Ask The Fellas

[Narrator]

Sorry if this was asked before, but would you ever purposely avoid a girl if you found out she liked you and you didn't like her back? Even if she didn't do anything that made you uncomfortable?

For me personally, something like this doesn't affect me much. If they don't just go away on their own, then they usually end up being a pretty close friend.

For guys, are looks the first thing you look for, or the personality? Which one comes first, but which is more important to you in the end?

Looks at first, since you can't know their personality. But once you get to talking personality is necessary. Their both equally important in the end, for me.

hmm.. that's what i though too...haha...but yeah there's gonna be like 10-15 other people. as for the room arrangement i'm not too sure about that but yes there will be drinking. it's a school club trip thing. but yeah, that's what i'm wondering, since there will be other people, is he gonna try to a make a move or is he being friendly? also, if i say yes to one of the trips, will he think i'm giving him the green light to sleep with me?

Probably not the green light to sleep with you, but more of the green light to attempt a few times to do that. If you go, and if he's even an above average guy, expect a few attempts by him.

[Guest xsusie]

help i'm confused..dunno what to do..

my boyfriend of 4 months told me that he doesn't think doing intimate things with another girl is cheating if there are no feelings attached..do lots of guys feel this way or is he just using this as an excuse..? =/ Also i have no idea if its a cultural difference issue..he's an international student from taiwan and i'm from the states..

[Narrator]

help i'm confused..dunno what to do..

my boyfriend of 4 months told me that he doesn't think doing intimate things with another girl is cheating if there are no feelings attached..do lots of guys feel this way or is he just using this as an excuse..? =/ Also i have no idea if its a cultural difference issue..he's an international student from taiwan and i'm from the states..

Cultural differences aside, I'm pretty sure that it's an excuse at best. By most guys' standards, cheating doesn't just apply to attached situations. A random hookup one night is still cheating, regardless of the feelings of attachment or not. Even if it is a cultural difference, probably might want to talk to him about that and if no change is made, leave him. Though it may be alright by his standards (though it remains to be seen if he actually believes that), it's apparent that it doesn't reach your standard (a reasonable one at that) for maintaining a relationship. No point in staying with a guy that will just cheat on you, then justify it in that manner.

[Guest disgradius]

help i'm confused..dunno what to do..

my boyfriend of 4 months told me that he doesn't think doing intimate things with another girl is cheating if there are no feelings attached..do lots of guys feel this way or is he just using this as an excuse..? =/ Also i have no idea if its a cultural difference issue..he's an international student from taiwan and i'm from the states..

... For guys, whether or not feelings are involved, its the action that is considered cheating. Guys consider it cheating if their gf is doing intimate things with another guy, feelings or not, but don't consider it cheating if the girl has a fancy for someone but hasn't done anything about it... For asian cultures, I would say the physical element is even more of an issue if they grew up in a traditional background, so no it should be the exact opposite.

Although, what do you mean by intimate?

[T-e-z-u-k-A]

Hi, would you please give me an insight on my situation, I've no idea of what to do anymore, I'm so confused about my feelings right now

Two days ago I got rejected by this guy. I asked him out on the phone, at first he gave me this crappy excuse "I've exams so I won't be able to spend time with you, so if you can accept that...". I didn't say anything because obviously it was just an excuse, he never studies for exams so I got the hint that it was a no. Anyway my best friend texted him after that to ask him why he said no. After a while he called her and explain the whole thing. I'm not sure how it went, nor if he was sincere about what I'm going to type here since I didn't talk to him directly, I got it from my friend. When she asked him "Don't you like her, even a little bit?" he said "I do like her [...]". So this is my first question: What do you guys think of this, would you ever reject a girl who you have feelings for? I'm thinking that he just said that out of politeness, because it doesn't make sense for me to say no to someone you like.

Then he explained that he didn't think it would work out between us because he has a circle of friends who are totally of a different mentality than me. They would have sex immediately with the girls they go out with, so he has to do that as well, he can only go out with a certain "type" of girls. He told my friend that he knew "what would be best for me", i.e. us not being together because he knows that I'm not that kind of girl. I don't know whether to be happy or to feel insulted by this. My question is : does what he told my friend sound true to you? Because once again, I can't understand that state of mind. If he likes me as he had said, why wouldn't it work out just because of his friends? Or worst if I phrase it this way, he doesn't want to go out with me because I simply won't have sex with him. What the heck is that? It's like him denying the very essence of my personality. I feel so confused by this because my friends were all like defending him, saying that he was just protecting me from getting hurt. I can't buy this one, is he that lame of a guy to not even be able to stand up against his friends?

