Ask The Fellas

[Bellatrix]

I'm rather curious about the guys with more friends that are girls than guys. If a guy says he's attracted to his friend who is a girl but will not date her, what does that actually mean? Either he knows she won't date him or he wouldn't date her because she's not his type? Or are there other reasons? If they seem rather close, is there a chance he'll try to date her as they get to know each other better?

[Guest Javus]

Guys, does cutting off contact / going NC with your ex mean you are hurt from them? I don't mean hurt as in what they did sucks and you just are so angry about it that you want to cut them off. Hurt as in the very cliche you still love them but it's too painful to be together deal.

Just wondering because my current bf decided to completely cut off contact with his ex. I didn't ask him to, but he did it one random night. Before that, I knew him and his ex talked at times. It bothered me a bit because it's still obvious she still wants him back but I respected his decision because I have talked to my ex without any feelings at all and I trusted him when he said "I have no feelings for her, only you."

So, does him cutting off contact with his ex mean anything? I wouldn't want to be dating him if, in the back of his mind, he still really loved her.

If it's pretty obvious to you, then it must be obvious to him. Maybe he just decided it wouldn't be right to continue talking to his ex, if she wasn't really over him.

[Guest beckii_]

Hmm..

my question is about guys being able to move on. I know every guy is different but I just wanna get POVs from another guy rather than my close friend.

Well..I was in a 15-16month relationship with my ex, and we moved interstate together for university. After about a month of moving, I decided to end the relationship. I'll be honest, it was because I didn't feel the same anymore and had interest in another guy. He was definitely real hurt. We had arguments, both cried etc. Anyway, so..we still hung out, eat lunch/dinner, go shopping etc together. And long story cut short, a series of events happened and I realised that I made a very big mistake and I still like him a lot (possibly love, I'm not sure) but when I spoke to him about it, he said he doesn't think he has feelings for me anymore. This was about 4 months after we broke up. So, my question is..can guys really move on that quick? (idk if its quick from a males' perspective, but to me I think its quick) I mean..if someone did that to me I'd definitely not be able to move on for ages. Its now been about 5months after we broke up..still living together in an apartment with two other people as well. We still talk and do things together. But he mainly sits in his room and games/skype with his friends from interstate.

So, basically he said he's got no feelings for me and doesn't want to get back together. Does it take guys not a very long time to move on from a serious 16month relationship?

[mintcracker]

^ well you lost feelings for him just like that o_O so yeahh... why couldn't he? But I do think if sb truly loved sb, it takes longer than a few months to get over them. Cos love is sth you can just switch off instantly.

[Guest velvetblue]

There's a guy who is clearly interested in me, and knows that I'm inexperienced. Early on, he tried to convince me that he was a virgin only to later admit 2 months later that he wasn't, and was just "joking around." Is this a red flag? So far, he has proven that he is a good guy, has never given me any other reason not to trust him, and takes relationships seriously. I have a hard time trusting people, so I'm at the point where I don't think he's worth my time cause I'm scared he's creating an image to impress me. Advice please?

[Guest HERMIT]

There's a guy who is clearly interested in me, and knows that I'm inexperienced. Early on, he tried to convince me that he was a virgin only to later admit 2 months later that he wasn't, and was just "joking around." Is this a red flag? So far, he has proven that he is a good guy, has never given me any other reason not to trust him, and takes relationships seriously. I have a hard time trusting people, so I'm at the point where I don't think he's worth my time cause I'm scared he's creating an image to impress me. Advice please?

Whether it's a red flag is hard to gauge without really understanding the context as to why he claimed to be a virgin. Was he saying it just to make yourself comfortable or did he intimate it in some way so as to soften you up for a sexual advance? Because if it were the former, it would probably not mean much other than he's mindful of your concerns for being a virgin and by pretending to be one, you wouldn't be so uptight about it. But if it were the latter, then sure questions of trust can crop up because you have question the surreptitious nature in which he's using the information to his (sexual) advantage.

