Why can't men & women be just friends? (+personal issue)

There are probably quite similar topics to this already but I wanted to include my personal story to maybe get some advice or just talk about it ._.

So out of my own experience I feel like straight men & women can't just be friends, in terms of closer friends, where you hang out a lot with just the two of you and enjoy your time together.
The only time being just friends with a male works out for me is when they're either homosexual or already have a girlfriend when I met them but for the taken guys it also means, that I usually just hang out with them in bigger groups or events because they usually don't have much time or aren't really interested in being closer friends because they probably see no further need and I don't try to get to know them more because I often think that their girlfriends might get the impression that I am interested in him and I surely don't want to pinch someone's boyfriend.

What do you guy's think and what are your experiences? Do you have best friends of the opposite gender who aren't homosexual? And were there any problems as soon as someone of you got into a relationship? Were you still as close to your friends as before then?

Well on to my personal issue... I have quite a lot to tell and I understand if you don't want to read that much so maybe you can just answer my first questions but I'll also make the most important parts bold in case you want to skim through it. Furthermore I apologize for any grammar mistakes in advance. English is not my first language.

About a year ago my best girlfriend (let's call her A) and I met guy B due to mutual friends, we study in  the same field and have a few subjects together. He added me on facebook and since we played the same online game we started to talk quite a lot to each other and played together. I had the impression that he was interested in me because he made a lot of compliments to me and we shared the same interests (he everything that has to do with japan and japanese culture and is quite into asians in general, I'm viet btw and we don't have that much asians at our university) and I at that time liked him quite a lot too. We often times hung out in a group of three or went to parties together but after a while I noticed my best friend checking him out as well and although he still flirted with me through chats they sometimes just met by the two of them so I was quite confused but told myself to accept it.
After a month or so my A told me out of the blue that he's engaged. I first thought it was a joke and just asked with whom, then she further explained that he was engaged with a japanese and they're in a long distance relationship... She then continued to asked me if I liked him and I just replied that it doesn't matter anyway because I would never hit on someone who is taken. I was also wondering why he didn't told me about it and she just advised me to wait but I thought that it would be the best to just see him as a friend and forget about the feelings I had for him.
Some time later he asked me if I wanted to have a few drinks with him before I was travelling to my parents for two weeks and I thought sure why not, he still seems like a nice person and why not trying to be good friends.
That night he opened up to me and confessed that he was engaged for almost 4 years but the last time he was in japan (about 6 month ago from that point of time) they only fought with each other and he was thinking about breaking up but since then. But since they're engaged he didn't want to break up over the phone and their next meetup was still about 2 months to go and he was also afraid and unsure about how to do it. He could understand that she doesn't want to see him anymore after the breakup but he usually stayed at her home when he's in Japan. The flights were already booked and he couldn't afford a hotel for 3 weeks there... I tried to help him and asked a few friends who also travel to japan a lot if they knew about some affordable stayings and gave him some adresses but understandably he still felt queasy about it.
A week or two later he told me that they were phoning a lot and she also wasn't feeling comfortable in their relationship anymore so they mutually agreed on a breakup and thought it was better to cancel the trip so that problem was solved on its own but he also confessed that he liked me more and wanted to go out with me when I'm back from my parents.
After all the confusion I forced myself to just have friendly feelings for him over time and I also told him that I wasn't sure if it's a good idea because he just freshly broke off his engagement and he shouldn't rush into another relationship. He assured me that his romantic feelings for his ex fiancé have died long time ago already because they were always fighting and the last time they met six months ago just confirmed him that their relationship wouldn't work out but at that time he just didn't have the guts to breakup because he didn't want to throw away 3 years of relationship so easily.
He also cleared up that my best friend and him weren't on romantic dates but she was just checking him out to try to hook me up with him and when she found out about his engagement she was shocked as well and told him that he must let me in to it because he also told her that he liked me.

