norms, I also consider it important to identify these for a healthy relationship. However, no matter how much we speculate here, the clear decision is to talk with your man. You don't want to know what a man thinks, rather you should want to know what your man thinks.

Cheers

[Guest lovefenni]

@Ninshark: if I text a guy randomly out of the blue after not texting him for maybe a month, would he be like, oohhhh, this girl likes me? Or why did she text me?

[Ninshark]

@lovefenni

depends on how much he knows you, how close you guys are as friends. Are you guys even friends? or just passing acquaintences?

if you guys barely know each other, then first reaction will be - why did she text me? um, ok...
if you guys know each other reasonably well (known each other for a semester, at least as good as classmates that sit next to each other and talk but don't necessarily talk outside class), then the first reaction will be - oh, interesting, this girl texted me.

"oohhhhh, this girl likes me" is very unlikely- for desperate guys only, the thought will definitely pass by his mind some time or another, but he'll pass it off as ridiculous. I mean, we think about everything, at all different times, but the amount of time that thought occupies our heads is a couple seconds until we pass it off, and then forget about it. consider buying a lotto ticket, you'll think about winning it for half a second and all that will be cool, but it quickly fades from your mind. stuff that is not worth dwelling on, because it's either unlikely or it doesn't matter. only if it's something we really want would we think about it for awhile.

I'm actually thinking of texting this one girl real soon, it's been a month as well. wonder what she'll think lol.

[Guest shinuko]

What would be the best way to ask for a break? My boyfriend had secretly been seeking other means of entertainment online through craigslist. He pretended to be someone else and was messaging people. I found out and he apologized and all that BS but we worked on our relationship more and he's actually going to start going to therapy to find the "root" of why he's seeking this stuff. I asked him to and he agreed that he has a problem. I wanted to give him a chance because he's always been sweet and has taken care of me but since this happened every month that has gone by I feel that my feelings for him have been cut off cuz of what he did which is normal. I still care for him and love him but I can't see myself to hold out .. I should have just broken up with him when I found out.. but this is my 2nd relationship ever and I've never broke up with anyone before. Plus, the tricky part is I live with him D: and I have no where else to go and I don't make enough $ to be on my own and I would need a decent size place because I have my own business and need space for my equipment. *SIGH* I am just really conflicted. Any advice will help me out greatly! THANKS! 
- I've been with this guy 3 1/2 years He's 31 and I'm 22. D: 

* sorry if this wrong section, it does say ask the fellas but i don't know if it should be in 18+ section O.o?

[Guest lovefenni]

@Ninshark haha, thanks for the insight! I do consider myself friends with him, but not super close friends. :/ we just havent gotten a chance to talk recently since we go to diff schools.

I don't know if other girls would feel like this, but if I liked the guy and he texted me then I would be super excited to see his text, and for me I would consider prob analyze the text multiple times whether there was any meaning behind the text but same w what you said, I'd be wary/scared to take it as far as the fact he liked me. I'd prob analyze how fast he texts me back, whether he stops texting first, how long his texts were, whether he teases me or not in his texts, etc. if we were good friends and i didnt really have romantic feelings, I'd just be really happy he texted me and to just have someone to talk to but if the guy has shown himself to be kinda flirty in the past and I don't like him, I'd be careful how I reply. I'd be pretty short and concise, take a while to reply, not reply unless necessary, that kind of stuff

[raymondc27]

shinuko said: What would be the best way to ask for a break? My boyfriend had secretly been seeking other means of entertainment online through craigslist. He pretended to be someone else and was messaging people. I found out and he apologized and all that BS but we worked on our relationship more and he's actually going to start going to therapy to find the "root" of why he's seeking this stuff. I asked him to and he agreed that he has a problem. I wanted to give him a chance because he's always been sweet and has taken care of me but since this happened every month that has gone by I feel that my feelings for him have been cut off cuz of what he did which is normal. I still care for him and love him but I can't see myself to hold out .. I should have just broken up with him when I found out.. but this is my 2nd relationship ever and I've never broke up with anyone before. Plus, the tricky part is I live with him D: and I have no where else to go and I don't make enough $ to be on my own and I would need a decent size place because I have my own business and need space for my equipment. *SIGH* I am just really conflicted. Any advice will help me out greatly! THANKS! 
- I've been with this guy 3 1/2 years He's 31 and I'm 22. D: 

* sorry if this wrong section, it does say ask the fellas but i don't know if it should be in 18+ section O.o?

[Guest shinuko]

Well, I was living on my own before, but I moved back home because my mother was having major health problems. I helped her with the bills and everything and I lost my "day job" I suppose you can say. I make enough to take of myself, but not enough for rent in Downtown Los Angeles. A studio by it's own is like $800 and I wouldn't be able to just rent a room somewhere due to my business. I'm also in a real tough spot because my mother died so I have no family to back up on. That is the reason me being stuck. My ex room mate stole $ form me too so that put a chunk out of things. ; It's not that easy to just go out there.