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I have this new coworker and whenever I come in I say hi to everyone including the new girl. I'm pretty much friends with everyone at work but I can't rly talk with the new girl but that might be because we haven't rly gotten a chance to work more than an hour together. But I still try to talk to her when I can. Like I say hi or ask if it was busy earlier but whenever I try talking to her she doesn't rly seem like she wants to talk. Am I overthinking things or am I doing something weird? It's not like I'm hitting on her. Most of what I say to her is a hi. In case ur curious. Yes I do think she is cute but I like someone else atm so I'm not interested in dating her or anything. I just wanna be friends cuz I'm friends with everyone else at work and it makes working more fun. Plus apparently we go to the same school o.o so ya know..better the stranger u know a little than the stranger u don't know at all filling up a seat in a class ur in

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Picture this scenario.

You're graduating college. You're moving away. You like this dude you've been good friends with for three years. Your friends know. His friends know. You're pretty sure he's dense, and he doesn't know. You've been spending a lot of time together in the recent year. Sometimes alone, but strictly platonic so far.

Do you confess to him? Why, or why not?
What compels/prevents you from taking action?

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@MrPower

I have never liked any of my guy friends for that long. It's usually a short crush then I get bored and move onto someone else. However, I will say that I would rather not jeopardize my friendship with him. I am not the type to confess to anybody. I did it once abruptly and was quickly rejected.

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MrPower said: Picture this scenario.

You're graduating college. You're moving away. You like this dude you've been good friends with for three years. Your friends know. His friends know. You're pretty sure he's dense, and he doesn't know. You've been spending a lot of time together in the recent year. Sometimes alone, but strictly platonic so far.

Do you confess to him? Why, or why not?
What compels/prevents you from taking action?

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QUOTE(Inevitable @ Jun 26 2007, 02:41 PM) »
I was JUST about to ask if there was a girl version in the guy thread. I'll ask a really vague question that really depends on the person, Ladies, what personality traits do you look for in a guy?

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Got a question for the ladies.

So what if the "nice guy act" isn't an act? What if a guy just genuinely tends to have a big heart and tends to put other people first? Is he still a weakling pushover that doesn't deserve anyone?

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livingforhistory said: Got a question for the ladies.

So what if the "nice guy act" isn't an act? What if a guy just genuinely tends to have a big heart and tends to put other people first? Is he still a weakling pushover that doesn't deserve anyone?

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I_play_with_dolls said: Act or not, most women and pretty much people in general do not just consider niceness as their only dating factor. Being (overly) nice does not get you rejected or make you unattractive to that person, it's having no other (interesting) substance behind your personality that gets you rejected. 
Being nice doesn't make men unattractive, it's the idea that being nice to a woman will make them automatically fall in love with them that's unattractive. 

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DreamingSaturn said:

I think it's because they feel more entitled that makes it a bigger blow and their feeling like they are "nice guys" (even when they're not, which, anyone that self-identifies as a nice guy probably isn't) probably stems from the same place that makes them feel like they are entitled.

The few men that I have turned down that were genuinely good men didn't take it too poorly, stayed true to me as a friend and moved on healthily. Some said "I love you and respect you but I'm not going to give up," and that's fine so long as they don't cross any boundaries I've set.

I_play_with_dolls is spot on though, right on the money.

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DreamingSaturn said: livingforhistory said: DreamingSaturn said:

I think it's because they feel more entitled that makes it a bigger blow and their feeling like they are "nice guys" (even when they're not, which, anyone that self-identifies as a nice guy probably isn't) probably stems from the same place that makes them feel like they are entitled.

The few men that I have turned down that were genuinely good men didn't take it too poorly, stayed true to me as a friend and moved on healthily. Some said "I love you and respect you but I'm not going to give up," and that's fine so long as they don't cross any boundaries I've set.

I_play_with_dolls is spot on though, right on the money.

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DreamingSaturn said: writerstale said: DreamingSaturn said: livingforhistory said: DreamingSaturn said:

I think it's because they feel more entitled that makes it a bigger blow and their feeling like they are "nice guys" (even when they're not, which, anyone that self-identifies as a nice guy probably isn't) probably stems from the same place that makes them feel like they are entitled.

The few men that I have turned down that were genuinely good men didn't take it too poorly, stayed true to me as a friend and moved on healthily. Some said "I love you and respect you but I'm not going to give up," and that's fine so long as they don't cross any boundaries I've set.

I_play_with_dolls is spot on though, right on the money.

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DreamingSaturn said: Aaaaand that's exactly what's wrong with the idea of Nice Guys TM. That, to you, the only value a woman can have is not as a person, or a friend, or a confidant, but as a brood mare; that the only value a woman can have to a man is a place to stick his richard simmons. A genuinely GOOD MAN sees a woman for her worth as a PERSON and a friend, not a female fit for nothing but having sex with.  And this is what we mean when we say you're not being a nice guy. You're not being NICE, you're trying to GET something and when you don't get it, you leave.

No, a good friend, a person that really loves you, cares about you, is invested in your success, wants you to be happy and acknowledges that even if it's not a romantic fit, that you still have value, that the friendship has value, and they move on emotionally to something that's a better romantic fit without telling you [albeit nonverbally] "You mean nothing to me if I can't have sex with you."

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^the point the girls are trying to make is that each have their own qualities they seek in a man (itd be the case with men as well). nice, good, bad or whatever adjectives you can throw does not matter and are purely subjective. there are no specific qualities that allow both sex to have entitlement to a relationship. hell, one shouldnt even feel entitled to a relationship by simply being human. you got to remember it is the girls who have first hand experience here. im sure many have had their fair share of guys using the nice/good guy card to court.

as for continuing as friends after being turned down as given by the scenario above, i think its a very honourable act. stepping down and understanding ones decision is selfless and respectful, which are traits of a good person. i imagine not many people are able to do this and ironically, shows one true colours (from both sides). the saying, dont let your emotions get the better of you couldnt be any wiser.

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livingforhistory said: Got a question for the ladies.

So what if the "nice guy act" isn't an act? What if a guy just genuinely tends to have a big heart and tends to put other people first? Is he still a weakling pushover that doesn't deserve anyone?

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