Ask The Fellas

[Guest amberlights]

What do you guys think of short girls? Like 4'9'' short? Cute or too small?

too small, sorry :X being 5'10", i'd probably only go for someone between 5'4" and 5'8". it depends though, if i got to know the person and fell for her, then height wouldnt matter. its just first impressions

[Guest ~.Linh.~]

i'm always the girl friend but never the girlfriend and these days it annoys me so much! my guy friends told me i have an amazing smile, nice hair, can make them laugh and am very caring blah~

at work, even my younger coworkers, 18ish, tend to tease me a lot although i'm two years older than them, but then again EVERY guy who works at the cafe teases/makes fun of me, it's like i'm their pet. They hug me, they tickle me, they laugh at me. especially one of them tends to pinch my cheek a lot and pats my head whatever. Most of them still treat me as a girl though, as in helping me carry heavy stuff, tell me to take my breaks, open doors for me, all in all they are very considerate. perhaps it's because i'm the only female worker around their age...the other "girls" are 25-35 and i'm 20 (the guys are 18 to 27)?

Seriously, when I am that great why does nobody want me?! xD

are they all just playing a joke on me wtf -.-°

what's the extra that makes a girl friend a potential girlfriend? at that point, is it physical attraction that counts?

better just care less for others and be more mature

[odaesan]

Hey cool cats =) 

So I really like this guy in uni 

He teases me a lot and also uses a lot of body contact when we're talking (eg: hand on shoulder) - however I have noticed that he does do this with a lot of other girls as well. 

When we're alone, he does things like move my hair away from my eyes, touch my cheek, sits up really close.

I feel there's a slight tension between us: we are more cautious with being close to each other in front of our friends, 

Thing is, his friend mentioned that he had a girlfriend and they have been long distancing for a year or so - he's told me he rarely sees her.

He always reminds me that I am attractive and compliments me on small details, such as nail polish..

Any ways do you think hes just attracted to me and its just flirting or does he want something more?

Thanks in advance

It's difficult to tell, but telling you that you are attractive means that he thinks you are attractive so I'll get more redundant and I'll say that he's attracted to you.

Does he want something more than flirting? He might. I notice many details, but I don't speak of them much and I don't compliment on them. There are levels to most things. For example: Noticing -> Noticing and commenting -> Noticing and complimenting.

What do you guys think of short girls? Like 4'9'' short? Cute or too small?

That's too short for me. I'm sure many other guys like that though.

i'm always the girl friend but never the girlfriend and these days it annoys me so much! my guy friends told me i have an amazing smile, nice hair, can make them laugh and am very caring blah~

at work, even my younger coworkers, 18ish, tend to tease me a lot although i'm two years older than them, but then again EVERY guy who works at the cafe teases/makes fun of me, it's like i'm their pet. They hug me, they tickle me, they laugh at me. especially one of them tends to pinch my cheek a lot and pats my head whatever. Most of them still treat me as a girl though, as in helping me carry heavy stuff, tell me to take my breaks, open doors for me, all in all they are very considerate. perhaps it's because i'm the only female worker around their age...the other "girls" are 25-35 and i'm 20 (the guys are 18 to 27)?

Seriously, when I am that great why does nobody want me?! xD

are they all just playing a joke on me wtf -.-°

what's the extra that makes a girl friend a potential girlfriend? at that point, is it physical attraction that counts?

better just care less for others and be more mature  

You are in a bad situation. I've seen this happen with other girls. They let guys touch them and then they've got guys feeling them every few minutes. It's not that they like you, but it's more like they are using you. It gives them this sense of confidence and they get to touch a girl without any strings attached. I told some guys to stop doing that to a girl and she agreed, but they kept doing it because she only spoke when I said something.

Anyway, what do you want? Do you want them to date you? Do you want them to start respecting you? Lifting heavy objects isn't respect. In my opinion, you need some respect. You may like the attention, but I think you'll like it more when they stop touching you.

[Guest bk.]

Another age question...

Guys, lets say a girl is 19-20 and a guy is 27-28... what kind of problems could arise from this situation? (if they start dating, relationship...)

And what kind of things should the girl be careful about?

(thank you in advance!)

[Guest gangdur]

Is it possible for a guy to start liking a girl again? Like he once liked a girl, confessed and nothing happened. A period of time elapses where they don't communicate then one day they start talking again.

This guy liked me last year and was pursuing me at a slow rate (a few months) then he confessed. I declined the offer because I was scared of the transition (friends since first day of highschool!) and said that it was best to stay friends. I started dating someone else briefly a few months after but that ended mid this year. I haven't been talking to this guy for awhile and I feel that he may resent me for not giving him a chance before. Should I bother to test the waters? He keeps popping into my head even when I try to not think about it. I'm scared to approach this..

