Losing your virginity?

[Guest hullogoodbye]

AHAHAHA, this topic is so overdone.
So, I'm 17. A senior in HS. I've had boyfriends before, and plenty of really nice guys have asked me out. However, I am a commitment-phobe, and it's hard for me to be attracted/like someone. I'm sexually attracted to a lot of guys, but the pull is strictly physical. So, I mainly hook up with guys.
However, I am still a virgin. Should I lose it to a hook up, or a FWB? Or do you think I should wait? I hear it's really amazing with someone that you love, and it's not like I'm going to get off my first time, so I'd really only be doing it to try something new. Was it a big deal for you? Has it made an impact on your life? Do you still reflect on your first time? 

[Guest bona fide*]

It was nice but it wasn't a life altering, transformational moment for me. I've always had a pretty lax view on virginity anyways. As long as you're comfortable, take all the necessary precautions and are mature enough to handle the repercussions that can come with sex, who you choose to lose it to is your business.

[Guest nguyen_le]

I think because it's your first time it might be more comfortable with someone you actually care about. It can be awkward at first so it's easier to share it with someone who can be understanding. I've been with my fair share of men and I have never once enjoyed sex. It always felt weird and kind of painful. Now that I am with someone I love it is so much better than I could have ever imagined. At the end of the day do whatever you are most comfortable with. Just be sure to practice safe sex!

[Guest Kerriganton]

nguyen_le said:

I think because it's your first time it might be more comfortable with someone you actually care about. It can be awkward at first so it's easier to share it with someone who can be understanding. I've been with my fair share of men and I have never once enjoyed sex. It always felt weird and kind of painful. Now that I am with someone I love it is so much better than I could have ever imagined. At the end of the day do whatever you are most comfortable with. Just be sure to practice safe sex!

[Guest chindarella]

I don't think you should be planning things like when to lose your virginity, who you should lose it to, and how it should be done. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn't, not a big deal. I would honestly wait. 
My virginity was quite a big deal to me. I didn't want to be just another girl who just lost her virginity because she could. Majority of my friends lost it young and when they were at a party drunk with random boys they didn't know. I have nothing against it, I mean, it's their life, their decisions but I didn't want that for myself because I felt like I deserved more than a random drunk hookup who would probably forget about me the next day. Especially if it were my first time, I would want to do it with someone who I felt completely comfortable in my naked skin with. When you're having sex, you are so vulnerable and so exposed. I honestly think you should do it with somebody you care about.  

[Guest aldehydes]

I know this sounds cliche, but you should wait until you're ready. If you're questioning it, then you're probably not. I also agree with chindarella about not planning it. Planning to lose your virginity just puts a whole lot of pressure on the situation. Let it happen naturally.

Personally, I don't think virginity is a big deal at all, but I acknowledge that it is for other people. It didn't change me in any way whatsoever, other than causing me to break a piece of skin. I actually happened to lose my virginity to someone I cared about (we were together for 3 years), but the only memory I have from the experience is how painful it was. It didn't mean anything to me, and it wasn't significant at all.

[mintcracker]

Lose it to sb you care about, it doesn't need to be sb you've fallen in love with, but losing it and have it mean nothing is pretty sad. Hooking up with guys gets empty IMO.

[green papaya]

 sounds like your doing it because of peer pressure, dont listen to your friends that lost it already

definitely save it for your husband or serious relationship

dont lose it to a random guy you meet at a party or something, thats the worst mistake you could do

thats low class

[Guest JaruJaru]

I think it's best not to lose it to some random person you just hooked up with. I think that virginity has a lot more meaning to a woman though. As a guy, I lost it to a FWB that was also a virgin and things went down hill quick. As cliche as it was, the girl was the one that started getting feelings after that point and got sad/angry when I decided to end our FWB relationship. She told me how she felt so used and thrown away, EVEN THOUGH we mutually agreed from the beginning that this would just be a FWB type of thing. I'd say lose it to someone you really care about, unless you don't get emotionally attached easily, a good FWB is okay as well.

[Guest ddcee]

I'm also 17 and to be honest, I'm in no hurry of losing my virginity.I know a few friends that did out of a hook up and they regret it.I don't think it's the best idea to lose it to someone who you're hooking up with, let alone through FWB. Don't you get emotionally and spiritually attached to the person you lose your virginity to / have sex with?I mean as long as you're not emotionally attached then okay, do whatever.
What's the point of planning when to lose your virginity :S?

[Guest dolcedor.]

Personally, I don't see sex as a big deal at all. Having sex and being sexually active doesn't change you as a person, and because of that, I don't understand the pressure to lose your virginity.

