Ask The Fellas

[Guest papermoon1]

What's a good gift for your boyfriend of one month? (Our one month is on Valetines day) The relationship is long distance too but I think I'm going to go see him that weekend.

get him a decent folding knife, or one of those complex multi tools, like swiss army. price ranging should be anywhere from $30-$100. i believe gifts for men require a bit of functionality or practicality as well as sentimental value. on that note, a pocket knife is something you can always carry around, always use, and its basically indestructable. on top of that, you can even get letters engraved into the blade(from certain sites), if youre into that sort of thing. in fact, i think a quality knife is a perfect gift for any guy. just my $.02;)

[Guest x kisekiboshi]

Last night, my friend introduced me to this guy that I've seen around campus a lot. He and I started talking and it was a bit awkward because he was on the quiet side and I kept thinking of things to talk about with him. I didn't mind so much but there were just a lot of awkward pauses. Both of us decided to get food that the student center was giving out, but I didn't like it so much and I told him I would be right back so I could throw it out. I come back a minute later and he's talking to this girl. I decided to stand on the side so he could finish up his conversation, but a couple minutes later I decided to go talk to my friends because I didn't want to stand there by myself. While I was chatting with my friends, they told me that he left the room with the girl (keep in mind that this guy could see me across the him). I waited a couple more minutes for him and I even looked around for him, but I couldn't find him.

Needless to say, I'm kind of pissed. I'm not mad that he left with a girl, I'm mad at the fact that he couldn't say bye to me. I did run into him this morning and I asked him (much to my friend's dismay) where he was yesterday at the mixer and he told me that he left early.

Am I being irrational for being upset about this? Is part of it my fault because I went to go talk to my friends? And was it wrong of me to ask him where he was yesterday? Two of my friends told me I made the wrong move by asking him this question.

[5880]

OK, first of all. He flirted with those other girls not to "reaffirm" his feelings for you. I'm sure you know this already. He did it to reaffirm to HIMSELF that he is still a desired male, even though he's in a relationship. In short, it was an ego booster for him. It was inappropriate behavior given his relationship with you.

Thus, it is completely reasonable for you to have been frustrated and question his faithfulness to you. However, be wary of how you display these feelings of frustration to him. It sounds like he's on a self-destructive spree now that one of his less than admirable qualities has surfaced. It's fine for you to be angry and to have a talk with him about what you're feeling, but what he wants most right now is that you can still believe in him through this and help guide him through this issue. If you show that you're always second-guessing his actions or words, he'll get irritated and give you an attitude.

Now, this is only on the basis that he sincerely feels something special toward you. I suggest you both sit down and you tell him something like, "Hey, I'm hurt by what you did, but I want to believe "we" can work, so I want to give you the chance to show me that you really do appreciate us." Nonetheless, do not ever be gullible; if you ever find evidence that he has betrayed your trust again after this, then I suggest you consider the option of break up.

Why does anyone play mind games with another? Because it's interesting or it adds flavor to the chase. From my perspective, it's to inflate the value of their actions by lowing your expectations. First, they will show you a favorable result or action that will draw your attention. Second, they will act coldly toward you and as a result, you expect less of the possibility of you two being together. Finally, he repeats this to a point where he feels it that w/e he does will be valued highly making the relationship easier to obtain. This is a gross simplification, but it's something along these lines. However, in many cases such as yours, the subject gets stuck in confusion and is unsure of what to make of anything.

He was acting out of self-interest, yes just a bit rude, but understandable.

Let's start from the beginning. You guys meet, awkwardness ensues. Now you're eating together, but you abruptly leave to throw your food away without looking picky or wasteful. While you are away, another girl comes up that he knows (acquaintance or friendly with) and becomes engaged in a conversation. Big contrast to how you two were. Now he sees you talking to your friends, isn't it possible that he thought the same thing you did? "Oh, I don't want to disturb her conversation." Thus, he leaves with the girl that he is comfortable with.

Now when you asked him where he was, it was a mistake. You were a little too straightforward. The way you stated it easily implies, for lack of better words at the moment, clingy. I'd imagine him thinking, "I barely know this girl and can't connect that well with her, why is she asking me where I was?"

In this case, both of you are at fault. You could have joined in his conversation with the other girl and if he left early, you would've had a chance to say bye. He could have stopped by you and your friends to say bye and tell you he's off with the other girl. However, he didn't want to come off as rude that's he's ditching you for her, and you didn't want to come off as rude by possibly cockblocking him with the girl. Just one of those situations where politeness is not the answer lol

[Shuga]

there's this guy who is in my friendship group. first time we met he began disliking me because there was a hole in my stocking () and also because I like SHINee and to him everyone who likes them are 'kool-aids'. LOOOL. i was still nice to him, waving HIII if i saw him but after a while, i tired of it and wouldn't act enthusiastically around him. it got to a point where he doesn't treat me nicely at all O_o like he won't hand something to me and made me get it myself, or if he knew something was mine ie my jacket, he'd like treat it roughly. he even called me gorilla O__O sure, i'm tan and i have long brown hair but SERIOUSLY? we're in college!

