ever been molested and can't tell anyone?

[Guest lotusdrop]

well i dunno if i said this here before or not...but i think people who get taken advantage of are slightly useless. I mean if you don't protect yourself, honestly, who would? If getting raped and molested is that bad why can't you just speak up about it. If your mom doesn't do anything, your dad would, if your dad wouldn't do anything, your sister would, your brother would...worse comes to worst you pick up the phone and dial three number 9-11. It's horrible when you are harassed once, to let it happen to yourself again, are flipping serious?!?

I remember this one time when i was on the bus with my friends, i was sitting down and she was standing up. This hispanic guy next to her touched her butt and she said in chinese becareful of this man, he touched my butt. I was like you should tell him, and then I yelled very loudly in English to becareful of the pervert on the bus feeling up people's richard simmons...he got off the next stop.

I'm just saying, that there WILL be one person who would stand up and help you. AND think about this, after they harass you they feel that all other people would do the same as you and let them off. Now you're no longer a victim, you have partly became the reason why there are other victims.

With that being said, I hope you guys can put the past in the past...and for those of you who still could do something about it DO something about it.

Are you serious? Do you have no sense of empathy?

Though I agree that nothing can be done if the person who is molested doesn't speak up and potentially lets the creep roam free, using the word "useless" to describe people who are taken advantage of is where I strongly disagree with you and am actually quite offended by.

The fact of the matter is that in many cases, the person who has been taken advantage of is going to be confused, hurt, ashamed, embarassed, feel pathetic, and may blame themselves ALREADY. You calling them useless is only going to fuel their self-hatred, it's not constructive at all. You can talk all matter-of-factly about what you would do in those situations and imply how you're morally superior to people who don't report their cases or stand up for themselves, but do consider the fact that many people who get harassed are harassed by people they trusted, by people who are in their social/family circle, and they are often YOUNG and have not developed a strong sense of self-respect or a strong sense of what is appropriate and what is not. You talk about the issue of sexual harassment as if it were black and white. Congratulations FOR YOU that you were able to grow up free of these issues, but what about the person who, while growing up, coming to terms with their identity, had molestation incorporated into their schema of what is "normal". People who grew up not knowing any better may blame themselves for being in such situations and never really think that this type of situation could be a problem for some other innocent person out there. I agree that emphasizing to these people that by standing up for themselves they could be protecting a lot of people, but you're stating it in a manner that makes it seem like they are the culprit. I think it takes A LOT of courage to speak out about these situations, and a lot of people don't recover from these situations, at all, choosing to hide these horrors in dark vents of their heart or choosing the option to end it all in suicide. A lot of people need to be hand held out of these conditions of self-loathe and pain, did you even try and imagine the enormous psychological damage that can happen to someone who is molested?

And believe it or not, sometimes that almighty altruistic viewpoint of yours is not easily adopted nor will it be the first thing that comes to mind of the people who have just been harassed. Hey, perhaps other things cross their mind first, such as.. oh I don't know: "I'm so fukin dirty, how can I ever look at myself in the mirror again?" "what the fuk is going on?" "How could I ever face anyone again" "Did I get any STI?" "Am I pregnant?" "Will my parents hate me?" "It was probably my fault". And a lot of harassed people may acquire a self-defeating psyche that makes them feel like they CAN'T control ANYTHING and henceforth succumb to subsequent molestations. I'm not trying to say, "hey let's have a giant pity party for people who are molested", but I wish people would take the time to consider the complexities of emotions and psychological trauma that someone can undergo when molested before making judgments. Seriously, try to use your logic on a 5 year old, or a 10 year old or even a high school student who is at a stage where their self-image is so important to them, can't you see it's not that simple or easy??

I'm all for tough love but your choice of words have really irked me into writing this response. The way you portray these people who have been harassed is part of the reason WHY it is so DIFFICULT for them to come forward. There's that stigma that it is THEIR fault for being harassed, a stigma that they are the idiots in this case, the stigma that everyone will judge them. Sometimes, it's not easy to come to terms with their experience and if people keep calling them stuff like useless and perpetrators of further assaults, it's just going to make that barrier to accepting the incident that much wider.

