My BF Says I'm Leading My Friend On

[Guest Rainie]

I think in a sense, you are leading him on. I think as a girl with a boyfriend, you should keep your distance, especially if you're alone with your guy friend. If your girl friend couldn't make it you should have just planned something else for another time with him when you have more friends...just keep your distance.

[Guest Hazy]

I'm with the others... I think to an extent that yes - you ARE leading him on.

And the fact that your guy friend didn't wake you up when you fell asleep on his shoulder doesn't help much either.

So yup, listen to your bf on this one and like the poster above me said - just keep your distance.

I find it cute that your bf said that you'll break the other guy's heart cos you're going to marry your bf though.

That was confusing but yea... ngawww<3

[Guest nyssa]

Just be on the safe side and try not to lead him on. I can see how a guy could misinterpret that. Been there, done that.

[taebins_luver]

try not to lead him on

i think everything a girl does a guy can translate into different things,

which i find kinda retarded because almost everything we do as friends, people will see it as, leading him on.

that's basically saying, don't talk to him, don't see him, don't do anything involving his name or face.

so what everyone's trying to say is end my friendship with him because we had an awkward moment.

i find that quite a sad answer.

I find it cute that your bf said that you'll break the other guy's heart cos you're going to marry your bf though.

l o l

he's so cheesy, always

that's why i loves him a lot

[Guest meiming8_1]

^^ not everyone's saying to end your friendship with him we're saying that the way you acted towards him was inappropriate. If you are upset about what people said to you, why start a topic? You asked if you were leading your friend on, everyone answered. Don't be offended when you ask a question and hear an answer you don't like.

Also, it's true people misinterpret things, but what you did to your guy friend crossed the boundary. It doesn't matter if you fell asleep on his arm or in his arms; the fact is you were too close to him to begin with. We're not saying to end your friendship with this guy. We're saying don't be as physically close to him. It's obviously been a repeated problem as well- if it was a one off I doubt your boyfriend would say anything, but the fact he said you were 'leading him on' suggests something like this has happened more than once. Just don't spend as much alone time with this guy as before, and when you do, don't be as physically close to him. Don't sit right next to him. I'm sure you didn't have to sit right next to him in this case; you could have sat on a different chair or the floor. I don't know whether or not this guy likes you or not, but if he does the way you acted to him in this incident was unfair to him and unfair to your boyfriend. We're not saying end your friendship, but being so close to him is too much.

[Irony.]

Tomorrow, go to your BF and give him a big tight hug. Treasure him man, he must be a very very patient person.

[Guest wowwh]

Your bf took it quite nicely which is quite impressive.

Perhaps you're truly not leading him on or teasing him intentionally and I can believe that but a lot of other people might not.

And I can also understand what you would consider leading someone on but you should respect what your bf feels too. : )

I don't think he was being jealous though but if this happens again, your bf might not take it as well.

[Guest Malice_Kaiser]

i think everything a girl does a guy can translate into different things,

which i find kinda retarded because almost everything we do as friends, people will see it as, leading him on.

that's basically saying, don't talk to him, don't see him, don't do anything involving his name or face.

so what everyone's trying to say is end my friendship with him because we had an awkward moment.

i find that quite a sad answer.

Where did ANYBODY say end your friendship with him? Nobody has said that.

You're comparing your actions to regular actions like talking and hanging out in an attempt to justify what you did; it doesn't work that way. There's a HUGE difference between hanging out, talking, seeing each other, watching a movie, whatever, and actually falling asleep while leaning against him with his arm around you. A HUGE difference. Falling asleep on someone like that is NOT what most normal friends do. It is what COUPLES do, and that's why it's leading him, a guy who LIKES you, on.

So no, saying "cut it out" is NOTHING like saying "don't talk to him, don't see him, don't do anything involving his name or face." That's so completely ridiculous. Just own up to your action and move on with your life, your friendship, and your relationship instead of trying to justify it like you are. It's not that big a deal, but you're acting like your friendship with this guy depends on falling asleep on him.

And for the record, this situation is never going to be okay until you can admit it was a mistake and you learn from it. From the looks of it though, you're not at that point. Get there, or else things like this will keep happening and it will put your relationship with your boyfriend in jeopardy.

[Guest Kiklo]

I think in a sense, you are leading him on. I think as a girl with a boyfriend, you should keep your distance, especially if you're alone with your guy friend. If your girl friend couldn't make it you should have just planned something else for another time with him when you have more friends...just keep your distance.

Agreed

Just be on the safe side and try not to lead him on. I can see how a guy could misinterpret that. Been there, done that.

Agreed

Tomorrow, go to your BF and give him a big tight hug. Treasure him man, he must be a very very patient person.

Agreed

We are not telling you to break your friendship with him, just make it VERY clear that you will only be with your boyfriend...(get engaged lol)

Like when you were sleeping on his shoulder...that's wrong on your part, you should know better to not do that especially when he had feelings for you in the past. How do you know if he wasn't looking at you while you were sleeping thinking "this is how it should be, me and you." and he maybe even gently touched your face or something...doing stuff like that could lead to him developing feelings for you again.

