ever been molested and can't tell anyone?

[Guest ferricadeline]

What do you guys think the chance is of being molested and not remembering it? Or have any of you forgotten about it for a long time? I think I may have been molested when I was younger, but am not so sure because I can't recall it ever happening, and no one's ever told me I was molested. But here are my reasons for thinking something may have happened:

1. both my mom and older brother (he's two and a half years older) are VERY protective of me. My mom used to openly state her worry that someone may just "scoop me up and carry me away" (ok I know it's normal for a parent to worry, but as kids we are aware of this, so why must she constantly reiterate and repeat this?), and while I always knew my brother was protective of me (we're close, I look up to him like he's one of my parents), just recently I found out that he used to totally freak out when I'd go out by myself even when I was older (as in when I was 19, 20 years old)

2. I have a younger sister, and everyone always had this, 'eh, we'll just let her do her own thing' attitude with her. Aren't families supposed to be most protective of the 'babies'? and my parents know my brother can take care of himself. So why am I the isolated case here?

3. I used to hate, HATE people touching me in ANY way (actually, I still do, and really must suppress flinching or cringing when someone does). This includes friends, family, people with whom we are supposed to be 'close'. And when I was younger and they'd kiss me I'd wipe it off right away and wash my face. I remember my mom would refrain from kissing me goodnight because she knew I didn't like it. It wasn't like how most kids put up with their grandmas and whoeverelse's kisses even though they think they're icky-- I'd get disgusted and almost want to say I was phobic of them, I avoided people because I knew they'd kiss me, and it was obvious enough so that my mom would openly state that she knew I didn't like kisses which was why she didn't kiss me

4. I actually go out of my way to ensure people don't touch me, especially strangers. Example: (I work in retail, so when I cashier I hold the change by the corners of the bills or just drop the change into the customer's open hand, if a classmate needs to borrow something of mine I'll set it atop his or her desk instead of handing it directly to the person)

5. I just really have this hunch that there's something BIG that my family is not telling me, especially my mom. It just seems like she carries this really big burden all the time. I know my father wasn't 'the world's #1 dad' by far, and she apologizes to me all the time about how he was insufficient in the parenting department, she regrets how his poor parenting has caused various problems and difficulties for me etc, but I've already told her, on numerous occasions, that it's ok and I've moved past it all, no grudges or resentment towards her for 'letting it happen', yet she continues to apologize and I get this vibe that it's indirectly for something else

6. With the last guy I dated, I started just freaking out when he wanted to 'get more comfortable', and it hadn't been a problem with him before. For some reason I just got really anxious, stressed, and nervous that time and totally totally totally freaked out

7. I am very bitter towards men, though this could also be because my dad was extremely verbally abusive, emotionally abusive (probably still is, I have no idea since I do not live with him anymore and, for the most part, avoid and ignore him)

8. I don't know if my dad ever did anything to me, but I am so uncomfortable being alone with him. He just creeps me out. Even when I was younger, I always avoided going to his house for as long as possible (my parents have been divorced for basically the whole duration of my life). Again, this could just be because I have such negative memories of him

9. When I was talking with an academic counselor, the meeting turned into more of a therapy session, and at one point she asked if I was sexually abused, and I don't believe I was hinting at it (how could I, since I am unsure of whether or not I actually was?)

Is it 'normal' to wonder if anything ever happened to me when I was younger? Do you guys ever think anything was done to you and people just don't talk about it? Or am I just psychotic and everything's really fine? I'd feel weird bringing this up with my mom as she has never mentioned anything of the sort happening to me, and can't think of any springboards to begin such a conversation. 'So, mom, how are you doing today? By the way, was I sexually abused when I was younger?' Or for those of you who are older siblings, if you knew your younger brother or sister was molested, would you tell him or her? Or wait until he or she asked?

A part of me feels like because I am questioning whether I have been molested or not, I probably haven't been. But another part of me feels like because I am questioning whether I was or not, then perhaps I was. Like, you can't start a fire without tinder, and I think I have a spark.