Thanks in advance

[Guest ShinoguW]

Is it possible for a guy to start liking a girl again? Like he once liked a girl, confessed and nothing happened. A period of time elapses where they don't communicate then one day they start talking again.

This guy liked me last year and was pursuing me at a slow rate (a few months) then he confessed. I declined the offer because I was scared of the transition (friends since first day of highschool!) and said that it was best to stay friends. I started dating someone else briefly a few months after but that ended mid this year. I haven't been talking to this guy for awhile and I feel that he may resent me for not giving him a chance before. Should I bother to test the waters? He keeps popping into my head even when I try to not think about it. I'm scared to approach this..

Thanks in advance

Depending on the type of guy he is, he would either try to rekindle the fire or try to avoid confrontation. After seeing you date another guy he would most likely feel used as a rebound. Pick it up slowly if you decide to tread these waters. I personally never was in a situation like this though. But then again no one really wants to play rebound.

[Guest pacific_blue]

edited: deleted

Thank you for the reply Exqlusive!

[Guest 43829]

asdf1234

Yes, he misses you. Yes, he thinks about you. Yes, he still isn't over you.

He's probably thinking, now that he's in university, in a new area, and making new friends, it's time to start a new journey and let go of the past. He's doing it as a way of moving on from you as he feels/knows that it's useless to continue having feelings for you. When you started talking to him again, he remembered all the things you two did together and all the emotions rushed back to him.

Meeting new girls and making friends with them is most likely his way of dealing with the "break-up". I know that's what I did when I broke up with my ex.

This is just my opinion though, it might or might not be true.

[Guest froshgori]

Is it possible for a guy to start liking a girl again? Like he once liked a girl, confessed and nothing happened. A period of time elapses where they don't communicate then one day they start talking again.

This guy liked me last year and was pursuing me at a slow rate (a few months) then he confessed. I declined the offer because I was scared of the transition (friends since first day of highschool!) and said that it was best to stay friends. I started dating someone else briefly a few months after but that ended mid this year. I haven't been talking to this guy for awhile and I feel that he may resent me for not giving him a chance before. Should I bother to test the waters? He keeps popping into my head even when I try to not think about it. I'm scared to approach this..

Thanks in advance

Personally I am the type to like someone quickly and get over them slowly and in my own experience I always have a soft spot for girls I have liked even after I am over them.  The only time I would say that this isn't the case is if the girl ends up showing me some ugly personality trait or quality that I feel is a dealbreaker.  Agree with the poster above that no guy wants to be a rebound but I think if you proceed slowly there's a good chance he might be open to it.  That's assuming he's like me... I have other friends who can get over a girl in a week ;;

[Guest bishie]

Another age question...

Guys, lets say a girl is 19-20 and a guy is 27-28... what kind of problems could arise from this situation? (if they start dating, relationship...)

And what kind of things should the girl be careful about?

(thank you in advance!)

You two will be in different life stages. He probably has a job whereas you will be in school. He will hopefully have his life together and will want a more serious relationship. You may be looking for variety and trying different relationships. He may listen to different music than you. It seems music is something where you listen to groups that were popular when you were younger. He will have a different body of experience in life than you and is likely more cynical about love. He almost assuredly will start out with a different group of friends than you. You two will face questions of why you're dating someone a lot older than you from friends and family.

[Guest piaoyi]

Background info: My boyfriend and I are in different states now.

So in the afternoon,I texted him and we chatted for a bit. Then I asked what's he doing and he said just hanging out with his friend. I had to drive soon, so I said have fun with your friend, I got to go now. Then at night I texted him again to say good night. We chatted for awhile and then he said his roommate wanted to drink beer with him now. So I said "ok have fun, night " And he replied, "will you always let others replace you?" I just said since we can't see each other now, I'll let his friends "borrow" his time.

But what I don't understand is that I thought guys don't like their girlfriends to be clingy. I tried to let him do what he wants and not be strict....but why did he say that to me? What does he want me to do? And he did go drink with his roommate after awhile..

[Guest Andreas1]

But what I don't understand is that I thought guys don't like their girlfriends to be clingy. I tried to let him do what he wants and not be strict....but why did he say that to me? What does he want me to do? And he did go drink with his roommate after awhile..

We don't like girls to be too clingy, but we like to know we are missed. Next time don't let him go so easily, express a bit of disappointment. Not to the point of getting in an argument but just to show you care.

