Ask The Fellas

[Guest verity]

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months. We're committed! Or at least, I think we are... I know that before he started dating, he was a flirt. But now, I still see him writing flirty messages on girls' facebook walls and pictures, and deleting the activity on his own wall later (So that I can't see..? Haha.) We traded phones for a day and I've looked through his texts too, and he calls some girls 'cutie' and tells them how much he misses them...

It kind of bothers me. Am I just being too clingy >>?

[Guest maybeitsjustu]

Is it true that guys are intimidated by really pretty girls? if so is that the reason why they couldn't ask them out?

[Guest ssarahlee]

Is meeting up a Starbucks for a hot beverage considered a date?

[Guest Daisy-W]

I don't think someone who is 21 years old should be going after high school boys.

AHAHAHA! Woopsie daisy x) I'm actually a highschooler! I like to put my birth of age to 1990 for some weird reason I doughnut know why. ' It's been a habit of mine when I sign up for websites

[5880]

I'm not sure if this is the equivalent, but I use "<3 you" or "S2 you," to say, "Had a great time! We should do it again soon!"

Given that you are exclusively dating and that it's only been a few months at most, I think he's trying use a phrase that expresses affections in a kiddish manner, so that it doesn't come off too strong. For him, saying "I love you" might have been too straightforward at the time, and using "heart you" is toned version of the same expression of affection.

No, I think you have some reason to feel concerned. The fact that he's intentionally hiding his posts to other girls on facebook tells us a couple things. He knows he shouldn't be doing it, and he's trying to cover his tracks. He sounds like the type of guy who has a hard time giving up his previous lifestyle and moving into a committed one.

You should have a talk with him and tell him you know he's been hiding his online flirtations, and that it makes you a bit uncomfortable. Maybe ask him to tone it down or at least draw the line between flirtations and humor. It's important that you don't approach this in an accusatory manner or else he'll get defensive and say you're trying to change him to suit your needs. Relay to him that you understand that he's probably just getting used to focusing on one girl, but that you'll make the effort to give him reasons to focus on you.

Some guys are. There really is no blanket rule about these kind of things. Who wouldn't be intimidated by an extremely attractive girl who obviously was born with the right physical genes?

There could be a plethora of reasons as to why the guy doesn't ask the girl out. "She's out of my league" is only one of them. The girl could have displayed negative behavior that expresses an unfavorable personality. There could be a rumor floating around about her sleeping around or what not. Though, I think the major one that takes most guys down is "She would never talk to me," or lack of confidence.

Depends on the conversation and actions that follow after the coffee. If it's just small talk for 15 or 20 minutes, it's not a date, it's a meet up. If you guys go for a walk in the park for an hour or more, maybe it's a date.

[Guest angelbaby21]

During the summer, I met up with someone who I'd had a past with. It had been a few years since I've seen him, but we'd always managed to stay in touch every now and then. But, in short, things kind of rekindled and eventually, we started going out on dates and etc. We talked of making if official, but we decided it'd be best if we stayed where we were, because I went to school in another state. Things started off really well, but eventually, he'd have these moments of mia, where we wouldn't talk, unless I initiated the conversation. And if I didn't, a few days later, he would write me something among the lines of "how come you haven't been talking to me lately?"/he just questioned why was there this gap of no communication...And recently, he decided to take his ex as a date to a wedding that he had to attend--something he hasn't told me yet. He told me he had a bit of a rough/bumpy relationship with her at the beginning of our relationship, but nevertheless he was still with her for about two years-ish? So in addition to this, through all this mia moments, he'd occasionally, txt me saying, that he can't wait to take me out when I come back. But other than that, there's really other little forms of communication going on right now?

I hope I elaborated enough,

but is it just time to end this? Or what's going on? Any ideas what to do next?

Thanks guys.

[AiriinxKumori]

Is it bad that even though I started talking alot with my bf's bestfriend which greatly reduced my insecurity I still don't feel comfortable with them hanging one on one? (best friend is a girl)

[Guest Fatalchange]

Girls often wake up extra early in the morning on specific days to do their hair a certain way and put on some nice clothes and make-up for the guy they like...