And I'm sorry, but when a person who is in an authoritative position or even just a stranger touches you without your consent, it's NOT your fault. Think about it, if there were no creepy a$$holes to begin with, would you or anyone have been harassed? NO. These first incidences are completely out of your control, even subsequent ones may be out of your control because you lacked the sense of ability to control your life or were confused about how you should react.

If I've made too many assumptions on what your post meant, do beg to differ cuz I'm open to hear your side of the argument.

----------- ANYHOW,

I do hope that if you reading this have been molested by someone, that you can one day muster the courage and turn to someone for help, someone who won't judge you and won't brush it off as nothing, because it IS something. and DON'T let ignorant comments push you deeper into your emotional void.

And to people who think "oh why don't you just do this and that and report it to this person and that person", it's not that easy ESPECIALLY when you're young and you don't have someone telling you how to react to these things, many things that i've read count as sexual harassment, but unless there's proof, there's not much people who have been harassed can do to support their case. IT'S NOT SUCH A SIMPLE TOPIC PEOPLE. gosh -__-

[Guest lotusdrop]

QUOTE (frog @ Sep 11 2009, 12:27 AM) *

I don't know if this was molestation or not but when I went to visit my sister during the summer of my 8 grade year, we went into an Asian store to buy food. When we were browsing the store, I feel like I was just walking into any other store and looking for some food to buy. When we enter, the couple that own the store seem like nice people. After a while of looking around and getting the things we needed, my sister, her daughter, and I went to paid for our things. When we were just about to get out of the door, I remember that I forgot to buy something so I told my sister to take her daughter and go wait for me in the car because it will only take a minute. After that, I walked back into the store and grabbed what I needed. I went up to the Asian male cashier (he was probably in his late 30s) to pay for my item. He rung it up and I handed the money to him. However, he grabbed my hand very tight and just start rubbing it, while telling me how beautiful I was in a very low voice (it sounded very creepy) At this point, I was so scared so I just stood there, saying nothing, and then when he noticed that his wife was coming from the other side of the store to the counter, he released my hand. I quickly grab my item and ran outside to my sister. While in the car, I pretended like nothing happened because I was still confused and scared about what has happened. I didn't tell her or anyone about it even till this day. Till now, I still wonder if this is molestation or not?

Someone already replied to this saying that it doesn't count as molestation, but I strongly beg to differ.

"molestation: the act of subjecting someone to unwanted or improper sexual advances or activity (especially women or children)"

I'm not saying you should go and feel sorry for yourself now that your case falls into the category but I'm trying to point out that if you felt gross or pathetic or sad or embarassed or feel scarred even to this day, that it's entirely appropriate and normal because it was indeed an act of molestation. rubbing a non-consenting CHILD on the arm is very much an improper sexual advance. I know someone who suffered psychologically.... who SUFFERS psychologically TO THIS DAY from being rubbed on the hand by a stranger when she was 5 years old, and she's 25 now. personally, I think any rub on your body without your consent is enough to give the toucher a friggin "CREEPY FUKER" stamped on their forehead. ARGH. it just pisses me off so much how there's so many sh*tfaces out there doing this kind of crap to young innocent people. FUK. It pisses me off.

[Guest dearsecret]

Dear Soompiers,

I created another account to share my story.

I have pictures of myself on my other account. my fellow classmates use soompi. This is not something, I can easily announce to the whole world.

===

I'm a 15 year old girl. I was molested by my dad between ages 7-11/12. It was on and off.

I had a rough childhood. Not the gang-street fighting type of childhood. More like the financially unstable struggle. (funny we lived in a nice suburb)

" U never know what goes on behind closed doors"

I remember living off melons from my mom's garden (for about a month or two), because we were waiting for dad to send money.

My dad was always unstable. He was like a bipolar man. Happy-mad-happy-mad.

Mom always told me, "don't make dad mad" "don't get on his bad side"

And whenever I did he would beat me. purple bruises against my pale skin.

He forced me to drink alcohol when I was small. I remember he pressed the cup against my lips. "just a sip."

I don't want a sip. and he tilted the cup. so I gulped more than a sip

I don't want to provide an inaccurate portrayal of my dad.