[Guest babiixxangel]

need some advice.

so a couple weeks ago, me and my guy friend got into a misunderstanding. and it got to the point where we both started angry texting each other. you see, i really like my guy friend alot and he knows that i do. he told me that he likes me too but wants to be friends because he doesnt want to lose the friendship we have. but things have been so complicated with me and him this past year that we constantly been having misunderstandings. so by the end of our conversation, he goes "i'll ttyl. its not a good train of thought." and we havent talked since. sometimes i see him update facebook and twitter and they appear on my newsfeed. yet he wouldnt call me or text me back. it really hurts because i think i'm falling in love with him but idk what he thinks sometimes. he confuses me alot. one day he'll be like all flirty towards me and then other days i won't hear from him at all. i dont know if he still likes me or not but i've completely confessed aall my feelings for him and i feel like things are so complicated that i dont know if things will get better. it's really scaring me because i've never fell in love with a guy before especially when we havent been together.

so do you guys think he still likes me? what should i do now?

i neeed hopee ;_____;

[Guest HERMIT]

I'm sure he still likes you. But you've got to remember, he's only liking you on his own terms.

Mind you, I'm only suggesting that he likes you - not that he's in love with you.

You stated it yourself:

he told me that he likes me too but wants to be friends because he doesnt want to lose the friendship we have.

Until he explicitly states otherwise, I think it's a generally good policy to only approach and treat people - never mind just this one guy - at their very own words and not try to read and hope anymore beyond that.

I know there's the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" - but I think in matters of love, sometimes having the verbal confirmation of reciprocal emotional sentiment is just as necessary.

[Guest babiixxangel]

I'm sure he still likes you. But you've got to remember, he's only liking you on his own terms.

Mind you, I'm only suggesting that he likes you - not that he's in love with you.

You stated it yourself:

Until he explicitly states otherwise, I think it's a generally good policy to only approach and treat people - never mind just this one guy - at their very own words and not try to read and hope anymore beyond that.

I know there's the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" - but I think in matters of love, sometimes having the verbal confirmation of reciprocal emotional sentiment is just as necessary.

^ so should i just treat him as a friend, trust him, and see where it takes us? because ever since we both told each other that we like each other, we started having alot of misunderstandings and we don't usually talk everyday like we usually do. he stopped sending morning texts. he doesnt tell me the little things that go on during his day. i always start the conversation more often. that's why sometimes i think he doesnt like me anymore and that he's getting tired of me. honestly, we arent that close as i thought. before he would tell me what bothered him that day but he doesnt anymore. and when i tell him what bothered me that day he'd get annoyed and tell me that i'm dumping all my feelings and problems on him. i really don't get it. and it hurts me so much. there was this one time when i suggested that we take time away from each other and then when i finally contacted him after a few months, then next misunderstanding we get into he tells me "you cut yourself out of my life and now you come back whenever you feel like it then dump your feelings on me?" when he told me that, i felt so hurt because the reason i wanted time away from him was because i wanted things to get better. i did it for him, yet i feel like he took it as me being selfish. i guess maybe i was, because before i told him i wanted time away from him, a few months ago, he told me himself that he wanted to isolate himself from everyone. but i told him not to do it because at that time, i admit i was selfish, that i thought he was making an excuse to not talk to me again. but now i realized it after this recently misunderstanding that we had. i just really want things to go back to the way it was. i really want us to be close again but i dont know what to do..i feel like it was my fault.

[Guest starber]

Hi fellas ^__^ I have a question that I need some insight from. So yesterday, my best guy friend and I were planning to go downtown to the mall today. He was about to pick me up, until my mom said I wasn't allowed to go. She had agreed to let me go yesterday, but she changed her mind because it was already 4 o'clock, and to get to downtown would be an hour.My mom said we wouldn't have much time to do anything and that we'll come back late (asian parents =__=). So I texted my guy friend 15 minutes before he was coming over, saying I wasn't allowed to go, and asked if we could hang another day....Well he freaked out and got really angry. Then he texted me this, "Holy f**k. Just f**king sneak out." But it's still day time...He then told me he'd talk to her. But him asking my mom would only make things worse. Lastly, he started to swear and said, This is f***king bulls**t. You should have said no when I asked you, if you knew your mom was going to act like this." So I told him that I didn't know my mom was going to change her mind. My guy friend just said, "This is all ridiculous."

My question is, would you get that angry if you made plans with a close friend, only to have her back out last minute? I didn't mean to get him so angry :/

[Guest odddodo]

Hi fellas ^__^ I have a question that I need some insight from. So yesterday, my best guy friend and I were planning to go downtown to the mall today. He was about to pick me up, until my mom said I wasn't allowed to go. She had agreed to let me go yesterday, but she changed her mind because it was already 4 o'clock, and to get to downtown would be an hour.My mom said we wouldn't have much time to do anything and that we'll come back late (asian parents =__=). So I texted my guy friend 15 minutes before he was coming over, saying I wasn't allowed to go, and asked if we could hang another day....Well he freaked out and got really angry. Then he texted me this, "Holy f**k. Just f**king sneak out." But it's still day time...He then told me he'd talk to her. But him asking my mom would only make things worse. Lastly, he started to swear and said, This is f***king bulls**t. You should have said no when I asked you, if you knew your mom was going to act like this." So I told him that I didn't know my mom was going to change her mind. My guy friend just said, "This is all ridiculous."

