Ask The Fellas

[Guest Michelle~*]

i've been thinking about my guy friend for a while now... i think i kind of like him. this year at school, we became really good friends and we were always with each other hanging out and stuff. he said that we have to hang out at least once a month during the summer.

i really don't know what he thinks of me and i sort of want to. one time we were talking and he said that there isn't anyone who he wants to date, and i jokingly asked him if he was gay, and he just said ok change of topic. he tells me a lot of personal things about him and sometimes he would call me and always go like Are u busy? and we'd just talk for a while. we always stay up until 12 talking on msn before he has to go n sleep >__>

so i really don't know. i don't want to confess to him and ruin our friendship. cus i've already ruined it once and i don't want it to happen again.

[RiderKamen]

i've been thinking about my guy friend for a while now... i think i kind of like him. this year at school, we became really good friends and we were always with each other hanging out and stuff. he said that we have to hang out at least once a month during the summer.

i really don't know what he thinks of me and i sort of want to. one time we were talking and he said that there isn't anyone who he wants to date, and i jokingly asked him if he was gay, and he just said ok change of topic. he tells me a lot of personal things about him and sometimes he would call me and always go like Are u busy? and we'd just talk for a while. we always stay up until 12 talking on msn before he has to go n sleep >__>

so i really don't know. i don't want to confess to him and ruin our friendship. cus i've already ruined it once and i don't want it to happen again.

I'm like this: If wasn't meant to be than its not. If it is, then it is.

[Guest ihigh]

Yeah, hahaha. I used to end up sleeping at the most ridiculous hours just because I was on the phone with him. & idk about the skype stuff. He's barely home as it is (he used to call me during his lunch breaks, ect.).

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that..I feel like it might be a dead end relationship, if you know what I mean. I mean, is he ever going to make the effort to visit me or do anything he says? Do you think he's just saying things to keep me "happy" so I'd shut up?

if he makes you happy..he'll keep trying to make you happy. ya know what im saying? xD

maybe the effort to visit is something you and him should be talking about, not asking us is he going to make the effort. im not him i dont know xD

see, he's barely home...maybe thats why he doesn't have the time to talk to you.

a good problem with long distance is communication...thats a given, but you have to be content on say talking to him every other day vs. everyday...as an example

try not to depend on him so much ya know? if you feel its gonnabe a deadend relationship, chances are it'll end up being a dead end relationship..

think negatively in a situation where you're lost..it'll end up negative. so either find out whats going on or keep thinking and end in a hole

okay, thanks ihigh =)

no problem=)

[Guest BattleRoyale]

i dnt know if this question has been asked before, sorry if it has, but do guys find "being gentlemanly" an honour or a burden/chore? do you feel like it makes you become her slave in any way? jst asking

[Guest ihigh]

i dnt know if this question has been asked before, sorry if it has, but do guys find "being gentlemanly" an honour or a burden/chore? do you feel like it makes you become her slave in any way? jst asking

it depends on how they've been raised and how they act to be accurate.

me, ive been raised to be gentleman-like..open doors, etc. etc. and i dont find it a burden but more or less an "honour"[har har the ou brits XD]

[Guest BattleRoyale]

^ ahh i see, yeah ierno i was jst curious.. =X thanks guys. lol yeah im aussie with the 'ou' tee hee

[Guest ihigh]

colour

valour

=D! honour

i love it. its so cool n unique =]

[Guest heyitzthatfc]

i dnt know if this question has been asked before, sorry if it has, but do guys find "being gentlemanly" an honour or a burden/chore? do you feel like it makes you become her slave in any way? jst asking

It's common courtesy for me. So it's neither. I mean, I'll do a lot for the girl I like, but if she expects me to do something unreasonable or out of my power, then I'll have the right to disagree.

[Guest Saeria]

if he makes you happy..he'll keep trying to make you happy. ya know what im saying? xD

maybe the effort to visit is something you and him should be talking about, not asking us is he going to make the effort. im not him i dont know xD

see, he's barely home...maybe thats why he doesn't have the time to talk to you.

a good problem with long distance is communication...thats a given, but you have to be content on say talking to him every other day vs. everyday...as an example

try not to depend on him so much ya know? if you feel its gonnabe a deadend relationship, chances are it'll end up being a dead end relationship..

think negatively in a situation where you're lost..it'll end up negative. so either find out whats going on or keep thinking and end in a hole

New problem. I sent him a email a few days ago when I was angry. It said :

I gave you more than enough chances.

I have all the evidence I need.

I don't think you love me.

He read it, and he told me I broke his heart. I told him I didn't break up with him when I said that, but he said it was too late. I told him it's never too late to fix things. & he kept saying it doesn't matter, my heart is broken.