When he wasn't beating me up, or making me feel uncomfortable, he was a good dad.

He was just like any other dad in those happy movies

---

Sometimes, I blame my dad for everything. He bought me two birds. I abused one of the birds, because it made me feel powerful. It made me feel like I was in control. I tried drowning the bird, locking the bird in the box. It never did die, because of my abuse. It died in the winter years later.

It makes me cry, because I was such a evil kid.

when I was small, this guy was nice to me, I plotted his death.

My dad spoiled me when I was little, bought me all the clothes in the world. u name it, I got it. He considered me his little princess... than why would he do those things to me.

What a big contradiction.

----

One day when I was 7, he started molesting me. Basically, he forced me touch down there......

And, I had tried fighting back. But he kept pulling my hand. After it happened, I would scrub my hand with soap, trying to get the smell off.....

There were many more incidents like that....

just press the repeat button... and stop at age 11/12. It became less frequent as I got older.

I wish I can turn back time, and I wish I wasn't scared to tell someone back then. I wish I had the power to tell. Or scream for help.

whenever he did something bad, he pretended it never happened. so I did the same.

There was another incident...

WHen I was doing my homework... I was in 5th grade.

He forced his hand down my shirt. He said something... like. "you got bigger..."

and then he did that thing again..... where he forced my hand....

---

And then he went overseas. been gone for 2 years. the last,last time, he came back to visit ....was almost a close call.

But, I'm more wiser now. Not a little girl anymore. whenever I sense, he's going to do something "bad", I try to stay away from him.

He was sitting on the chair. and he was calling my name. I had a feeling that he was going to do something bad.

he kept insisting that I sit in the chair next to him.... and my gut was telling me something was wrong. So I ran upstairs, locked my self in the bathroom.. until my mom came hoome.

---

I never thought I would tell anyoone my "secret". But then I went to highschool, and told this guy. Let's call him paperclip. I only known him for 3 months. He was the total classic geeky type of kid, but a great listener.

Well, paper clip, said... "that's really messed up" "my family is messed up but not that messed up" "i'm too young for this. "I don't know what to tell you"

But he listened to me.

=========

And then, I told my brother. He didn't really care. was very nonchalant about it. (my brother and I have a rocky relationship)

---

then, I told my mom. My mom was angry at my dad. She doubted me a little bit at first. BUt what kind of person wouldn't?

mom told me to keep hush about it, and don't tell any more people about my situation.

She said, that we must pretend none of this happened.

We depend on my dad's income. He sends money overseas.

mom,alone, won't make enough money to support us.

---

I'm safe now, so don't worry about me. My dad's overseas, and he doesn't come back often at all. And, I'm wiser now.

---

eh, so here's my story.

[zantac_2]

^do you have plans outing your dad beyond the family circle in the near future?

[Grey.Drops]

^do you have plans outing your dad beyond the family circle in the near future?

^

^

I really think you should...

[whistlei]

molestation to a person can also be just a stare, am i right?

I've been in situations where someone would stare at me intensively

to the point where I felt violated. I'm not sure if anyone has been in this

situation but to me, even now I still have nightmares of it, or I would automatically

assume anyone looking at me is having dirty thoughts. To me, I think it's some kind of "fear" I have.

It's really difficult.

[Guest Ash_Ketchum]

well i was reading the 'freaking pedo' thread and it reminded of something that happened during my childhood. this is something i never dared to tell anyone because i don't want anyone to know or feel sorry for me.

i grew up in the ghetto, there was alot of fobs in my area. hardly any of us knew much english or much about this new world we live in, really. i was just 4 or 5 at the time. me and the neighborhood kids would always get picked up by this old caucasian guy in his late 50s or early 60s. he was really nice. our parents were always at work and didn't know much. even if they did, they thought he was a nice guy because he always bought us gifts. so when we get picked up by him to go to the stores so he can buy us gifts, whoever sat in the passenger seat would be the one that he would 'touch.' to be more specific, whenever i sat in the front seat next to him, he'd stick his hands down my pants and grope me, fingering me and such. i didn't really know what to do or what he was doing actually. sometimes we'd even end up at his house, and he would make the other kids go buy him some toilet paper. he begged me to stay with him alone in the house while the other kids went to the store. i remember i refused because even though i was young, my instincts told me something bad would happen if i stayed in the house alone with him. imagine if i didn't say no, i would probably be raped.

three years later, when i finally moved out to the suburbs, i heard from my old childhood buddies that the man finally got arrested. i don't know what happen after that..