[Guest QueenTifa]

this forum makes me cry so much :tears:

i wish all of you have a beautiful future!

Lots of Love.

[Guest andybebop]

But ima go to korea again this summer....and if he does the same thing...ima like beat the richard simmons out of him D:<

man that made me laugh.

[Guest QueenTifa]

i use to have a teacher who look at girls breast n touch my legs ._. n my face it was creepy, oh n i told my friends about bein molested by my cuzzie dey laughed at me o-o" well some of dem. n i was crying one day cause i saw my cuzzin n i hate his fugly face, n he was pretty much smirkin at me. so den i told one of my friends he laugh n was like u serious? u saw him? HAHAH!

me- =="... *face read from cryin*

sorry but your friends are asses

What do you guys think the chance is of being molested and not remembering it? Or have any of you forgotten about it for a long time? I think I may have been molested when I was younger, but am not so sure because I can't recall it ever happening, and no one's ever told me I was molested. But here are my reasons for thinking something may have happened:

1. both my mom and older brother (he's two and a half years older) are VERY protective of me. My mom used to openly state her worry that someone may just "scoop me up and carry me away" (ok I know it's normal for a parent to worry, but as kids we are aware of this, so why must she constantly reiterate and repeat this?), and while I always knew my brother was protective of me (we're close, I look up to him like he's one of my parents), just recently I found out that he used to totally freak out when I'd go out by myself even when I was older (as in when I was 19, 20 years old)

2. I have a younger sister, and everyone always had this, 'eh, we'll just let her do her own thing' attitude with her. Aren't families supposed to be most protective of the 'babies'? and my parents know my brother can take care of himself. So why am I the isolated case here?

3. I used to hate, HATE people touching me in ANY way (actually, I still do, and really must suppress flinching or cringing when someone does). This includes friends, family, people with whom we are supposed to be 'close'. And when I was younger and they'd kiss me I'd wipe it off right away and wash my face. I remember my mom would refrain from kissing me goodnight because she knew I didn't like it. It wasn't like how most kids put up with their grandmas and whoeverelse's kisses even though they think they're icky-- I'd get disgusted and almost want to say I was phobic of them, I avoided people because I knew they'd kiss me, and it was obvious enough so that my mom would openly state that she knew I didn't like kisses which was why she didn't kiss me

4. I actually go out of my way to ensure people don't touch me, especially strangers. Example: (I work in retail, so when I cashier I hold the change by the corners of the bills or just drop the change into the customer's open hand, if a classmate needs to borrow something of mine I'll set it atop his or her desk instead of handing it directly to the person)

5. I just really have this hunch that there's something BIG that my family is not telling me, especially my mom. It just seems like she carries this really big burden all the time. I know my father wasn't 'the world's #1 dad' by far, and she apologizes to me all the time about how he was insufficient in the parenting department, she regrets how his poor parenting has caused various problems and difficulties for me etc, but I've already told her, on numerous occasions, that it's ok and I've moved past it all, no grudges or resentment towards her for 'letting it happen', yet she continues to apologize and I get this vibe that it's indirectly for something else

6. With the last guy I dated, I started just freaking out when he wanted to 'get more comfortable', and it hadn't been a problem with him before. For some reason I just got really anxious, stressed, and nervous that time and totally totally totally freaked out

7. I am very bitter towards men, though this could also be because my dad was extremely verbally abusive, emotionally abusive (probably still is, I have no idea since I do not live with him anymore and, for the most part, avoid and ignore him)

8. I don't know if my dad ever did anything to me, but I am so uncomfortable being alone with him. He just creeps me out. Even when I was younger, I always avoided going to his house for as long as possible (my parents have been divorced for basically the whole duration of my life). Again, this could just be because I have such negative memories of him

9. When I was talking with an academic counselor, the meeting turned into more of a therapy session, and at one point she asked if I was sexually abused, and I don't believe I was hinting at it (how could I, since I am unsure of whether or not I actually was?)

