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Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

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Guest azn_roger

riti89 said: @azn_roger hmm I used to be shy when I was in high school after going to college I realized it was getting me no where in life (not just with relationships). Now no one believes me when I tell them I used to be shy lol However, when I was younger and liked a guy, I would look over and smile before quickly moving my glance. I guess I used to do a lot of hoping he would notice me somehow. Sometimes I would wear my hair different. I would even try to wear more feminine outfits hoping he would notice. However, I was often afraid to bring attention to myself because I was worried I'd do something stupid when he did look. I would have rather he not know me at all than know me as the girl who always messed up. At the end of the day, he never did notice. After entering college I met some good friends who helped me come out of my shell-not for guys but for myself. I know that's not what you asked-but I hope you understand that sometimes shy girls are afraid to show they like you because they're afraid of being rejected. Hopefully they'll meet some people who are able to help them come out of their shell! :)

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@azn_roger I think I'm proud to say I've come a long way from my shy days. Now, the way I get a guy to notice me is to talk to him. It doesn't have to be a full conversation the first time. A quick "Hi. How are you?" suffices just fine for the first quick chat as we're walking past each other. If we do this often, at some point we'll end up chatting. And then chatting may lead to hanging out. Which then may lead to friendship. And then-maybe, just maybe- something more. If I could go back and change something- I would have definitely talked to the guy. If I made a fool out of myself- so what? At least I would have no regret. 

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Guest nana544

VincentY said: Girls a question! I feel like I get shy easily and play jokes around a girl I find attractive. Is it the same for a lot of guys or am I just weird? The real question is, do girls do the same thing around a guy they find attractive? I figured some girls don't find any guys attractive as they have a lot of guys chasing them but I still find it hard to believe. Also I prefer older women but what are your views on dating younger men?

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Guest VincentY

nana544 said: VincentY said: Girls a question! I feel like I get shy easily and play jokes around a girl I find attractive. Is it the same for a lot of guys or am I just weird? The real question is, do girls do the same thing around a guy they find attractive? I figured some girls don't find any guys attractive as they have a lot of guys chasing them but I still find it hard to believe. Also I prefer older women but what are your views on dating younger men?

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Sorry but just make a random comment after reading the last couple of posts from the ladies who advise being straight up about liking someone. A lot of girls don't realize that guys too are very afraid of rejection and after a couple of bad experiences of being rejected, he may just clam up and give up altogether. Humans are smart and are designed in such a way that we don't keep banging our heads against the wall or touch that mousetrap repeatedly.

Also, it's important to note that girls only welcome or are flattered by guys they are already attracted to who approach them. She may still say no for whatever reason but she will do so politely and with grace and will be flattered which will make it easier on the guy.

Girls who say they want guys to approach them and wish they were more forward are really saying, they wish the kind of guys they're attracted to would be more forward and approach them. If a guy who is way below their league approaches them, I've seen some pretty rude rejections and have even experienced this myself. Girls who say they reject guys fairly are frankly lying through their teeth. And the excuses they say for why they rejected a guy rudely is usually the following:

1. He was creepy and rude
2. I was busy and not in a good mood

My rebuttals for the above are the following:

1. Sorry but any guy who you deem as unattractive will come off as creepy, needy or rude. It's how we're designed. We don't respond well to unattractive people and assume the worst about them. An unattractive guy could approach a girl in the nicest, most polite possible way but then the girl will just say, "He wasn't forward and confident enough." But if that same attractive guy tries to be forward and confident, the girl will say he's creepy and rude. No win situation.

2. Sorry but if some tall, handsome guy approaches you, he's going to totally light up your day no matter how bad your day went or how busy you are. That's the way it works.

I'm not blaming. It's just human nature. Guys do the same and are perhaps even more brutal. If an overweight, unattractive girl approaches a guy, we are liable to be just as rude/nasty.

All is fair in love and war.


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VincentY said: Girls a question! I feel like I get shy easily and play jokes around a girl I find attractive. Is it the same for a lot of guys or am I just weird? The real question is, do girls do the same thing around a guy they find attractive? I figured some girls don't find any guys attractive as they have a lot of guys chasing them but I still find it hard to believe. Also I prefer older women but what are your views on dating younger men?