..... in middle school, there was this kid in my class who would always brush his hand(slightly) across my privates or my rear. i was really shy about confronting people about sexual stuff like that. i just said stop and tried to avoid him. he was in my health class so that was kind of hard. i was really relieved when the school year ended and i finally moved.  

i don't know if anyone else has been through the same thing..   care to share? this is a place to confide your past without worrying what all your friends will think.

Dang, sorry to hear about that, ITs disgusting honestly.

But how were you in the ghetto if there was a white guy and a bunch of fobs?

[viedeluxe]

I'm not saying you should go and feel sorry for yourself now that your case falls into the category but I'm trying to point out that if you felt gross or pathetic or sad or embarassed or feel scarred even to this day, that it's entirely appropriate and normal because it was indeed an act of molestation. rubbing a non-consenting CHILD on the arm is very much an improper sexual advance. I know someone who suffered psychologically.... who SUFFERS psychologically TO THIS DAY from being rubbed on the hand by a stranger when she was 5 years old, and she's 25 now. personally, I think any rub on your body without your consent is enough to give the toucher a friggin "CREEPY FUKER" stamped on their forehead. ARGH. it just pisses me off so much how there's so many sh*tfaces out there doing this kind of crap to young innocent people. FUK. It pisses me off.

Although I agree you shouldn't take a rub or touch too lightly, because you don't know what that person might be thinking, but I think some people might be going overboard on this. I know a lot of people--like my dad's side of the family-- who are mostly in the 45 and older age group who are the over friendly, social, people loving type person and they love to smile, give handshakes, pats on the back, rub on the arm as a sign of affection to a lot of people they meet (obviously avoiding touching any private parts).They are they types who will linger for a bit to absorb information and comment on how I grew taller, fatter/thinner, prettier or whatever. Obviously when you meet a person you can't say, "hey, can i rub your arm/pat your back" or "hey can i smile at you like this?" because that will make the situation awkward.

I'm not entirely disagreeing with what you said because I do agree that molestation and voicing out experiences is a serious matter, but for someone traumatized by something as a rub on the hand is, in my opinion, being too dramatic.

[Guest pastel-pearl]

I'm kind of glad that this thread is here. I was molested at the age of four by a man who was the husband of my mother's friend. Growing up my mother had a lot to deal with. Our family wasn't financially stable so she began selling drugs and borrowing money from her friends. She borrowed a lot of money from her one friend. Gradually while selling drugs, she began to use them. After that, she lost control of her spending habits and began borrowing more money from that awful woman and her husband. When I was four, the man began molesting me. He would touch and stroke me in my private and chest while I was "sleeping". He would drag me out of bed at night and into the bathroom to rub Vaseline all over my privates for fun. He would also force me to bathe with him when he was "baby-sitting" me.  I hated it. The fact that he gave me my first kiss, yet alone a french kiss makes me sick. I would cry during all of this but no one would be around to hear me. He would threaten me, tell me that no one would believe me, and tell me that my mother still owed him and his wife a lot of money. This happen up until I was 9 years old.For four years I would beg my mother not to bring me to their home. Each time I was left there to sleep over (the couple had a daughter a year or two younger than me) I would cry and beg to go home. I would plea to my mother to bring me home over the phone. She would always make excuses. Thats when I figured out that she knew the man was molesting me. She allowed him to molest me out of all her other children simply because I was known as "the quiet one". I felt guilty and blame myself for being a burden on my mother. 

