Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[Guest [Deleted User]]

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[nyckira]

livingforhistory said:

[livingforhistory]

DreamingSaturn said: I mean why are you approaching 7 new women in a month or less? What's the urgency? I'm not giving you a hard time, it's a legit question. When you are constantly approaching [new] women, I wonder at what deciding factors could possibly be for that kind of fervor. Other than looks and general cold calls?

Just like men can smell it in women and call it "desperation," it's just unsavory when a guy is constantly "on the prowl." Like, what's the filter?

It sounds like you approach a girl first and then try to figure out if you like her. Which, however YOU may feel about it at the aggressor, it is reducing for the woman you are approaching because she's not a person to you yet, she's a target.  A more personal and heartfelt and sincere way to go about it might be to only [romantically] approach women you already know you like. But if sincerity isn't your aim, then it doesn't really matter I guess.

As a woman that gets hit on nearly constantly, the cold calls just aren't very endearing. And if she is attractive, she's probably heard it all before and it's just annoying after a certain point. Like, my general mindset it that I am a person and the outer aspect of me is the tiniest fraction of who I am, so for someone to approach me on nothing but looks alone, why bother? Why waste my time with this rando that I probably don't even have anything in common with and that hasn't tried to establish any common ground with me anyway.

It sounds like you're just looking for a girlfriend (or whatever) and knocking on each door like "are you her? are you her? no, are you her?" rather than meeting a girl, and saying to yourself "I like this girl so much already, I would like to get to know her better as a person rather than just a potential incubator for my sperm." In which you project your desires onto others rather than letting others prove to be desirable to you.

I pretty much never approach a woman for her number the first time I see her unless we were in a situation where, on our first encounter, we spent a good deal of mutual time together (meaning, something like we met at a party and really hit it off and at the end of the night, after talking and hanging out for hours, there is a clear mutual interest.) I would never approach a woman minding her business at a bar with her girlfriends because I know, as a woman, how annoying that is. I might, at most, in passing, on my way out the door, leave my number with her and leave the ball in her court.

[Guest aiambest]

livingforhistory said: aiambest said: I don't think there's anything wrong with a guy not having the fear of rejection. If anything, I think it's great he has a the confidence to go after what he wants. I don't think you should be expecting girl to reject you though, I feel it would be better for you to approach girls with the mindset of success rather than failure. 

[Guest [Deleted User]]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Guest hearthealer]

@livingforhistory
Are you actually telling these women that you're not looking for a serious relationship? Or are you mis-representing yourself  to themas relationship material to get those numbers?
If the former, then hey...keep at it If you're fine with it and the women handing you their numbers are ok with not being a serious prospect at a relationship then well, grownups should have fun somehow right?
If you're misrepresenting yourself, then you're just being a jerk for experimental purposes...and really it's a poorly set up experiment, you're approaching girls you might like (no random selection), also there's no control. What ARE you trying to prove anyway?

[Guest omgitscrystal]

So my crush who also happen to have a crush on me started going out for a few study dates and meals together. Maybe 4-5 already? We've known one another for 5 months and are still taking things slowly. So we're not gonna jump into any r/s plus we have our GCEs at the end of the year. He's rather studious so we both agreed to not get too serious with whatever we are in now. That's just a summary of the state we are in now..

My problem is, I still find that the both of us are very awkward one another. When we sit one another in school, we don't really have proper convos, only hi & bye (or is it perhaps we spend too much time texting one another?). And we decided not to meet up during school hours since he has his friends and I have mine. During our study dates/meals, we still have quite a number of long awkward pauses where we just stop talking & look around that kind of thing. Ah, I kind of know the problem is that the guy and I face a lack of chemistry. Or will things change for the better as time passes?

What will you girls do if you're facing this situation? :/

[Guest Minty MinaD]

omgitscrystal said: So my crush who also happen to have a crush on me started going out for a few study dates and meals together. Maybe 4-5 already? We've known one another for 5 months and are still taking things slowly. So we're not gonna jump into any r/s plus we have our GCEs at the end of the year. He's rather studious so we both agreed to not get too serious with whatever we are in now. That's just a summary of the state we are in now.. My problem is, I still find that the both of us are very awkward one another. When we sit one another in school, we don't really have proper convos, only hi & bye (or is it perhaps we spend too much time texting one another?). And we decided not to meet up during school hours since he has his friends and I have mine. During our study dates/meals, we still have quite a number of long awkward pauses where we just stop talking & look around that kind of thing. Ah, I kind of know the problem is that the guy and I face a lack of chemistry. Or will things change for the better as time passes? What will you girls do if you're facing this situation? :/

[livingforhistory]

hearthealer said: @livingforhistory
Are you actually telling these women that you're not looking for a serious relationship? Or are you mis-representing yourself  to themas relationship material to get those numbers?
If the former, then hey...keep at it If you're fine with it and the women handing you their numbers are ok with not being a serious prospect at a relationship then well, grownups should have fun somehow right?
If you're misrepresenting yourself, then you're just being a jerk for experimental purposes...and really it's a poorly set up experiment, you're approaching girls you might like (no random selection), also there's no control. What ARE you trying to prove anyway?

