Short Joke Thread

NOTE: RACIST JOKES ARE NOT TOLERATED. Do not post any racist jokes in here! People seem to think it's okay, but think again. Please read the rules and follow them. Same goes for non PG-13 sexual jokes. I am still monitoring this thread so keep that in mind. Warnings WILL be given. Keep the jokes clean, please and thanks!

- Poop-Shoop-A-Loop

Any joke that is less than 5 lines, should be posted in here.

One Line Humor

Short jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=41118

Frog Psychic/ Santa ask for a sister - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=6782

Helen Keller and her Backyard - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=14115

Why is 9 afraid of 7 - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=35714

Hurricanes are name after girls why? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=38462

Various short jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=41118

The boy and the elevator - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=44189

Love and relation ~ math style - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=47353

Silver Foil - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=48364

What do you call bread that flies? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=57839

What's brown and sticky? and other various short jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=59820

Korean and Kimcheeese - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=62155

Why the chicken cross the road? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=62551

When you're bored.. the chocolate convo - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=61782

Pringle printed jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=62820

Knock knock jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=63922

Hear about the kidnapping? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=64954

A fish went swimming down a stream.. - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=68015

What did the lawyer name his daughter? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=71184

Smarterchild chat - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=72166

Corny jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=72752

Quick Little Johnny jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=74481

What did the cannibal say when he saw the train pass by? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=74313

Difference between a graveyard and a bathroom? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=75334

Stephon Colbert quote - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=78927

Getting a job - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=80642

Snail ride - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=83769

Pink panter and pirate joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=84231

Confused Egyptian boy - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=93740

Why did the whale cross the ocean? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=96397

What do you calla sheep with no legs etc - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=97773

Spanish joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=98578

Wife vs husband - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=98964

Vampire joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=100617

Various random jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=101303

Why don't you undress in front of a pokemon - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=104908

Death note name backwards - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=135186

Have you ever spoken and wish you could take the words back - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=106681

It's all in the puncuation - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=107982

So cute (AIM convo) - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=107083

Stupid Super Junior jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=109954

How corrupt are you - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=108355

A few Little Johnny Jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=110508

Special lawyer - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=111654

Jokes Jokes jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=114130

Two cows - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=113304

Quick jokes - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=113149

Difference between a rainbow and a pinkberry - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=115045

Fergie joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=115550

Vampire Joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=114763

Definition of Infinity - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=116585

Difference between a hs chick and college - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=129840

How much does a sumo wrestler weigh? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=130168

Pokemon joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=130217

Cute math joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=131078

I won the lotto - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=132305

Four animals a girl needs - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=133921

Dog name sex - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=133586

Why mozart killed his chicken - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=133135

So a bear walks into a bar.. - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=134629

Cannibal joke - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=136011

Bow Shot - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=163741

Volume conversions - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=181661

What's the two sexiest farm animals? - http://www.soompi.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=205509

So if I said,

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms!

and

Why can't Bob run?

Because he's a fish!

Would I be allowed to do that? Or is this thread for the threads with 5 lines? o_o

So if I said,

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms!

and

Why can't Bob run?

Because he's a fish!

Would I be allowed to do that? Or is this thread for the threads with 5 lines? o_o

It is less than 5 lines so post them in here. And you notice how all the joke threads posted here are usually 2 liners anyways.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

i thought that was pretty sad

^Haha, yeah it is sad, but funny also.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

i thought that was pretty sad

I've gotta admit, that's pretty funny.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

i thought that was pretty sad

rofl good one

Hahaha. The Santa one is so sad.

I know some..

1. Why did the fish get kicked out of school?

Cause he was caught with seaweed.

2. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem

3. Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Q:Why was the tomato blushing?

A:It saw the salad dressing

Q:What does the bee sit on?

A: It's BEE-HIND

Q:Why did the skeleton went to the movies by himself?

A:Because he had nobody to go with him

Q:What's the difference between criminals and mother in-laws?

A:Criminal are wanted

Q:What do you get with a fly, a pet, and a car

A:A flying cart pet

hahahha! me and my corny jokes! I SWEAR THEY WHERE FUNNY when i was really bored

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

i thought that was pretty sad

XD..so messed up. Still funny.

It rained when NOAA/NWS employees held a sports meeting

Here's one I made. It's the kind of crummy joke you'd find in a christmas cracker.

Q:What do summer temperatures and high schools have in common?

A:They both have high teens.

I'm going to open a clothing store called CHASM. Its going to be like GAP but way bigger.

I use to compete in a lot of sports until I found out you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

If I owned a bookstore, I'd make the mystery section really hard to find.

Saying "I'm sorry" is the same as saying "I apologize" ... unless you are at a funeral.

did you hear about the deaf guy?

cause he didn't either

did you see what happened to the blind guy?

neither did he

---

*Break Into the House*

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had

broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.

"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house

without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"

***********

*Lost Wife*

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and

asked,"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of

nowhere."

***********

*Teacher*

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the

sarcastic teacher.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why

do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing

up there all by yourself."

***********

*Hearing*

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set

of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor

said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you

can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I havn't told my family yet. I just sit around

and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

***********

*Wedding*

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her

mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of

her life." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The child thought about this for a moment,then said, " So, why is the

groom wearing black?"

***********

* Dream*

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically

to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for

Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"

With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."

That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his

wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to

find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".

---

* Dream*

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically

to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for

Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"

With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."

That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his

wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to

find a book entitled - " The meaning of Dreams".

men.... so slow!! aishhhh

LOLLLLLL

LOL i agree...men just don't understand anything LOL

btw...can someone plz explain the hearing one?? i dun get it :S

LOL

"then why is the groom wearing black?" LOLOL

o yeah and to the poster above me, it's because if you don't think someone is listening or can't listen, u talk how u really feel about them, so the old man listens to his family talking good or bad about him and keeps changing his will because they turn out to be assholes or good

LOLL I love the wedding one. xDD

puahahaha. omg, so true.

I kind of want to ask that to someone. lol