In short, go with your gut instinct if you really don't know for sure - but allow for time to let this guy demonstrate through his actions in other areas that he's a respectful person.

[MrPower]

There's a guy who is clearly interested in me, and knows that I'm inexperienced. Early on, he tried to convince me that he was a virgin only to later admit 2 months later that he wasn't, and was just "joking around." Is this a red flag? So far, he has proven that he is a good guy, has never given me any other reason not to trust him, and takes relationships seriously. I have a hard time trusting people, so I'm at the point where I don't think he's worth my time cause I'm scared he's creating an image to impress me. Advice please?

I think you have the right idea.

I have a hard time trusting people who lie about who they are.

From my experience, it's a reflection on what their true character is. Though it may seem minor, I'll use the slippery slope argument to justify my reasoning. If he lies about things such as virginity, what more is he capable of falsifying? Ditch this guy, he's likely not worth your time.

[Guest beckii_]

^ well you lost feelings for him just like that o_O so yeahh... why couldn't he? But I do think if sb truly loved sb, it takes longer than a few months to get over them. Cos love is sth you can just switch off instantly.

I didn't lose feelings for him just like that. It was over a period of time and I guess the fact that I had somebody else in mind made me felt that way too. But I understand what you're saying. Thanks

[Guest bootnb]

I have a huge crush on this guy (I am Asian and he's Mexican), we are both very social and outgoing. I've noticed that when I talk with him, he more likely leans towards me, cit's close enough for me to even whisper to him. He one time suddenly touched my chin and teased playfully that I had mustache (: *I was blushing so much after all*. He said he liked my hair, he likes to touch it but knowing that I don't like people touching my hair, that's so he just says it to me. One thing here is that: he never leaves any comments on my facebook page (: he never talks to me when he's with other girls *he is very charming and girls in my school go crazy because of him* when he was with other girls *at least 4 or 5 ladies*, I caught him looking at me but then he looked away, he was being like a stranger towards me. I feel sad actually. I really want to ask the guys in here, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! (: *Is he interested or not? Is he shy? Or because I didn't show him enough my interest in him? Or he is just a player? (:*

p.S: thank you very much for your time, !

[Guest mysassyboy]

He's a massive flirt and from the sounds of it I highly doubt he's shy. Buy yeah it's hard to tell if he's actually interested in you.

[Guest bootnb]

He's a massive flirt and from the sounds of it I highly doubt he's shy. Buy yeah it's hard to tell if he's actually interested in you.

(: thank you,

[Guest mjong2]

Judging by your tone of voice I'm guessing you are in high school or perhaps even younger. 

You cited that he is very social and outgoing. Because of this, and without knowing other details, I am guessing he probably acts similarly with other girls as well who he might be interested in. The key thing is the word might. As in high school you are bound to be attracted to many people, but wanting to have a relationship with them is another story. It seems as though he's probably attracted to you, but as far as a meaningful relationship goes, I would not be too certain about that. From personal experience when girls (and guys) are attracted to you, they subconsciously lean closer and seem to pay more attention to you, but that does not mean they would want to have a relationship with you, as even girls who already have boyfriends do this - it's just a natural human tendency towards people whom we are attracted to.

Also you mention him looking at you, then looking away. It's funny because my friends who are girls who used to like me have told me that I've looked at them in a "flirty" way, when I never had any interest in them more than a friend and never meant to look at them in a "flirty way". I think what might be happening is that you are very attracted to him, so even if he gives a normal look or is just simply glancing, you interpret it as something more. I may be wrong, but make sure to approach these things with as unbiased perspective as you can. 

Regardless if he really does like you or not, since you are in high school I will give you a couple points. 

1) if you like him you might as well ask him out. I know that seems like an impossible task right now, but you don't want any regrets, and believe me, when you grow older you'll feel silly that you didn't ask him out and know what could have been because you were too "shy" or afraid of rejection.

