Unreturned crush - to move on or try harder?

[endlessxlove]

This is something I think is relevant to everyone, when you like/have a crush/an interest in someone, and they don't seem to return the same amount back, do you give up or do you move on?Recently, I started liking a guy, and I found out he's more into another chick. After discussing it with a few people from different perspective, most said, "He's not interested, move on". The thing is, I never really like guys this way, I'm usually very confused  and picky about guys, but with him I feel calm and sure of what I want. I will give you a brief story, let's call this guy Henry. 
So me and Henry have been friends for years, since 2011 or so, but we never really spoken much and neither was I interested in him because I didn't find him attractive or anything (me being a shallow teenage girl). Then April of this year, me and Henry were at a party of a mutual friends. We both got quite drunk and I leaned on him and hugged him and we sat on the couch with his arms around me and we were laughing trying to richard simmons off our friend on Facebook, even then I was still not interested. The next day, he messaged me and told me he and a friend are going to go grab some food nearby, so they took me along (we all live near each other) and we talked more and I felt like I really like his personality. We kept talking but then he stopped talking to me, I stopped initiating so we stopped talking. We started talking again recently, but then he stopped talking to me again. Though we did hang out one on one recently and he kept the conversation going and everything.
I know it's obvious he's not interested in me because he has more feelings for another girl, I just feel like I like him a lot and it's so important to me because I rarely like any guys like this. I even felt sad when he stopped replying to me, when my usual response is "eh" and move on. I heard a rumour that he had a girlfriend a few months back and felt sad, and I was like "what the heck is wrong with me?!".Honestly, I have spent so much of my dating life acting cool and unresponsive about everything, and for once I'd like for something to work out. The most common advice is for me to move on and find someone else, but I have heard success stories of people who tried and stay and keep talking, and end up dating the person. Or like, in "He's Just Not That Into You", they're the exception, and I'm the rule?What do you guys think, when faced with this situation, is it better to move on or keep trying?

[Guest rekashin]

I would say move on. It feels like its just an infatuation thing where you guys happen to like each other for that one moment (the party you guys went to) and then everything just went back to normal.

I would say try to open up to other guys, like you said you always try to act cool and unresponsive, but you opened up to this guy which you happen to like (personality wise) so chances are if you open up to a another guy, you might find another "Henry" who will like you back.

[edidi]

In defence of the guy. If Henry had a crush on another girl minimizing time on other girls is the correct thing to do to get that girls attention and respect.

For you this situation can go either way. There is a lower chance of success if you do pursue Henry. Pursuing Henry may take time. If you are patient and sure of your feelings for Henry this may be the option for you.

I would recommend moving on. There will be more guys out there for you but you just haven't met them yet or not discovered them in your current friend groups. If you do move on and find someone though you may find yourself still thinking of Henry. This happens a lot of the time with people who wonder what it would be if so and so happened.

In the end this is your choice. Good luck.

[Guest frnknstn]

Move on. It's normal to start liking someone after hanging out with them. If he minimized contact with you he probably likes someone else/not interested in you.

Or you can go for it. Have you confessed yet?

[flysolo.]

How can you move on if you haven't even started anythingMoving on is for after you have gotten the answer you need
I'd call this "Giving Up" and acting like you're moving on because you have self esteem to protect

[endlessxlove]

Update: No, I have not confessed to Henry. Though whether he knows I am interested in him or not is debatable. I have flirted a little bit when we hanged out, and I did tell a close friends of him that I find him very similar to me and I like his personality - and I'm guessing this one friend has told him. So it's not confirmed to him that I like him.Also, what I know about who Henry likes has been from what I've "heard" from other people, not factual evidence that I know.But these days, I have been more convinced to just let it be and move on and see what happens.I have also been told by his close friend that (after convincing to splurt his news) that Henry finds me cute a few months back. But that's about it. 

[endlessxlove]

[Ninshark]

wait, don't move on. not yet. not until you confess. Right now, even though logically you should move on, it would be impossible for you to do so. You are not ready to move on and your heart has no reason to do so and you'd be so unsatisfied you didn't try harder.

Moving on at this point into the "relationship" is only for the case where you are pursuing someone you don't really know, kinda want to get to know them, but they seem uninterested. but in your case, you really care. So you should try harder and not give up until you get a concrete rejection. -unless you do, you will always regret not going for it.

How different are you from his type of girl? Compare yourself to the girls he liked/dated before. Are you the same race as them with similar body type? If you are, then you actually probably have a chance. If not, you should still try, because it's so important to you. When he rejects you, you will be ready to move on. But right now, you will regret it, trust me.

[endlessxlove]

Update: I just came back from a friend's house, where we cooked dinner and Henry came over as well. I guess it was an okay evening, we talked from time to time but nothing special. I'm feeling kind of confused, a cross between do I still care or not..My friend (a guy) used my phone to messaged Henry and he replied enthusiastically not knowing it was my friend, so I guess I'm paranoid for nothing? This is my first time speaking to him since he stopped talking to me

[ayahuasca]

Ninshark said: wait, don't move on. not yet. not until you confess. Right now, even though logically you should move on, it would be impossible for you to do so. You are not ready to move on and your heart has no reason to do so and you'd be so unsatisfied you didn't try harder.