[taebins_luver]

i'm guessing the only fact that matters here is the fact that he formerly liked me back in the day.

not CURRENTLY in like with me, FORMERLY in like with me.

^^ not everyone's saying to end your friendship with him we're saying that the way you acted towards him was inappropriate. If you are upset about what people said to you, why start a topic? You asked if you were leading your friend on, everyone answered. Don't be offended when you ask a question and hear an answer you don't like.

We're saying don't be as physically close to him. It's obviously been a repeated problem as well- if it was a one off I doubt your boyfriend would say anything, but the fact he said you were 'leading him on' suggests something like this has happened more than once

i'm not upset at the replies given, i appreciate them in fact,

but how everyone says 'try not to lead him on anymore' is what i'm more unsure how to go about.

if merely being his friend gives off me leading him on, then i'm upset,

because that's saying that i'm too close to him being my friend.

and depends on how you read it as well, it might come off like i'm pinkberrying in anger, but i'm not.

i'm not physically close to him, and this is the first time i've actually been this close to him,

every other time, it's just a usual punch on the arm, a smack on the arm, or me offering him alcohol.

my bf said he meant that in terms regarding the past

Where did ANYBODY say end your friendship with him? Nobody has said that.

You're comparing your actions to regular actions like talking and hanging out in an attempt to justify what you did; it doesn't work that way. There's a HUGE difference between hanging out, talking, seeing each other, watching a movie, whatever, and actually falling asleep while leaning against him with his arm around you. A HUGE difference. Falling asleep on someone like that is NOT what most normal friends do. It is what COUPLES do, and that's why it's leading him, a guy who LIKES you, on.

CORRECTION, formerly liked me,

it's not like i planned to fall asleep on him, it's not like i can control where my big head turns to when i sleep.

i'm not justifying it in any sense where i can 'do' all this with my friends and whatnot,

because no, it's nothing something friends do

but like he said, what was he suppose to do, just push me away or something?

and like i said, i saw us in a friend perspective and not a boy-girl way,

i'm okay with it because he said he was okay with it

so yes, i am wrong.

Just own up to your action and move on with your life, your friendship, and your relationship instead of trying to justify it like you are. It's not that big a deal, but you're acting like your friendship with this guy depends on falling asleep on him.

exactly, it's not a big deal, yet everyone's making it sound so big to me,

and that's why i'm second guessing my friendship with him.

like i have to watch everything i do around him because he might get the wrong idea.

i don't want to treat him like he's any different because he might think he did something super offensive to me or my bf.

Tomorrow, go to your BF and give him a big tight hug. Treasure him man, he must be a very very patient person.

i thank him every day for putting up with a nut head like me.

my feelings and emotions are very very bi-polar and i'm happy he's able to put up with me, cause i can't.

We are not telling you to break your friendship with him, just make it VERY clear that you will only be with your boyfriend...(get engaged lol)

Like when you were sleeping on his shoulder...that's wrong on your part, you should know better to not do that especially when he had feelings for you in the past. How do you know if he wasn't looking at you while you were sleeping thinking "this is how it should be, me and you." and he maybe even gently touched your face or something...doing stuff like that could lead to him developing feelings for you again.

^that kinda creeps me out some, what if he did that? o_O

he knows i love my bf, what better way to say i love you than to live with each other right? l o l

no, he purposed to me, but we're too young to be getting married

[Guest WillowCat]

I personally don't see anything wrong with it.

I mean, my best friend is a guy, and I go to the mall alone with him, or watch a movie with him, etc.

But we ARE NOT going out. I treat him as a treat any girl friend.... or at least almost.

Albeit, I don't have a boyfriend, but still. And this was just one instance, right? It's not like you frequently watch movies alone with him and sleep on his shoulder.

I've slept on my best friend's shoulder once. It was a car ride and I was sleepy. He was too kind to wake me up. So what. I don't like him, and I'm not leading him on -- in fact, he and my other best friend like each other, though they're not going out. So I just don't understand what exactly is so wrong about this.

[jk_justme]

Your boyfriend told you not to lead your friend on. In my pov, I think he said that not for your friend's sake, but for himself. I think he was bothered by the fact that you guys were together, especially with you asleep. He could have been worried or jealous. So I think before asking yourself if you were leading your friend on, I think you should ask yourself whether or not your bf was really bothered by this whole ordeal. You might not think that he was, but he is human too; i mean put yourself in his shoes, and pretend you walked in with him sleeping on a girl. I think you would be at least alittle bit disturbed.

And to answer your question, I think you did lead your friend unconciously. It's not really important whether or not you and your friend like each other. He might have felt something at that moment; who knows? I think you should be more careful with your actions for your bf's sake.