2) Make sure you really know why you like him. Is it just a good first impression he gave? Looks? In high school/middle school most relationships probably revolve around some anecdotal events that happened (such as him helping you with homework that one time, him smiling at you that one time, etc.) that in reality are not very meaningful. Try to pinpoint some traits about him that you genuinely know and like that would make you like him even if his physical traits were completely different. This will get you in much less trouble later on, since you are in that critical stage where a relationship might go very wrong. 

Good luck!

I have a huge crush on this guy (I am Asian and he's Mexican), we are both very social and outgoing. I've noticed that when I talk with him, he more likely leans towards me, cit's close enough for me to even whisper to him. He one time suddenly touched my chin and teased playfully that I had mustache (: *I was blushing so much after all*. He said he liked my hair, he likes to touch it but knowing that I don't like people touching my hair, that's so he just says it to me. One thing here is that: he never leaves any comments on my facebook page (: he never talks to me when he's with other girls *he is very charming and girls in my school go crazy because of him* when he was with other girls *at least 4 or 5 ladies*, I caught him looking at me but then he looked away, he was being like a stranger towards me. I feel sad actually. I really want to ask the guys in here, WHAT DOES IT MEAN?! (: *Is he interested or not? Is he shy? Or because I didn't show him enough my interest in him? Or he is just a player? (:*

p.S: thank you very much for your time, !

[Guest bootnb]

Judging by your tone of voice I'm guessing you are in high school or perhaps even younger. 

You cited that he is very social and outgoing. Because of this, and without knowing other details, I am guessing he probably acts similarly with other girls as well who he might be interested in. The key thing is the word might. As in high school you are bound to be attracted to many people, but wanting to have a relationship with them is another story. It seems as though he's probably attracted to you, but as far as a meaningful relationship goes, I would not be too certain about that. From personal experience when girls (and guys) are attracted to you, they subconsciously lean closer and seem to pay more attention to you, but that does not mean they would want to have a relationship with you, as even girls who already have boyfriends do this - it's just a natural human tendency towards people whom we are attracted to.

Also you mention him looking at you, then looking away. It's funny because my friends who are girls who used to like me have told me that I've looked at them in a "flirty" way, when I never had any interest in them more than a friend and never meant to look at them in a "flirty way". I think what might be happening is that you are very attracted to him, so even if he gives a normal look or is just simply glancing, you interpret it as something more. I may be wrong, but make sure to approach these things with as unbiased perspective as you can. 

Regardless if he really does like you or not, since you are in high school I will give you a couple points. 

1) if you like him you might as well ask him out. I know that seems like an impossible task right now, but you don't want any regrets, and believe me, when you grow older you'll feel silly that you didn't ask him out and know what could have been because you were too "shy" or afraid of rejection.

2) Make sure you really know why you like him. Is it just a good first impression he gave? Looks? In high school/middle school most relationships probably revolve around some anecdotal events that happened (such as him helping you with homework that one time, him smiling at you that one time, etc.) that in reality are not very meaningful. Try to pinpoint some traits about him that you genuinely know and like that would make you like him even if his physical traits were completely different. This will get you in much less trouble later on, since you are in that critical stage where a relationship might go very wrong. 

Good luck!

Well, you're right, I am still in High school. Hmmm, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts !

[Guest xabstruse]

I am still really close to my ex whom I broke up with 2 years ago. After we broke up, we had a friends with benefits relationship for a few months but have since stopped that and are just regular friends now. We no longer have any feelings for each other but we are VERY close, he's one of my best friends and we spend a lot of time with each other (both 1 on 1 and in groups). Now... I recently got into a new relationship and am very much in love my boyfriend knows that I am friends with my ex and that I had a FWB relationship with my ex, but doesn't know exactly who my ex is -- he just knows that we are still close. He has met him before but thinks that he's just one of my regular friends (I have quite a lot of close guy friends). He has asked me who my ex is before but I didn't tell him at the time because we weren't dating so I felt no need to be so open. but now obviously I can't hide it from him forever so I'm wondering if I should wait for him to ask again, or if I should tell him? I'm scared that he might find out from other friends because he's met a few of my friends now so he'll think I had something to hide. On the other hand it might weird him out that we're still so close after all that stuff happened in our past. :/ my group of close friends are going overseas for 2 week trip at the end of the year (including my ex, but not including my current bf), so would that make him feel insecure as well? what do you guys think I should do ><?