But what I want to know is...do guys even care? O_o

Like, do they actually take notice? Does it affect them in any way? >.<

[Guest INFP]

Girls often wake up extra early in the morning on specific days to do their hair a certain way and put on some nice clothes and make-up for the guy they like...

But what I want to know is...do guys even care? O_o

Like, do they actually take notice? Does it affect them in any way? >.<

Yes, we do.

[Guest ccleeah]

What does it mean when a guy doesnt look at me when he talks to 2 people but to the other person (which is a girl) instead? I tried to stare at him for a while to get his eye contact but failed ... =.= he would never look at me UNLESS he has a question for me. And it has been that way since we were still friends and until now, even though we're dating, he'd look at my best friend when talking to the two of us.

[MrPower]

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

she didn't actually meant it... she was kinda kidding though (but you know, it was just a text message...so yeah)

how should the girl make him feel good though? what should she do to like...uhmm... take his feelings back to her? or if not, be good friends with him?

she did said sorry to him through message in facebook though but after that, they never texted each other. the girl tried texting him "Hi " but she received no reply from him. 

would it be a bad move if she chat him through facebook?

Stay good friends. Give it some time for him to forget about it. If he's especially butthurt, don't bring it up again. 

What does it mean when a guy says he "hearts you"? (Not love you) We've been liking/hanging out with each other since July and now we're exclusively dating. I know he doesn't mean he loves me so I don't really know...Or maybe he's saying he loves me as a person but NOT in love with me? lol.

Perhaps he's not sure what love is.

Perhaps he wants to test the waters so that when he finally decides to say "I love you", you'd reciprocate the same feelings.

A good sign of things to come.

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months. We're committed! Or at least, I think we are... I know that before he started dating, he was a flirt. But now, I still see him writing flirty messages on girls' facebook walls and pictures, and deleting the activity on his own wall later (So that I can't see..? Haha.) We traded phones for a day and I've looked through his texts too, and he calls some girls 'cutie' and tells them how much he misses them...

It kind of bothers me. Am I just being too clingy >>?

Honestly, I believe he's in the wrong. If one is in a committed relationship, shouldn't such behavior be toned down? It makes me doubt his devotion to you.

He probably won't change. If you can't deal with it, just end it.

Is it true that guys are intimidated by really pretty girls? if so is that the reason why they couldn't ask them out?

Hell yes we are.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I know many of my male friends will take a shot anyways... though I know plenty that think that they're out of the league of the "really pretty girls". Thank god that women typically can look beyond a guy's appearances.

Is meeting up a Starbucks for a hot beverage considered a date?

Meh. Depends.

I personally don't. It's just casually hanging out for me.

Quite often, the time spent is too short to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation.

During the summer, I met up with someone who I'd had a past with. It had been a few years since I've seen him, but we'd always managed to stay in touch every now and then. But, in short, things kind of rekindled and eventually, we started going out on dates and etc. We talked of making if official, but we decided it'd be best if we stayed where we were, because I went to school in another state. Things started off really well, but eventually, he'd have these moments of mia, where we wouldn't talk, unless I initiated the conversation. And if I didn't, a few days later, he would write me something among the lines of "how come you haven't been talking to me lately?"/he just questioned why was there this gap of no communication...And recently, he decided to take his ex as a date to a wedding that he had to attend--something he hasn't told me yet. He told me he had a bit of a rough/bumpy relationship with her at the beginning of our relationship, but nevertheless he was still with her for about two years-ish? So in addition to this, through all this mia moments, he'd occasionally, txt me saying, that he can't wait to take me out when I come back. But other than that, there's really other little forms of communication going on right now?

I hope I elaborated enough,

but is it just time to end this? Or what's going on? Any ideas what to do next?

Thanks guys.

Seems like you're Plan B to him from what I've read. I kind of skimmed through it though.

I wouldn't waste my time with this guy anymore.

Is it bad that even though I started talking alot with my bf's bestfriend which greatly reduced my insecurity I still don't feel comfortable with them hanging one on one? (best friend is a girl)

meh. Means you don't trust him.

Ask yourself this: is he trustworthy?

If in doubt, why stay with a guy who isn't?

