Ask The Fellas

[Guest yanni~]

@yanni:

You say he's never written first so evidently you must have been the one initiating contact. Now that you have his number, why the hesitation all of a sudden? It just means that you call him and start having contact with him in the verbal sense. Doesn't automatically mean that you go straight to his dorm.

Give it a shot, call him, and just chat with him about things you normally would when you wrote. Then let things develop from there.

That's right, i was the one who start to write him first, but he also ask me questions maybe it means he really wants to know it or maybe he just ask coz of politeness. I don't know him well enough yet to know how he think.

He told me if i am near the university I always can call him. I still didn't I wrote him and asked him what is he doing so this friday he answer strange like 'friday is friday, nothing special' o.O then we talked a little about going to the club or going to the ktv and when I asked him go to ktv he said he can't sing - -" I don't want to meet him up alone. If then with others in a public place. Yeah I know I am strange :DDD

But hey, thank you for your answer. I think your answer gives me some courage. I will call him, but not instantly ... i think about next weekend maybe.

[Guest HERMIT]

@yanni:

Actually, I don't blame you for not wanting to meet him alone. I think that's smart. If you do meet him, meet him in a public place where you are both visible. I mentioned this to a friend before, but I think the most neutral and accessible place to meet is at a mall food court. It's a relatively safe, public and neutral place to meet and there's so much things there to consider doing. If anything, you can always just go to the food court to eat and talk all you want in the dining area. Don't be scared to invite him out one-on-one. He might be more open to that.

[Guest yanni~]

@yanni:

Actually, I don't blame you for not wanting to meet him alone. I think that's smart. If you do meet him, meet him in a public place where you are both visible. I mentioned this to a friend before, but I think the most neutral and accessible place to meet is at a mall food court. It's a relatively safe, public and neutral place to meet and there's so much things there to consider doing. If anything, you can always just go to the food court to eat and talk all you want in the dining area. Don't be scared to invite him out one-on-one. He might be more open to that.

About meeting in a club this was a joke from my side. I told him that I never go to this kind of places and he told me he never does too ^^ It was just a random convo about clubbing. The first 'date' ..I call it date.. haha in a club it's not for me anyway xD

Yes yes, you are so right! This is my plan actually for next weekend to ask him to go to eat something.. but then, not that he think he has to pay for it and cancel it hahaha no, i am kidding. And one to one I thought about this too actually that he will be more open to this...

The perfect thing will be if he call me but herr i don't think so ^^

Thanks again )

[Guest sdphorn]

if you been with ur girl for almost a year and you guys agree on abortions

and after doing it twice ur girl changes her mind and says if she ends up pregnant again shes gonna keep it

how would you react?

[Guest straw_b3ry]

In the morning at 8am, my boyfriend suddenly video called me to say good morning. I just woke up and had no makeup and messy hair, but it was a very sweet gesture so I didn't mind. After talking for awhile, his roommate walked into the camera. He introduced himself by saying his name and age in English. (Korean is his mother tongue.) He also apologized for his English and said that he hoped I can learn more Korean so we can talk more. I just smiled and also told him my name and age. He's older than me, actually my bf's age, so he is my sunbae-nim (senior). Then he said "Are you pretty?" in my ethnicity's language. English is my first language and even though I understood him, I didn't answer. For one, I was self-conscious about my appearance because I just woke up. Secondly, I can't speak that language well. And lastly, who ask that kind of question? Especially when he can see me on the camera. If I had said yes, that seemed conceited and if I had said no, that seemed pathetic. Later he just left. 

My boyfriend told me later that he asked why did I pretend not to understand him. I said I felt awkward. But my boyfriend said it's an okay question. He said "of course his gf (me) is pretty." My bf then said I was kind of mean for ignoring his friend. I think my bf and/or his friend found my behavior disrespectful, especially since that was his close friend and also someone older. Should I apologize to him? Or is it just something minor?

Thanks

[odaesan]

if you been with ur girl for almost a year and you guys agree on abortions

and after doing it twice ur girl changes her mind and says if she ends up pregnant again shes gonna keep it

how would you react?