[odaesan]

we are both very social and outgoing.

Is he shy?

No...

Do you watch wildlife shows? That looks like he is testing to see who is the weakest one. He would tell you he likes you if he was social and outgoing.

[Guest HERMIT]

I am still really close to my ex whom I broke up with 2 years ago. After we broke up, we had a friends with benefits relationship for a few months but have since stopped that and are just regular friends now. We no longer have any feelings for each other but we are VERY close, he's one of my best friends and we spend a lot of time with each other (both 1 on 1 and in groups). Now... I recently got into a new relationship and am very much in love my boyfriend knows that I am friends with my ex and that I had a FWB relationship with my ex, but doesn't know exactly who my ex is -- he just knows that we are still close. He has met him before but thinks that he's just one of my regular friends (I have quite a lot of close guy friends). He has asked me who my ex is before but I didn't tell him at the time because we weren't dating so I felt no need to be so open. but now obviously I can't hide it from him forever so I'm wondering if I should wait for him to ask again, or if I should tell him? I'm scared that he might find out from other friends because he's met a few of my friends now so he'll think I had something to hide. On the other hand it might weird him out that we're still so close after all that stuff happened in our past. :/ my group of close friends are going overseas for 2 week trip at the end of the year (including my ex, but not including my current bf), so would that make him feel insecure as well? what do you guys think I should do ><?

If you feel that the anxiety is too great for you to handle, then usually full disclosure right off the bat would be something that cures all ills right away. Just tell him that you had a prior relationship with this ex, point out who this ex is, emphasize the current dynamics of your relationship with him now, and assure him that everything is now on the up and up between you two and that there is nothing for your current boyfriend to be worried or paranoid about. You might be hesitant in the sense that you might end up with a fight on your hands - but think of it this way: you will have better leverage in arguing your case from the side of full disclosure rather than the comparatively uphill battle if you were arguing because you chose nondisclosure and he found out about it in the most unceremonious fashion. But seriously, I think so long as you have the right approach and if your boyfriend is fair and understanding, it should hopefully go well without a hitch. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Guest lieezldesu]

My ex-boyfriend dumped me a week ago because he simply 'couldn't handle the stress' and 'didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment'. He dumped me right after our first year anniversary. It was a very sudden break up and I never saw it coming. We hardly ever fought until this past month, so maybe that's why. He told me 'I still like you a lot but this isn't working out' then tacked a random 'but I promise I will still go to prom with you' (we're incoming seniors by the way). I asked him if it's possible this is just a break and he needed space and if perhaps he would be capable of being in a relationship with me in the future, and he replied 'I don't know.'

Just yesterday, we had to finish an AP Economics project so I gave him the anniversary card I never got to give him and his PSP and he told me he thinks the card is super nice and that I could have his psp longer if I wanted. I treated him like a casual friend and we weren't really awkward at all. He seemed a bit more sad than usual and kept turning his head away from me when I would talk to him. When I left the room my friend asked him 'how's life' he replied 'it's alright...' and then she asked him 'how's it feel like being single?' again he replied with a, 'eh, it's alright....'

So I was wondering...

Why did he break up with me so out of the blue but still want to go to prom with me?

Is there any chance of him still wanting to be in a relationship with me again?

Should I refrain from talking this out with him, to see if he'd like to start again? Give it more time? Or simply just let go..?

(Sorry for all the questions.. x_x )

I'm just so confused..

This was my first ever serious relationship and heartbreak. I'm having an okay time coping with it, but still miss his presence a bunch.