Well long story short we talked a lot and went on dates with each other but at that point it just didn't feel like in the beginning for me anymore... in order to stay good friends with him I kind of "killed" all my romantic feelings for him and just didn't find him really attractive anymore. The problem despite that was that he still meant so much more to me than just a normal friend, we spent so much time together and I felt of him like he was my best friend although we didn't know each other for a long time. I really liked him a lot and I enjoyed our time together, I just couldn't imagine doing any gf/bf things like kissing not to mention sex but I would also feel bad if I went out with other male friends even if it would be just platonic for me so I was seeing him exclusively and if someone asked me out on a date I always declined.
We talked a lot about this and I told him what my problems were and he was really understanding about it though he also told me he already had some similar experience where he liked one of his female friends a lot but she didn't reciprocate his feelings so he kept her at distance and when she started to recognize that she actually liked him more, confessed her feelings and apologised, it was already too late because when he considers something as over he is done with it forever and they didn't have any contact since then.
I was really confused about my own feelings because he already means so much to me and I didn't want to lose him like that other girl did but I also felt guilty and didn't wanted to be one of those girls who friendzone someone but get jealous when they start to date somebody else.
We often times had misunderstandings and fights up to that point where I thought that he's already over me and I wanted to prepare myself so I would be less hurt.
At some time I told him that it would be best if we focus on our friendship because after all the up and downs I couldn't promise that my feelings would change although I was really hoping for it all the time and felt like I might regret it later. He explained that he learned through our friendship that he doesn't always need to see everything in black and white and won't give me the ultimatum like he did with the other girl and that he would still wait for me until I'm 100% sure about my feelings because he neither wants me nor him to regret anything later. He also assured me that we would be friends and he would be always there for me no matter what my decision is.

Fast forward a little bit we still had quite a lot of misunderstandings for example at one time I thought he already "dated" an other japanese girl but didn't really told me about it (we were planning on travelling to Japan together and later on he told me he wanted to meet up with "his girlfriend", as he called her) and tbh it was quite a shock for me because we agreed on telling each other if we were over the other person. I thought he would come out with it properly from time to time and that it is his right to meet others because I can't make him wait for me forever but he just referred to her as his girlfriend out of the blue with no further explanations. So when we were in Japan I decided to asked him more about it and it turned out she was an online friend he was talking to for a year and a half and haven't met in reality yet and she wasn't his girlfriend but he wanted to get to know her better. So during our stay they went on a date by themselves. I thought maybe it's the best like this because I'm just too unsure with my feelings and it would just hurt him if he waits for me any longer and it turned out that I can never develop romantic feelings for him anymore.
After our trip he kept on mentioning "his girlfriend" quite a few times and also told me that next time he visits Japan she wants him to show around more so I assumed their date went really well but what really confused me was that he was still being flirty with me or just said things like "he would accept me as I am" and stuff like that. So I asked him again if they are a couple yet and he was surprised that I thought they went on a date because for him it was just a friendly meetup and she isn't his type and added that he just referred to her as his girlfriend because it was too inconvenient for him to say his female friend from japan...
I admit I was already quite mad at that point because he didn't clear that up earlier and with all those up and downs of course it's hard to set your feelings straight, so I wanted to clear it up once and for all and told him we should only focus on the friendship and not keep up any hopes beyond that, and he agreed on it and added that he was hoping that something would change when we travel through Japan just by the two of us for three weeks because he really was in love with me and if it won't happen there it would never ever happen. And after that trip he realized it and already started to be done with me... But well how could something happen or change there when I already thought that he has a girlfriend or at least is seeing someone else so I supress any deeper feelings to come up?!
I kept that thought to myself but was still nagging and asking him if there really wasn't more. Yes, I admit I was partly jealous partly nosy if he would even tell me if he had a new relationship because I was still seeing him as my best friend and it's important to me to know things like that. After he told me that he's done with me I felt like he treated me very coldly and wouldn't see me as a close friend anymore. I understand that if he had strong feelings for me, he probably needed some space and time to sort his feelings but I would still appreciate it if he told me about it just as we promised and not just break off the contact.After his date (or "meetup" as he says) with his japanese friend it was the first time he referred to his ex as "my ex fiance" instead of "my fiance"  so it seemed to me that something must have changed. I know that there wasn't really any point in asking any further because it was already over but I needed to know it so I could get over everything and be done with it too.
Well my constant asking and doubting got on his nerves and we ended up fighting and he told me that he needs some time and space because he's not sure if I deserve his trust anymore or if we even still can be friends after all of this.... It would just be too hard to change to best friends mode after all we've been through.

That was over two weeks ago and I am still sad and often cry about it because he means so much to me and I lost a best friend.... Furthermore there is a lot of things happening in my life which made me quite depressive, e.g. my parents are quite sick and often talk about their death to "prepare" me and I am really scared to lose them, also I feel like my studies don't lead me to anything, I'm going to have a degree but haven't really learned anything that prepares me for a real job so as most of the students I'm quite anxious about the future...
But I'm drifting too far away... Sorry for that...