When I turned 10, my father and mother split. I stayed with my grandmother while the court was deciding who would have custody. One night while at my grandmother's, the man's wife came knocking on our door. She barged in and went straight into my room to yell at me and accuse me of stealing from her daughter. What really happen was during the fair carnival her daughter ended up spending all her money and I had to spend my $25 for her to play games. The daughter was scared her mother and father would beat her for spending all of her allowance so she told them that I stole the money. When I told the woman I didn't steal the money, she called me a liar and slapped me across the face. The nerve of her, to barge into my grandmother's home and slap another person's child. I cried really hard after she left. I sobbed over the phone and told my mother what happen because I couldn't get in contact with my father. She didn't do anything about it and went over to her house the next day to play cards.After my father had custody of me and my younger siblings, we moved away. For five years I didn't tell a soul.I would have so many emotional break downs in school but I would always tell my teachers it was stress. I was only 15 when I started having suicidal thoughts. One night I was so upset I woke up my whole family. I called my older sisters (who lived with my mother) and told everyone what happened to me. They told me to pretend it never happened because there was nothing they could do about it. They were lying. My grandmother yelled at me for causing a scene, calling me crazy. After that, I never brought it up with them, until recently after my 19th birthday. I wanted to press charge, and once again, my whole family told me to forget about it. We got into an argument, and they threaten to abandon me. They didn't want to press charge because they would lose face in the Vietnamese community. Also, they're scared of the couple because the couple are very wealthy. To make matters worse, the man went into training to become a monk. Even so, it's still no excuse right? I'm still upset, but I don't know what to do. If I press charges, I risk losing my family and that's all I have. Also if I do press charges, what evidence do I have? Will the police believe me even though my family will deny everything? How much will this cost me? Please help. 

[Guest cj_]

PLEASE I swear to God. If any one of you are molested in a public area (park, train, sidewalk) SCREAM. I don't give a d*mn if it LOOKS like no one gives a crap.

I swear I will try my very best to help you. I do not care if the guy is twice my size or has muscles like Arnold Scwarzarnaegar. This may sound bs, but I am 100% honest when I say I will risk my life to save someone who screams out for help and I hear it!

That's a very nice gesture; however, do NOT scream for help.

Instead, scream "FIRE". People will always draw attention to a problem that concerns THEM.

Screaming for help will only make people look out for their own behinds and run far away.

There are not many people as kind as you, sir, so for people out there molested/abused in a public area, I wouldn't risk it.

I was molested once. It was by a leader of my religious place who happens to by one of my mom's closest friends. That's understandable though, seeing that my mom and I have been active in our religious place for 11 years and have known him for 11 years as well.

It was last year when he was driving me to visit my sister in the hospital because my mom was too busy that day.

I was 16. I know - an age old enough to say something. I was able to, but I felt like I couldn't.

He rubbed my back and noticed that I wasn't wearing a bra. I know, I'm stupid. I don't like wearing bras; however, my uniform was thick enough to not worry if my nipple was showing. Please don't say I asked for this to happen. After he noticed I wasn't wearing a bra, he started making these lame excuses about how my badges should be in the right place where the pocket should be. The pockets are located directly above my breasts. It was a just an excuse he made seeing that the badges were in the absolute correct place. He kept touching it and placing emphasis around my nipple throughout the whole car ride. It was the most disgusting thing ever...

And you know what? I was so ashamed. I always believed that if this kind of situation ever happened to me, I would say something and report the person. I thought that by instinct, I would automatically defend myself.

I was so wrong.

[Guest laffly]

Hearing all these stories make me so sad and angry. I honestly can't believe how often these things occur. I hear stories like these all the time, but I still want believe that there are more good people in this world who greatly outnumber these f*cked up, inhuman a**holes. These scums are the lowest forms of life. I was molested myself when I was little, but I still can't bring myself to talk about it in detail. It makes me so angry to remember how my innocence was robbed. I swear that if I ever have children, I would do everything in my power to protect them. I won't hesitate to ruin anyone who touches them inappropriately.