Moving on at this point into the "relationship" is only for the case where you are pursuing someone you don't really know, kinda want to get to know them, but they seem uninterested. but in your case, you really care. So you should try harder and not give up until you get a concrete rejection. -unless you do, you will always regret not going for it.

How different are you from his type of girl? Compare yourself to the girls he liked/dated before. Are you the same race as them with similar body type? If you are, then you actually probably have a chance. If not, you should still try, because it's so important to you. When he rejects you, you will be ready to move on. But right now, you will regret it, trust me.

[endlessxlove]

ayahuasca said: Ninshark said: wait, don't move on. not yet. not until you confess. Right now, even though logically you should move on, it would be impossible for you to do so. You are not ready to move on and your heart has no reason to do so and you'd be so unsatisfied you didn't try harder.

Moving on at this point into the "relationship" is only for the case where you are pursuing someone you don't really know, kinda want to get to know them, but they seem uninterested. but in your case, you really care. So you should try harder and not give up until you get a concrete rejection. -unless you do, you will always regret not going for it.

How different are you from his type of girl? Compare yourself to the girls he liked/dated before. Are you the same race as them with similar body type? If you are, then you actually probably have a chance. If not, you should still try, because it's so important to you. When he rejects you, you will be ready to move on. But right now, you will regret it, trust me.

[Guest Keion]

This is what I do when I like someone:

I pursue them, until I don't like them anymore. Sometimes, it takes only a week for me to not like them. Sometimes, an hour, even less. Othertimes, many years. Maybe for some, only until I die.

Why can't it be this simple for everyone else?

If you want to go after them, go after them. Use what you have learned in the process of living in order to get them.

When to stop?

When you feel like stopping.

Me? I don't care how I come off to others. If I want you, then I want you, if not, then I don't. I don't care who you are. I don't care what history we have, or may have together. I do not care how I appear. Only children care about that, and it is true that there are many children well into there 40s, and I would say still much older.

All I know, is that now, I want you, and so I will try to have you. Soon, I will not, and then what of it? I am not around anymore. You still want me? You may go after me...maybe someday, I may want you again, or not.

It's a game, you see? You do what you feel. How difficult is that?

[Roasty]

I've seen it work out for friends who stayed and tried, ie. a relationship came out of it.  However those friends were extremely patient, as it took the other person about a year or more to come around to even considering them as a partner, and this was AFTER the other person had gotten with someone else first or dated someone else first and then broke up with those people.  Before they ended up with my friends.
Are you willing to wait it out and see how it pans out, especially if they already like or is interested in someone else? How patient are you? Now that is the real question.

[endlessxlove]

Update: Been getting my self into a bit of a rut lately, and making things worse inside my own head. I'm now considering getting closer to him as friends, just to know him more and connect more. Wise idea or no? I mean, I hoping for something to happen still, but if another guy comes along I am not waiting for him, I'll move on. But I feel like he doesn't even know me, so how is he suppose to develop anything for me?However, I'm scared he won't be friends with me considering he already had hints that I'm interested. 

[Guest Keion]

endlessxlove said: Update: Been getting my self into a bit of a rut lately, and making things worse inside my own head. I'm now considering getting closer to him as friends, just to know him more and connect more. Wise idea or no? I mean, I hoping for something to happen still, but if another guy comes along I am not waiting for him, I'll move on. But I feel like he doesn't even know me, so how is he suppose to develop anything for me?However, I'm scared he won't be friends with me considering he already had hints that I'm interested. 

[ChibiLy]

It sounds like you are a smart girl. Go with the flow. Do what you normally do with him. You can only try your best.

[Guest jibberjabber]

 he is uninterested, then there is no point to waste your time with him. Life's too short and you may end up missing the opportunity to meet someone who is actually interested in you! However, I agree with the above comment. If you really like him, just do what you normally do and the rest will follow.

[Guest jmax0920]

I would move on. If you stick with the one-sided crush you may overlook any possible partners around you. Not to mention, when you are crushing on someone and they like someone else, it hurts if they start to date. So just move on and save the heartbreak. If he likes another girl, then just convince yourself that he isn't for you, and that someone better will come along. 

[Guest I_play_with_dolls]

Life isn't a romantic comedy movie, the determined unrequited crush doesn't get return just because someone is adamant about pursuing the other. You need to accept he doesn't like you and move on, it can be quite bothersome to the other party. If they say no, then it means no. No doesn't mean "convince me," remember that.  

[Guest jso1]

Move on from what? You haven't confessed anything. As a girl, your chance of success in striking up a relationship with someone after confessing is much higher than if a guy confesses to a girl. In my opinion, the things you did with him kind of hint that you may have feelings, but a lot of my female friends hug and have skinship with me even though they don't have feelings beyond friendship. You should either try outright confessing in a playful manner (so things don't get too awkward if he declines), or making your feelings more obvious through your actions. The 2nd option will only work if the guy is not a complete rock when it comes to catching signals. Some things that girls have done to me to show their feelings were things like grabbing my arm when walking together, lightly wrapping their arm around my waist (not too deep), and just lots of eye contact/smiling with the occasional hand brushing. You don't want to go too overboard on the skinship, because he may think you're seeing him as a really close friend, but do it with some shy tension. If this fails, then move on with life, there will be other guys.