I don't think abortions are good, so I'll just say that he would be furious because he would have thought that it would never happen  because the girl has done an abortion before that and he doesn't want it. The guy probably would end the relationship or he would threaten to end it until it got done.

Even if someone doesn't think twice about one abortion, each one puts the woman into further health risk.

[Guest sdphorn]

I don't think abortions are good, so I'll just say that he would be furious because he would have thought that it would never happen  because the girl has done an abortion before that and he doesn't want it. The guy probably would end the relationship or he would threaten to end it until it got done.

Even if someone doesn't think twice about one abortion, each one puts the woman into further health risk.

both of the abortion was with the same boyfriend... 

she just doesnt want abortion anymore

what is a guy thoughts on the her answer changing to  pro abortion to non-pro abortion?

[Guest HERMIT]

both of the abortion was with the same boyfriend... 

she just doesnt want abortion anymore

what is a guy thoughts on the her answer changing to  pro abortion to non-pro abortion?

Still the same answer as odaesan has put it. The guy will probably be "what gives?" and be resentful not only for the sudden change in her decision but for also the new twist in what their sexual relationship is to become. "Will there still be sex? Do I have to trouble myself with protection now?" But seriously, it depends on how selfish the guy reveals himself to be as well as how high he places the importance of sex in a relationship. If it's high on both counts, the relationship could easily get rocky from then on out and eventually end in a break-up.

Mind you, this is speaking hypothetically from the mindset of a guy that has already been on board with two prior abortions and for the most part was probably comfortable with that status quo. Someone already used to and accepting of that arrangement, I think, will generally not like the girlfriend's change of heart.

[5880]

I'd be taken back a bit, for one. It's like we entered an agreement, signed a contract, and suddenly, when we're only 25% into it, my partner wants to back out. I would first ask for an explanation, but I would imagine I'd be too frustrated to listen. It's going to take some time to absorb what she has to say. Although, I would personally feel a sense of responsibility and obligation to the girl since I contributed to the issue as much as she has, so I'd probably come around depending on how much I care for her.

As to whether this is enough to cause a breakup, it would depend on the health of the relationship. A one year relationship is just reaching the point of being serious. Though, I must ask, is a condom really that hard for your b/f? :|

I think your b/f is rude. Just because he's his close friend, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's your close friend. Also, I find it odd how your b/f doesn't understand how awkward a position you were in when you were being introduced to someone while in a messy state. It should have been obvious you would be a bit shy.

Also, I realize that traditional Koreans bow down to the unquestionable authority established by age, but that's their take. Unless, you are living in Korea, I don't feel like you have any obligations to act based on that point alone.

Finally, I get the feeling that your b/f is more so disappointed that he didn't have a chance to brag to his friend about how pretty you are.

[Guest selinaym]

Are guys only interested in feminine girls/what makes a feminine girl? My grandmother was telling me off for 'acting like a guy' sometimes - I don't openly burp or anything but I really enjoy playing games and I participate in banter etc. I'm not sure if it's because of cultural differences between my grandmother and i but I see those as normal activities for any girl.

[Guest HERMIT]

Are guys only interested in feminine girls/what makes a feminine girl? My grandmother was telling me off for 'acting like a guy' sometimes - I don't openly burp or anything but I really enjoy playing games and I participate in banter etc. I'm not sure if it's because of cultural differences between my grandmother and i but I see those as normal activities for any girl.

I can't speak for all guys, but personally I think I'd like a girl that was 'in the middle', as it were. Wouldn't want her to be so prim and proper feminine that you'd constantly have to treat her sensitively with kid gloves - nor would I like her to be so tomboyish that she does physical things at a level so much better than my own. But I think guys just truly want their girls to be themselves and not putting up a front of what they think they should be. Just be yourself and the kinds of guys compatible with your personality will naturally gravitate towards you.

[MrPower]

if you been with ur girl for almost a year and you guys agree on abortions

and after doing it twice ur girl changes her mind and says if she ends up pregnant again shes gonna keep it

how would you react?

