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@severus

So if you were interested in a guy and he asked you out for coffee, you wouldn't make it a top priority?

For me, unless I'm overwhelmed or something, I'll make time for a girl I like. 

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Guest severus
1 hour ago, cloudsailing said:

@severus

So if you were interested in a guy and he asked you out for coffee, you wouldn't make it a top priority?

For me, unless I'm overwhelmed or something, I'll make time for a girl I like. 

 

Likely not.

Sure she has enough interest to give you her number and a chance. But what makes you think a girl who barely knows you would make you a priority, nevermind a "top priority"? 

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5 minutes ago, severus said:

 

Likely not.

Sure she has enough interest to give you her number and a chance. But what makes you think a girl who barely knows you would make you a priority, nevermind a "top priority"? 

Completely true. The fact that you @cloudsailinglike her, doesn't mean she likes you on the same level. Not yet. She might get there in time, but she's being protective of her self for now.

I've never met a girl who wasn't hurt by a guy at some point in her life, unless it was in kindergarden. All women have bad experiences. That doesn't mean all men are bad, but sometimes expectations weren't met and the girl in question feels hurt, embarrased or worse. It happens. Such is (love-) life.

For all you know, she could simply be protecting her feelings before falling head over heels for you since she got hurt the last time. Perhaps she's just doesn't know you that well and is therefore a little shy or reluctant. Fact is however: YOU GOT HER NUMBER!
That means she has an above average interest in you. It's now up to YOU to show her that you're worthy of more. So stop whining, stop getting yourself down, man up and show her the real cloudsailing. The ball is in your court. Whether you choose to pick up that ball and score is completely up to you.

Good luck buddy :)

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6 hours ago, cloudsailing said:

@severus

So if you were interested in a guy and he asked you out for coffee, you wouldn't make it a top priority?

For me, unless I'm overwhelmed or something, I'll make time for a girl I like. 

 

I'm not a girl, but you're right in a sense from what I've seen.

The problem here is, she barely knows you.  But you have the advantage of her having seen you in real life already -- you're not some rando off Tinder or OKCupid.  

But, unless you're a celebrity or have the looks of a movie star, where she's so infactuated by you just based on the way you look and when you say "hi", she'll likely not make you a top priority.  A cute, single girl can essentially grab coffee with a bunch of guys every night, they're not short on dates.  

You can quickly become that after the first date.  

But yeah, if a girl is "into you", she'll ditch her friends and whatever, to go out with you especially early on.  

 

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@Sommelier

So maybe it was all a mistake for me to have approached her? Maybe this whole endeavor is futile and nothing will come out of it. 

@severus

In your personal opinion, how high is your standard in terms of whether or not to give a guy your number? Would you give any guy (as long as he's not creepy/stalkerish) your number if he were to ask or would you have to be somewhat mildly attracted to him physically?

@CamelKnight

Do pretty girls actually get hurt that deeply? I realize this is a stupid question because anything can happen in this world but just generally speaking, say she was hurt by a guy, it's relatively easy enough for her to find someone else. Yah she may have had her heart broken but she also has other guys interested in her. It's a lot better than other average looking people's situations where after they lose someone they had strong feelings for, it's going to take a long time (or never) find that feeling in someone else again. 

 

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13 minutes ago, cloudsailing said:

Do pretty girls actually get hurt that deeply? I realize this is a stupid question because anything can happen in this world but just generally speaking, say she was hurt by a guy, it's relatively easy enough for her to find someone else. Yah she may have had her heart broken but she also has other guys interested in her. It's a lot better than other average looking people's situations where after they lose someone they had strong feelings for, it's going to take a long time (or never) find that feeling in someone else again. 

You're missing the point. You got her number. It's all that matters. Well, unless she gave you a fake number.
If it's truly her number, you've got an in. You're not there yet, but you're on your way. So stop making excuses and be positive! Nobody, and certainly not girls, likes a negative nancy :)

Meet her, talk to her, reach out and let her get to know the real you, woo her and take her home. Be the (gentle)man you've always wanted to be if you're really into this girl. You've got one shot at impressing her for the first time. You'd better take that chance to heart :)

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2 hours ago, cloudsailing said:

@Sommelier

So maybe it was all a mistake for me to have approached her? Maybe this whole endeavor is futile and nothing will come out of it. 

@severus

In your personal opinion, how high is your standard in terms of whether or not to give a guy your number? Would you give any guy (as long as he's not creepy/stalkerish) your number if he were to ask or would you have to be somewhat mildly attracted to him physically?

