Ask The Fellas

[Heroine]

I don't know how to make friends with this guy at college. He's in all my lectures and one of my labs, he's across the bench separated by this half-a-wall thing. I just don't really know how to approach him. He's always with a bunch of friends (all quite tall and overwhelming) and I'm with my friends most of the time too. Not quite sure what to do now ):

[Guest ryusenka]

So...What do guys think about kissing on the first date? Is this going to classify me as a richard simmons? and dating older guys, are you supposed to be more sexual because guys expect it? I've only been in fairly innocent relationships where I've initiated most things, conversations, hugs, and even kisses. It feels weird now that I'm dating an older guy, let's say four years. Don't worry, I'm legal. How should I approach this? Should I wait to do some stuff so he knows that I'm serious?

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

I don't know how to make friends with this guy at college. He's in all my lectures and one of my labs, he's across the bench separated by this half-a-wall thing. I just don't really know how to approach him. He's always with a bunch of friends (all quite tall and overwhelming) and I'm with my friends most of the time too. Not quite sure what to do now ):

Since he's in most of your classes why not try and initiate a conversation with him outside of class. Maybe something about one of your classes you have together. Maybe put him on the spot and say something like, I caught you staring at me the other day in [insert class name here] and I thought it was kinda cute.

I'm not sure what the situation is between you two and if he's shy or confident or if you're shy or confident. But nothing's going to change if you only sit there and wait and wonder when 'it' will happen. You have to be the one to do 'it' because if you don't who knows when or if ever the 'it' will come.

You should start with smiling and waving, then move up to saying small greetings and small talk. Then to the full blown conversation. From that point you can kinda gauge how to handle the situation. (ie: if he sucks in one class try and help him out. Try doing group study session with him and his friends and yours. etc. etc. etc.)

If you need more help/want to give us more details feel free to do so. Otherwise I say grab the bull by the horns.

So...What do guys think about kissing on the first date? Is this going to classify me as a richard simmons? and dating older guys, are you supposed to be more sexual because guys expect it? I've only been in fairly innocent relationships where I've initiated most things, conversations, hugs, and even kisses. It feels weird now that I'm dating an older guy, let's say four years. Don't worry, I'm legal. How should I approach this? Should I wait to do some stuff so he knows that I'm serious?

I'm pretty sure kissing on the first date shouldn't label you a 'richard simmons'. Maybe f**king on the first date, but not kissing. =)

Honestly, it all depends on who you are and who your boyfriend is. Kissing should be a huge deal, but then again.. I feel like a relationship should be built on more than physical attraction. I'll usually initiate another intimate thing (ie: kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, etc. etc.) when I feel like both she and I are ready. (not when I'm ready) As long as he respects you, you shouldn't have to worry about whether he thinks you're a 'richard simmons' or not. And as long as you set a firm guideline as to what is ok and what is not ok and follow it then he'll know what's the law. If he doesn't, smack that n****r upside his head and let him know who's really the boss. xD

And age isn't that big of a deal as long as you're legal. Unless he's like crazy old. Then it's weird.

#just sayin

[Guest j00n]

So...What do guys think about kissing on the first date? Is this going to classify me as a richard simmons? and dating older guys, are you supposed to be more sexual because guys expect it? I've only been in fairly innocent relationships where I've initiated most things, conversations, hugs, and even kisses. It feels weird now that I'm dating an older guy, let's say four years. Don't worry, I'm legal. How should I approach this? Should I wait to do some stuff so he knows that I'm serious?

No kissing on the first date doesn't make you a richard simmons.  Sex perhaps but not kissing...if it's the right situation and the mood is there, go for a kiss.  Wouldn't recommend a make out session though.  Just because you're an "older guy" doesn't mean you expect sex....i'm not sure where you got this stereotype.  I would like to say that older guys might be more mature and hence more interested in a real relationship but of course that's not always the case.

[Guest chambichamboo]

do guys also believe love at first sight?  ... just wondering..