So an other guyfriend, let's call him C, who studies with us, talked to me quite a lot in the past time and was asking a few times if we wanted to meet up to cook or just hangout (he's also asian and loves cooking and eating like me) before I always declined, but when he asked again this time I agreed because there wasn't really any reason to say no anymore and thought it would be good to cultivate other friendships. We hung out a few times and two days ago he said he needed to talk to me about something. To be honest I could already imagine what it was about and I was wondering myself if he was interested in me before but I considered it as silly because he often times treated me strangely like not talking to me at uni and when I talked about it with A she said he was treating her the same and she didn't have the impression that he has more feelings for me.
So he had quite a hard time talking to me about it because he has a lot of trust issues like me and he explained that he often pushes people away when they get to close to him because he's afraid that they can hurt him the more they know about him and he felt like we were quite alike. I agreed with him and told him if he needed someone to talk to I would be always there for him. So after a while he continued that he was having this thought for a while about letting his guard down and that it would maybe help us both with our trust issues if we have someone to talk to and fully trust but he needs the assurance that I would really tell him everything because he needs some kind of safety if he lets someone so close to him and be that vulnerable.
I explained him that I would really love to have that kind of a friendship and that I was always looking for someone like that but the timing couldn't be any worse... Because of the recent events I was still so hurt and I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about some certain things yet. So I told him I could only open up from time to time because I still need some time to "heal" and what happened is still "fresh" so that I just can't tell him everything straightaway... I know C almost as long as B but we didn't hang out often until recently also because of those phases where he "pushed" others away and kept them on a certain distance so I couldn't just build up full trust overnight and tell him my whole life story.
I already did share a lot of personal stuff with him though even about my depressions and he opened up as well so telling him that such a friendship and trust needs to be built over time, felt like a rejection for him and he told me if I can't tell him everything now it wouldn't work out for him and he's afraid he already let his guard too far down and isn't sure if our friendship could go on...
I asked him again if he could give me some time or maybe think about it a day or two before making a final decision and he came out that he actually wanted to confess that he already developed romantic feelings for me and wanted to be in a relationship with me and if I ever saw him that way too. Even thought I didn't wanted to talk about it I felt like I had to tell him that I only saw him and all those meetups as platonic because it was quite complicated between B and me, even though we weren't in a relationship I was not ready for one yet because what happened kind of felt like a breakup for me and I didn't want to rush anything. I asked him again if we could still be friends but he denied and told me it wouldn't work out for him and that I have to promise him to not tell everyone about it especially not A.

So that's kind of where you guys come into play because I really need some advice and moreover someone to talk about it and I sincerely hope that none of my friends and acquaintances read this forum s:...

I don't know what to do anymore and because it was always a bit hard for me to socialize and now I feel like I can't keep up any friendships (I still have A and I love her but she's in a relationship since two months and doesn't have much time anymore and I don't want to annoy her with all my issues). Due to my fields of study (computer sciences) most people I meet are male...
 I feel sorry that I unconsciously made C hopes, when I truthfully had the impression that we were just friends. What can I do to avoid situations like this in the future?

There is another friend D I often chat with.  Until now I was only talking him in university or when we went out with friends or online but he also asked me a few times if we want to hang out (According to A he is really spontaneous and they also hung out a few times so she thinks that I'm probably "safe" with him but again she thought the same about C, althought I have to admit that C's feelings probably just developed over the recent days).
I probably should just ask straightforward what interests he has in me, shouldn't I? But I feel like it would give the impression of a conceited B'''' like I assume that everyone fancies me... and maybe even if they just wanted friendship in the beginning they would start to avoid me because after I asked such a question they would fear that I still think they'd try to hit on me...
So is there any other way to find out or can men & women really not be just friends?

So for example if I meet someone new of the opposite gender and I want to get to know him more just for friendship should I tell him first? Or will they possibly just avoid me then because I "friendzoned" them in advance. I mean I don't exclude the possibilty to develop feelings for someone over time (personally I feel like a relationship that is built out of a friendship is more stable) but just now I don't want a relationship but I really want a friend... I have to add that it's hard for me to meet new people outside of my daily life because I'm very shy and introvert and if the person is not approaching me on its own it's hard for me to keep in touch with them. Usually the way I meet new people is when A drags me to some parties but we are mostly in a bigger group then and when we meet girls there they usually aren't out for friendships with girls >.< I mean of course no one excludes it but it still makes it even harder for me to bond with someone...