Is it 'normal' to wonder if anything ever happened to me when I was younger? Do you guys ever think anything was done to you and people just don't talk about it? Or am I just psychotic and everything's really fine? I'd feel weird bringing this up with my mom as she has never mentioned anything of the sort happening to me, and can't think of any springboards to begin such a conversation. 'So, mom, how are you doing today? By the way, was I sexually abused when I was younger?' Or for those of you who are older siblings, if you knew your younger brother or sister was molested, would you tell him or her? Or wait until he or she asked?

A part of me feels like because I am questioning whether I have been molested or not, I probably haven't been. But another part of me feels like because I am questioning whether I was or not, then perhaps I was. Like, you can't start a fire without tinder, and I think I have a spark.

reading this, i get a 50/50 feeling as well...i think you should ask your brother...ive always thought that that confronting siblings are easier than parents...?

My Mom's sister's son... ick... he tried but luckly my brother was home. I was about 8 or 10 at the time. He would touch me on my legs and thigh but I brush him away everytime. He is so gross. I don't talk to him or see him that much anymore. Good thing. Worst thing is no one believed me back then. I just don't want to bring it up right now b/c hes married. Ick.. he is so gross.

i cant freakin believe that ppl wont believe you when you tell them this kind of stuff!!

god it gets me so freakin PISSED.

im assuming that you told ppl you're close to, since revealing these kinds of topics are really personal...

and for them to just deny it is just bull.

do we look like attention richard simmons??

[Guest silverayne]

When I was about 4 or 5 years old my mom would go over to my aunt's house alot. I would often go out to play with the kids in the neighborhood. There used to be a staircase by their entrance and one day when I was headed out my cousin who was around 16, 17 years old at the time grabbed me and pulled me under. He then unzipped his pants and forced me to give him oral. From that time onwards he found me every time we went over. I don't know if this happened a dozen times or a half a dozen. I remember once that I had tried to run away and he had ended up ripping one of my sleeves. When I got back to my mom she yelled at me while I said nothing. Then I saw him and his brother both looking at me and laughing. We moved out of the country and I haven't gone back. I have managed to tell people close to me what's happened but every time I do the pain resurfaces and I break down. Even after so much time has passed it still hurts like hell but telling my loved ones has helped me alot and I encourage everyone else here to do the same. It hurts every time but there is a weight that is lifted and I feel as if I can breathe easier and the burden seems easier to bear. The world's filled with bastards like this but it's up to us to protect our family and friends. If anyone is too scared to share their story feel free to send me a pm. It really is sad to see there are so many of you out there. Hang in there, despite everything my loved ones tell me I turned out all right.

[Guest l3oosh]

This incident, I haven't told anyone about. Not even my family knows. Not even my best friends. Just because Soompi is slightly anonymous, I feel safer talking about it here.

I had kind of the same experience as you silverayne in that a little boy in my kindergarten class used to pull me into the backpack and coat closet, push me on the ground, pull down my pants, and perform oral sex on me. He would also ask me to look at his peepee, but I shut my eyes. I was like 5 at the time so er I didn't really feel anything. This happened maybe like twice a week. I would try to pull myself away from him when he grabbed my arm, but he was much bigger than most kindergarteners. Finally, this one time when he had me on the ground, I kicked him in the little boys area and ran away. He didn't try anything anymore but would always say nasty things about me in kindergarten (not perverted nasty, just 5-year-old "she's a meanie" stuff). It was incredibly embarrassing and I didn't remember it until after reading silverayne's post. I'm just going to rebury it now.

I've never told my friends about this one since it's so embarrassing and really much more traumatic.