Girls often wake up extra early in the morning on specific days to do their hair a certain way and put on some nice clothes and make-up for the guy they like...

But what I want to know is...do guys even care? O_o

Like, do they actually take notice? Does it affect them in any way? >.<

Some guys do, most guys don't even notice.

I actively try to notice, and still fail miserably.

If it's somebody I really admire or get along with, I'd definitely notice any subtle changes.

If I hang out with her, and she puts forth the effort to look nice, I typically do the same.

What does it mean when a guy doesnt look at me when he talks to 2 people but to the other person (which is a girl) instead? I tried to stare at him for a while to get his eye contact but failed ... =.= he would never look at me UNLESS he has a question for me. And it has been that way since we were still friends and until now, even though we're dating, he'd look at my best friend when talking to the two of us.

Maybe your best friend is more attractive?

Maybe he's more comfortable looking at her?

Maybe you intimidate him?

Maybe you repulse him?

Pay attention to his body language. It says it all.

[Guest ccleeah]

Maybe your best friend is more attractive?

Maybe he's more comfortable looking at her?

Maybe you intimidate him?

Maybe you repulse him?

Pay attention to his body language. It says it all.

Thank you for the thoughts MrPower. He would reach for my hand and hold it when talking even though he doesnt look at me. Im so confused, should I straight up ask him about it?

[MrPower]

Thank you for the thoughts MrPower. He would reach for my hand and hold it when talking even though he doesnt look at me. Im so confused, should I straight up ask him about it?

Np, glad you read the responses.

Well I presume this is your boyfriend you're talking about?

Maybe he has something to hide?

Highly unlikely reason >> Perhaps he feels secure in your relationship, so to engage the third party (the other girl), he maintains eye contact.

You need to focus more on facial expression, leg/torso orientation, and whether or not he does any of his particular "habits".

[mintcracker]

^ I'm not a guy but I think it's weird your bf only stares at your best friend when talking. Sure he shouldn't need to focus his gaze on you only, but you WOULD like some acknowledgment right? (besides the hand holding). Personally I would be really uncomfortable. Not sure whether you should bring it up with him though, he might just think you're overthinking things.

[Guest ccleeah]

Np, glad you read the responses.

Well I presume this is your boyfriend you're talking about?

Maybe he has something to hide?

Highly unlikely reason >> Perhaps he feels secure in your relationship, so to engage the third party (the other girl), he maintains eye contact.

You need to focus more on facial expression, leg/torso orientation, and whether or not he does any of his particular "habits".

^ I'm not a guy but I think it's weird your bf only stares at your best friend when talking. Sure he shouldn't need to focus his gaze on you only, but you WOULD like some acknowledgment right? (besides the hand holding). Personally I would be really uncomfortable. Not sure whether you should bring it up with him though, he might just think you're overthinking things.

Yes, this is the boyfriend that I mentioned. Everything is perfectly normal. He just doesnt look at me when he talks and I felt completely left out....

[Guest DoriMie]

[Happy Thanksgiving!]

I'm a little confused about this guy.. I'll try to cut this short:

I met a guy at a school club event in October; we really hit it off, exchange numbers, text, and become pretty close. He's a little flirty, and I thought he liked me. He would do a lot of little things for me and then..I started to grow feelings for him. One day he even asked me to sit in his classes (I paid more attention than he did), and we ate dinner together afterward. Then have a really deep, long talk. Unfortunately, I found out -not by him- that he has a girlfriend (who also happens to be in the club). A guy in the club noticed how close we were, and lectured me to not be a "homewrecker"; I'm not like that anyway, so I told him to not worry. I stopped initiating texts (it was whoever woke up first), gave one word or really short responses, and avoided him touching or poking me.. or even just being alone with him. If he stood too close, I stepped like 2 feet away.