mutual friends said it was because i was unlady-like; and i admit, i'm not the most graceful of creatures. a mutual classmate (high school) outside of the group, though, told me he said i was nice and energetic or some mini cooper when she asked him if he knew me. kinda bothers me how he hides his dislike for me in front of some ppl

this even got to a point where if there was a group gathering and he doesn't go or i don't go, the group would say it was because we didn't like each other. ok anyway, being a Christian, i decided looking '-___-' around him was doing no good so i've put aside my small grudge against him and started looking happier around him. but he still bags on the SHINee thing (lmaoo, this sounds so stupid). at one stage he had my camera and when he asked 'whose is this?' i didn't answer lool in case he knew it was mine and he'd treat it roughly T__T

what in the world is going on here? i see him quite often; is there a way to have him treat me NORMALLY? hahhaa

thanks ;_;

[Guest HeartOnHerSleeve]

I found out my ex had 2-3 other girlfriends while he was seeing me (so I broke up with him). He was already seriously dating a girl when he asked me out and dated me for several months. He acted like he really liked me, kissed me a lot, took me out on dates, and he took my vcard. He even asked to meet my mom and always asked me if I wanted to go to vacation places with him (turns out he went travelled like this with his other girlfriends too)

My question is, did he EVER like me or was he just using me? I know he was using me, but I want to know if he might have ever felt strongly about me. Why would he have put so much effort into tricking me? He must have had SOME genuine feelings... Can guys seriously care about several girls at once, or are they just messing around at that point...

[Guest Daimyo]

 I know he was using me, but I want to know if he might have ever felt strongly about me.

Why would he have put so much effort into tricking me? He must have had SOME genuine feelings...

Can guys seriously care about several girls at once, or are they just messing around at that point...

 

Wake up N' smell the coffee!

Quit being naive.

He doesn't fookin' care about you!

It's pretty simple...

If he cares about you he wouldn't of cheated on you wit all them girls.

        Forgive me if I'm being too fookin' honest wit you.

       And I hope you understand... not all men are cheaters.

There are lots of good guy out there,

you just got to make them prove it.

[5880]

Well there's two situations:

1. He's romantically interested in you, but has the social understandings of a 10 year old. He feels that by being a richard simmons, he can get your attention, regardless if it's bad.

2. He's a pretentious richard simmons bag.

The way he talks about you with other people is either because that's how he honestly feels, but has trouble expressing it to you for whatever reason, or he just doesn't want to come off as a hater to your mutual group. Either way, his behavior to you is unacceptable socially. He has absolutely no right to treat your possessions irresponsibly, unless he wants to look like a brat. I think you should ask him WHY he chose to be an richard simmons to you specifically, that will help you pinpoint what bothers him about you. If it's a reasonable explanation, than you can come to an understanding and try to fix the issue.

To explain the SHINee hating, let me give you an example. To my third crush, I would randomly tell her "I hate you," for no apparent reason and always with a spiteful face. This went on for 2 - 3 years. Then I told her, "OK, so I actually like you." This is when I was 10 - 12. I did it to keep me on her mind and so that I have an excuse to say SOMETHING to her. To make the point clear, this guy is acting like a kid with a crush.

OK, are you actually looking for advice or do you just want us to lie to you?

You KNOW that he used you, that much should already tell you what he thinks of you. This guy led you on and betrayed your trust; he has no respect for you and does not see you as an individual, just another one of his conquests.

OK, let's examine a couple things that you said about him.

he took my vcard

What did he get you? If nothing, then you should understand. It's easy to accept someone else's efforts and feelings when you don't care.

He even asked to meet my mom

Did he? No? Shows how much he values his word to you.

asked me if I wanted to go to vacation places with him (turns out he went travelled like this with his other girlfriends too)

This reeks of a well-deserved face palm, I can't even bring myself to explain this.

This guy didn't care about you at all. He cares about himself, about having "game," about being able to twirl you around his finger and watch you dance to his words. He didn't want you, he wanted diversity, a different flavor when he wanted it, and that's just unfair to all the girls he's "dating."

Finally, he did not make any effort at all (given what you've posted). Sounds like all he did was whisper sweet things into your ear and then fail to produce the results that they promised.

People who have multiple partners like this are usually indecisive or extremely picky, and the fact that he has multiple girlfriends means he's cheating on several people at the same time and most likely lying to their face and betraying all their trust. This guy is not good for you at all, stay away for your own well-being.

[Guest __herodreams]

nvm.

[Guest HeartOnHerSleeve]

Thanks for replying Daimyo and 5880.

[Guest x kisekiboshi]

Hey, thanks so much for the reply. I definitely mean to come off as clingy when I said where were you. To me, I interpreted as like where did you go because I didn't see you around towards the end of the night. I was talking to my cousin about this, if I phrased it better and asked where did you go, would I still have come off as clingy? I'm sorry that I keep asking so many questions, but I'm just really curious how different phrases can have different connotations.