[twix0rz]

My bf hasn't said or typed i love you or even i like you for over half a year now. I know i shouldn't have to ask him to say it. I should be able to tell from his actions. But even when i do ask him to say i like you in a joking manner, he will just brush it off.

I just feel like every once in awhile...i just want to hear it. Am i asking too much of him? I really don't think so. Maybe some boys don't like expressing their feelings but is this too much?

Ahhh, i just want some input. It has been bugging me lately...i think i am watching too many lovey dovey dramas/movies. lol.

Thanks.

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

do guys also believe love at first sight?  ... just wondering..

Does every child think Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are real? No.

Likewise some people will and some won't. I don't think there's such a thing as 'love at first sight' mainly because you can be hit with how amazing someone looks but then usually their personality won't match their physicality. Hence forth their magic is lost and they're thrown into 'friend zone'.

But other time that's not the case. It's a case-by-case thing.

My bf hasn't said or typed i love you or even i like you for over half a year now. I know i shouldn't have to ask him to say it. I should be able to tell from his actions. But even when i do ask him to say i like you in a joking manner, he will just brush it off.

I just feel like every once in awhile...i just want to hear it. Am i asking too much of him? I really don't think so. Maybe some boys don't like expressing their feelings but is this too much?

Ahhh, i just want some input. It has been bugging me lately...i think i am watching too many lovey dovey dramas/movies. lol.

Thanks.

No, you're not asking too much of anyone. Every one (both guys and girls) want to be acknowledged by their significant other. Sometimes you can tell from his/her actions but usually a simple, 'I love you' or 'I like you' is sufficient enough. Usually in my relationships I let my girlfriend know that I'm not going to say anything to her unless I mean it, so she shouldn't expect an 'I love you' from me for a while until I really feel that way. But when I do end up saying it to her, I let her know whenever I get the chance.

If your boyfriend isn't really chasing after you then maybe he's just not worth it anymore. Dump his worthless a*s and pick up someone who will appreciate you. You can also wake him up to realize what he has by breaking it off with him and see how he feels about it. (Obviously you should try and talk to him about it first) But sometimes it's easier to just hit him hard with reality then watch him scurry back to you.

[Guest aorisu]

I have 2 guy friends, let’s call them A and B. So, around 1-2 years ago? B was pissed off and accused A for hacking his facebook -.-. Both of them were already in a ‘cold war’ that time for a very stupid reason. So yeah I was always caught in the middle btwn both of them. As I thought it wasn’t a very serious thing, I didn’t ask them about what happened, worried it might be sensitive, and also expecting them to forget bout this soon.

 Apparently, I was wrong. Recently, B started blogging and in his recent post, so he mentioned bout something very ‘dark’ happened and that a friend that he trusted hacked his facebook and said something about a richard simmons is always a richard simmons no matter where he goes. Not only that, he posted the link the A’s facebook in his blog and shared his blog on his msn’s pm and also on facebook. I was actually pretty disgusted on what he did. I mean, we’re all turning 23 years old, mind he? What he did was really immature and I was speechless.

Before this B was also in a ‘cold war’ with another friend and he was always complaining on that this friend is so good in holding grudges and talking bad things bout him. Who’s the one holding grudges now? And so, A found out about his blog and he messaged me asking me to tell B that he seriously did not hack him before and he has nothing to gain from doing that and asking him not to simply accuse him in public! B also has no proof that he did that. I have no idea what happened between them. And it’s just so frustrating to see this! Also, A blocks B on facebook -.-.

I’m not sure where to ask this, but since it’s between guys, though I might ask the fellas in soompi! So, fellas, how should I deal with this situation? Should I pass the message to B?

 

[Guest neshpa]

Hi guys.

I guess I'll to keep this as short as possible without missing out a lot of detail.

My best friend of five years has recently started to see one of my friends (they are not officially dating yet, as far as my knowledge goes anyway.) He tells me that he feels guilty for seeing her because he feels like it's going to ruin my friendship with her. The thing is, I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend, and I mistook the way I felt about him for an intense feeling of possessive that I have over him. Of course, like what usually happens, I was too late. Oh, and I may have accidentally told him that I didn't like him half an hour before I had an epiphany, heh.