Sorry for the humongous text and thank you if there's someone who read through it all o.o;; . I'm really looking forward to your opinions and advices.

 

I'm surprised I made it all the through that too LOL. Anyway, I'm gonna bullet points a few things that came to mind while reading because there's just so many @_@
- "B" sounds like someone who can't deal with being single or committed to courting one girl. You don't sound like someone who likes the pressure and the need to "chase" the guy that comes with guys like him. Tbh you sound pretty ambiguous about whether or not you even like him that way-- just ask yourself and imagine, if he told you tomorrow that there's this girl he really likes and he's dating her and they'll be in a serious relationship, how do you feel about that? If you're okay with that and realise there's aspects of him you really don't like anyway, then let him go-- that kind of awkward "friendship" is usually not worth the trouble. But if it hurts you and all you can think of is how you regret not giving him an answer earlier, then pursue him. Dating's supposed to be about FINDING OUT how compatible you are. It's not a death sentence. You can always break up with him later if you realise you don't want that particular relationship.
- If C confessed to you and you already told him you only want to be friends, then the ball is in his court about whether or not he wants the friendship. You already did your part by not letting his confession make the friendship awkward and being open to continue being friends. So now HE has to decide whether he's too hurt by the rejection to continue the friendship or not. It's inconsiderate to push him either way, so he has to come to a decision himself. It wouldn't hurt if you let him know in clear terms that it is entirely his responsibility what happens next to the friendship. You don't owe him returned feelings.
- I totally get what you mean about only meeting guys as friends ahahaha, I'm a mechanical engineer in grad school and a gamer, so basically all my friends are guys too.
- I think it IS possible to be close friends with the opposite gender, but you need to be very comfortable with the idea that the guy MIGHT (or straightup DOES) like you, and you make it clear to them that you're not interested and therefore don't give a richard simmons how dateable they think you as long as they treat you like a good friend. It's again what I said about taking responsibility for the relationship-- it's my job to let my guy friends to know on no uncertain terms that I'm not interested in hooking up with them, after which it's THEIR responsibility to either not make things awkward or just leave the friendship. Personally, it doesn't bother me knowing that my guy friends are interested in sleeping with me, as long as they don't act inappropriately towards me, I'll reciprocate the bro-ness and the friendship will be fine. I understand some girls aren't comfortable with knowing that about their guy friends though, so you need to decide whether or not you're okay with it.
- As for how to make it clear you're not interested in them as a date without sounding conceited (I definitely worried about this too): First of all I just assume guys aren't interested in me that way, and since I'm pretty dense about dating it's really easy LOL. Second, after becoming decent friends with the guy, I'd usually find a nonawkward opportunity to say something like "this is why we're friends!" or "I'm clearly your coolest friend"-- basically, I make sure to label them as a friend outloud. At those times you can observe their reaction to being called a friend, and it's usually pretty obvious if they thought it was something more. I try to get this out of the way fairly early in a friendship so it gives them the opportunity to go away if it bothers them before we get too close. After that I find the friendship much more bro-like and even if they decide to confess in the future,it's rather nonawkward bc it's in the context of "yea I know you're not interested in me that way but I just wanted to let you know" blah blah. Ideally it never gets to the confession ahahaha.
- Something else you need to decide is how you want to treat your guy friends once you have a boyfriend. I've decided that my guy friends are the same as my girl friends in terms of being close friends, so it's against my ethics to shun them for hanging out once I have a bf. This means I get into a LOT of fights with my boyfriend about seeing my guy friends 1 on 1 and staying with them while visiting etc etc. However i know that I made the decision that I value my friendships more than a relationship at this point in my life. There's no right or wrong decision here-- YOU need to decide how your friends vs s/o ranks TO YOU. I'm just gonna say it's hard to maintain a friendship that disappears whenever that friend has a date-- I myself wouldn't want to be friends with someone who'd ditch me or be awkward with me every time they had a crush to pursue or a girlfriend, and guys wouldn't appreciate it much either. So decide what kind of friend you want to be, and make peace with the fact that you really can't have both-- you can't have super close guy friends and always prioritize your boyfriend first.