[Guest Malice_Kaiser]

i'm guessing the only fact that matters here is the fact that he formerly liked me back in the day.

not CURRENTLY in like with me, FORMERLY in like with me.

i'm not upset at the replies given, i appreciate them in fact,

but how everyone says 'try not to lead him on anymore' is what i'm more unsure how to go about.

if merely being his friend gives off me leading him on, then i'm upset,

because that's saying that i'm too close to him being my friend.

and depends on how you read it as well, it might come off like i'm pinkberrying in anger, but i'm not.

i'm not physically close to him, and this is the first time i've actually been this close to him,

every other time, it's just a usual punch on the arm, a smack on the arm, or me offering him alcohol.

my bf said he meant that in terms regarding the past

CORRECTION, formerly liked me,

it's not like i planned to fall asleep on him, it's not like i can control where my big head turns to when i sleep.

i'm not justifying it in any sense where i can 'do' all this with my friends and whatnot,

because no, it's nothing something friends do

but like he said, what was he suppose to do, just push me away or something?

and like i said, i saw us in a friend perspective and not a boy-girl way,

i'm okay with it because he said he was okay with it

so yes, i am wrong.

exactly, it's not a big deal, yet everyone's making it sound so big to me,

and that's why i'm second guessing my friendship with him.

like i have to watch everything i do around him because he might get the wrong idea.

i don't want to treat him like he's any different because he might think he did something super offensive to me or my bf.

i thank him every day for putting up with a nut head like me.

my feelings and emotions are very very bi-polar and i'm happy he's able to put up with me, cause i can't.

^that kinda creeps me out some, what if he did that? o_O

he knows i love my bf, what better way to say i love you than to live with each other right? l o l

no, he purposed to me, but we're too young to be getting married

You never said that he FORMERLY liked you. You said he confessed and you rejected. That doesn't mean that just because he got rejected, he's over you. You really, really are grasping at straws to defend what happened. Why can't you just admit it "It was something that shouldn't have happened, yeah, so I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again" instead of trying so hard to defend yourself? Like I said before, NOTHING is going to get better if you can't even admit that what happened wasn't right.

We're not the ones making this a big deal. You are. You're acting like you don't know how to act as a friend to him because of this situation, as if if you can't fall asleep on him you lose the ability to just act like a normal friend. Yet you also say you realize that that is not normal friend behavior.

No, you don't need to watch everything you do around him. JUST ACT LIKE A NORMAL FRIEND. Not that hard. You're making this SO much more difficult than it needs to be.

[Guest xoxo.love]

yeah from everything you have said, it does not seem you are leading him on. At first, I thought you were by inviting only him to your house and sleeping in his arms but after you put in that extra info, you cleared it up. I think you should make sure that never happens again. When are you getting married?

Edit: I just read your very last post and it does seem to me that you are over exaggerating. You should just act normal like how a friend should be or else you're going to jeopardize your friendship.

[Guest Laoell]

Well, i think that you should continue to treat him like how you want to treat him (:

& i dont think you're leading him on at all, you're just treating him like how you would treat your girlfriends right? One of your girlfriends could have "liked" you and you could've been "leading" her on. But I think gender doesn't matter in friendships. (8

[Guest vanggirlie]

if it was my boyfriend i would say that even if he's not leading the girl on, he should be more careful because no matter what you do if the perosn likes you they'd think more into your actions then there really is. so i would say to you to be more careful. i mean to give a quick hug or something but to be in his arms for a long while is another.

with that said, i'd also be totally pissed at my bf for a while if i saw him in the same position with a girl that liked him, as you were with your friend.

(edit)

so just reread and you said you fell asleep on him. i mean that's understandable. altho i think if you bf says something to you about it then it must bother him a little. as long as your bf doesn't start distrusting you. if it does you have to choose between changing your relationship with your friend or ending it with your bf. luckily it hasn't come down to that yet and hopefully it doesn't. i still say be yourself but more careful (not sure how to do that but try).

i'd still be pissed at my bf if it was him but i'd forgive after a while. as long as i feel that i can trust him.

[Guest Rainie]

I personally don't see anything wrong with it.

I mean, my best friend is a guy, and I go to the mall alone with him, or watch a movie with him, etc.

But we ARE NOT going out. I treat him as a treat any girl friend.... or at least almost.

Albeit, I don't have a boyfriend, but still. And this was just one instance, right? It's not like you frequently watch movies alone with him and sleep on his shoulder.

I've slept on my best friend's shoulder once. It was a car ride and I was sleepy. He was too kind to wake me up. So what. I don't like him, and I'm not leading him on -- in fact, he and my other best friend like each other, though they're not going out. So I just don't understand what exactly is so wrong about this.

It's different because you're not attached...and I take that your friend has never confessed to you since he likes your friend.

To the OP, you can still be friends with him, but do things that friends do, not what boyfriends and girlfriends do (if you're spending more time with him than your boyfriend, then that is a problem). Simple as that. And since he's liked you before, I would keep even more of a distance if I were you so that HE doesn't think you're leading him on, let alone your boyfriend. Hang out in a group, less alone time with him, etc. Put yourself in your boyfriend's shoes...your boyfriend is actually taking this quite well. Would you not be at least a little jealous if you caught him in the same situation as yours?

Also on a side note, looking at all your replies, you seem quite defensive. Soompiers are just stating our opinions and giving you advice...you can take them with a grain of salt, whatever. We're not trying to gang up on you by any means...and there's no need to justify your actions. Whether you take it or leave it, it's up to you.