It really depends on the circumstances. If we had the means and dedication to raise and support another life, then I don't think I would mind too much. However, if we're in a situation where we cannot afford to have a child, then I would be a bit upset to say the least. I would reevaluate her as a person, and as a girlfriend.

In the morning at 8am, my boyfriend suddenly video called me to say good morning. I just woke up and had no makeup and messy hair, but it was a very sweet gesture so I didn't mind. After talking for awhile, his roommate walked into the camera. He introduced himself by saying his name and age in English. (Korean is his mother tongue.) He also apologized for his English and said that he hoped I can learn more Korean so we can talk more. I just smiled and also told him my name and age. He's older than me, actually my bf's age, so he is my sunbae-nim (senior). Then he said "Are you pretty?" in my ethnicity's language. English is my first language and even though I understood him, I didn't answer. For one, I was self-conscious about my appearance because I just woke up. Secondly, I can't speak that language well. And lastly, who ask that kind of question? Especially when he can see me on the camera. If I had said yes, that seemed conceited and if I had said no, that seemed pathetic. Later he just left. 

My boyfriend told me later that he asked why did I pretend not to understand him. I said I felt awkward. But my boyfriend said it's an okay question. He said "of course his gf (me) is pretty." My bf then said I was kind of mean for ignoring his friend. I think my bf and/or his friend found my behavior disrespectful, especially since that was his close friend and also someone older. Should I apologize to him? Or is it just something minor?

Thanks

Clear any misunderstandings. Though minor, this is his first impression of you.

Though, if it's unlikely you'll see him often, I'd just brush it off.

Are guys only interested in feminine girls/what makes a feminine girl? My grandmother was telling me off for 'acting like a guy' sometimes - I don't openly burp or anything but I really enjoy playing games and I participate in banter etc. I'm not sure if it's because of cultural differences between my grandmother and i but I see those as normal activities for any girl.

Depends.

I think I speak for most guys when I say that one of the most attractive women are those that are confident enough to be themselves.

[Guest minicherries]

kay sooo does this guy like me ? o____o ..

soo this guy has been saying how 

hes gonna jokingly makeout with me..

and how since were going to the same highschools hes going to be my partner in everything because he doesn't know anyone there

he even asked to chill at his place o.O , he said he was lonely , so i told him to get a girlfriend

and hes like " i do have a girlfriend youuu " " as a friend .. "

we said we'd chill at a mall for lunch and i asked him if its close enough from our school to the mall

for us to walk there and he said " don't worry if your legs get tired i'll piggyback you " 

then he asked if i wanted it to just be us two or if i wanted to bring other people to chill with us

THEN he said how i shouldn't bring other guys because it'll be awkward ..

he often puts " <3 " when he talks to me 

and hes happy that we have at least 3 classes together ... he tried to make me do an allnighter with him just so we could talk 

he called me his new bff and how we HAVE to hug because bff's often hug , we were playing would you rather 

and he made a situation where if i was in a room and the only way to get out was to makeout with one of the guys 

in our class who would it be.. -__- ; ( hes in my class as well ) 

yeah sooo .. am i really just his "bff" or is that just an excuse to 

make it not obvious that he likes me o__o

[Guest HERMIT]

@minicherries:

Uh...yeah. Do you really need to ask?

Dude is really laying it on thick with all the innuendo.

It's safe to say that he at least likes you.

[Guest AMIbunny]

My friend saw my boyfriend at school smoking with his friends. Now, my boyfriend quit smoking in High School and I know he probably smoked a few times 3-5 times after that. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years. My friend told me that he told her "don't tell (My name)". When I found out yesterday, I was REALLY UPSET!!!! why would he be hiding this from me? Does he do this often?

Sooo I told my boyfriend that I know he smoked. He said "It was only once in a lifetime" (yea right...he's a fob so maybe he's doesn't know the true meaning of that saying).. And he said "so I don't think it was important enough to tell you."

Should I still trust him? We had a pretty rocky relationship Sometimes I ask myself why we keep going.... but Please tell me this is normal? @__@ I guess I don't REALLY MIND him smoking Rarely with his friend......