Thank you so much for your elaborate answer! I feel like it's already helping me to get some clear thoughts

During this whole year where B and I dated I was also kind of always wondering, if he just can't deal with being alone or if he really liked me for who I am :/
If he really was in love with me, as he always reassured me, my doubts surely didn't make it easy for him and it actually says something that he hung up there and waited for me for a year nevertheless. Only a few guys would probably do that o.o;;
You're right about me being ambiguous and I was often times asking myself exactly that question if I would be jealous if he gets an other girlfriend and yes I would be jealous, but as our relationship developed it was mostly because I knew I would lose him as a close friend then. He told me before, that spending 1 on 1 time together at his or my home and staying over night and such things is exclusive for his girlfriend or at least the girl he's interested in (we often used to cook together and because it usually got late I stayed over night). I totally understand that your s/o has privileges over a normal friend and I would respect that, but I was pretty sure he would be way more distant and cold and not treat me like a close friend anymore or even break off the contact like he did with that other girl...
I know how selfish it was that I kind of kept him on a short leash, but I was really hoping that my feelings would change again from time to time ._.
I was sometimes even thinking about giving it a shot, but still just imagining to kiss him or go any further just felt way too awkward at that point, I was just way too stuck in seeing him as a good friend >.<
It's hard for me to explain and I won't hold it against somebody, if they don't understand it because I often don't understand my feelings either ._.

Thank you as well for the advice on to handle a friendship with the opposite gender
I'll try to casually drop that label in front of my male friends in the future. I actually already did that sometimes, but it usually turned out that they weren't interested in hanging out with me anymore >.< but I guess those guys aren't really worth it right ^^? So I actually have nothing to lose trying it that way. Thank you again


 

I had many female acquaintances but never a real female friend. All my close friends are guys so yeah I guess it's true guys and girls can't be just friends.

What do you guys think and what are your experiences? Do you have best friends of the opposite gender who aren't homosexual? And were there any problems as soon as one of you got into a relationship? Were you still as close to your friends as before then?

I always felt more comfortable around females though I had like two male friends. One of them was straight then found out that he was gay in college. Another one was someone that I had a slight crush on because he was slightly cute and a nice guy. No, I actually never had a guy friend as a bestfriend. In my honest opinion, I do think that men and women can be just friends because despite that one crush, we never had real feelings for each other. We happened to be two people who thought each other was cool and liked to talk.

I would like to make more male friends in the future because sometimes I have more in common with guys than women.

Ok diddnt read the whole story, sorry. I am just gonna give an vague answer to the thread title : because men and women are selfish and they think differently. Personally i only have female acquaintances and i dont consider myself having female platonic friends, unless you are talking about a female friend you love which is technically a girlfriend. Maybe this is because my male pals share the same common interest as me idk.

schokokeks said:Thank you as well for the advice on to handle a friendship with the opposite gender
I'll try to casually drop that label in front of my male friends in the future. I actually already did that sometimes, but it usually turned out that they weren't interested in hanging out with me anymore >.< but I guess those guys aren't really worth it right ^^? So I actually have nothing to lose trying it that way. Thank you again
 

Because a babby might result.

Sorry, but the post was a bit TL;DR. I read halfway then gave up.

But $2, you can definitely be "just friends" with guys AS LONG AS you're both straight on what is and isn't possible between the both of you. For example, I have a best guy buddy online, who's in another country. We are each other's confidantes and knew each other even before having significant others. BUT! We have zero possibility of dating because a) we're so far apart, he doesn't date women older than him and I don't really particularly like dating guys younger than me and c) we just know too much about each other to have feelings. We're like real brother and sister. It's close but not in that way.

Frankly I find this more difficult in real life, because guys and girls do inevitably have feelings for each other if they spend a lot of time together, and they're a lot more awkward to deal with... So I stick with my online guy friends and bf. It's enough for me.

My best friend is a girl and I used to live with her. The whole notion that girls and guys can't be close friends only applies if you or the other finds each other attractive. Platonic relationships with the opposite sex are easier to form if you see the person as a little sister or brother figure. Would you think about fornicating your little sister? I sure wouldn't! 
On the flip side I would never consider befriending a girl I find attractive. There are strict guidelines to follow when thinking about having attractive female friends. Would you be emotionally hurt if she were to find a bf? Its whole lot easier if you just aren't attracted to the girl. 