Despite how much I told him I sent it when I was feeling angry, just like the time he broke up with me when he was depressed/angry he said it didn't matter. Go I guess its over?

I'm kind of confused as to why he gave up so easily. All he kept saying was "It doesn't matter, you can't fix it, it's too late, I'm heartbroken."

Surprisingly I'm not feeling anything right now.

Not yet.

[Guest ihigh]

New problem. I sent him a email a few days ago when I was angry. It said :

I gave you more than enough chances.

I have all the evidence I need.

I don't think you love me.

He read it, and he told me I broke his heart. I told him I didn't break up with him when I said that, but he said it was too late. I told him it's never too late to fix things. & he kept saying it doesn't matter, my heart is broken.

Despite how much I told him I sent it when I was feeling angry, just like the time he broke up with me when he was depressed/angry he said it didn't matter. Go I guess its over?

I'm kind of confused as to why he gave up so easily. All he kept saying was "It doesn't matter, you can't fix it, it's too late, I'm heartbroken."

Surprisingly I'm not feeling anything right now.

Not yet.

oy my dear...oy.

to me...he's being a little cry baby about this.

you broke his heart and it can't ever be fixed. kind of dramatic is it not?

it seems that he's given up a long time ago...but its finally surfaced fully that he gave up vs. before with my advice to you seeming like he wants to work at it but he's been too busy...which throws me for a loop that i was wrong about it. im sorry=X

don't feel guilty. you did what you did...you acted on how you felt. if he cant take it...then he isn't strong enough...im kind of attacking him making him seem weak, but to me...his reaction to your anger makes me look of him as weak=T. if he loved you he'd fight for you...he'd react to your comment, but instead he throws in the towel and says you can't fix my broken heart.

you don't feel pain or anything right now...maybe you're in a state of no emotion..i call it iceboxed=) but...don't let all the emotions hit you at once...slowly let it come to you...the pain, the anger, slowly let it come to you and not let it rush back at you.

i'm trying hard to focus, but alots going on my mind at the moment, so sorry if my advice isnt great..

[Guest chharrllenne]

Hey guys! I have a question.. =/

Why is he being so confusing? Okay, so this guy...when I first met him I think I developed a crush but I didn't see him for about 3 weeks after that, then we hung out at the beach on July 4th. This is how our conversation yesterday night (on AIM) went.

It didn't start off like this...(there was hi, how was your day, blahblah)

Me: what're you doing?

him: thinking about you (:

me: haha, what are you ACTUALLY doing

him: mmmmmmmmmmm watching get smart, but want to watch a movie with you.

me: okay, when? (:

him: let's watch wall-e

me: when!!

him: anyday

him: monday

me: oh, i don't know if i have work just yet, i'll know tomorrow

him: oh you work? where

me: @blahblha with blahblah (people from our school)

him: ________? and ________?

me: yeah

(he just kind of forgot about the movie thing from here on haha)

him: you want to know what!

me: ?

him: i think you're really nice!

me: ahah how so!

him: cuz i really like you and your niceness and your personality!

me: ahaha aww (:

me: you know what! i like all those things about you too!!

him: AWW HOW ABOUT THIS!!

(i took too long to answer so i dont know what he was going to say cuz then he said..)

him: hey! brbbbbbbbbb!!

after like 5 min

him: HI!

me: what were you gonna say!

him: i think you're so cute

me: haha so what does all that mean??

UGH! he didn't answer me for 15 minutes!

then he says...

him: just a compliment

(i didn't answer so then he just says hi again then we start talking about how we didn't finsih the fireworks and then he says he's tired and wants to sleep and ends with GOODNIGHT CHARLENE!)

Wow, that was really long, I even shortened a little, haha. So...what DOES all that mean?? Is it REALLY just a compliment? Does anyone really just say ALL that stuff JUST to compliment a girl? He's quiet and pretty shy in real life, but he's a really nice guy so I don't think he's just saying that stuff.. I don't know.

So, advice anyone?

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!

[Guest guineapigdi]

deleted. 20characters

[Guest Saeria]

oy my dear...oy.

to me...he's being a little cry baby about this.

you broke his heart and it can't ever be fixed. kind of dramatic is it not?

it seems that he's given up a long time ago...but its finally surfaced fully that he gave up vs. before with my advice to you seeming like he wants to work at it but he's been too busy...which throws me for a loop that i was wrong about it. im sorry=X

don't feel guilty. you did what you did...you acted on how you felt. if he cant take it...then he isn't strong enough...im kind of attacking him making him seem weak, but to me...his reaction to your anger makes me look of him as weak=T. if he loved you he'd fight for you...he'd react to your comment, but instead he throws in the towel and says you can't fix my broken heart.

you don't feel pain or anything right now...maybe you're in a state of no emotion..i call it iceboxed=) but...don't let all the emotions hit you at once...slowly let it come to you...the pain, the anger, slowly let it come to you and not let it rush back at you.

i'm trying hard to focus, but alots going on my mind at the moment, so sorry if my advice isnt great..