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Guest xellos

severus said:

When my friend grabs a hot guy's richard simmons in the club, she's hot and daring. When I do it, I'm creepy and escorted out for molestation.

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Guest PUNKYjunk

nana544 said: @PUNKYjunk, when you have romantic feelings for hem.
Like, you want them to be your boyfriend and do couple stuff: holding hands, kissing etc.

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severus said: Fact of life. A lot of girls refuse to admit it, but perception of creepiness is relative to how physically attractive a person is.Life is not easy for the less pretty people. 
When my friend grabs a hot guy's richard simmons in the club, she's hot and daring. When I do it, I'm creepy and escorted out for molestation.

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Guest lNlHAlRA

nana544 said: lNlHAlRA said: So let's say hypothetically you've been attracted to this girl and you're friends with her brother. Let's also so for argument sake you've been crushing on her for a long time but feel it's awkward because you're feel weird dating your friend's sister. And to add another mix to this hypothetical experiment you're dating someone else and I want tell you how I feel about you before I leave for another country. What would be the best solution?

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Guest nana544

lNlHAlRA said: nana544 said: lNlHAlRA said: So let's say hypothetically you've been attracted to this girl and you're friends with her brother. Let's also so for argument sake you've been crushing on her for a long time but feel it's awkward because you're feel weird dating your friend's sister. And to add another mix to this hypothetical experiment you're dating someone else and I want tell you how I feel about you before I leave for another country. What would be the best solution?

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@Kiribati So on the whole I agree that the "little" things should be brought up because they can add up to become a "big" thing. As to how to go about it, I think I would recommend just talking to her about it. Let her know that you don't want her to change, but want to be on the same level as her. Encourage her to be able to be open with you as well. 
That being said, I do think that saying that you find her habit after the shower "cute" and then turning around and saying you don't like her doing it on your bed is not consistent. It's like if someone says "wow, I think it's cute when you play with your hair- but I find it distracting and would like you to avoid doing it." Do you see the issue? If you don't like a certain habit, don't call it "cute." 
Also, I think it is a good idea to also bring up the things you LIKE about her often so that she doesn't feel as though the only feedback she is getting is the "little" things that you don't like. Balance the negative little things with the positive little things. That way she will feel appreciated and will be more open to listening to you. 

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Hey ladies,

I have a friend that I refused to speak to for at least 10 months because of something that happened and she never bothered to call me and apologize for it. I'm not really sure if I'm still friends with her or not. Anyway, I want to tell her something about a festival in a month. Basically, her favorite author will be coming to that festival. (We're both book nerds.)Do you think that I should text her about it or should I just tell our mutual friend to tell her?

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Guest JenJ1430294398

does anyone know how to get smaller calves. send me a message cz i am new here and i dont really know how this works thx....

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Just a tad confused here, a girl i havent spoken to for quite some time ( 7months, due to a minor incident out ), texted me 'Hey how have you been?' so i replied with ' yeah ok, how about you? ', she responded but didn't end with a question or something to go on. So i decided to ask a simple question so shed reply. again, same thing, responded to the question but didn't end with a question to me. it went on for about another 3 texts.
So is it that shes trying to get me to talk more, you know be the convo starter/ controller or she cannot be assed to talk to me at all and wants to shut up, even though she imitated the first text.
yeah like i said im confused. haha.

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^ She was probably bored and sent out mass texts tailored to different people to see who would reply and went from there. Don't sweat it. Don't spend all your energy wondering on what this wishy washy person is doing; it's pretty lame of them.

@Meany-chan‌ Don't do the passive thing, and don't just ignore the giant elephant in the room. Talk to her, bring up the thing that caused you two to not talk for ten months. I mean that's a really long time. And yet, you still want to tell her her favorite author is coming to town? You must still care for her in some way, so just swallow a bit of your pride and work through the issue.

If it were me, I'd bring up the author as a conversation starter first then explain that it made think of her. Then start talking about how I haven't talked to her for ten months and kind of missed her. Maybe I'm a little hurt. Maybe she's a little hurt. What the hell is going on, you know?

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fabrications. said: ^ She was probably bored and sent out mass texts tailored to different people to see who would reply and went from there. Don't sweat it. Don't spend all your energy wondering on what this wishy washy person is doing; it's pretty lame of them.

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