^Agree with the ra123. Single guys and girls can be friends, hell even if either or both of them are taken, so long as its platonic. As mentioned, a brother sister type of relationship suits. Some of my closest friends are girls and they are physically attractive, but I can be friends with them because I don't see them at a romantic level. Sorry, I didn't read the entire post. Got lazy and just wanted to throw in my 2 cents.

admittedly this post was too long for me to read, but to answer the question in the title.
women do not make as good friends as men.
men have more similar humor, men do not have to censor or watch what they say among each other, men have more similar interests such as games, cars, sports etc. that women have less interest in.
on top of this, any guy who has had the experience of being too nice to a girl he has no interest in, and she falls for him, will be very careful not to be too nice, and this is opposite of friendship. 
women often have hidden agendas, they are often not as loyal as men are in friendship, they are less direct and often much more dramatic. women friends SOMETIMES expect freebes, or men sometimes feel they are obligated to pay for their female friend just cuz they are a woman, and thus is taxing on their wallet.
for all these reasons and more, men make better friends than women, so if a guy is TRULY looking for JUST A friend, they would look for other men.
men who hang out with a girl and say something like "oh yea she's like my sister' 99% of the time they are some sleeze bag desperate dude who doesn't have the confidence to tell her he lieks her and so he stalkers he secretly in the guise of "friendship"
i think this is incredibly un-manly.
if a guy wants to be "friends" with you, most likely they are interested in you at least a little bit, this goes for guys who have girlfriends, so really u should just butt out of those, 1 dont be a home wrecker, 2 dont make friends with scum bag cheaters.
homosexuals may be different, but I probably only know 2, and they usually hang out with other guys (straight guys oddly enough), but they are cool. but i dont know enough homosexuals to state how they are, or how good friends they are to women etc.
why cant you just get female friends? 

in my group of friends, we are pretty exclusive, and it is just men, women are never included in the inner circle unless they are one of the guys' women. at any given time maybe 70% of us will have a girl, so the girls usually make freinds with eachother and also make friends with the other guys in the group. 
this is a good system as everyone is very happy this way, however it may not work all the time with other groups, since i hear other groups of friends are pretty shady and will steal eachother's man/woman etc. but here, that is a good way to loose a finger.
if you want a good guy friend, this is probably the only way, the guys who befriend you casually probably do this with everyone, and thus you are not really high in their pirority list, and thus not true friends, OR they have a hidden agenda, and if u ever get drunk around them alone, you better watch out. 
if you found a guy you loved, would u like it if he had a "best friend" who was a girl? who hung out all the time? it is inconsiderate and selfish to do this to your loved one, to make them self concious, to make them anxious, it is shameful to not be able to think about the ones u need to protect. thus it is un-manly to have "good female friends" when u are a man, and it is not honorable for a woman to have "good male friends"
you will only hurt your future husband/wife, and even if its a small tiny bit that u never notice, if you love someone, that small tiny bit is not worth keeping a freindship over. if Love is not your first priority, than you should stay single and wait untill you have grown up more. real friends will understand this and know this. for example, the guys never ask any guys who have a gf in the group to go to a club or anything like that, because that is inconsiderate of the woman. if you care about your friend, you care about what your friend loves most, thus if your friend does not consider your woman, he is not your friend. 
a good man thinks this way, and thus it is rare that a woman will truly be friends with a good man.

I tried reading your whole post, OP. I really gave it my best. I even turned off Netflix in my background browser, but ‘dat text wall doe.

I stopped once you introduced friend “C”, so I’ll just try to answer your title question through my own personal experience/text wall (as so many others have).

EDIT: Rereading my original post, I think I provided too much background and not enough "insight". I believe opposite sex friendships can work and they can be meaningful. 

With my male friends, we a good blend of common and different interests. Instead of writing off our differences as obstacles in our friendship, we appreciate them and make use of them for good discussion and sharp banter. Personally, these friendships have been effortless but I think it helps that we also have a common understanding and appreciation for friendships in general. Also, we communicate certain actions as acts of friendship which reinforces our bond and also avoids letting the mind wander. 

With all that said, our friendship isn't all "mushy gushy"  or what some guys may label as "girly" and "touchy feely". It's 1% "you're my bro, bro", 4% "other", and 95% being richard simmons to each other. Complete richard simmons. Like the "you're never going to live that down" richard simmons. It's how our friendship that I actually enjoy it, so work with dynamics you enjoy too.