Yeah it does seem dramatic, but this is what he always does. It's always okay for him to say "I don't deserve you. I just wanted to say goodbye. Take care" and break up with me only to come running back the next day. But the one time I get insecure, the one time I tell him I feel like he doesn't really love me, he tells me I broke his heart and it can't be fixed. That he didn't want to deal with it right now and that I should just forget him.

I really, really don't understand his logic.

I still haven't started crying yet. I had a dream about him though. I can't really remember it, but I kept trying to call him or I kept waiting for his call. I waited, and waited, and waited. & I woke up before I ever found out if he did call or not.

Maybe I should start moving on now. But part of me wants to wait for him to come back to me.

[Guest j.adore]

Sooo my boyfriend is your typical traditional Korean guy... he has to be the one paying, taking care of me, takes great importance on his pride, etc... He's also a bit typical Korean guy on the whole expressing his feelings sort of thing... he says he loves me and all but he's been in Korea for a while and i'm in the states...

Because of the whole distance and time difference thing, I don't even expect to talk to him every other day... a phone call every week would be nice. If he can't then get online for godsakes! He's busy working and interning at the moment but can't guys make 10 minutes out of their time to call their gfs? I called him yesterday and whenever i call he sounds very happy and all... but I HATE how he was like... hey i'll call u back when i'm home... it never happened. And here I was, going to bed at like 7 AM b/c I waited for his phone call...

Has it even crossed his mind that I might be a bit upset? argh I have no idea whats going on through his head... i would like to talk to him about it but i rarely get to talk to him, and when I do, i don't want to start a fight... I dont know if I should even be upset! Is it that he doesn't like me anymore or is it just that guys can't pay attention to their work and ther gf at the same time?

[Guest chopstick^^]

Do guys like smart girls..... smarter than u in everything...

as in education, career, anything thats smart!

is there any problem here?

[everlastboxing]

Do guys like smart girls..... smarter than u in everything...

as in education, career, anything thats smart!

is there any problem here?

education - that's fine

career - ehhhhhhhhhh

most smart girls would be rather imidating to me

i certainly don't like the idea of my future wife providing for me or even bringing home a bigger paycheck then me

may sound a little cliche but "i'm the man and i will be her man"

although most girls say that it's fine that the guy makes practically nothing but i think they are LYING

[Guest peanuts]

my question:

I want to ask this guy his number, though I've only met him once. Since he works at this shop, i came in after the firs time we were introduced and he remembered my name, though we didn't talk extensively a lot, or at all when we met during a party. I was told by my friend, or maybe she was trying to cheer me up, but that he kept looking at me after i sat in his shop for 2 hours just talking to my friend. so would it be wise that I approach him? I understand that I should get to know him and stuff, and the only way I know possible is ask for his number? -sigh- I just get so intimidated cause he's such a great guy, not GORGEOUS hot, but good looking enough. it's his personality that makes us cream =] or just me.

[Guest rigashi]

Help me.

I am having issues with my ex-bf. The background: we dated officially for 3 months, I broke it off about 10x within a week, we made up, he slept with another girl, and then we fought every single day for the next 6 months. A lot of other stuff happened that ultimately led to our falling out, but it's... that personal where I won't mention it.

Anyway it's been a year since all that, and he recently contacted me again. We've been going back and forth about being friends, but it's difficult since I need a resolution for the past and he just wants to drop it--basically, everything that happened was much more traumatizing for me, but he's already gotten over it and moved on. Plus he keeps mentioning how he's going to act in his future relationship, what he's going to do for his future girlfriend, etc. and I know he's 100% kidding.. but it really hurts me so it feels like he's insensitive.

Alright so then I sent him a reallyyyyyyy long e-mail getting out all of my feelings about the past and how he's been acting in the present. It was so freaking humiliating. I didn't hear from him for a week, so then I figured he wasn't going to reply. Then all of sudden, he IMs me and says he read the e-mails, but hasn't had any time, and wants to talk this wknd. And... it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. WHAT IS HE THINKING?! Is he that busy where he can't even e-mail or call, just to let me know he's busy so I'm not left hanging? Should I just tell him to shove it and leave me alone? Or are his intentions real?

He's in Korea btw so we're doing all of this online and over the phone.

[Guest bubblishxtrem]

Question:

Was he too scared? Did he honestly care? Why didn't he have any balls to talk about it, bring it up, break up and not make me go crazy?

