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@livingforhistory‌ - that sounds like a upsetting situation... it must be terrible to feel like you're not wanted. Have you thought about why it is that you seem not to be popular in the groups you're in? From your posts you sound like a pretty normal and intelligent guy, the only thing I can think of is maybe you think a bit too deeply about things and overanalyse? Do you ever do anything that would make those girls uncomfortable? Maybe you seem a bit too "intense" and not easy going enough?

I kind of know how you feel I used to feel like that when I was in high school, I felt like I was kinda the dork in the group whereas there was this one other girl who was really popular and all the girls used to fight to want to be best friends with her, whereas I'd kind of be last picked within the group to be roommates with at camp. It was hard admitting it in high school but I kinda owned up to it and realised it was really my own problem so I kinda went through this period of thinking what would J(her name) do if she was in my position? I realised that she was generous with sharing her things, not stingy about money, neat and organised, didn't really say bad things about other people, and kind of always chilled/relaxed but friendly. She didn't give off that "desperate" please be friends with me vibe. If she came to class late and ended up having to sit by herself - then everybody knew it was just because she'd come late and not because of any other reason. She knew too and wasn't bothered. So I just tried to adopt that attitude when I went to college. It was kinda hard at first but I definitely made more friends than I did in high school, but it wasn't an overnight change for sure. Now I'm known for having a good personality and hehe just to boast a little (it is the internet...) I remet up with J now and it's being a few years, and I definitely overestimated how perfect she was. Everybody is just human but it's always good to have a kind of ideal person that you wanna me (which I kinda ascribed to her) and try your best to be that person. Anyway that's just an example from me, have a look at yourself and be critical and be honest and see if there's anyone if your life that people like a lot (especially other guys.. not just girls) and try to evaluate how he and you would respond differently in situations and see if there's anything you can improve.

It's easy to say I dont' wanna change who I am... but it's okay I think to want to be a better version of yourself. Don't change your values or morals but for everyday habits, there's always room for improvement :)

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@Ninshark:: You really can't compare your situation with his... Everyone's situation is different despite how similar it can get. You felt that way with your group of "friends". He's only experiencing this with two girls (who he's not even close to) on the trip... So how is the situation the same? Unless he feels this way with the whole group he's going with, which, he didn't mention. Like I said, rooming by yourself has so much more REWARDS than sharing it. Also, it's not just the girls who are saying he should go.. The guys are too.

You're right, I, personally have never had that happened. Why? Because I don't let it happen. I don't have friends who treat me that way, ever, because those aren't "friends"... Why the heck would I commit my friendship to people who only "allows" me to be friends with them? I certainly don't need/want that type of "friends". I'm sorry, but my friendship is just as valuable as the next person's. Why would I stay friends with people who aren't worth my time? If they don't think of your friendship highly, then why continue "investing"(more like wasting) time with them? I rather find friends who are actually worth keeping and can enrich my life. The more time you spend on the "friends" who are friends with you just to be "nice", the more time you don't get to spend with real friends who are genuine with their friendship.

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Thanks for all the replies everyone. It helped a lot.

As moonshinechance mentioned, I do tend to over-analyze and I'm quite sensitive. Even most of you soompi-ers probably notice from my threads/posts by now, I'm very much someone who is highly image-conscious. Although there is some truth to what I say, I do have to agree that it is very much overblown.

With my friendship circle, I do need to remember that I've been friends with this group of people for many years now and if we were truly incompatible or if there was any outright animosity, I don't think we would have lasted that long.

Friendship is just like any relationship in life, it takes work to maintain and there will be good days and bad days. But at the end of the day, you're still friends and they're the people you can chill and hang out with.

I need to constantly remind myself of that. Yes there does come a time when one has outgrown their friendship circle but I don't feel that time has come yet, at least not for me personally. Although I do somewhat feel left out, I know that everyone in the group has perhaps felt that way at one time or another and now it's simply my turn.

As for the question about why girls don't feel comfortable around me, I can list a hundred reasons of why that is but honestly it's hard even for me to say. One thing is for sure. I'm not comfortable around certain girls and I think they detect that and react accordingly. Girls I tend to get along well with and can connect, they feel it too and it doesn't feel awkward for them either.

The girls who are coming on the trip, it just so happens, they're the ones who I'm not comfortable with.

I'm not that tall, dark, handsome good looking charmer guy who gets along with every girl but neither am I that shy, nerdy, awkard dude who creeps out women. I'm somewhere in between and I don't think that's a crime.

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I think that that's a pretty good response! I mean, it's not like you asked her out, so you can't expect her to respond with "yes, I like you too". You gave her a compliment, and if she sounded genuinely flattered about it, maybe that means that she likes the fact that you like her (does that make sense? o.O). Maybe if things start to progress you can actually ask her on a date or something.
cristolephe said:

j3nnnny

said:

cristolephe

said:


Hi everyone,


Yesterday I confessed to a girl and she said "Aw, that's nice of you" and gave me a hug. Then I realized she interpreted it as good friends like. Should I just pretend nothing happened and continue being good friends? I'm not going to see her since we're going to different schools.

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Girls, so why is it that when you see another guy socializing with other girls, particularly girls you deem to be attractive, the guy suddenly becomes more attractive in your eyes?

Like if it were just the two of you, you wouldn't have any interest in interacting with him but you see him talking to other girls and the other girls seem to enjoy talking to him, do you suddenly think to yourself, hey maybe I missed something?

This happens to me all the time. I'll be interested in talking to a girl but she doesnt' seem that interested back and then I'll go chat with other girls in the same group and I'll click with one of them and suddenly, all the girls want to talk to me.

I think the root of it is that I'm not good looking. If I were tall and handsome, I think ALL girls would be willing to chat with me.

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livingforhistory said: Girls, so why is it that when you see another guy socializing with other girls, particularly girls you deem to be attractive, the guy suddenly becomes more attractive in your eyes?

[...]

I think the root of it is that I'm not good looking. If I were tall and handsome, I think ALL girls would be willing to chat with me.

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@Soulistice

Thanks for your insight. But I've witnessed firsthand girls I know in real life who are somewhat shy and reserved and don't open up easily to people they've just met. But then when they see a guy they're attracted to, all that stuff about being shy and reserved disappears. It's like a personality change. Trust me, I've seen it.

With 99% of people, they act like themselves. But when they see that ONE guy they are attracted to, it all freaking changes.

If a guy is good looking, it makes all of his faults less important. He could be shy, introverted, selfish, etc. And girls will say, "oh that's cute." And if he has any good traits like generosity, kind to people, etc. he'll be a total angel.

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Kiribati said: I know it's bad but disregarding the "rule-breaking" of going through your SO's phone without their knowledge...

if you actually found something that makes you uncomfortable - whether it be from text conversations or phone calls - and you ask him/her about it and they tell you a completely different story... how would you approach the situation knowing that they're lying to you, but you're in a strange position because you can't exactly say "ohyababe i went through you phone tehe you're lying"

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Kiribati said: I know it's bad but disregarding the "rule-breaking" of going through your SO's phone without their knowledge...

if you actually found something that makes you uncomfortable - whether it be from text conversations or phone calls - and you ask him/her about it and they tell you a completely different story... how would you approach the situation knowing that they're lying to you, but you're in a strange position because you can't exactly say "ohyababe i went through you phone tehe you're lying"

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