[Guest flyxme.]

why would you chose to give your first kiss to a girl in you bestfriend group?

and would you have no intimate feelings at all afterwards?

[5880]

It would've been better to be more subtle, such as "Hey, I didn't see you leave last night, meant to say bye aha." Although the connotations of the statement would rely mainly on your tone to him. If it was lighthearted, he pobably would've explained what happened. The main point is to ease any previous awkwardness and put him in a comfortable position to respond openly.

Congratulations, you (or whoever is involved) have earned the achievement, "First Kiss." Now, you will serve as the standard for every subsequent kiss received.

Joking aside.

In general, if a guy kissed a female best friend (are we talking lips, cheek, or forehead?), it would mean that we would like to promote you to the group of "dateable females." As a result, non-platonic feelings will develop as we see you more as a woman.

One question though, was alcohol or any other distortive substance involved prior to the event?

[Guest hunnietea]

so, okay.

I've been bumping into this really cute guy around school.

how do I get to know him without being really creepy?

because I don't have any classes with him or anything. ;/

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest Seksii]

to make it simple. my bf and i, met first and started off great. when he met my bff, they started off a great friendship which i thought was cool, because my ex bf werent friends with my friends....till i found out that my bf and bff were talking till 2am. which rarely happens to me and my bf. not that it happened everyday, but when they do talk, its for hours late at night. my bff knows that were going out, and doesnt have any intention of getting in between us, but whenever me and my then bf have trouble in our relationship, my bf would go to her. just looking at their conversations, hes so much more interesting, talkitave and more open to her but not as much to me. my bf would always have something to say to her, but most of our convos have dead slience.not only that, he would like everything thing that she would post on FB, weather it was a new profile picture or status and ask whats wrong, when she posts up something sad. i cant help but think that my bf is more interested in my bff than me. although he says he wants me and only me. but his actions seem to tell another story.

[Guest lightangel]

Hey guys,

This guy and I just date for about 2 week? and we've been talking with each other for 2 or 3 months. So we already slept with each other...as in sleeping with clothes off. However, we never "did it" ( I still have my virginity..) because I don't want to lose it. He told me he love me thats why he wants me to give it up willingly. He don't want to force me into things that I don't want to do...but...is this a true feelings?

He told me he did it to 2 girls already so he's kinda experienced. This is is consider my 1st bf, btw.

Idk about him but isnt it too early to use the "love" word? Since we've only know each other for a few months? Thats pretty fast don't you think?

I for sure know that I don't love him. What do you guys think?

[Guest avedia]

Say a boy liked a girl for a while (more than a year or two), she rejected him whenever he asked her out. No contact for a year or so, but all of the sudden they start hanging out together more (with a group of his friends). Is it possible to get friend-zoned by him? Do you think he will still have feelings for her after all this time?

[5880]

Be wary, you could be the stepping stone to the real goal.

I see two possible endings.

1. He befriends your bff in order to get closer to you and most of what of what he talks about is you anyways. This leads to him better understanding from another person's perspective and a deeper bond grows.

2. He feels his connection to your bff is stronger than the one with you and will slowly drift to her. If she accepts him, an emotional earthquake ensues.

Reality says #2 will most likely happen.

Talk to both of them. Ask your bff what they talk about so much and how she feels about him, and tell your bf that you're uncomfortable with him being so close to your friend and also ask why he doesn't show as much concern for you as he does to her.

Be ready for the truth and do not be naive.

You said so yourself, you don't love him. That by itself says, "DON'T DO IT."

I also highly doubt this kid loves you. If he understood the weight of those words, he would not say it after only a few weeks. If anything, given his "experiences," he could be a guy who thinks saying, "I love you," is the key to opening your chastity belt.

I will also say this. Do not sleep with him in the same bed again, with or without clothes. Once you tell him no, he'll know that he can't trick you, which means he might force it out of you, depending on his character of course.

If you have developed attractively physically [and mentally], more than likely the guy will still have you in the dateable group.

If he doesn't consider you as a potential mate, here are some possible reasons why:

1. You let yourself go.

2. He's matured and so has his taste

3. You emotionally scarred him from rejecting him so much.

[Guest BU_RP]

Will it mean more if a girl confesses to a guy rather than ask him out?

I do plan on telling my crush that I like him instead of doing the 'do you want to go out' kind of thing.

[Guest Mr-2PM]

Say a boy liked a girl for a while (more than a year or two), she rejected him whenever he asked her out. No contact for a year or so, but all of the sudden they start hanging out together more (with a group of his friends). Is it possible to get friend-zoned by him? Do you think he will still have feelings for her after all this time?

Yes it is still possible. However, if her feelings changed and she wants to get back with him just drop some hints and maybe he will get the idea. From that, see how he reacts to your hints. If they are good, then he might still have feelings for her.