Random things that happen

[atashi bunny]

when people ask me 'plz' because it's shorter than 'please'. I tell them 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'.

 

10 minutes into a workout is probably the worst time to discover your water bottle is full of vodka.

 

I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch-A-Sketch and I don't own an iPad.
Also, I'm out of vodka.

 

a girl just texted me 'thespacebuttonbrokeonmyphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' Does anybody know what 'ternative' means?

 

so a friend asked me the other day, 'how often do you shave?'
'every now and then?'
'when is that?'
'when I need to look presentable'
then with a blushed face she asked, 'what about down there?'
'like I said when I need to look presentable.'

 

Every time I see a math word problem it looks like this: If I have 10 ice cubes and you have 11 apples. How many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Answer: Purple because aliens don't wear hats.