[Guest aiambest]

omgitscrystal said: So my crush who also happen to have a crush on me started going out for a few study dates and meals together. Maybe 4-5 already? We've known one another for 5 months and are still taking things slowly. So we're not gonna jump into any r/s plus we have our GCEs at the end of the year. He's rather studious so we both agreed to not get too serious with whatever we are in now. That's just a summary of the state we are in now.. My problem is, I still find that the both of us are very awkward one another. When we sit one another in school, we don't really have proper convos, only hi & bye (or is it perhaps we spend too much time texting one another?). And we decided not to meet up during school hours since he has his friends and I have mine. During our study dates/meals, we still have quite a number of long awkward pauses where we just stop talking & look around that kind of thing. Ah, I kind of know the problem is that the guy and I face a lack of chemistry. Or will things change for the better as time passes? What will you girls do if you're facing this situation? :/

[Guest hearthealer]

@livingforhistory
Don't be so quick to judge. My closest friends are all male and yes, i know very well the rejection rates, they ask a girl out and then I hear how it went down and that she's not keen....rinse and repeat over the course of our 9 years+ friendships, some of the guys I've been friends with for half my life....so I hear plenty of stories and plenty of "Where did I go wrong?", "Why doesn't she like me?" etc.
The thing is, why come here and ask women what we think of you approaching multiple girls in one month? Did you want our approval? Our thoughts on it? What's the objective here?
And if you wanted a girl's perspective, yes I know men hit on multiple women...cast a wide net, see what lands in the boat...what you keep, what you dump back in the water. Do we like HEARING that we're 1 of many many options you're currently pursuing? I don't think ANY girl would happily say... "Sure, we're not serious, go ahead and ask out more girls...."
Women, in general, aren't programmed that way. At least, I'll be frankly, quite offended if I saw a guy I went out with a few times hitting on girls at the same clubs I frequent. For me, that's the last I'll be seeing of him. And like I've said before, don't misrepresent yourself...if you realize a girl is actually really interested in you but you're still interested in your "experiment", then tell her. Don't be that jerk that women complain about to their besties..."I really liked him, but he was dating like 3 girls at once...URGH MEN."

[livingforhistory]

@hearthealer

So if you went out with a guy a couple times but nothing developed between the two of you, wouldn't you expect him to move on? I mean, it's not like the olden days where a guy will pursue a woman persistently and she'll give in. These days, a guy has to be very careful due to all the sexual harassment laws out there. Most guys, if they detect a girl just isn't interested or simply likes him as at most a casual friend/acquintance, he's going to give up and move on. If he's persistent and aggressive, things could turn out badly for him. It only takes one girl to accuse a guy of being a "creeper" for the entire social circle to ostracize him. People will automatically go on the girl's side and assume the guy was being creepy/stalkerish.

Yah I understand girls hate being one of the many options a guy is exploring. But girls do the same thing and guys hate it too. Many girls are guilty of stringing multiple guys along until she decides which one she likes best.

As for the jerk who was dating 3 girls at once, maybe if one of the three girls showed interest in him and gave him some reinforcement, he wouldn't feel the need to do that.
They say dating is a numbers game and it's for the most part true. Some people get lucky and find the right one organically. But most need to do some searching and cast a wide net.

[Guest cristolephe]

Have you ever dated somebody that you didn't exactly have a crush on but later developed feelings for?

[Guest I_play_with_dolls]

@cristolephe: I personally haven't but it can DEFINITELY happen. In social psychology it's called propinquity or the effect of proximity. Pretty much it just means that the closer you live near someone or the more often you're around then, the more likely you'll like that person. There has been multiple studies that involve apartment residents and residents tend to prefer their apartment neighbors more than the neighbors from across the street.  

[MrPower]

@livingforhistory

I like the passion, but it's misplaced. This is the "ask the ladies" section. In case you missed the memo, this is not really a place for debate, rather it is a place where you request the perspective/insights of the ladies in this forum.

I let it go (let it go~), hoping that you'll heed the calls of the other members. It does not merit a warning at this point, but please read the forum rules, the original post, and the L&R rules once more.

[halfmoonsmile]

Hey ladies,

A friend of mine is expecting a baby. What would be a good gift to get for her? Keep in mind that she doesn't know the sex of the baby yet. Baby onesies would be more useful, right? I know there's already a gift thread but nobody's questions get answered in that thread.

[Guest I_play_with_dolls]

Meany-chan said: Hey ladies,

A friend of mine is expecting a baby. What would be a good gift to get for her? Keep in mind that she doesn't know the sex of the baby yet. Baby onesies would be more useful, right? I know there's already a gift thread but nobody's questions get answered in that thread.

[Guest x0ny]

TL,DR; Girl loves spending time with me, really likes me, loves who I am and who I encourage her to be. Said she doesn't see herself falling IN love with me. Is it foolish for me to pursue and be persistent at it?

[Guest hearthealer]

Meany-chan said: Hey ladies,

A friend of mine is expecting a baby. What would be a good gift to get for her? Keep in mind that she doesn't know the sex of the baby yet. Baby onesies would be more useful, right? I know there's already a gift thread but nobody's questions get answered in that thread.

[Roasty]

Hey ladies,

A friend of mine is expecting a baby. What would be a good gift to get for her? Keep in mind that she doesn't know the sex of the baby yet. Baby onesies would be more useful, right? I know there's already a gift thread but nobody's questions get answered in that thread.

Personally I like being practical. So I always buy a 'baby sleeping bag'. You might want to google it. A few brands make them.