I don't even like that term--virginity. It's archaic, sexist, and it's used to shame people more than anything else.

it's not like I'm going to get off my first time

[azurette]

You shouldn't lose it to a hookup or FWB, you might have regrets later.
It does feel better with someone you're in love with, I didn't expect that with love it elevates every feeling.
When I lost it, I didn't love the person, so I don't think it felt as good as it could've. I did it "with love" with my current BF less than a year after I lost it, and the difference was significant.
Losing it was a big deal for me, I didn't have to be "in love" with the guy but it had to mean something and be with a BF. Sometimes I reflect upon it. I'll never forget about it, even if it wasn't great. Don't know if it's "impacted" me majorly, but I'm still friends with the person I lost it to because I told myself back then that no matter what happens, I'd always want to be on good terms with the guy that took mine. I feel bad for chicks who say terrible things about their first time and the guys they did it with, so I don't want to be bitter about someone with significance.

So yeah... you're better off waiting...

[Guest mularice]

My first time was with a bf but I guess I was too young (in hindsight) to really know if I loved him or not, in fact I think I was just too young to have sex. It wasn't a horrible experience, it didn't hurt and I didn't feel used. However, it wasn't the life altering experience people sometimes make it out to be. I didn't feel different afterwards, I didn't feel proud, I didn't feel dirty. It was actually a bit anti climatic tbh. Compared to some of my friends first time stories mine sounded like it went fairly well.

The main thing was, I didn't feel pressured. It was more on my terms than his in the sense that I suppose I made the decision to actually have sex. I didn't plan it, it just happened because that is just how it ended up and we were "in the moment".

I don't think I really reflect on it - it's been over 10 years (holy crap I'm old!), but thinking about it, I don't regret it at all. I was probably much like you OP where I did it because it was something new and I just felt ready. Sometimes people put too much emphasis on losing their virginity and think too much about it. I'm a great believer in doing it because you FEEL ready not because thinking about the factors you SOUND ready.

Whether you lose it to a bf, a hook up or a FWB it shouldn't matter because as long as you're comfortable with the situation no one should judge you. In regards to "being in love" with that person, again, hindsight will do wonders for people - not many people do end up losing it to someone they truly love, its usually someone they love in that moment.

[Guest I_play_with_dolls]

I find the concept of the importance of virginity to be dumb personally. I believe as long as it's with someone you care about, who cares about you, and as long as you're ready that's all that matters. The only concern I have with an FWB is what if one friend gains feelings for the other friend, thus getting emotionally attached and ending in a total mess. My first time was with my current boyfriend, we did it after about a month and a half of dating. It's not that I regret having sex but it was my reason for it (I was extremely depressed during that time so I didn't think straight) that I regret because he didn't know so it made me feel worse about myself. It was pretty much meaningless at the time so I don't really have emotional ties to it but it did make me start thinking about getting more contraception, I guess that's an impact, sort of. It didn't really change me as a person though. 

[NPB-XK]

Hey guess what.

Personally, there's nothing wrong about it unless you break the law. Kinda like cheating on your boyfriend, it's ok because you don't break the law. But it's also ok for the cheated person to get fcking angry about it.

I'm a man of law. (Just a random one, not a lawyer).

[Guest pinkhair]

aldehydes

said: I know this sounds cliche, but you should wait until you're ready. If you're questioning it, then you're probably not. I also agree with chindarella about not planning it. Planning to lose your virginity just puts a whole lot of pressure on the situation. Let it happen naturally.

Personally, I don't think virginity is a big deal at all, but I acknowledge that it is for other people. It didn't change me in any way whatsoever, other than causing me to break a piece of skin. I actually happened to lose my virginity to someone I cared about (we were together for 3 years), but the only memory I have from the experience is how painful it was. It didn't mean anything to me, and it wasn't significant at all.

[Guest justxlouise]

If you have to ask people on soompi about who you should lose your virginity to, you're not ready. You have to feel comfortable about the situation and with yourself. You don't have to rush into it. In my opinion, it's better to lose it to someone you're comfortable with and won't pressure you because chances are you might regret it later. I lost mine about a month or two after being with my boyfriend and I definitely don't regret it but it didn't heavily impact my life. 

[Guest brittany97]

when your ready you wont be posytimnh on here

[Guest amelia101]

hey

[Guest laissezze]

Though a lot of people don't mind if your a V or not, IT STILL DOES. You may think that since our society is breaking the norms when it comes to premarital sex, there are still a lot out there who value it. My grandmother once said, it's the ONLY GIFT you will be able to give to your husband. TRUST AND RESPECT is something that is attached to it. At first, I wasn't able to understand at all until I got married. and there it was. 
It has a great impact on my life. I lost it to my husband, even before we were married. Like what the rest has said, give it someone who's worth it. I was prepared, and I wasn't going to regret it my entire life. Then he said "I wouldn't have married you if I learned that I wasn't your first". Too much for the V right? Well, that's how it actually works.