[Guest joannieos]

I'm kind of glad that this thread is here. I was molested at the age of four by a man who was the husband of my mother's friend. Growing up my mother had a lot to deal with. Our family wasn't financially stable so she began selling drugs and borrowing money from her friends. She borrowed a lot of money from her one friend. Gradually while selling drugs, she began to use them. After that, she lost control of her spending habits and began borrowing more money from that awful woman and her husband. When I was four, the man began molesting me. He would touch and stroke me in my private and chest while I was "sleeping". He would drag me out of bed at night and into the bathroom to rub Vaseline all over my privates for fun. He would also force me to bathe with him when he was "baby-sitting" me.  I hated it. The fact that he gave me my first kiss, yet alone a french kiss makes me sick. I would cry during all of this but no one would be around to hear me. He would threaten me, tell me that no one would believe me, and tell me that my mother still owed him and his wife a lot of money. This happen up until I was 9 years old.For four years I would beg my mother not to bring me to their home. Each time I was left there to sleep over (the couple had a daughter a year or two younger than me) I would cry and beg to go home. I would plea to my mother to bring me home over the phone. She would always make excuses. Thats when I figured out that she knew the man was molesting me. She allowed him to molest me out of all her other children simply because I was known as "the quiet one". I felt guilty and blame myself for being a burden on my mother. 

When I turned 10, my father and mother split. I stayed with my grandmother while the court was deciding who would have custody. One night while at my grandmother's, the man's wife came knocking on our door. She barged in and went straight into my room to yell at me and accuse me of stealing from her daughter. What really happen was during the fair carnival her daughter ended up spending all her money and I had to spend my $25 for her to play games. The daughter was scared her mother and father would beat her for spending all of her allowance so she told them that I stole the money. When I told the woman I didn't steal the money, she called me a liar and slapped me across the face. The nerve of her, to barge into my grandmother's home and slap another person's child. I cried really hard after she left. I sobbed over the phone and told my mother what happen because I couldn't get in contact with my father. She didn't do anything about it and went over to her house the next day to play cards.After my father had custody of me and my younger siblings, we moved away. For five years I didn't tell a soul.I would have so many emotional break downs in school but I would always tell my teachers it was stress. I was only 15 when I started having suicidal thoughts. One night I was so upset I woke up my whole family. I called my older sisters (who lived with my mother) and told everyone what happened to me. They told me to pretend it never happened because there was nothing they could do about it. They were lying. My grandmother yelled at me for causing a scene, calling me crazy. After that, I never brought it up with them, until recently after my 19th birthday. I wanted to press charge, and once again, my whole family told me to forget about it. We got into an argument, and they threaten to abandon me. They didn't want to press charge because they would lose face in the Vietnamese community. Also, they're scared of the couple because the couple are very wealthy. To make matters worse, the man went into training to become a monk. Even so, it's still no excuse right? I'm still upset, but I don't know what to do. If I press charges, I risk losing my family and that's all I have. Also if I do press charges, what evidence do I have? Will the police believe me even though my family will deny everything? How much will this cost me? Please help. 

Holy mini cooper, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's just john teshing gross. I don't care if he turned into a monk or somemini cooper. What a richard simmons bag. No offense, your "mum" doesn't deserve to be called that. Who the heck lets someone molest their child and say because she's "the quiet one" wtf is up with the world. If I were you and had a family like that, I'd honestly rather have no family at all and live for me and find people who do actually love and care for me. But goodluck with everything, I hope you make the right decision.

[Guest eeyore12345]

I wanted to press charge, and once again, my whole family told me to forget about it. We got into an argument, and they threaten to abandon me. They didn't want to press charge because they would lose face in the Vietnamese community. Also, they're scared of the couple because the couple are very wealthy. To make matters worse, the man went into training to become a monk. Even so, it's still no excuse right? I'm still upset, but I don't know what to do. If I press charges, I risk losing my family and that's all I have. Also if I do press charges, what evidence do I have? Will the police believe me even though my family will deny everything? How much will this cost me? Please help. 

This is probably the most depressing thing I've heard. I really want you to press charges against that guy. Although I know it is hard to lose your family, you will regret it if you didn't do something about it. You need to do this for yourself and that guy needs to go to jail for what he has done. There are public lawyers that you can seek for help at no cost. As for evidence, maybe you are not the only he has harassed, maybe you can find someone else who is also a victim of his to testify against him in court. Whether you win the case or not in the end, you still need to try.

[Guest her.]