Thank you for all the answers so far and no need to feel sorry, if you haven't read my whole Thread ^^


@Ivana B Anonymous

Yes, I've experienced the same with online guy friends I used to have only close female friends IRL but a lot, if not mostly guyfriends online that I met through an online game Most of them were really close and we chatted every day. Well some of them turned out to be interested in a relationship later on, but well if both are straight and single, "hang out" everyday and get along very well, it can happen ^^
But most of them just stayed friends because of the distance or age gap ^^


@ra123

I definitly agree with you, as long as both don't see the other attractive and just as a brother and sister figure, friendship can work
But I have yet to make the experience (Online friends excluded). I am very shy and used to have only girls as close friends and the guys I've met usually were just acquaintances. But now after I moved, a lot has changed and a lot of the people in my social environment are male.
I guess my problem is that I'm usually hesitant about making first step, especially on guys, to establish a friendship, just because I think they might get the vibe that I'm trying to hit on them... And as for the other way around I guess I was just "unlucky" because the guys, that approached me and really wanted to get to know me so far, probably had some other motives in the first place or well feelings just developed from time to time, because they didn't see me just as a sister, when I personally was just looking for friendship ^^  


@ajlee613

I agree with you, that women are often way more emotional than men, which sometimes can make it complicated even in just a friendship, I have to admit that and I am also sometimes guilty of that ^^
But still I wouldn't say women don't make as good friends as men.
Concerning your question, why I can't just get female friends... Don't worry most of my friends are female, close ones anyway and yes I still want to get female friends, but after I moved I mostly have men around me in my daily life and social environment and I also befriended quite some of them, but it's more like a casual meeting in group activities or talking in Uni and nothing to close and personal, and those I was getting to know better and hanging out a lot either developed feelings or had some other motives to begin with. So my question just aroused out of my personal experiences so far, so I was wondering how I could do better in the future. Actually I agree with almost all of your points, men and women who are in a relationship just can't give someone, they just got to know, a special position or meet them exclusively because that would be shady and inconsiderate to their s/o. And if you were friends, before someone of you got in a relationship, it's just natural that you won't see each other that often anymore, but usually it's nothing bad in a friendship and you actually are happy for your friend that he or she has found their luck



Summarizing I can say, men and women can be friends. But it's always kind of a gamble (or actually just life ^^), when you're meeting someone new and you're both straight and single (or even not single), because feelings are unpredictable and if you are close, the person will play a signifanct role in your life sooner or later. You both have to make sure and let the other know what you want as soon as possible and if all roles are clear there will probably no problem. It can even turn out great if both start to develop mutual feelings for each other but hurtful if it's just onesided where you have to figure out how to deal with it or if you have to drop the friendship.

My personal problem was just that I don't want a relationship at this point of my life, because of certain things that happened in the past, where I still have to get over, but I was or actually still am looking for a deep friendship and I just didn't make it clear enough in the beginning and during the friendship, that I am not available at this point, just because I am single, so that was my own fault.

ajlee613 said:
men who hang out with a girl and say something like "oh yea she's like my sister' 99% of the time they are some sleeze bag desperate dude who doesn't have the confidence to tell her he lieks her and so he stalkers he secretly in the guise of "friendship"

i think this is incredibly un-manly.
if a guy wants to be "friends" with you, most likely they are interested in you at least a little bit, this goes for guys who have girlfriends, so really u should just butt out of those, 1 dont be a home wrecker, 2 dont make friends with scum bag cheaters.

ra123 said: ajlee613 said:
men who hang out with a girl and say something like "oh yea she's like my sister' 99% of the time they are some sleeze bag desperate dude who doesn't have the confidence to tell her he lieks her and so he stalkers he secretly in the guise of "friendship"

i think this is incredibly un-manly.
if a guy wants to be "friends" with you, most likely they are interested in you at least a little bit, this goes for guys who have girlfriends, so really u should just butt out of those, 1 dont be a home wrecker, 2 dont make friends with scum bag cheaters.

Lol. You're complicating things.

guy B: move on

guy C: don't go out with him.. you guys will have a hard time with trust issues.

Guy D: "hang out" could be just being friends

Don't complicate things guys and girls can be friends I have a lot of guy friends with whom I don't have any "romantic feelings" just like what you always say..

Also you'll scare guys if you told them about the friendzone thingy in the first place. Remember you might be working with a lot guys in the future (since you said that you have a lot of guy classmates) so you need to make sure that you know how to mingle with them and not make them feel uncomfortable but not comfortable enough that they might misunderstand your actions.