Ask The Fellas

[Guest Andreas1]

so i really like this guy from work... but he is super shy & only talks to a selective group of people.

But he recently started talking to me a lot and last week, he walked me to my car and talked to me for 5 hours!

he said he feels comfortable talking to me and that i'm one of the few people he'd hang out with outside of work.

i dont know if he's just saying that as a friend or if he has feelings for me too. i mean we never have talked outside of work but maybe he just felt super comfortable around me as friends.. plus he is super shy

he also invited me to go watch him play basketball and didn't invite anyone else (including his girl best friend)..

would a guy just want to talk to a girl for 5 hours if he didn't have feelings??

Wow where the hell did you park... sorry jk.  You couldn't discern from your 5 hour talk if there was any chemistry goin on between you two? There could be a few reasons to talk to someone for 5 hours but to me it sounds like he likes you. Enjoy ~

[Guest HERMIT]

so i really like this guy from work... but he is super shy & only talks to a selective group of people.

But he recently started talking to me a lot and last week, he walked me to my car and talked to me for 5 hours!

he said he feels comfortable talking to me and that i'm one of the few people he'd hang out with outside of work.

i dont know if he's just saying that as a friend or if he has feelings for me too. i mean we never have talked outside of work but maybe he just felt super comfortable around me as friends.. plus he is super shy

he also invited me to go watch him play basketball and didn't invite anyone else (including his girl best friend)..

would a guy just want to talk to a girl for 5 hours if he didn't have feelings??

I think it's pretty evident that he's interested in you. 5 hours is a lot of time to spend just having a conversation. And for a shy guy, that's a considerable step. He's becoming comfortable with you and seems to like your company. Enjoy it for what it is now and see how it goes. I'm optimistic for you.

[Guest lululuvs4ever21]

This question is sooo high-school but whatever, Im still gonna ask it:

So guys, when you mess around with a girl, that means you have feelings for them right? even if just a EENSY TINY bit?

because i have a class with this guy, and i have a little bit of feelings for him. we don't talk, just these mini-interactions every once in a while. i'm not friends with him or anything. just saying if that helps. ANyways since i sit in the Back/middle-ish i have a good view of him, and today he was messing with the girl who sits behind him. he'll take her book or whatever, and since we have to pass things up and he sits in the front, so he'll mess with her by saying, 'oh i never got it'. And he was asking her stuff like 'oh r u gonna cheer me on in my games?' so i'm just curious if he has feelings for her~

i know crushing on him is like useless, we're somewhat of opposites so I doubt it'll happen.we even hang out with COMPLETELY different crowds. but still, when i saw that, i have to admit it kinda made me sad....sigh

I also kind of think it's my fault, im a shy girl, but i feel like it comes off as a 'cold b*tchy girl' to him, so im pretty much unconsciously putting up a force field so he can't talk to me or anything. 

[Guest roar.]

So I confessed to the guy I like. Me and him were .. acquaintances. Not close friends, not completely strangers either.

Anyways, his response to me was "I don't feel the same way."

But then now, I don't know what to do. Should I distance myself from him? Or would it be better to act the same as we did before, as friends? Do you guys feel awkward after a girl confesses to you? If you were him, would you like the girl to continue talking to you, or completely stay away and give you space?

[clauric]

i can't believe im asking this question..

so i have this guy friend..we have bonded when all of our mutual friends bonded in the trip..he even became my buddy system when we went out at night..since he was my buddy system--we held arm to arm...but he asked me to hold his hand instead..so i held it like as a friend--not interlocking our fingers...but he told me i didn't know how to hold hands (yeah i was kinda embarrass) so we he held hands interlocking our fingers..he teased me the whole time in our trip..we text each other sometimes..most of the time he always tease me...and he likes to message on fb too...

but the problem is that he has a gf..a long distance one..

soooo my question is..do you think he kinda likes me?but more like maybe he feels lonely because his gf is not around..but it's not like we see each other all the time...

i know my boundary that i can't like him because he is taken..

[Guest xphant0mwing]

i can't believe im asking this question..

so i have this guy friend..we have bonded when all of our mutual friends bonded in the trip..he even became my buddy system when we went out at night..since he was my buddy system--we held arm to arm...but he asked me to hold his hand instead..so i held it like as a friend--not interlocking our fingers...but he told me i didn't know how to hold hands (yeah i was kinda embarrass) so we he held hands interlocking our fingers..he teased me the whole time in our trip..we text each other sometimes..most of the time he always tease me...and he likes to message on fb too...

but the problem is that he has a gf..a long distance one..

soooo my question is..do you think he kinda likes me?but more like maybe he feels lonely because his gf is not around..but it's not like we see each other all the time...

i know my boundary that i can't like him because he is taken..

honestly, hahaha the best thing to do is just stay away from him. if you feel like hes using you, more than likely he probably is. i mean you guys dont know each other that well? dont be used as an emotional bandage. its not worth it.