Also, I feel like ... there's still a part of him that harbors feelings for me too. He still calls me baby, dear, and a lot of other endearments that he used before he starting seeing my friend. He still touches my arm and shoulders all the time, and allows me to rest my head on his shoulder, and he does the same to me. He doesn't pull away when I play with his hands, or when I play with his hair. He even still tells me he loves me (as his best friend .. of course, heh.) Maybe .. I'm just thinking too much about his behaviour and just giving myself false hope, but I don't really know how best friends of opposite sexes act with each other seeing as how all my girl friends don't have boy best friends, haha.

And, I have this feeling in my gut that he knows how I feel because I make it as obvious as I can without actually telling him. Before you think I'm being an idiot, haha, it's him who always asked me questions - trying to coax what's wrong out of me - and I don't want to tell him yet, and so I give him vague answers that, if he would just put them altogether, he could determine the reason.

I want to tell him how I feel, but ... obviously there are many things that could go wrong with that no matter if his answer is positive or negative.

Would it be wise of me to do this? I don't want to always be wondering 'what if,' but at the same time I don't want to make our friendship awkward. Of course, if I do tell him, I will genuinely tell him that ... I don't expect him to choose explicitly between her and I; I don't want to make him feel like I'm giving him an ultimatum, because I'm and I don't want to: I can be okay with his growing relationship with my friend no matter how much it hurts me, because I love him.

I guess what I'm asking of you guys is: should I tell him - despite the impending repercussions? Is his behaviour strictly best friend-best friend, or is he trying to hint something more? If he feels guilty about seeing her, then why is he? ... Is he playing with me?

Edit: after trying to call me twice (I'm currently off the communication radar from him), he texts me: "Where are you baby? I want to lie in bed and mumble to you, cause mumbling to myself is crazy." Then ten minutes later he texts me again telling him to call him whenever I get his messages even if it's 4:30 in the morning. You see what I mean? That isn't normal! And it's killing me because I have no idea what he wants from me.

Thanks for reading this wall of text <3

[Guest ~*.:Yuki:.*~]

-

[Guest andishouted]

So I'm super bothered at the moment about this guy.

Background Information:

I'm currently a Junior in High School. I have a crush on this senior mainly because of his appearance. We NEVER talk, I only see him during my lunch and he occasionally sits at my table. So it's spring, and sports began. I'm the tennis manager and it just so happens that the guy I have a crush on joined the team this year. Although we haven't talked, it all changed one day. Sort of. While we had a home game, he won his round and came over to me & a couple of other friends. We were playing cards and since he was doing nothing, I offered my stack of cards and we played a little. We had like 2 high fives and everything was all good. We haven't talked to each other for like ... probably 2 weeks? So fast forward 2 weeks and we're having tennis practice. We were outside that day and it was super windy and cold. I was shivering like no other. He came up to me and offered me a sweater that he was wearing, which was pretty cute. I rejected because I didn't want him to be cold.

ETC Information:

I have been noticing him for some time now, and he really doesn't interact with much girls, and it seems as if he's a really nice guy & I want to get to know him better. I'm really scared to even approach him and I don't know why, but there's no reason for me to talk to him. I feel intimidated to even speak to him when he's with friends and I don't have confidence in my self.

QUESTION:

How should I approach him? Does it seem like he'll be interest to get to know me better too? Thanks for reading!

[Guest milktea9828]

thank you

[Guest youraDouche.]

i was wondering..do guys like girls who have funny reactions ? or like it when do have funny reactions ?

example, when a guy starts teasing or messing with a girl just to see her reaction.

i have this friend, he messes with me alot. for examplee, he would walk up to like hes pissed at me, or he would be all serious and kind of go off on me, or tells me things to see my reaction. he claims im the funnest person to mess with. one reason why is because my reactions come off surprisingly horrified because sometimes i think hes serious haha. should i consider this to be a bad thing.. ? its like hes calling me gullible ..