I'm kind of glad that this thread is here. I was molested at the age of four by a man who was the husband of my mother's friend. Growing up my mother had a lot to deal with. Our family wasn't financially stable so she began selling drugs and borrowing money from her friends. She borrowed a lot of money from her one friend. Gradually while selling drugs, she began to use them. After that, she lost control of her spending habits and began borrowing more money from that awful woman and her husband. When I was four, the man began molesting me. He would touch and stroke me in my private and chest while I was "sleeping". He would drag me out of bed at night and into the bathroom to rub Vaseline all over my privates for fun. He would also force me to bathe with him when he was "baby-sitting" me.  I hated it. The fact that he gave me my first kiss, yet alone a french kiss makes me sick. I would cry during all of this but no one would be around to hear me. He would threaten me, tell me that no one would believe me, and tell me that my mother still owed him and his wife a lot of money. This happen up until I was 9 years old.For four years I would beg my mother not to bring me to their home. Each time I was left there to sleep over (the couple had a daughter a year or two younger than me) I would cry and beg to go home. I would plea to my mother to bring me home over the phone. She would always make excuses. Thats when I figured out that she knew the man was molesting me. She allowed him to molest me out of all her other children simply because I was known as "the quiet one". I felt guilty and blame myself for being a burden on my mother. When I turned 10, my father and mother split. I stayed with my grandmother while the court was deciding who would have custody. One night while at my grandmother's, the man's wife came knocking on our door. She barged in and went straight into my room to yell at me and accuse me of stealing from her daughter. What really happen was during the fair carnival her daughter ended up spending all her money and I had to spend my $25 for her to play games. The daughter was scared her mother and father would beat her for spending all of her allowance so she told them that I stole the money. When I told the woman I didn't steal the money, she called me a liar and slapped me across the face. The nerve of her, to barge into my grandmother's home and slap another person's child. I cried really hard after she left. I sobbed over the phone and told my mother what happen because I couldn't get in contact with my father. She didn't do anything about it and went over to her house the next day to play cards.After my father had custody of me and my younger siblings, we moved away. For five years I didn't tell a soul.I would have so many emotional break downs in school but I would always tell my teachers it was stress. I was only 15 when I started having suicidal thoughts. One night I was so upset I woke up my whole family. I called my older sisters (who lived with my mother) and told everyone what happened to me. They told me to pretend it never happened because there was nothing they could do about it. They were lying. My grandmother yelled at me for causing a scene, calling me crazy. After that, I never brought it up with them, until recently after my 19th birthday. I wanted to press charge, and once again, my whole family told me to forget about it. We got into an argument, and they threaten to abandon me. They didn't want to press charge because they would lose face in the Vietnamese community. Also, they're scared of the couple because the couple are very wealthy. To make matters worse, the man went into training to become a monk. Even so, it's still no excuse right? I'm still upset, but I don't know what to do. If I press charges, I risk losing my family and that's all I have. Also if I do press charges, what evidence do I have? Will the police believe me even though my family will deny everything? How much will this cost me? Please help. 

Your family does not care about you. Understand this. If they did, they wouldn't treat you this way. You getting molested for years is more important than them losing "face" in the community. Can't you see that? The fact that your own mother knew you were being molested but didn't do anything about it is sick. Your mother is sick and is just as bad as the man that molested you. And if I were you, I would never forgive her for such a thing. How could she let that happen to you? Her own daughter. Haha, your mother is scum.

Press charges. Do it. Can you really live the rest of your life knowing that this man is getting away with what he did? He molested a child, and if that's not enough to make you want to press charges, you own family is against you. Don't be under their rule any longer. You were violated and no one caes. So that tells you that all you have left is yourself. Because your so called "family", is not on your side. So I wouldn't worry about losing them because since they said they would ABANDON you, I'd say you've already lost them. In fact, I'll say you've never had them. They probably never really cared about you in the first place. If I were you I wouldn't even want to have a family like that. How can you say you don't want to lose them after the way they've acted? Sighs, you have no family. So do what YOU want, and YOU want to press charges.

I don't know you personally, but I hope you do something about this. Really.

[Mannosuke]

^Keeping face is extremely important in asian communities. All those years of building a good reputation and losing it all because of your daughter is not something the entire family will accept. If she does choose to come out, hopefully the family won't do anything crazy like some sort of "honor killing" like they do in india.

From my indian friend, abandon does not mean disowning, it means death.