@CamelKnight

Do pretty girls actually get hurt that deeply? I realize this is a stupid question because anything can happen in this world but just generally speaking, say she was hurt by a guy, it's relatively easy enough for her to find someone else. Yah she may have had her heart broken but she also has other guys interested in her. It's a lot better than other average looking people's situations where after they lose someone they had strong feelings for, it's going to take a long time (or never) find that feeling in someone else again. 

 

 

Dude your over thinking like crazy. Just go have coffee with her and see if there's chemistry . Hell she might just be nice about it. So dude stfu and relax. Your over doing it

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5 hours ago, cloudsailing said:

@Sommelier

So maybe it was all a mistake for me to have approached her? Maybe this whole endeavor is futile and nothing will come out of it. 

@severus

In your personal opinion, how high is your standard in terms of whether or not to give a guy your number? Would you give any guy (as long as he's not creepy/stalkerish) your number if he were to ask or would you have to be somewhat mildly attracted to him physically?

@CamelKnight

Do pretty girls actually get hurt that deeply? I realize this is a stupid question because anything can happen in this world but just generally speaking, say she was hurt by a guy, it's relatively easy enough for her to find someone else. Yah she may have had her heart broken but she also has other guys interested in her. It's a lot better than other average looking people's situations where after they lose someone they had strong feelings for, it's going to take a long time (or never) find that feeling in someone else again. 

 

 

What you did was right.  It's really just a number's game.  So, if you approach 10 women a day randomly, there is going to be a large % that flake because: 1) they don't know anything about you except for the 5 minutes you spent talking to them; and 2) the cost/benefit for them meeting you is low because she could probably meet a guy she already knows.  

But, what you're doing is correct, because that still scores you a higher % than online dating.  Even if you were a male model, your match rate on Tinder, would maybe be 3 out of every 10 women (from experiments I've seen done online).  Out of that 30%, less will actually meet up with you after texting, and those that will agree might flake.

Whereas, when you approach like you did in real life, you're almost 99% certain to get some type of acknowledgement (whereas on Tinder, girls swipe left/right on a whim or for entertainment).  You're also more likely to get her # and get her texting.  And she also knows more about you since she's seen you in person.  She might still flake, but your %s are still much higher than on Tinder.  I always say, rather than spend 30 minutes on Tinder, if you spend 30 minutes on a college campus approach women you'll get much better results.

What you could try to do is take her out for coffee immediately.  Like ask her out then and there, treat the interaction like an immediate date.  Because, it builds rapport and familiarity.  When a girl is "into a guy" like you said, where she's intrigued and makes you her #1 priority, she already knows a bit more about you aside from just looks, and she sees you as a keeper/prize.  So, you want to get to that as soon as possible.  

If you can't make the first interaction an immediate date, then on the first date try to change locations after coffee -- maybe spend 15 minutes at the coffee shop and go to somewhere for dessert.    You want to do this because the way our memory works is, it has the same effect as two in single locations.  if you take her to two locations, it'll seem like two dates, if you go to 5 locations it'll seem like it's 5 dates.  So you're building rapport fast.  

 

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Hello, i would like some advice or any opinions from the ladies here. So i have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. Lately she found a job and has working with a guy that likes her and now shes telling me that she think she's developing feelings for him and she doesn't want to lose me but at the same time she doesnt want to hurt me anymore, she's so confused she doesnt know what to do. I told her its a normal phrase in a relationship to have little attraction or secret crush here and there as long as she leaves it and forget it and avoid them as much as possible and dont let it ruin our relationship. But nothing im saying is getting through to her, she feels really bad and unsure about our relationship and everything. What can i do? right now she's at the darkest point in her life with family problems too and i feel like i need to be there for her but i don't know how to help her when she wont listen to my advice and just feeling messed up right now.

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On 1/16/2016 at 0:54 PM, Falcior said:

Can I get a help from you ladies to figure something out.

I recently ended pretty good but fast relationship with great girl. But Im kinda confused about few things and I would like to get ladies point of view.

I dated a girl who had a long relationship before me. Before we started to see each other we talked about this and she said she was ok now and everything was fine.
We had a great time and I felt that she was very into me just like I was. We had blast together and overall it was great relationship.
She even had thought about future things she would do with me.
I wont talk about all the details but one day everything changed and I felt that she started to get more distant. When I talked about it, she kinda suggested that we should take a time out and be friends.
Now all of you should know that she pursued me and started to hint us toward dating etc. So she started it and I fell for her along the way.
I kinda feel used and I think I was bandage boyfriend for a while. But if I was, i think she would have treated me like that. But no, I really felt like she liked me alot and she said it many times.
Thats why I cant wrap my head around this. Why would anyone end healty relationship without any valid reason. Is the reason because she wasnt ready to date even though she thought she would be?
Maby we went too deep to fast and she wasnt ready? What do you girls think?

