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@DreamingSaturn

There are strict rules when it comes to male-female friendship. It can only truly work if both are not sexually attracted to each other. Once that rule is broken, that upsets the balance. It's just the nature of the sexes. I don't expect a liberal feminist to understand. You may believe your views are highly evolved but there are still the fundamental animals inside of us.

Guys are hardwired to want to impregnate attractive women. It's that simple. Even if they don't admit it. That's their subconscious at play. When you reject a good guy, even if it's not for superficial reasons such as whether he's attractive or not, a rejection is a rejection. You are denying him as a man. Now a good guy with self-esteem will accept that rejection and move on. And he may still care for you as a friend. But to expect him to hang around you and stay in your life, that's preposterous. That's against his very being. His very nature as a man.

It takes many guys years to understand the nature of female attraction. Most guys, when they get rejected, will assume it's because she doesn't like how he looks. "Oh I'm so ugly. That's why she said no." That might very well be the case but girls are known to even reject good looking guys and end up dating some conventionally unattractive guy. Believe me, I learned this the hard way and so have a lot of guys I know. The mystery of why a girl will fall for one guy and not another, you can write entire books about it.

But the point is, most guys will take it as a personal insult when you reject them. The less experienced and ones who don't have a lot of dating experience and interactions with women will immediately assume it's because of their looks. More experienced guys will say, "Well the chemistry just wasn't there. We didn't click." But whatever the reason was, it's a rejection. You wanted her. She denied you as a man. And it doesn't matter whether he was a GOOD GUY and actually cared for you deeply or he was a NICE GUY who was only sticking around for the chance of having sex with you, that's all irrelevant. He was rejected and he needs to walk away and move on and look for a girl who will reciprocate.

You can call me whatever you want. Traditional-minded. Old school. Neanderthal. Ape. This is how guys are. And yes there do exist some emasculated guys who have somehow tricked themselves into believing they can still remain friends with a girl who he is in love with but she's banging someone else. But they're just fooling themselves and will one day realize the truth.

As for you good guy friend who freeloaded off you, well I don't know him and I don't know the history of your friendship with him but yeah, he sounds like a loser to me and is not a GOOD GUY. A good guy wouldn't free load off a girl and use the friendship as a means to do so. He probably felt you owed him because he remained your friend even though he had feelings for you and so freeloading is a way for you to pay him back.

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Just wondering if you were texting someone and then suddenly don't reply for 10mins+ to 1-2hours, are girls really that busy and forget to tell or just don't want to text back? If it helps, i'm just curious between my best friend and i, as she sometimes forgets what i ask or whatever even tho it's the next text above and she's always on her phone/or next to her when shes not studying. I don't mind waiting but sometimes i really need an urgent reply, such as, going over her house soon, need to know what food she wants, she ask she wants but either never replies or tells me when i get there meaning i have to go out again.
Simply adding, i'm busy or talk to you later, would be nice, work been busy, complaining alot lately :(

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Bubbie said: Just wondering if you were texting someone and then suddenly don't reply for 10mins+ to 1-2hours, are girls really that busy and forget to tell or just don't want to text back? If it helps, i'm just curious between my best friend and i, as she sometimes forgets what i ask or whatever even tho it's the next text above and she's always on her phone/or next to her when shes not studying. I don't mind waiting but sometimes i really need an urgent reply, such as, going over her house soon, need to know what food she wants, she ask she wants but either never replies or tells me when i get there meaning i have to go out again.
Simply adding, i'm busy or talk to you later, would be nice, work been busy, complaining alot lately :(

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@DreamingSaturn

A lot of your beliefs and views are based upon your own personal beliefs and what's happening in your own life. The purpose of this thread is to have an objective intellectual discussion, not cloud it with personal judgments and situations. Oh and when I read that sentence about how you do not prefer dating straight men, that just killed it for me there and eliminated any previous belief I had that you could contribute intellectually to this discussion. The fact that other guys on here find what you say insightful is mind-blogging and I think they seriously need some lessons in manhood.

I think of women around me as sperm receptacles? Don't know how you jumped to that conclusion. If you're curious, I cannot fall in love with a woman simply because I find her attractive and want to sleep with her. There definitely has to be a personal chemistry and an emotional connection as well as an intellectual connection. But that being said, yes I'm not that interested in making friends with women. It's alright if there are women in my social circle and we all hang out together but my real friends will always be guys. Women will always be peripheral friends to me. My end goal has always been to devote myself to one woman. I'm sorry if that makes me into a neanderthal male.

I'm not here to pass judgment on your lifestyle and I expect the same. We all have different beliefs and values. But we shouldn't let that get into the way of providing objective advice which is the purpose of this thread.