[Guest pastel-pearl]

Thank you everyone for the advice. Even though my mother is a horrible woman as well, for some odd reason I still love her.I know some of you may think it's stupid but honestly I have no idea why I love my horrible family. But I will try my best do something about it, I just don't really know where to begin. My family is still  guilt tripping me, telling me that they bought me all the things I needed and etc but when I think about it, they were never really all that caring despite what happen to me. They hardly bought me anything.  You'd think they would be?  I'm just worried about finding an apartment and balancing more hours and my school work. 

[Guest her.]

My family is still guilt tripping me, telling me that they bought me all the things I needed and etc but when I think about it, they were never really all that caring despite what happen to me. 

Classic Asian behavior. Asian parents always use that line. "I've taken care of you all these years, bought you what you wanted" This is their way of making their kid feel guilty about something. Making them disregard their own feelings. Yes, your family may have bought you things. And? What does that have to do with the situation? It doesn't change the fact that you were violated and suffered emotionally for years. So if your parents didn't by you anything, then it would be okay to press charges or something? Makes no sense. Face it. Your family cares more about honor than you. Their own flesh and blood.

Keeping face is extremely important in asian communities. All those years of building a good reputation and losing it all because of your daughter is not something the entire family will accept.

Well that just proves how backwards Asian thinking is, doesn't it. Their family member gets molested, but yet, if people knew about it, they would be the ones "losing face" and honor. Not the guy that did the molesting. They would be the ones getting their reputation ruined. Why? Because their daughter was abused? She didn't do the abusing. She was the abused. The victim. The victim, will shame the family.

The family and the daughter should be sympathized for, and given encouragement to get through something bad like this. Not looked down upon. Someone needs to explain this to the Asian cultures that think otherwise.

[TVBuddy]

^Keeping face is extremely important in asian communities. All those years of building a good reputation and losing it all because of your daughter is not something the entire family will accept. If she does choose to come out, hopefully the family won't do anything crazy like some sort of "honor killing" like they do in india.

From my indian friend, abandon does not mean disowning, it means death.

sure FACE is a great deal to Asians, but if some one touches me, my parents wouldn't care who they are, they would jump to protect me. Face is no excuse to be a coward and let your kid get molested. NEVER will there be a good enough excuse not to protect your own child, any children for that matter.

[Guest crescendoll]

Thank you everyone for the advice. Even though my mother is a horrible woman as well, for some odd reason I still love her.I know some of you may think it's stupid but honestly I have no idea why I love my horrible family. But I will try my best do something about it, I just don't really know where to begin. My family is still  guilt tripping me, telling me that they bought me all the things I needed and etc but when I think about it, they were never really all that caring despite what happen to me. They hardly bought me anything.  You'd think they would be?  I'm just worried about finding an apartment and balancing more hours and my school work. 

Think of it like this. If you don't do anything, that man will continue to molest other people's children, even if he has become a monk (pft, maybe he did that so that if you accuse him he'll seem innocent or something). You have the power to stop this man. I know it's really hard to bring yourself to tell someone. But do not listen to your family regardless of what they say in attempts to convince you that it's pointless. It isn't pointless. It's not too late. It's never too late. Trust me, even if he doesn't get convicted, you will feel a hell of a lot better just having confessed it. Good luck. If you need anyone to talk to, please PM me. I'm more than willing to talk.

[Guest laffly]

Pastel-pearl, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The way your family thinks is seriously wrong. I know that reputation is really important to Asians, but the well-being of a family member should be more important that anything else. I'm Vietnamese myself, and I know that my parents would claw out the face of anyone who tries to violate my siblings and me. They are very protective and I always just took their behavior as typical paranoid Asian parents behavior. But I, myself, fell victim to this heinous crime when my parents were at work. I haven't told anyone, so my family does not know. It's been so long ago, but it's still hard for me to think and talk about it, but I know that if I ever came out with it, my family would be behind me 100%.

Try to stay strong and do well with your schoolwork and your job. Are you going to college? Remember to apply for financial aid. It may be enough for you to pay for your tuition and move out on your own. That way you can get away from those people. Keep your head up and talk to a counselor or someone you trust if you ever feel you need to vent. Best of luck to you!