Thank you for reading. Any replies appreciated :3

[Guest kdp]

Hey cool cats =) 

So I really like this guy in uni 

He teases me a lot and also uses a lot of body contact when we're talking (eg: hand on shoulder) - however I have noticed that he does do this with a lot of other girls as well. 

When we're alone, he does things like move my hair away from my eyes, touch my cheek, sits up really close.

I feel there's a slight tension between us: we are more cautious with being close to each other in front of our friends, 

Thing is, his friend mentioned that he had a girlfriend and they have been long distancing for a year or so - he's told me he rarely sees her.

He always reminds me that I am attractive and compliments me on small details, such as nail polish..

Any ways do you think hes just attracted to me and its just flirting or does he want something more?

Thanks in advance

[xRiChan]

What do you guys think of short girls? Like 4'9'' short? Cute or too small?

[Guest Javus]

My ex-boyfriend dumped me a week ago because he simply 'couldn't handle the stress' and 'didn't want to be in a relationship at the moment'. He dumped me right after our first year anniversary. It was a very sudden break up and I never saw it coming. We hardly ever fought until this past month, so maybe that's why. He told me 'I still like you a lot but this isn't working out' then tacked a random 'but I promise I will still go to prom with you' (we're incoming seniors by the way). I asked him if it's possible this is just a break and he needed space and if perhaps he would be capable of being in a relationship with me in the future, and he replied 'I don't know.'

Just yesterday, we had to finish an AP Economics project so I gave him the anniversary card I never got to give him and his PSP and he told me he thinks the card is super nice and that I could have his psp longer if I wanted. I treated him like a casual friend and we weren't really awkward at all. He seemed a bit more sad than usual and kept turning his head away from me when I would talk to him. When I left the room my friend asked him 'how's life' he replied 'it's alright...' and then she asked him 'how's it feel like being single?' again he replied with a, 'eh, it's alright....'

So I was wondering...

Why did he break up with me so out of the blue but still want to go to prom with me?

Is there any chance of him still wanting to be in a relationship with me again?

Should I refrain from talking this out with him, to see if he'd like to start again? Give it more time? Or simply just let go..?

(Sorry for all the questions.. x_x )

I'm just so confused..

This was my first ever serious relationship and heartbreak. I'm having an okay time coping with it, but still miss his presence a bunch.

Thank you for reading. Any replies appreciated :3

He probably wants to go to prom with you out of a sense of honor. You guys you just freshly broke up so most likely he does still have feelings. I'd say wait until maybe a few days before your fall semester starts, and try talking it out with him and see if he's open to getting back together and trying to fix whatever was the reason he broke up. If you can't work it out by that time, then it would be time to move on.

Hey cool cats =) 

So I really like this guy in uni 

He teases me a lot and also uses a lot of body contact when we're talking (eg: hand on shoulder) - however I have noticed that he does do this with a lot of other girls as well. 

When we're alone, he does things like move my hair away from my eyes, touch my cheek, sits up really close.

I feel there's a slight tension between us: we are more cautious with being close to each other in front of our friends, 

Thing is, his friend mentioned that he had a girlfriend and they have been long distancing for a year or so - he's told me he rarely sees her.

He always reminds me that I am attractive and compliments me on small details, such as nail polish..

Any ways do you think hes just attracted to me and its just flirting or does he want something more?

Thanks in advance

Well I think he probably is attracted to you, however he might be holding back because he still is technically in a relationship(even if it is LDR) or maybe he is just a big flirt? Anyways I wouldn't do anything to drastic as long as he is still in a relationship.

What do you guys think of short girls? Like 4'9'' short? Cute or too small?

In terms of just general opinion, 4'9 is cute, but I would personally not prefer to date someone that short as I'm 5"8 and the difference would be too much. However there's plenty of other guys with different opinions, and well the shorter guys too. I'm sure you'll have no problem meeting a someone.