When I was fifteen, I volunteered at a local library. Unfortunately, before I signed up as a volunteer, I didn't realize that the library was a place where juvies, most of them for harassment, met their probation officers. I was shelving books one day, and suddenly someone from behind pushed me into a corner, lifted my skirt, and starting shoving his hands into my underwear. He kept saying dirty things to me. I was crying but managed to swing my leg backwards to kick him. I ran to the nearest librarian, and the jerk tore out of the library. Still, the librarian tracked down someone who knew who the guy was. The security guard at the library took down my statement and called my parents. Needless to say, I didn't go back to that library since that incident.

[kirra12]

>.< i've read till page 10 all sounds scary T.T

especially since mostly are relatives

i havent really been molested.. >.<

but i've seen my classmate's ***** when i was in grade 2 >.<

he showd it to me and i was like o.0 what?

its a good thing nothing happens to me throughout

i've gotten some pokes or perhaps slight touches just around the knees by many classmates during my childhoods

(i cant remember, i really have short term memories)

but its nothing that serious, cuz i will be like D: !!!!

but now, im more anxious bout my 2 lil sisters. >.<

its a good thing my mom starts to drive them instead of my driver these days.

[Guest littleduckie678]

this is such are sccary, and true thread on soompi.

im so proud of you if you told your story.

omg, you girls

im seriously teary eye right now.

you guys, stay strong <3

ur in my prayers tonight.

my family is super super over protective of me,

i even have a black belt in taekwondo for self defense reasons.

my mom insisted.

nothings happened to me,

but to my cousin. she told be one night at my aunties house.

my uncle did something to her.

and no one believed her except her mom.

it was soo sad.

and all this time, i thought he was a cool uncle.

ive kept that secret for many many years so im not getting into details >_<

i haven't told one soul.

but you guys, remember to always be cautious of where you are and what your doing.

learn how to say no. don't be afraid.

i always watch out for my little cousins.

and make sure you guys watch out for your girlfriends and family members too .

gosh these messed up pervs...its gonna get em back.

karma.

[Guest ego64]

wow this is a sad thread take care of urselves gals be strong!

[Guest]

I was a kid, and me and my mum were walking somewhere with lots of people. Since it was so crowded, we were like sardines in a can. At one point, I felt someone slide his hand down there. It was the earliest form of molestation or pervertion I could remember. My mom had no idea that someone was already doing that to me...

I've always kept to myself mainly because I am embarrassed to be telling this to anybody..

I find it even silly to actually still be talking about this. But after 5 years, and still not moving on.. I think I have to pour this all out.. I'm hurt out of my mind and I always have this feeling that I am worthless, or that the only thing that I can ever end up being is a wh0re for all the sick and stupid and heartless perverts who want to do nothing but ruin the lives of girls.. Whatever I do, whenever I see a man who is slightly the same as my molester, all memories of being touched by him come into play in my mind.. It's like I can feel his hands touching my body.. And it makes me sick to my stomach. What makes it even worse was that I actually knew who he was..

5 years ago, we were on vacation. We had to stay in a small house cos we went to the location pretty late already, so all the teens were sleeping in one part of the house, while the adults slept in one room. He was drunk, and watched a p0rn video beforehand. I felt him lie next to me. At the middle of the night, that's when he started touching me and groping me and ah I'm crying just thinking about it. I pretended to be sleeping but when someone was doing those kinds of things to you.. Ugh. I tried so hard to fight it off but he was just so persistent. I stood up and went to the balcony, where I cried my eyes off. I didn't want to wake up my family because I didn't want to ruin the fun. They were so happy and stress-free, and I didn't want to ruin any of that. The next day, the guy pretended that nothing happened.. And even had the guts to shout out "Someone here was crying last night~" I never told my parents or my family or anybody else. I found out that he has stolen pictures of me in his phone.

That doesn't stop there. He tells everybody that he made out with me already. I think people believed him.. But it's completely untrue. I feel like such a wh0re because of him. I feel dirty. I know I didn't do anything to feel this way! But .. I don't know. I just feel so tainted and dirty and disgusted by myself because of what happened, and what's been happening to me

During highschool, this one guy was constantly up on me. Touching my legs, feeling me with his 'thing', and ugh. I don't even wanna think about it.