[clauric]

honestly, hahaha the best thing to do is just stay away from him. if you feel like hes using you, more than likely he probably is. i mean you guys dont know each other that well? dont be used as an emotional bandage. its not worth it.

well we are friends and it's kinda hard to stay away from him because i am good friends with his cousin so we tend to hang out..but ill sure keep your advice in mind..thanks

[Guest xphant0mwing]

well we are friends and it's kinda hard to stay away from him because i am good friends with his cousin so we tend to hang out..but ill sure keep your advice in mind..thanks

ohh hahaha welll.. i guess you can hang out with him..? but like... try to stay away from any alone time that you might have with him. as in dont isolate yourself with him... i think you get the idea x]

[Guest Aliyosha]

This question is sooo high-school but whatever, Im still gonna ask it:

So guys, when you mess around with a girl, that means you have feelings for them right? even if just a EENSY TINY bit?

because i have a class with this guy, and i have a little bit of feelings for him. we don't talk, just these mini-interactions every once in a while. i'm not friends with him or anything. just saying if that helps. ANyways since i sit in the Back/middle-ish i have a good view of him, and today he was messing with the girl who sits behind him. he'll take her book or whatever, and since we have to pass things up and he sits in the front, so he'll mess with her by saying, 'oh i never got it'. And he was asking her stuff like 'oh r u gonna cheer me on in my games?' so i'm just curious if he has feelings for her~

i know crushing on him is like useless, we're somewhat of opposites so I doubt it'll happen.we even hang out with COMPLETELY different crowds. but still, when i saw that, i have to admit it kinda made me sad....sigh

I also kind of think it's my fault, im a shy girl, but i feel like it comes off as a 'cold b*tchy girl' to him, so im pretty much unconsciously putting up a force field so he can't talk to me or anything. 

Unfortunately, teasing and physical touch is one of the biggest indicators that something's going on. Plus, it seems like what you're describing is the classic "personal bubble" effect that a guy and a girl have when they're into each other (unless they're just really close friends... you'd know best).

If you really want him to notice you, put down that force field little by little. Try to say hi once in a while =P

[i/boss/top]

my situation seems so high schoolish >.<

so i have a guy friend... and we have a weird 'history' with each other. we never officially dated, but we went through this period of time a few years ago where we were seeing each other but never made it official. he ended up dating this chick. him and said chick dated for 4 years and then broke up. and then he dated this other chick for 6 months and they also have broken up. before our 'history' together we were really good friends. i had always had a crush on him, which he knew but neither of us really said or did anything about it until we had our brief 'history'. we did the typical dating stuff: watching a movie, shopping, going out to eat, chatting and texting at all hours etc. i think on his part back then more than it being him really liking me as a girlfriend, i think it was just convinient for the both of us. between the time of both of his relationships and now our friendship was kinda put on hold. i stopped contacting him after i realized that the first girlfriend didn't really like me because she thought that we were too close to be just friends. so to respect their relationship i stopped contacting him. now he's kinda acting the way he was when we kinda had our 'history' together: texting all hours of the day, going out for coffee, going out to eat, chatting etc. however, i didn't want to make it seem like i was still interested in him, so i would kinda blow him off. last saturday he wanted to see me for a few minutes however it was right after midnight and since i live with my parents i don't have even my closest friends come over that late since my mom tends to sleep early and is a light sleeper so i know she would have been mad. so i guess now he thinks i blew him off and isn't really talking to me.

insight please?

[odaesan]

So I confessed to the guy I like. Me and him were .. acquaintances. Not close friends, not completely strangers either.

Anyways, his response to me was "I don't feel the same way."

But then now, I don't know what to do. Should I distance myself from him? Or would it be better to act the same as we did before, as friends? Do you guys feel awkward after a girl confesses to you? If you were him, would you like the girl to continue talking to you, or completely stay away and give you space?

I actually would prefer it when she keeps talking to me. There was someone who talked to me a lot and I realized why a little later and she just didn't want to talk to me after that. It was strange and it wasn't nice.

You were honest and he was honest. It shouldn't be such a bad thing.

i can't believe im asking this question..

so i have this guy friend..we have bonded when all of our mutual friends bonded in the trip..he even became my buddy system when we went out at night..since he was my buddy system--we held arm to arm...but he asked me to hold his hand instead..so i held it like as a friend--not interlocking our fingers...but he told me i didn't know how to hold hands (yeah i was kinda embarrass) so we he held hands interlocking our fingers..he teased me the whole time in our trip..we text each other sometimes..most of the time he always tease me...and he likes to message on fb too...

but the problem is that he has a gf..a long distance one..

soooo my question is..do you think he kinda likes me?but more like maybe he feels lonely because his gf is not around..but it's not like we see each other all the time...

i know my boundary that i can't like him because he is taken..