[Guest AliceAristocrat]

Okay so I have a friendly little competition with this guy I know in a class. We're trying to get the higher grade (there's 3 of us in the class that have over 150% ) which means we have to get the most sign-offs and a few other things but signatures on the sign off sheet are an easier way to see who will get the better grade, so it became a competition and it was fun at first because the guy I'm competing against has this love hate relationship with me and it's fun.

But now it's starting to get a little out of hand. I mean I'm a pretty easygoing girl, if someone "insults" me just to mess with me, I'm usually okay with it but now he's going for my insecurities and I don't think he means to but he's definitely going there. The class we're in is a Video production class and he's in it just because but I'm in it because this is my career choice. This is what I want to be for the rest of my life. So he doesn't really understand that when he says things like Girls suck at film making or that I'm the reason the show suck, he's not being mean about it, he knows I'm the better film maker, he's just messing with me and I know that but it still hurts. Then all the sexist jokes too, they're not that bad but they still target my insecurities. But I'm incapable of getting mad at school (it's just the way I am) and I want to tell him that it's starting to hurt but I don't know how to make it serious and not just me laughing and smiling like it's funny. Plus I told him once and he didn't take it seriously so that means it didn't come out right so how should I tell him in a way that makes him know that I'm not kidding when I say he's hurting me.

[Guest roar.]

I know this is a typical question and I could easily google this to get answers, but I think hearing from you guys' perspectives would be a nice change.

My question is, how do guys know when a girl likes them?

What are hints that typical females would drop?

It's just that I don't want to be too obvious about my feelings. Sounds weird, doesn't it? Usually people want to get out there and show their affections, but I am just scared of getting hurt and indirect rejection, so I try to hide my feelings. I don't know if I'm doing a good job at it, though. So.

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

I have 2 guy friends, let’s call them A and B. So, around 1-2 years ago? B was pissed off and accused A for hacking his facebook -.-. Both of them were already in a ‘cold war’ that time for a very stupid reason. So yeah I was always caught in the middle btwn both of them. As I thought it wasn’t a very serious thing, I didn’t ask them about what happened, worried it might be sensitive, and also expecting them to forget bout this soon.

 Apparently, I was wrong. Recently, B started blogging and in his recent post, so he mentioned bout something very ‘dark’ happened and that a friend that he trusted hacked his facebook and said something about a richard simmons is always a richard simmons no matter where he goes. Not only that, he posted the link the A’s facebook in his blog and shared his blog on his msn’s pm and also on facebook. I was actually pretty disgusted on what he did. I mean, we’re all turning 23 years old, mind he? What he did was really immature and I was speechless.

Before this B was also in a ‘cold war’ with another friend and he was always complaining on that this friend is so good in holding grudges and talking bad things bout him. Who’s the one holding grudges now? And so, A found out about his blog and he messaged me asking me to tell B that he seriously did not hack him before and he has nothing to gain from doing that and asking him not to simply accuse him in public! B also has no proof that he did that. I have no idea what happened between them. And it’s just so frustrating to see this! Also, A blocks B on facebook -.-.

I’m not sure where to ask this, but since it’s between guys, though I might ask the fellas in soompi! So, fellas, how should I deal with this situation? Should I pass the message to B?

 

Sounds like these two babies need their own room to throw their tantrum around in. Feel free to have your own opinions about either of them but know that there's two sides to every story. Make sure you have the FACT and not the STORY to both sides before you pick one.

Also, I think the best route it to just leave them alone and let them be stupid on their own time. You don't need this kind of stress or drama hanging on or around you.

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

Hi guys.

I guess I'll to keep this as short as possible without missing out a lot of detail.

My best friend of five years has recently started to see one of my friends (they are not officially dating yet, as far as my knowledge goes anyway.) He tells me that he feels guilty for seeing her because he feels like it's going to ruin my friendship with her. The thing is, I'm hopelessly in love with my best friend, and I mistook the way I felt about him for an intense feeling of possessive that I have over him. Of course, like what usually happens, I was too late. Oh, and I may have accidentally told him that I didn't like him half an hour before I had an epiphany, heh.