Then this year, something happened exactly like what happened 5 years ago. It triggered the memory back and I was so angry. I kept on saying, "It already hurt that it happened back then, and it hurt even more that I had to be so mum about it for so long, but why make it happen again?!" It's times like this when I really needed someone to talk to, but because I was so embarrassed.. I didn't have anybody. It drove me off the edge.

Just recently, a guy in a public vehicle groped my chest and stole my wallet.

I was crying during the whole ride, trying to fight the tears because I was embarrassed that it happened to me. And even embarrassed by the fact that it happened in public. I could feel the eyes of the people being sorry for me but they did nothing..

The worst about everything was the fact that not ONCE did I try fighting back.

But how could I even do that? Whenever someone touched me, I felt everything just draining out.

I was too weak to even breathe or even try to do anything.

It's so easy to say "You should have slapped him!" but when it's already happening to you,

it's so hard to do anything but just wish for it to stop..

You say that since I've been through it 5 times already, I should've learned?

It's hard to.. Maybe because of the fear. Idk.

Thankfully.. I was able to confide during one of our CLE classes because our topic was about being abused.

I was glad that it motivated a lot of other girls to open up. I found out that I wasn't the only one abused in our class.

I hope girls will find the strength to stand up for themselves and btch slap those pervs.

If I could just do it to every single perverted man who touched any girl, I swear I would.

Someone told me that the best thing to do was talk to someone about this to learn to let it go.

Ah soompi.

[Guest AHLEENA]

^*hug

You are never worthless and you are a wonderful person- regardless of what you think of yourself negatively. You only think that way because you feel that you should have retaliated or fought back against those perverts.

Talk to someone you trust, if you think you are able to. It's a hard thing to do though- to talk about something like this. But it feels worst to keep it bottled up inside.

[Guest and i sayd]

Nothing happened to me nor did I do anything stupid, but this post just made me feel horrible for being a guy >___<"

[Guest flowoftime]

the only thing that ever happened to me was i had this very violent step dad and he and i always argued and yelled at each other

and the first thing was in the car once he was driving me back to school and he got so mad for some reason he started groping my chest

and like just randomly feeling on me but he never went inside my clothes and then like that same day when we got home he threw me on the bed

and went up my shirt and touched me and stuff and he hit me a few times too but then just left ...my mom kicked him out of the house for other reasons though, no one ever found out.

[Guest]

these are very sad and heart-breaking..

this is why i only wanna have sons. MAYBE a baby girl for the last.

but holy crap.. i didn't realize how common it was. i really must have been sheltered.

my mom would never let me spend the night at a friend's house if she had an older brother, or if she only had a dad.

and i'd always fight with her and think she's psycho for thinking they would do anything to me.

but now i get where she's coming from.

[Guest uh-ohxev]

Wow these stories are really sad... you guys are all strong, please stay that way. *hug* Don't ever let these people hurt you again! Ugh... people really disgust me.

[Guest kamakazee]

I know someone who had something horrible like this happen to them when they were like around age 5. It absolutely made me john teshing sick to the stomach when she told me what happened and I'm not going to type it out. She's carried this with her for almost 16 years and very few people know, not even people in her family. Although I haven't known her for many many many years, I know this incident left an unhealable scar and has affected her life emotionally and physically at one point to the extremes of suicide years later. She's told me there's times that she hates herself and the only reason she is still around is for her friends and family, so she's just clinging on because of them. The only thing I can keep saying is that it's not her fault and you have people around that love and care for you. The truth is that what she said really john teshing scares me, although I'm sure she wouldn't do anything extreme again. She still has recurring nightmares every now and then and wakes up crying about what happened and sometimes it makes me feel useless that I can't do anything to comfort her. Incident was reported to the police, but nothing was done and was brushed off. I remember one time she asked me if she will ever get over/recover from what happened and I just said nothing, not because I didn't want to, but I didn't know how or what to respond with. Reading this thread page by page made me really angry and especially angry knowing this happened to my friend. So for all those sick minded people out there, I hope you get what you deserve, your balls cut off and shoved up your richard simmons.

