My family doesn't take me seriously
When I just told them about comitting suicide.
It kinda outrageous, I know. I was seeking for comfort from my Mom today and she just say "Oh yeah right!" like I was lying about it, same goes for my brother who was in the family room when I said so. Makes me even more upset that I cannot talk to my own family about it. Yeah, I'm 18. Just got a new job, and my parents bought me my first car. I know I have to work to earn my own money, and i know I have to pay for my insurance for my car. But I feel upset that I'm not even at school anymore. I want to go to school, but my brother put me down that I wasn't gonna get anywhere with a visual arts diploma or a BFA. And when he told me that and my mom ALSO agreed it just shut me down completely. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 14. Until December 2010 I started feeling like this again, but the thoughts are maybe worse than before. I was scared to die then, but now I really just don't car. I think I'm going insane by praying to God that he kills me, I dont why why i'm still here. I have no friends, no education, no life since I'm working 30 hours a week and it's effecting the way I feel about myself. I'm now gonna get anywhere with this type of life so might as well end it right? What i think make me even more crazy is that i get temted to crash my car when driving to try. I thought talking to family would help me. But obviously it just made me even more upset now.
I'm sorry if this isn't making sense. It just happened so I'm really just not in a happy mood.
BTW if any of you guys are thinking like my mom. No I'm not looking for pity. I'm looking for someone to understand and help me. When depression comes to me axiety comes as well and prevents me from getting sleep. I work 8 hours, come home, eat, check e-mails then go to bed because it takes me at least 4 hours to fall asleep. Reason why is because I'm the type of person is a perfectionist, which means I plan my day ahead and everything must go right, otherwise I go crazy. Yeah I'm trying to stop being a cry baby. I'm even volunteering for full-time shifts where I'm the supervisor of my department and i'm gaining 3 shifts that are 8am-4pm. But when depression hits, you feel tierd al the time right? My goal is to work till I break, but if no one does the job then it's up to me to finish it and they become too dependant on me and it creates pressure. (I'm ranting again -__- I'm so sorry) When i think about those suicide thoughts, I switch and say to myself how much my parents have done for me. That wouldn't feel happy at all. But my Mom is sometimes the issue when she gets angry and calls be "stupid," or "useless," you feel like a bullet had hit you feeling kick in which is childish to me. I'm trying to get toughin up. I just hate it when people bring me down. And just recently actually I had a stroke due to my thyroid level going all outta wack and my mom doesn't really care much for it as well.
^ I apologise in advance for being so random or if i don't make sense at all. I call myself stupid for a reason.
I know it may sound like I'm lazy. BUT I'm on Soompi to basically be sociable and ask advise from people even if i don't know them. So far thier comments are helping me realise. But your's unfortunatly isn't really helpful.
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