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aiambest said: Bubbie said: Just wondering if you were texting someone and then suddenly don't reply for 10mins+ to 1-2hours, are girls really that busy and forget to tell or just don't want to text back? If it helps, i'm just curious between my best friend and i, as she sometimes forgets what i ask or whatever even tho it's the next text above and she's always on her phone/or next to her when shes not studying. I don't mind waiting but sometimes i really need an urgent reply, such as, going over her house soon, need to know what food she wants, she ask she wants but either never replies or tells me when i get there meaning i have to go out again.
Simply adding, i'm busy or talk to you later, would be nice, work been busy, complaining alot lately :(

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Bubbie said: Unfortunately i have this thought for awhile now and it's really bothering me, i know she is dependent on me for a lot of things but it's getting to the point if she still really "loves" me as a best friend. I would have to see in the coming days/weeks how things go but i don't see myself being in this kind of friendship for longer if she doesn't care and have other priorities first, like what happened last night, was meant to go for dinner, planned for 2 days prior, decides to go clubbing with a friend last minute instead, telling me 1-2 hours before our dinner.

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livingforhistory said: Bubbie said: Unfortunately i have this thought for awhile now and it's really bothering me, i know she is dependent on me for a lot of things but it's getting to the point if she still really "loves" me as a best friend. I would have to see in the coming days/weeks how things go but i don't see myself being in this kind of friendship for longer if she doesn't care and have other priorities first, like what happened last night, was meant to go for dinner, planned for 2 days prior, decides to go clubbing with a friend last minute instead, telling me 1-2 hours before our dinner.

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Why does a woman like to receive flowers?


I saw Amazing Spider-Man 2 today and there was a scene in the movie where I wondered when a guy and a girl are going through communication problems why is it important for a man to tell a woman he loves her?

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Bubbie said: aiambest said: Bubbie said: Just wondering if you were texting someone and then suddenly don't reply for 10mins+ to 1-2hours, are girls really that busy and forget to tell or just don't want to text back? If it helps, i'm just curious between my best friend and i, as she sometimes forgets what i ask or whatever even tho it's the next text above and she's always on her phone/or next to her when shes not studying. I don't mind waiting but sometimes i really need an urgent reply, such as, going over her house soon, need to know what food she wants, she ask she wants but either never replies or tells me when i get there meaning i have to go out again.
Simply adding, i'm busy or talk to you later, would be nice, work been busy, complaining alot lately :(

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Question for the ladies. What do you think about guys who have a diminished fear of rejection?

For the past month or so, I've been making a concerted effort to "putting myself out there" through a variety of means whether it's going out with friends, speed dating, going to friends' parties and meeting 2nd or 3rd degree friends, etc. So I've had some mixed success. I've gotten my rejections and I've also gotten some good results. But nothing that resulted in a potential relationship.

However, I've read that fear of rejection is something naturally built into humans. We are social animals and we are meant to live within a community. We are hardwired to fear rejection as a defense mechanism so that we'd seek belonging within a group.

I can honestly say that I've developed some thick skin over the last month or so. It's to the point where I don't even fear rejection that much anymore. I almost get an adrenaline rush out of talking to a girl and expecting to be rejected. Because unless you look like tom cruise or brad pitt, most girls are going to reject you.

So the question is, do you girls expect guys to have a little bit of fear in them? And if he doesn't, is it almost scary to you that you think there's something wrong with this guy?

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livingforhistory said: Question for the ladies. What do you think about guys who have a diminished fear of rejection?

For the past month or so, I've been making a concerted effort to "putting myself out there" through a variety of means whether it's going out with friends, speed dating, going to friends' parties and meeting 2nd or 3rd degree friends, etc. So I've had some mixed success. I've gotten my rejections and I've also gotten some good results. But nothing that resulted in a potential relationship.

However, I've read that fear of rejection is something naturally built into humans. We are social animals and we are meant to live within a community. We are hardwired to fear rejection as a defense mechanism so that we'd seek belonging within a group.

I can honestly say that I've developed some thick skin over the last month or so. It's to the point where I don't even fear rejection that much anymore. I almost get an adrenaline rush out of talking to a girl and expecting to be rejected. Because unless you look like tom cruise or brad pitt, most girls are going to reject you.

So the question is, do you girls expect guys to have a little bit of fear in them? And if he doesn't, is it almost scary to you that you think there's something wrong with this guy?

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aiambest said: I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy not having the fear of rejection. If anything, I think it's great he has a the confidence to go after what he wants. I don't think you should be expecting girl to reject you though, I feel it would be better for you to approach girls with the mindset of success rather than failure. 

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DreamingSaturn said: Your approach rather than [a lack of fear] is the determining factor. The timing, the quality, the depth, etc.

However, if you're approaching this many women regularly, knowing this, I was assume that the approach in insincere because what kind of filter are you employing? Why are you casting the net so wide?

I can only speak for myself but I have a sneaking suspicion that other women would agree with me; I wouldn't want to be approached by a guy that was just looking for a warm body to fill the role of GIRLFRIEND that he has built up in his head, that has nothing to do with me as an individual save that I meet some arbitrary list of qualifications. And I think we can tell/ intuit when a guy isn't talking to us as individuals but rather as just some target to be hit or miss. And that can come across to us in your approach, yes.

Like, we want "I met this girl and I really liked her," rather than "I approached a bunch of girls and this one actually gave me her number."

We want to be an active choice, not a lack of options.

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