[Guest Mashimallox3]

I have a story too, but it's not as bad as the other people, but i still remember..

my dad was a manager to this company and they had a trip to a resort kind of place and they can take their family members..

so my sister and i (i was 9 she was 5) were swimming theres these young army guys that went inside the pool too. one of them came closer to us and grabbed the two of us and took us where the other army people( i think they were in the army since a couple of them were wearing army pants.. i don't remember) are..

then he whispered to me "are you mr. cho's daughters, you guys are really pretty" (my last name isn't even cho)then he gave my sister to the other guy and the guy who was holding my pulled down my bathing suit and started touching me down there and felt me up.. idk if they did it to my sister too.. she was really young back then so i don't think she remembers

i didn't actually tell anyone about this until now becuase i didn't think sexually before and i didn't know what he was doing

[Guest nothingtosay]

it happened this year when i was in gr.10

this guy used to always say perverted comments to me

and i just ignored him

he started to hug me and i yelled at him to get off but he wouldn't let me go

i kicked him and punched him, but he just punched me even harder, leaving me defenseless.

i didn't know what to do. if i hit him he would hit me harder and he was strong.

finally i pushed him off but he kept on touching me every chance he had.

i would avoid him but he just kept coming after me. and i dind't really think of this seriously.

i just thught he was being stupid so i dind't really care about it, but it got worse.

once, when he was high on drugs, he grabbed me from behind

and began rubbing his crotch behind me. it was embarrasing.

so many people were around, even my friends but they only thought he was hugging me

so they didn't do anything.

i kept telling him to stop but he was more agressive. He pushed me onto a table and tried to get on top of me,

opening my legs and tried to pull my pants off.

finally, my friend yelled at him to fu.ck off and i had a chance run away.

i was shaking so much and i hated the fact that i didn't do anything to him when he was harrasing me.

the next day, he grabbed me again and cornered me in the wall. but my friend stopped him again

he doesnt touch me anymore and i'm so glad.

[Guest musicpoplove]

i have a story

not so serious as others

i neverrrrrrr told anyone

i cant believe im writing here lol

i was like first come to america i guess i was like 10 and my parents came to like a mini party for adults and i was hanging in the living room and the home owner's son who was back then about... hig middle schoo or like 9th grade or something and we were plyinag video games and we were the only "kids" there. my brother was sitting in the coutch too and i sat next to him and he started like kissing me in the neck and wraped around me.

i was like WTFFFFFFFF but i just sat there..... becuase i was kind of shocked and young and i didnt do anytyhing. I guess when we are very you and in a situation like that its very... weird to react.

so then i jus said im going to the bathroom and i came back and sat all the way acroos from him.

then we went upstairs to his sisters room and his older sister, me, him, and my brother went upstair to play cards... and he was like wispering to me in the ears so CLOSE to me it disgust me.

i dont blame myself because i was so young and didnt know what to do

but since im like adult now if that happened to me the ndefinatly i'd respond.

i never told anyone lol

i dont think my brother even remembers because he was like very young and maybe he ingnored it too.

or didnt see me.

now that idiot boy is in college and is ebcome a doctor.

wow.

edit: i think that expierence when i was young influence the way i really look at boys. i always push away when it comes to boys tring to like me and stuff.

[Guest proFRESHional.]

awwww. these stories are soo sad!! :'(

well mine aint AS bad..

when i was younger (about 4/5 years old), my mom would take me to this gamblinb place/house. we would usually stay there from morning til the time it ends (around 6ish). my mom would always drive the owner home after it closes (he's my friends grandpa & was probably around his 50s.) he would ride in the back of the car with me and he would always feel on my thighs. it was very uncomfortable but i was young, so i couldnt really do anything. i didnt even tell my mom when it happened

fricken old perverts!