Also, I feel like ... there's still a part of him that harbors feelings for me too. He still calls me baby, dear, and a lot of other endearments that he used before he starting seeing my friend. He still touches my arm and shoulders all the time, and allows me to rest my head on his shoulder, and he does the same to me. He doesn't pull away when I play with his hands, or when I play with his hair. He even still tells me he loves me (as his best friend .. of course, heh.) Maybe .. I'm just thinking too much about his behaviour and just giving myself false hope, but I don't really know how best friends of opposite sexes act with each other seeing as how all my girl friends don't have boy best friends, haha.

And, I have this feeling in my gut that he knows how I feel because I make it as obvious as I can without actually telling him. Before you think I'm being an idiot, haha, it's him who always asked me questions - trying to coax what's wrong out of me - and I don't want to tell him yet, and so I give him vague answers that, if he would just put them altogether, he could determine the reason.

I want to tell him how I feel, but ... obviously there are many things that could go wrong with that no matter if his answer is positive or negative.

Would it be wise of me to do this? I don't want to always be wondering 'what if,' but at the same time I don't want to make our friendship awkward. Of course, if I do tell him, I will genuinely tell him that ... I don't expect him to choose explicitly between her and I; I don't want to make him feel like I'm giving him an ultimatum, because I'm and I don't want to: I can be okay with his growing relationship with my friend no matter how much it hurts me, because I love him.

I guess what I'm asking of you guys is: should I tell him - despite the impending repercussions? Is his behaviour strictly best friend-best friend, or is he trying to hint something more? If he feels guilty about seeing her, then why is he? ... Is he playing with me?

Edit: after trying to call me twice (I'm currently off the communication radar from him), he texts me: "Where are you baby? I want to lie in bed and mumble to you, cause mumbling to myself is crazy." Then ten minutes later he texts me again telling him to call him whenever I get his messages even if it's 4:30 in the morning. You see what I mean? That isn't normal! And it's killing me because I have no idea what he wants from me.

Thanks for reading this wall of text <3

I'm going to get the obvious out of the way. I'm not this guy and I can't think like him. But what I can say is he definitely thinks of you as more than a friend. The fact that this other female friend of yours is interested in your best guy friend doesn't change the fact that you have feelings for him and likewise he probably has strong feelings for you too.

I'm not too sure what their relationship is, whether he treats her like you or if he's just trailing her along to see what kind of reaction he can grab from you is beyond me. But normal guys don't go so far as to call their female friends 'baby' or whatever and then treat you like a girl friend without giving you that label so that they're not stringing you along.

Your best bet is to maybe talk to your friends separately and see what their view points are. If the girl is really your friend she should understand that you've had a crush on him for along time and that she should try and back off (that is if you're planning on chasing him). Then maybe confronting your guy friend about it all. Tell him you're getting mixed signals and that you want to set things crystal clear. That you like him and what he thinks of you. At least get it out there so you don't have any thoughts of 'what if' left. I think that's worse than anything. Even messing up a friendship to the point where it's not as close as it was before.

I'm pretty sure neither of your friends are going to HATE you for it. Sure there will probably be a speed bump or two, but nothing major. If they do take offense to it, then who needs them. You don't need friends like that who blow things out of proportion. If they're not willing to take your emotions into account then why are they even your friends? Right?

#just sayin

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

The guy I used to be with for 5 years broke up with me after 1 year of LDR. Obviously cuz he felt he had no freedom given I was gone and wanted to break free in pursuit of a life where he could just do all the crap he wanted without having a gf on the side trying to guide him in the right direction.

Anyways, I felt really sad at first, but now as I realize WHY he did it, I'm starting to get more and more pissed. All that j*rk cares about is having his own fun and ruining his life OVER 5 years of serious/first love.

Now, what makes a guy really regret breaking up with someone?