Background:

We were in a 10 month relationship and were totally all for trying long distance since he is leaving to NY. He came back from orientation totally distant and ignored me and such. We had only 5 days left so I wanted to know what was wrong. I asked various questions which he gave me half a***ed answers. Asked the big important ones like if he cared, wanted me, or if he still wanted to try. Gave me half a***ed answers too. I told him how I felt, how I wanted to try and all that. Time was running out and I wanted to either "make it or break it" All in all, he gave off the tone and vibe and the answers that he was giving up on us. I did ask if he still loved me, he said yes. After I broke it up, I asked if he loved me. He said he loved me.

[Guest watcher]

Do guys like smart girls..... smarter than u in everything...

as in education, career, anything thats smart!

is there any problem here?

i think most guys dislike not being in control. people say knowledge is power, and when girls are smart, guys feel that the girl has too much power in the relationship. they know more and therefore can do more.

if the guy is smart enough, he'll learn to accept that the girl can be more intelligent. if he sees the bigger picture, he can probably embrace this kind of girl. in the end, the girl is not that much smarter than the guy that realized her potential and made the most of being in a relationship with her.

[CEO's in major companies have advisors 10x smarter than them, but CEO's are still the head honcho]

my question:

I want to ask this guy his number, though I've only met him once. Since he works at this shop, i came in after the firs time we were introduced and he remembered my name, though we didn't talk extensively a lot, or at all when we met during a party. I was told by my friend, or maybe she was trying to cheer me up, but that he kept looking at me after i sat in his shop for 2 hours just talking to my friend. so would it be wise that I approach him? I understand that I should get to know him and stuff, and the only way I know possible is ask for his number? -sigh- I just get so intimidated cause he's such a great guy, not GORGEOUS hot, but good looking enough. it's his personality that makes us cream =] or just me.

tough situation. why don't you make quick conversation with him at his shop when there are few customers around. ask about stuff you buy and do some chit chat. if he's interested, im sure he'll try to make longer conversation. i disagree with getting the number up front so soon in this kind of situation, but others might disagree with me on this. i say to work your imagination a little and figure out something else if possible.

Help me.

I am having issues with my ex-bf. The background: we dated officially for 3 months, I broke it off about 10x within a week, we made up, he slept with another girl, and then we fought every single day for the next 6 months. A lot of other stuff happened that ultimately led to our falling out, but it's... that personal where I won't mention it.

Anyway it's been a year since all that, and he recently contacted me again. We've been going back and forth about being friends, but it's difficult since I need a resolution for the past and he just wants to drop it--basically, everything that happened was much more traumatizing for me, but he's already gotten over it and moved on. Plus he keeps mentioning how he's going to act in his future relationship, what he's going to do for his future girlfriend, etc. and I know he's 100% kidding.. but it really hurts me so it feels like he's insensitive.

Alright so then I sent him a reallyyyyyyy long e-mail getting out all of my feelings about the past and how he's been acting in the present. It was so freaking humiliating. I didn't hear from him for a week, so then I figured he wasn't going to reply. Then all of sudden, he IMs me and says he read the e-mails, but hasn't had any time, and wants to talk this wknd. And... it's been a week and I haven't heard from him. WHAT IS HE THINKING?! Is he that busy where he can't even e-mail or call, just to let me know he's busy so I'm not left hanging? Should I just tell him to shove it and leave me alone? Or are his intentions real?

He's in Korea btw so we're doing all of this online and over the phone.

dunno, sometimes you really can get caught up in life. but i can see where you're coming from. you can always just email him and let him know that you won't be contacting him anymore. be cool about it and say that it's best for you that you two keep out of contact for a while. you know he reads the emails, so just know that he read it even without response. if/when his response comes, just delete it. grit your teeth if need be but don't respond back. it's really your choice.

Question:

Was he too scared? Did he honestly care? Why didn't he have any balls to talk about it, bring it up, break up and not make me go crazy?

Background:

We were in a 10 month relationship and were totally all for trying long distance since he is leaving to NY. He came back from orientation totally distant and ignored me and such. We had only 5 days left so I wanted to know what was wrong. I asked various questions which he gave me half a***ed answers. Asked the big important ones like if he cared, wanted me, or if he still wanted to try. Gave me half a***ed answers too. I told him how I felt, how I wanted to try and all that. Time was running out and I wanted to either "make it or break it" All in all, he gave off the tone and vibe and the answers that he was giving up on us. I did ask if he still loved me, he said yes. After I broke it up, I asked if he loved me. He said he loved me.

those questions can only be answered by him. but it seems he made his decision, for whatever reason. you can try to get an honest conversation out of him, but you should ask yourself what you want at this point. do you want the truth so you can move on better? do you just wanna tell him off because you're not done being angry? or do you want to get back with him? we're not talking feelings here, but your decisions.