 

unless you straight out ask her, don't make assumptions. from your information, the girl probably was bored, use you as a rebound or she's probably not over her ex. 

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2 hours ago, thi_mnguyen_at_hotmail.com_stv said:

Hello, i would like some advice or any opinions from the ladies here. So i have been with my girlfriend for 4 years now. Lately she found a job and has working with a guy that likes her and now shes telling me that she think she's developing feelings for him and she doesn't want to lose me but at the same time she doesnt want to hurt me anymore, she's so confused she doesnt know what to do. I told her its a normal phrase in a relationship to have little attraction or secret crush here and there as long as she leaves it and forget it and avoid them as much as possible and dont let it ruin our relationship. But nothing im saying is getting through to her, she feels really bad and unsure about our relationship and everything. What can i do? right now she's at the darkest point in her life with family problems too and i feel like i need to be there for her but i don't know how to help her when she wont listen to my advice and just feeling messed up right now.

 

wow you're in a toughie. i suggest taking a break and if she misses you then keep going on in your relationship, if not then it's time to call it quick. a girl that seriously wants to be with you will not have a second thought---option 2 is try to woo her all over again when you first got her in the first place---be romantic and surprise her. do you think your relationship is not exciting anymore, that's why the other guy is having her attention?  

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4 hours ago, rosierosie said:

 

wow you're in a toughie. i suggest taking a break and if she misses you then keep going on in your relationship, if not then it's time to call it quick. a girl that seriously wants to be with you will not have a second thought---option 2 is try to woo her all over again when you first got her in the first place---be romantic and surprise her. do you think your relationship is not exciting anymore, that's why the other guy is having her attention?  

 

 we both work till very late but still chat as much as we can at night and hang on the weekends but she told me she feels like as if the spark is disappearing but i told her its a normal phrase its something we can work on but she's really confuse with her feelings right now. i also did mention if we should take a break but she doesn't want too either

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12 hours ago, thi_mnguyen_at_hotmail.com_stv said:

 

 we both work till very late but still chat as much as we can at night and hang on the weekends but she told me she feels like as if the spark is disappearing but i told her its a normal phrase its something we can work on but she's really confuse with her feelings right now. i also did mention if we should take a break but she doesn't want too either

 

I don't think it's a normal phase in your relationship. The most obvious reason why your girlfriend (or any woman) is looking at other men, is because she's missing something in her current relationship. It might have been there but lost along the way, or it might not have been there all along.

Whatever it is though, you'd better find it and move on it or you lost this girl. Perhaps not to this guy, but someone else will come along and sooner or later, that someone else, may it be the second or the 25th guy, is going to take her home.

Instead of chatting and hanging out, talk to her. Find out what's been bothering her. She might not even know herself. Find out why she's attracted to the other guy and project that on yourself. Have you been slacking in that department? It's a tough question but if you want to hold on to her, you need to work at it. Every single day. For as long as you want to be together.

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20 hours ago, thi_mnguyen_at_hotmail.com_stv said:

 

 we both work till very late but still chat as much as we can at night and hang on the weekends but she told me she feels like as if the spark is disappearing but i told her its a normal phrase its something we can work on but she's really confuse with her feelings right now. i also did mention if we should take a break but she doesn't want too either

 

I suggest you can set her down and have a serious deep talk with her. tell her what both of you can do to fix your relationship and try to make it work. if not then maybe break up. once the spark is lost in the relationship, then there's nothing left to fix. like they say it takes two to tango.