My question is, would you get that angry if you made plans with a close friend, only to have her back out last minute? I didn't mean to get him so angry :/

Nope; frankly, your friend is acting very immaturely. It's not as if you flaked or have control over your mom's decisions. A guy who doesn't understand that is still in the self-centered phase of life.

[Guest HERMIT]

@babiixxangel:

Yes, you should just scale back your interactions with him and treat him as a friend. Don't get too intimate with your feelings and close in sharing the daily minutiae of your life. He may have said that he liked you but that he only wanted to be friends. I think you're going to have to interpret that euphemistically as that he really isn't that into you in that way - but he still respects the friendship. So with that said, unfortunately things cannot be the same as it once was. His withdrawal from prior activities and distancing himself from you is probably indicative of not wanting you to get the wrong ideas. Now that he knows about your confession, he doesn't want to lead you on and get you into thinking that there's a "chance". But since that time you confessed and he said he just wanted to be friends, you were still wanting to partake in those things that 'couples' do and he apparently didn't want to have any part in that. To some extent, perhaps even your solution of taking 'time out' was also as if you guys were a 'couple'. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just trying to get some kind of a 'read' on why he would react the way he has in relation to what he said.

Anyhow, given the delicate state your friendship is in now, I think you are better served to just cool it for the time being and strictly treat him like any other friend - not as a potential love interest.

@starber:

I agree with odddodo - that was a very immature reaction for your friend to have.

The only alternative explanation for that I could have is that maybe he had something special planned for you downtown that he was keeping a secret. But of course, it all depends on what you mean in describing him as your "best guy friend". Are there any potential romantic entanglements implied between you two? If not, then of course this explanation doesn't make sense. But if he does like you in a romantic sense, I can understand a blowup on his part if he was secretly trying to surprise you with something special and your mom just totally shot his plans right out of the water.

edit: just read some of what you wrote in the Ask the Ladies thread - maybe there was some kind of surprise planned for you downtown since you were moving? Some kind of a going away gathering from your friends, if not just this one guy friend?

[Guest babiixxangel]

@babiixxangel:

Yes, you should just scale back your interactions with him and treat him as a friend. Don't get too intimate with your feelings and close in sharing the daily minutiae of your life. He may have said that he liked you but that he only wanted to be friends. I think you're going to have to interpret that euphemistically as that he really isn't that into you in that way - but he still respects the friendship. So with that said, unfortunately things cannot be the same as it once was. His withdrawal from prior activities and distancing himself from you is probably indicative of not wanting you to get the wrong ideas. Now that he knows about your confession, he doesn't want to lead you on and get you into thinking that there's a "chance". But since that time you confessed and he said he just wanted to be friends, you were still wanting to partake in those things that 'couples' do and he apparently didn't want to have any part in that. To some extent, perhaps even your solution of taking 'time out' was also as if you guys were a 'couple'. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm just trying to get some kind of a 'read' on why he would react the way he has in relation to what he said.

Anyhow, given the delicate state your friendship is in now, I think you are better served to just cool it for the time being and strictly treat him like any other friend - not as a potential love interest.

i think you are right. it's just so confusing with him. it felt like we had something more, and i still feel like there is something there. maybe he really doesnt like me anymore? and he's distancing himself from me because he doesnt want to hurt me? im just not ready to let go but i have to huh. how should i try to act "normal" around him without letting my feelings get in the way. because it's been really hard for me since we've been through alot in my perspective..

[Guest HERMIT]

i think you are right. it's just so confusing with him. it felt like we had something more, and i still feel like there is something there. maybe he really doesnt like me anymore? and he's distancing himself from me because he doesnt want to hurt me? im just not ready to let go but i have to huh. how should i try to act "normal" around him without letting my feelings get in the way. because it's been really hard for me since we've been through alot in my perspective..

I don't want to say something so strong as he doesn't like you anymore. Your tone sounds like you're worried that he hates you and I'm sure it's not as bad as that. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt by saying that he does like you to some degree. Rather, I think it is more important to stress is that he is unable to reciprocate the same level of love/affection that you are still insisting to show/bestow on him. And I think that's what making him uncomfortable/irritable at the situation because he doesn't want to "be a couple", yet some of the continued actions/behaviors still imply that "couple-like" atmosphere when you're around him. As to acting 'normal' around him, maybe a good way to approach it is to view him like he was a co-worker in the workplace. You can still remain friendly and pleasant around him but you certainly wouldn't get too chummy, too touchy-feely, and not too prying into their personal matters. Likewise, you wouldn't be so open with your feelings and private concerns. I don't know how you guys truly interact, so for lack of specifics, all I can recommend is what I said before - just scale back the way you associate with him and try not to relegate everything down into private and intimate matters.