I know this sounds childish but I just really wanna make him regret hard and long for what he's chosen.. He evidently ALWAYS comes to me after a long week of not talking cuz when he's alone and got nobody, I'm the only person he ever thinks of; yet the minute he is busy playing, i have no place in his mind. I don't reply to him but I really wish there was a way of SHOWING HIM that this was his biggest loss and that he will NEVER have a chance of having me again. How do I do that?

Thanks so much for any advice!

Nothing better than to get back at someone than to show them you're having a MUCH better time with someone else. It'll make him think harder and regret his decisions. Especially if he f**ks up and fails at life.

Just forget about him and live a happy love filled life and show him that he COULD'VE had all that, but then f**ked it up and went his own way. Nothing brings a man down knowing HE'S the one who blew it.

[twix0rz]

No, you're not asking too much of anyone. Every one (both guys and girls) want to be acknowledged by their significant other. Sometimes you can tell from his/her actions but usually a simple, 'I love you' or 'I like you' is sufficient enough. Usually in my relationships I let my girlfriend know that I'm not going to say anything to her unless I mean it, so she shouldn't expect an 'I love you' from me for a while until I really feel that way. But when I do end up saying it to her, I let her know whenever I get the chance.

If your boyfriend isn't really chasing after you then maybe he's just not worth it anymore. Dump his worthless a*s and pick up someone who will appreciate you. You can also wake him up to realize what he has by breaking it off with him and see how he feels about it. (Obviously you should try and talk to him about it first) But sometimes it's easier to just hit him hard with reality then watch him scurry back to you.

I just might need to have a talk with him soon. I dislike confrontation so i guess that is why i haven't been hard on him about this and other things.

Thanks for your help. You sound like a good boyfriend too.

[Guest lNlHAlRA]

So I'm super bothered at the moment about this guy.

Background Information:

I'm currently a Junior in High School. I have a crush on this senior mainly because of his appearance. We NEVER talk, I only see him during my lunch and he occasionally sits at my table. So it's spring, and sports began. I'm the tennis manager and it just so happens that the guy I have a crush on joined the team this year. Although we haven't talked, it all changed one day. Sort of. While we had a home game, he won his round and came over to me & a couple of other friends. We were playing cards and since he was doing nothing, I offered my stack of cards and we played a little. We had like 2 high fives and everything was all good. We haven't talked to each other for like ... probably 2 weeks? So fast forward 2 weeks and we're having tennis practice. We were outside that day and it was super windy and cold. I was shivering like no other. He came up to me and offered me a sweater that he was wearing, which was pretty cute. I rejected because I didn't want him to be cold.

ETC Information:

I have been noticing him for some time now, and he really doesn't interact with much girls, and it seems as if he's a really nice guy & I want to get to know him better. I'm really scared to even approach him and I don't know why, but there's no reason for me to talk to him. I feel intimidated to even speak to him when he's with friends and I don't have confidence in my self.

QUESTION:

How should I approach him? Does it seem like he'll be interest to get to know me better too? Thanks for reading!

Sounds like he's an overall 'nice guy'. What that means is if you give him the time of day he'll return the favor. Don't be intimidated by him, especially since he offered his sweater to you. (Remember, he's running around and playing tennis. He'll warm up soon enough)

#just sayin

As for the 'approach', just smile and wave and say, 'Hi' or 'Hey' for starters. You don't need a BIG break through, it's just those small things that'll grab his attention and make him notice you more.

I like using this analogy, 'If you're locked in a dark room and you just need to open a door to find your way out. You don't need a big spot light or the sun. All it takes is a small match or candle to show you the dimly lit room and the COURAGE and STRENGTH to take the first step until you reach the door to a brighter tomorrow.'

After you build up a little friendship where he responds to you then maybe you can advance with school related stuff. Then move forward to other things as well. Maybe talk about what college he wants to go to. What classes to take next year. Etc. etc. etc.

Use your best judgement and believe in yourself. After all, you're the most beautiful and unique person in the world. No one will/is/ever will be like you. You can believe that.

#real talk