Overall, what do you think about my situation? Should I move on since I've had my closure already? Or keep waiting because he supposedly likes me?

Thank you!

[Guest x3Lemon]

I'm going to try to keep this short XD

So, guys, if you talk to a girl everyday on msn for at least a couple hours (you always initiate), walk her home once a week-ish, gave her chocolates for no apparent reason, and comment that she's cute occasionally, would it be because you like her, or are you just being over-friendly? ._.

'Cause I'm in that situation right now, and I'm kinda confused because the dude doesn't really talk to me at school (we don't have any classes together this semester) and he's a really nice guy in general, so it could be that he's just being friendly. Oh, also, when my friends tease him about me, there's never any denial, and he sometimes goes along with it (once my friends were making up a "couple" name, like putting the girl and guy's name together, for him and I, and he even suggested one with our names combined himself x.x). And just for additional information, he confessed to my friend around 2 months ago (before we started chatting a lot), and unfortunately got rejected, so this might have affected his actions to me in some way? ._.

Thanks for reading this.... I know it's long XD

[Tuffcore]

Hi, would you please give me an insight on my situation, I've no idea of what to do anymore, I'm so confused about my feelings right now

Two days ago I got rejected by this guy. I asked him out on the phone, at first he gave me this crappy excuse "I've exams so I won't be able to spend time with you, so if you can accept that...". I didn't say anything because obviously it was just an excuse, he never studies for exams so I got the hint that it was a no. Anyway my best friend texted him after that to ask him why he said no. After a while he called her and explain the whole thing. I'm not sure how it went, nor if he was sincere about what I'm going to type here since I didn't talk to him directly, I got it from my friend. When she asked him "Don't you like her, even a little bit?" he said "I do like her [...]". So this is my first question: What do you guys think of this, would you ever reject a girl who you have feelings for? I'm thinking that he just said that out of politeness, because it doesn't make sense for me to say no to someone you like.

Then he explained that he didn't think it would work out between us because he has a circle of friends who are totally of a different mentality than me. They would have sex immediately with the girls they go out with, so he has to do that as well, he can only go out with a certain "type" of girls. He told my friend that he knew "what would be best for me", i.e. us not being together because he knows that I'm not that kind of girl. I don't know whether to be happy or to feel insulted by this. My question is : does what he told my friend sound true to you? Because once again, I can't understand that state of mind. If he likes me as he had said, why wouldn't it work out just because of his friends? Or worst if I phrase it this way, he doesn't want to go out with me because I simply won't have sex with him. What the heck is that? It's like him denying the very essence of my personality. I feel so confused by this because my friends were all like defending him, saying that he was just protecting me from getting hurt. I can't buy this one, is he that lame of a guy to not even be able to stand up against his friends?

Overall, what do you think about my situation? Should I move on since I've had my closure already? Or keep waiting because he supposedly likes me?

Thank you!

Well, the guy's not stupid. You asked him out, he declined, and then your friend talks about the whole thing with him. He's gotta know your friend will relay everything he says to you. He's just "being nice" and using a lot of softeners to explain why he is not interested in you. The excuses are all excuses. There's probably zero truth to them. The only truth is, he's not interested.

You tried your best. Hold your head high and move on.

I'm going to try to keep this short XD

So, guys, if you talk to a girl everyday on msn for at least a couple hours (you always initiate), walk her home once a week-ish, gave her chocolates for no apparent reason,

Stop. Give you chocolates for no apparent reason? A whole box of chocolates? Or he was eating a Musketeer and ripped off a piece for you?

If he gave you a box of chocolates out of the blue, then he couldn't have hit you over the head with interest any harder.

[Guest Dremo]

i recently met this guy like two months ago from one of my friends from art school. he asked me for my number and wanted to hang since we lived near each other...charming guy and offered to do things for me such as cooking a nice homemade meal, holding the door for me, waiting for me after class, etc, etc. he also asked for a picture of me cause he wanted to draw a portrait of myself

anyway, we've been hanging out a lot and i've gotten to know his softer side. i would often spend the night over his house (nothing sexual) where we spend the night watching movies and talking. he would call/text me everyday to see how i was doing and either plan something up where we could do something together. he's would often shy away whenever i talk face to face with him and i can sense some reluctance on him giving hugs

my friend (the one who introduced him to me) told me to be careful around him because he gets "bad vibes" whenever he talks to him. i don't know if i'm overthinking on things but i kind of feel like he might be using me on some stuff (not sexual favors, but drug-related things) and i feel that he might be just leading me on so i can get things for him

yesterday he texted me twice asking if i could get him such and such...but i just ignored. i don't like dealing with that kind of stuff and i made it obvious that i didn't want to talk to him. and i wasn't aware he called me earlier today until i checked my phone...been debating whether or not i should even call him back

i was looking at his FB the other day and saw that he was driving back up to his hometown. he had a small conversation with his cousin and asked about how the girls were like over there...