[Guest HERMIT]

@AMIbunny: Yeah, I think hiding smoking from you is action enough to warrant trust concerns. And it doesn't necessarily mean for the most obvious suspicions like "ooh, maybe he's cheating on me" and other more serious stuff like that. When you think of about it, cheating is something that he would lie about and keep hidden from you anyway. Rather, his apparent nonchalance in hiding his smoking kind of forebodes a concerning mindset that he's accepting of - which is to still do those things that he already knows would make you upset; and, so long as you don't know about it, then "it's cool". If not smoking, then what? Clandestine strip club visits with the boys? A secret gambling habit? These kinds of "omissions of the truth" might not have as adverse an effect on your relationship if he just only came out with full disclosure - but his ability to justify willingly withholding truths about himself is indeed something to be concerned about.

[J.LOVE.K]

so there was this guy at work.. and i really liked him and i thought he liked me.

we would sit in the parking lot for HOURS till like 4AM/5AM and just TALK.

he invited me to his games and would only invite ME and tell me not to invite anyone else from work.

we went to movies together and he just acted and treated me differently.

he didn't talk to any other girls at work besides me.

i'm a strong christian, so he would say "we should go to church together" and would talk about how 'great of a guy' he was.

like how he doesn't drink and how much of a family guy he is..

i was really falling for him and then i found out he did NOT like me.. he was only doing these things cuz he knew I LIKED HIM.

i found out he's actually quite a player and sleeps around with a lot of girls at work.

i guess he liked the attention/ wanted to play games and see how far i would go.

THANKFULLY i never said out loud that i liked him & we never did anything.

do guys normally do this or is he just a richard simmons bag?!?! should i be more wary of guys? i'm so shocked that he'd do that!!! i'm losing hope in men

[mintcracker]

My friend saw my boyfriend at school smoking with his friends. Now, my boyfriend quit smoking in High School and I know he probably smoked a few times 3-5 times after that. I've been with him for 3 1/2 years. My friend told me that he told her "don't tell (My name)". When I found out yesterday, I was REALLY UPSET!!!! why would he be hiding this from me? Does he do this often?

Sooo I told my boyfriend that I know he smoked. He said "It was only once in a lifetime" (yea right...he's a fob so maybe he's doesn't know the true meaning of that saying).. And he said "so I don't think it was important enough to tell you."

Should I still trust him? We had a pretty rocky relationship Sometimes I ask myself why we keep going.... but Please tell me this is normal? @__@ I guess I don't REALLY MIND him smoking Rarely with his friend......

Ami why do you still give him so many chances? I've read your threads, you bf clearly DOESN'T deserve sb like you.

He treated you pretty badly in the past, and he flirted with girls, disrespected you, kept stuff from you etc etc. Now you're thinking 'whether to trust him'?

Come on. You need to look at his actions, and you need to learn from experiences. Otherwise you're going to get hurt again. If you stay with this guy, you're going to continue to get lied to and treated with disrespect, bc you've already shown that he can walk all over you. Bc you don't walk away.

[Guest cinjin]

Ehh nevermind.

[Guest atomato]

We were together for a few months before we ended things and now we're trying to start over again because we still like each other. But we're just "BFF's" now. These days I've been feeling neglected because he's always out and sometimes we'd go for a few days without talking and that bothers me. Anyways, last night we had a pretty huge argument because I brought up things from his past and whenever I do that, he'd get all defensive and angry right away. We kept fighting until I asked him, do you even like me? And his reply: 'yes, but I'm ready to give up [if we keep talking like this], honestly.' He said I didn't give it time to start over and asked why I'm trying to rush into things. I asked him, are you going to date other girls? And he said, 'I don't know to be honest'. ... 

He went to sleep and I wrote on his fb, "I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?", which he deleted today. I guess it was my fault for bringing things up when I shouldn't have. I don't know, should I just give up? Before he does? Before he left he did say, "I don't want to give up, but.." so... yeah I really don't know what to do now.