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I need some help and for some reason, I wasn't able to make another topic about it. Anyways, me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years on valentines day. In the first two years of our relationship, I had moved away to school and that led to him cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend, A, that he dated before me. I found out because A facebook messaged me and told me. I confronted him about it and he eventually came clean. It took a long time but I decided to forgive him to try to make it work out. Now two days ago, he was drinking with his good friends and got drunk. He ended up texting his old friends with benefits, L, that he always thought she was attractive and he wanted to bone (have sex) with her. L is in a relationship and said no. The next day, while he was driving to my house, I get a facebook message from L saying she had to tell me something about my boyfriend. Feeling uneasy, I agreed for her to call me. L told me that she had a past with my boyfriend, that they were friends with benefits 3 years ago, so around the time he was cheating on me with A, and told me what he drunk texted her. She also contacted him the next day asking if he was sober and why he would say that to her. He said that was how he felt and alcohol gave him the courage. She asked that if given the opportunity, would he be down to bone? And he replied, richard simmons yeah and said that he knows his boundaries though and wouldn't do that. When I confronted him about it, he said that he said it under the pretext knowing that it would never happen and how sorry he is. L assured me that this was the only time it happened and that they weren't messing around prior. He's been blowing up my phone with how I'm everything to him and how much he loves me and how much he knows he richard simmons up. My heart is broken and my trust with it. I don't know if I should continue on with this relationship and try to make it work knowing that he feels about someone else even though he swore on everything that he wouldn't have acted on it or just throw in the towel. Advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you. 

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On 1/18/2016 at 7:19 AM, CamelKnight said:

 

I don't think it's a normal phase in your relationship. The most obvious reason why your girlfriend (or any woman) is looking at other men, is because she's missing something in her current relationship. It might have been there but lost along the way, or it might not have been there all along.

Whatever it is though, you'd better find it and move on it or you lost this girl. Perhaps not to this guy, but someone else will come along and sooner or later, that someone else, may it be the second or the 25th guy, is going to take her home.

Instead of chatting and hanging out, talk to her. Find out what's been bothering her. She might not even know herself. Find out why she's attracted to the other guy and project that on yourself. Have you been slacking in that department? It's a tough question but if you want to hold on to her, you need to work at it. Every single day. For as long as you want to be together.

 

On 1/19/2016 at 2:43 PM, rosierosie said:

 

I suggest you can set her down and have a serious deep talk with her. tell her what both of you can do to fix your relationship and try to make it work. if not then maybe break up. once the spark is lost in the relationship, then there's nothing left to fix. like they say it takes two to tango.

 

Okay i have sat her back down again and spoke yesterday. She says that she's not sure whether she does like the other guy or not. She said he makes her happy and laugh and she see's me in him when she's with him at work and after every laugh with this guy she feels like crying because she thinks of me. But she doesn't know why she keeps thinking of this guy and how its like to be with him but said she doesn't want to think that way she hates it. So right now she's very confused, she doesnt know whether she likes this guy or not or is it just because she see's me in him. And also because we hardly get to see each other while she see's him everyday at work.

So i've been coming over for the last 3 days to talk things out with her and keep in mind she couldn't tell me she loves me during that time but suddenly on the 3rd day she saw me, hug on to me and told me she loves me  and was happy to be able to see me more often and let her feelings out and she kissed me A LOT on the day. But She also still said right now she is still confused, she doesn't know where our future is heading and her feelings but told me she doesn't want to end our 4 year relationship and want's to be with me at the same time she wants to be alone

She can't quit her job either cause it takes long to find another one and she's the only one supporting the family and she knows the problem will keep happening because the guy is there everyday at work with her and she doesn't know what to do.

What do you think i should do?

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13 hours ago, thi_mnguyen_at_hotmail.com_stv said:

What do you think i should do?

Keep doing what you've been doing. She craves your attention and your companionship so keep going to her as much as you can. Don't tell her, but show her you're putting off all other things for her since she's the one you want to be with. Right now, she should be your number one priority. Sleeping and eating come second.

She will remain confused for a while. Just keep talking to her, remind her of all the fun stuff you did ("Remember when we went... ? We had so much fun there! We should go again soon!") and try to relive that as much as possible. Sent text messages (or Whatsapp/Kakao talk/whatever), e-mail her, call her. Let her now she's always on your mind. Take her out, treat her well. Let her remember why she chose you 4 years ago.
If you do that well enough, she wont look at him anymore, wont be reminded about you when she looks at him. She'll just think "he's just a poor excuse for someone I truly love".

It's going to take time, a lot of dedication and some serious effort, but you two can come out of this a lot better than you were before. Do realize that when she's back in your team, you will need to keep paying close attention to her. She missed something. Make sure she never get's that feeling again.

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@thi_mnguyen_at_hotmail.com_stv give her the ultimatum, either you or him. well no, actually if i'm you then i would take a break and then reconnect maybe after one-two weeks. if my person is still indecisive then i will call it quit. it's not a matter of in between, if you really want to be with someone your feeling should not sway at all.

it sounds like right now she's confused to whom she wants. also your relationship with her might need some more work. ask yourself why she's like that? is it because you're not doing your part as a boyfriend? like most ladies, we like to be courted. never stop courting. be romantic.   

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