so what do you guys think? he likes me or he's just using me? should i even call him back? =/

[Tuffcore]

so what do you guys think? he likes me or he's just using me? should i even call him back? =/

I think whoever you're picking up from, just intro him to them so he can go direct. If he's still calling you and befriending you despite not needing you to do any more of those favors for him, then he's probably interested, at least to be friends and maybe more.

[Guest NikkiLuvsU]

I've never really minded that the guy I'm dating is seeing someone else on the side. I don't think of it as cheating unless he doesn't tell me about it, since I hate liars. But I'm fine with him being with another girl. He's gonna feel attracted to another girl, I mean, humans are not monogamous creatures. there are exceptions, but when it comes down to it, humans are not built to be monogamists. The way I see it is, if he wants to date another girl, he can, as long as he doesn't choose her over me or lie to me about it. If he doesn't tell me, or he decides she's more important, then it's over.

I explain it to my friend this way: It's like having a pet. He would want to play with my other people, and there will be people he'll be attached to and he'll come back to me when I call for him. If one day, he doesn't want to come to me when I call for him, I'm willing to give him to that other person.

I guess that's a really messed up way of putting that ^^;; but it gets my point across.

My girl friends think it's weird and my guy friends constantly tease me about it so they're no help. It's weird cuz I see how my friends become upset when a guy cheats on them but I don't have that problem. I let them go out with other girls, but they don't. It's not like I'm trying reverse psychology on them. Why don't guys go out with other girls when their girlfriends allow them to?

[Guest x3Lemon]

Stop. Give you chocolates for no apparent reason? A whole box of chocolates? Or he was eating a Musketeer and ripped off a piece for you?

If he gave you a box of chocolates out of the blue, then he couldn't have hit you over the head with interest any harder.

Uhm, he offered me chocolates on msn; he was like, "I have a lot of chocolate, want me to bring you some :3"

It was like a ziplock bag with some chocolates in there XD

[Tuffcore]

Why don't guys go out with other girls when their girlfriends allow them to?

Because if it's too good to be true, then it usually is.

As a matter of fact, an Ex of mine once said to me, "I don't care if you have sex with another girl. I understand. But never, never lie to me about it. Just tell me if you did." As a result, i never had sex with another girl while i was with her.

It took me awhile to understand why she said that to me and why someone would have that kind of mentality towards dating. Once i understood, it all became clear. I even adopted the philosophy myself. Thing is, my Ex didn't really mean i can have sex with another girl. What she was really saying between the lines is, "I don't mind if my S/O leaves me. I'm confident i can meet someone else. Just don't ever cheat me and refuse to leave, cling-on, ruin our lives, etc."

Uhm, he offered me chocolates on msn; he was like, "I have a lot of chocolate, want me to bring you some :3"

It was like a ziplock bag with some chocolates in there XD

So it wasn't out of the blue, literally.

Following through on his word is important though. It suggests he wants to be seen with high regard in your eyes. IMO, he wants to be more than friends but isn't assertive enough to make it clear, leaving you the option to interpret it as you wish. If you are interested, then i suggest you counter with some overly friendly gestures and see if that pushes him to make his intentions be known.

[Guest Nynna]

What would be a good place to hang out with a guy you're interested in? We're probably going to be alone but it's not a date. Movies? Mall?

[Guest gianna90]

Are guys intimidated by girls who are TOO innocent? Like, never had a boyfriend, never kissed, never had sex, etc, etc.

I have this friend who is totally pretty... but she never dates cause she thinks she scares guys off when she tells them she never had a boyfriend.

I know in drama world that is highly desirable (pure, innocent girl) but what about in the real world?

[Tuffcore]

What would be a good place to hang out with a guy you're interested in? We're probably going to be alone but it's not a date. Movies? Mall?

Movies are only good for when two people have nothing in common and nothing to talk about. The movie gives them a topic to discuss... otherwise, movies suck for "dates" because there's no real interaction for 2 hours. There's also awkward tension too if he's sitting close but not close enough to be touching you. Or worse, he makes moves to touch you...

and also, a "date" is really just any moment two people are together doing something and finding out about one another. It can be a 5 minute thing or a 5 hour thing. Generally, just go anywhere where you two can have a good conversation.