He shouldn't be doing that. It's good that you're using logic so just don't let him get involved with you in that way. I think he likes you but he honestly should not be doing that with someone else.

[Guest Andreas1]

my situation seems so high schoolish >.<

so i have a guy friend... and we have a weird 'history' with each other. we never officially dated, but we went through this period of time a few years ago where we were seeing each other but never made it official. he ended up dating this chick. him and said chick dated for 4 years and then broke up. and then he dated this other chick for 6 months and they also have broken up. before our 'history' together we were really good friends. i had always had a crush on him, which he knew but neither of us really said or did anything about it until we had our brief 'history'. we did the typical dating stuff: watching a movie, shopping, going out to eat, chatting and texting at all hours etc. i think on his part back then more than it being him really liking me as a girlfriend, i think it was just convinient for the both of us. between the time of both of his relationships and now our friendship was kinda put on hold. i stopped contacting him after i realized that the first girlfriend didn't really like me because she thought that we were too close to be just friends. so to respect their relationship i stopped contacting him. now he's kinda acting the way he was when we kinda had our 'history' together: texting all hours of the day, going out for coffee, going out to eat, chatting etc. however, i didn't want to make it seem like i was still interested in him, so i would kinda blow him off. last saturday he wanted to see me for a few minutes however it was right after midnight and since i live with my parents i don't have even my closest friends come over that late since my mom tends to sleep early and is a light sleeper so i know she would have been mad. so i guess now he thinks i blew him off and isn't really talking to me.

insight please?

Are you a friend with benefits during the times between his "real" relationships? He may be using you as a holdover/surrogate till he finds a new girlfriend. I'm just speculating so don't take this too seriously unless it really rings true in your mind.

[i/boss/top]

Are you a friend with benefits during the times between his "real" relationships? He may be using you as a holdover/surrogate till he finds a new girlfriend. I'm just speculating so don't take this too seriously unless it really rings true in your mind.

we've never really had 'skinship'. he's not a touchy-feely type of guy. even with his 2 exes he would never hold hands or anything in public. the most we've done is hold hands so it's definitely not a friends with benefits deal. and the holdover/surrogate thing has crossed my mind, but i'm not sure if it is that which is why i'm confused. we've been friends since high school but our 'history' thing didn't happen until my early 20's.

[makelovenoises]

deleted!

[Guest Andreas1]

we've never really had 'skinship'. he's not a touchy-feely type of guy. even with his 2 exes he would never hold hands or anything in public. the most we've done is hold hands so it's definitely not a friends with benefits deal. and the holdover/surrogate thing has crossed my mind, but i'm not sure if it is that which is why i'm confused. we've been friends since high school but our 'history' thing didn't happen until my early 20's.

You've known him for a long time.. maybe have a heart to heart with him and just get it all out in the open.

He's really determined to hangout with me tomorrow, but I want to hangout just as friends. I don't want to pull the "lets-act-like-friends" cause what if he simply just wanted to be friends in the first place? I don't really know what his intentions are with me, but I think he just wants a fling.. Am I right?

He's not being very respectful to you for only knowing you for a short period of time. Yes he wants to get laid.

[Guest Aliyosha]

I went to a small party last Saturday and I just sat next to some friends and played with his glovesets. A guy approached in my direction and started talking to the guy next to me, then he started a short conversation with me about finger-rolling techniques. After a while, I got up and left the room, thinking not much about it. I went to another room to smoke hookah and he followed a few minutes after to smoke. I didn't think much of it because I didn't know of the guy well and there were only two rooms to go to. People started noticing that we would joke about to each other. He blew smoke in my face, or I'd blow in his face and take the hookah pipe away from him. Vice versa, he did the same. I didn't think much of it just yet. I started to find him a little attractive though. I left to go to the other room and I sat on the couch. Shortly after, he came and sat next to me and we spoke for a bit. I left the room to go smoke hookah again and he went to smoke too. He showed me his handstand and he joked "Please, impress me with your O-shaped smoke.. Cause yknow, I found that SO atractive" with a hint of humor and sarcasm. I laughed and he kept saying it haha. I went to the other room again and I was standing around takling to my friend. I was facing the mirror and I noticed him pass behind me. He nudged me with his shoulders of the three times he passed by. I sensed a little flirtation. I kept walking around and talking to other people, dismissing him. He had to go to another party so he left. My friends told me that they noticed something was going on. They also said they noticed I looked like I was playing hard-to-get and he was trying to get at me. I didn't really notice as much, but I started to fell bad. I added him on Facebook and we spoke since then. He'd call me after midnight and despite beind tired, he wouldn't want to hang up. The thing that irked me was that he wanted to take me to watch a movie, dinner, smoke and then I sleepover at his place. Which seems like a red flag for me. Sorry for the long story (I felt like I had to give every detail), but it seems like his intentions is to just get laid am I right? He knows I'm a virgin and I'm not looking for anything. I also have a feeling he's interested in me cause he'd say "hey, you're cute" a lot over the phone or "I want you to nap with me" etc

He's really determined to hangout with me tomorrow, but I want to hangout just as friends. I don't want to pull the "lets-act-like-friends" cause what if he simply just wanted to be friends in the first place? I don't really know what his intentions are with me, but I think he just wants a fling.. Am I right?