We went on a tour to UCSD (we attend community college), where he was walking with me, talking with me, and not really interacting with everyone else. I tried avoiding him, ignored him several times, and even yelled at him when he hugged me from behind. He was really quiet+seemed really hurt, and I felt really bad, so I called him that night to say sorry. He wanted to stay on the phone, so I even brought up his girlfriend. He explained he didn't know, I didn't know, about her when we first met, and apologized if he made me feel like he was leading me on. I go PHEW! ....and then into the conversation we had (I think we were talking about his dog), he asks if I've ever wanted anything more from him. I told him I wouldn't want to get in between his relationship, but would be lying if I said no. We get back into random conversation, and then he blurts he doesn't see his girlfriend often because she's busy, and he also feels like she doesn't initiate; it's always him. He asked me what to do about it, and I told him to talk to her, giving him a little lecture about maintaining the relationship. We go back into random conversation and then before we hang up, he suggests we don't hang out as often, and when we do, with groups of people.

We've been good for the past few weeks; the guy who lectured me stopped nagging me about him. But I feel like the guy DOES like me: he'll do things for me, or look for me after his last class ends. I think he avoids his girlfriend too.. one time he saw her at a place we usually hang out/meet up and he kind of froze. He talked to her, they walk out together, and 5 mins later, he sends me a text apologizing for not saying goodbye. The other day, I wasn't walking straight (lack of sleep, water, food), and he walks me to where I needed to go, telling me to lean towards his direction, so if I fall, he can catch me. Afterward, he asked if he could get me something, sat me down, gave me candy, etc. Today, he asked me to go out on a drive with him tonight... he wanted to get boba, and then wait for midnight black Friday shopping. Just us. I told him I had to stay home for dinner and cleaning, but maybe we can go out tomorrow.

What should I do? Am I wrong for wanting to go out with him? Do YOU guys think he likes me? What do you think he's doing?

I'm so confused.

....Sorry for my story being so long, thank you for reading! ^^;

[Guest suzan_xp]

Should I be upset/worried if my boyfriend still keeps in contact with his ex-girlfriend, whom he consider a friend now, via text, and occasional visits?  

[Guest emmabb]

I'm gonna try to keep this short... basically, I've fallen for a guy who said he doesn't date anymore. In May. We've been hooking up for 4 months (I was out of the country for 3 months during the summer), we see each other at least once a week, and we've been friends/acquaintances for a year before. One of my friends (who doesn't know him at all) says that usually when guys say they don't want any relationship, they mean it.

I'm curious to know if that's true? Do I still have a chance? I want to bring up the topic and ask what our status is but I'm not sure how to...

EDIT

Another question! When cuddling, do guys like it when the girl is the 'cuddler' and him the 'cuddlee'? E.g. like this: http://theuglyfriend.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/tumblr_lfexhfn4451qzuoz5o1_500.jpg

Ehh not sure if I asked that right.

[clauric]

i have a guy friend...sometimes he says things that are awkward and i don't want to overthink..but you know im a girl i like to overthink so im going to ask the question anyway from a a guy's POV...

well whenever he talks..he likes to mention that we like the same things--that we have the same favorites..he remembers some of the stuff that i like--..for examples--asian dramas (he knows im a die hard fan--and wants to watch them too), i told him i like fresh coconut juice (he saw a pic in the mag of a coconut and tells me that it's my favorite), and one time i told him drunk that i like guys with broad backs---and he likes to keep mentioning it to me...whenever we go out-he keeps telling me--"oh that guy is like checking you out/ staring at you etc"...and when we hang out he always ends up sitting next to me--like there was a time he wanted to switch seats next to our friend which was like facing towards me and our friend keep teasing him about it ..and when i was dressed up for this one occasion--he told me i look really good...he likes to tease and make fun of me...one time our friends and i were talking about love--we have different ethnicity..he asked me suddenly if my parents would be strict on me when it comes to the person that i love...and idk he keeps mentioning to me that i make him laugh and i surprise him--because i don't look like someone who is willing to try weird stuff (like eating exotic food) and it gives a smile on his face..

we also have girl friends in our group..but everyone notice that we tease each other like we are in our own world...and when we went out one time and i was a bit buzzed he was my buddy system--he wanted me to hold his hand instead of holding onto his arm...

so what do you guys think? does my friend have a little crush on me?

[Guest ejoong]

I'm trying to become closer friends with a guy, but I don't know how much to push it further, I don't want to seem too desperate, but at the same time I want to have progress...guys, how should I approach this? We txt each other sometimes and we rarely meet up...