Are guys intimidated by girls who are TOO innocent? Like, never had a boyfriend, never kissed, never had sex, etc, etc.

I have this friend who is totally pretty... but she never dates cause she thinks she scares guys off when she tells them she never had a boyfriend.

I know in drama world that is highly desirable (pure, innocent girl) but what about in the real world?

Dating requires a certain level of social awareness and common understanding of intentions. So, when a girl is too innocent to know what the guy is doing and/or attempting to do, it gets frustrating or sometimes downright rude. She's not responding to what is silently asked of her in situations.

[Guest NikkiLuvsU]

Because if it's too good to be true, then it usually is.

As a matter of fact, an Ex of mine once said to me, "I don't care if you have sex with another girl. I understand. But never, never lie to me about it. Just tell me if you did." As a result, i never had sex with another girl while i was with her.

It took me awhile to understand why she said that to me and why someone would have that kind of mentality towards dating. Once i understood, it all became clear. I even adopted the philosophy myself. Thing is, my Ex didn't really mean i can have sex with another girl. What she was really saying between the lines is, "I don't mind if my S/O leaves me. I'm confident i can meet someone else. Just don't ever cheat me and refuse to leave, cling-on, ruin our lives, etc."

o_O Whoa. I honestly don't want the guy to feel that way.

I actually really don't mind cuz I'm either the most important person in his life, or I'm not (not including friends and family).

I have a very big ego and a lot of pride. I will not stay with a guy that cares more for another girl. And I won't stay with someone that lies to me. I'm just really sensitive when it comes to lies.

It just bothers me when a guy I date apologizes everytime he has kisses another girl.

[Tuffcore]

o_O Whoa. I honestly don't want the guy to feel that way.

I actually really don't mind cuz I'm either the most important person in his life, or I'm not (not including friends and family).

I have a very big ego and a lot of pride. I will not stay with a guy that cares more for another girl. And I won't stay with someone that lies to me. I'm just really sensitive when it comes to lies.

It just bothers me when a guy I date apologizes everytime he has kisses another girl.

You are a confident girl.

But you are not really letting your boyfriend give his heart to another girl. You're just saying that if he does, don't lie about it. After all, if the guy's heart is gone, then you might as well be too. That's all you're saying. And the guy will love you for the freedom they have with you which ironically, makes them want to stay with you more, not leave you for someone else.

Girls who try to lock their BFs in and be clingy, don't let them explore what's out there, etc, are usually the girls that guys run away from.

[Meezu]

I'm a girl and my best friend is a guy. We have been best friends for four years now.

Now, this might seem silly for me to "worry" or even ask about but, he hugs other people and compliments other people, etc. but he does not do that with me. There was one time specifically when he did something real nice for me, and I hugged him but he just patted my arm, and looked away and moved kind of away...it was very awkward and made me not want to do it again. What does this mean? Am I just over reacting?

[Tuffcore]

I'm a girl and my best friend is a guy. We have been best friends for four years now.

Now, this might seem silly for me to "worry" or even ask about but, he hugs other people and compliments other people, etc. but he does not do that with me. There was one time specifically when he did something real nice for me, and I hugged him but he just patted my arm, and looked away and moved kind of away...it was very awkward and made me not want to do it again. What does this mean? Am I just over reacting?

Did you "friend zone" him or how did you two begin? There's a high probability that he sees you as "one of the guys" and guys simply don't hug each other. If he likes you "that way" but got friend zoned, then he might feel like he doesn't want that touch in that way (because he secretly wants a lot more and hung around for four years because of it).

[vietfantacee]

So, me and this guy known each other for like 4 years. But we recently got really close. We call each other best friends, and we hang out alot. Problem is, when we hang out its like we're dating. And we usually don't talk on the phone, but 3 days ago we talked of the phone every night, for like 2 hours. First night, I called him but I asked him a question about the a plan for our friend suprise party. Then we talked for 2 hours. Next 2 days, he called. One for asking me to hang out with him ( its always me, he ask. I mean he has alot of other friends) and the next day, he called because he wanted me to talk to him/stay up with him the whole night. One time when we were hanging out, I accidently saw my picture as his wallpaper on his phone. But whenever we hang with out group of friends, its always plain. I never told him I saw my pic. Honestly, I like him, but idk about him. I don't know how to deal with this. I'm 16 and he's 19 btwn. And today, he called me in the morning, just to say good morning . And we called each other the whole day, on and off for like 1 min.