There's no way of completely knowing if he just wants to bang you... He's clearly flirting with you but you could honestly just hang out with him on that one day and see how it goes. If you aren't looking for anything serious or physical then you could either tell him or just make sure it doesn't go that way...

[Guest SlicedBread]

He's really determined to hangout with me tomorrow, but I want to hangout just as friends. I don't want to pull the "lets-act-like-friends" cause what if he simply just wanted to be friends in the first place? I don't really know what his intentions are with me, but I think he just wants a fling.. Am I right?

Pretty normal behaviour for a young guy; specially given that many girls will have no issues getting down with the program. It's clearly a case of mismatched expectations. Just make sure you clarify your own wishes to him so he doesn't have the wrong idea. If he's cool with that, then he's probably an alright guy. If he throws a hissy fit or pressures you into that kind of situation, there's your red flag.

[Guest lululuvs4ever21]

Unfortunately, teasing and physical touch is one of the biggest indicators that something's going on. Plus, it seems like what you're describing is the classic "personal bubble" effect that a guy and a girl have when they're into each other (unless they're just really close friends... you'd know best).

If you really want him to notice you, put down that force field little by little. Try to say hi once in a while =P

 thanks so much for the reply!~ 

but i forgot to say too, that the interactions between them happen only in THAT class. if he really was interested in her, he'll talk to her in d hallways and come up to her in lunch right? he doesnt do it~

(but, then, thats the only class they have together)...sorry. it's just my in-denial self talking . I think he's kind of a flirt too coz he has a gf already~

but see the thing is, i started liking him coz HE would steal glances of me once in a while~my friend even caught him at the beginning of the year so she said, "he likes you"

as of this day i still catch him doing it every couple days or so~ (i nver know though, he probably stares at me coz im super weird or whatever)

there was even a time where we sat next to each other in THAT SAME CLASS.....looking back aishhh i REALLY ruined it~ that was my moment~

*wow i feel pathetic writing this *

[Guest Aliyosha]

 thanks so much for the reply!~ 

but i forgot to say too, that the interactions between them happen only in THAT class. if he really was interested in her, he'll talk to her in d hallways and come up to her in lunch right? he doesnt do it~

(but, then, thats the only class they have together)...sorry. it's just my in-denial self talking *quoted image*. I think he's kind of a flirt too coz he has a gf already~

but see the thing is, i started liking him coz HE would steal glances of me once in a while~my friend even caught him at the beginning of the year so she said, "he likes you"

as of this day i still catch him doing it every couple days or so~ (i nver know though, he probably stares at me coz im super weird or whatever)

there was even a time where we sat next to each other in THAT SAME CLASS.....looking back aishhh i REALLY ruined it~ that was my moment~

*wow i feel pathetic writing this *quoted image**

Lawlz I think you just need to read what's in front of you; the things you're typing out kind of give everything away. He's got a girlfriend AND he only talks to this girl in this class? And then he steals glances with you every so often? Either he's ready to jump ship and test the waters a bit or he enjoys the attention he's getting from all these girls (including yourself).

Also, he obviously just can't go see this girl after the class they have together... He has a girlfriend! He's not just going to walk up and make his moves. In high school, rumours spread like wildfire. 

Anyway to answer your original question, it's possible that he might have a small amount of feelings towards the girls he's flirting with, but it's more often than not that these interactions with you and the other girl(s) are just stroking his ego as he's enjoying the attention he's getting.

[Guest lululuvs4ever21]

Lawlz I think you just need to read what's in front of you; the things you're typing out kind of give everything away. He's got a girlfriend AND he only talks to this girl in this class? And then he steals glances with you every so often? Either he's ready to jump ship and test the waters a bit or he enjoys the attention he's getting from all these girls (including yourself).

Also, he obviously just can't go see this girl after the class they have together... He has a girlfriend! He's not just going to walk up and make his moves. In high school, rumours spread like wildfire. 

Anyway to answer your original question, it's possible that he might have a small amount of feelings towards the girls he's flirting with, but it's more often than not that these interactions with you and the other girl(s) are just stroking his ego as he's enjoying the attention he's getting.

 now that i think about it he does seem cocky, especially around his friends~ thx so much~ ur an eye opener!

sorry if i sounded really dumb to you~ its just that this guy has gotten me blinded and so i can't snap out of it completely, not even with the help of my friends~