Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[Guest likelovers]

Outta curiousity... I've been liking this girl ever since 2nd semester of the school year. Now its the summer and we have only been in contact through Facebook and msn. I realized that talking to her and walking her home has always made me happy . Now i really want to confess but so many things are getting in the way...

You've probably had someone like me in your life, where they doubt there capabilites and even down size themselves... Right now the thing that is holding me back is the fact that i think of myself as a sort of a "pest" because i'm the one that is always starting the converstions and the one that has to find her... With this in mind i doubt that she even feels the same. But on rare occasions she does start the conversations.. Its kinda sad cause i told myself that i was going to give up on her.. but it was when she messaged me that i began to like her again...

Having that mess ^ running through your mind.. i just wonder what i should do... My friend recently has pushed me to just tell her how i feel and i gladly agreeded.. but it ended up that she was unable to attend the event where i was going to confess... Shes going on vacationn sooon tooo.. Will it be too late if i wait till she comes back? (though i really wanna do it before)

>_< what are your thoughts on my epic fail.. and i'm extremely sorry for how messy this is... I really hope that you can make out how i exactly feel.

How long is her vacation? I don't think a vacation would change her feelings towards you, whatever they may be at the moment.

Anyway, I think you should just confess to her.  I know it's more easily said then done, but I still think you should tell her how you feel.  I mean you're already walking her home!  If she didn't trust you, she wouldn't let you know where she lives d:

If she talks to you normally, despite the fact you messaged first, what difference does it make?  If she didn't want to talk to you and thought of you as a "pest," I'm sure it would show in the way she talks to you.

If you never confess, your feelings will just always linger because even if you say she probably doesn't like you or even if she gets a boyfriend, etc, you will always have this small part of you saying, "What if I did confess?  What if she liked me too?"  You don't want to live a life of regrets (:

When you said "so many things" were in the way, I expected things to be much more complicated!  Do you realize that you're the only thing in the way? hahaha You're the only one holding yourself back, so just have some confidence and move forward!  Good luck!

That actually makes sense and was simple enough lol. Thanks for the tip.

No problem, no need to make things complicated haha!

[Guest aiyan]

Talking to this girl for awhile on a dating site. She is legitimate(can't be too careful nowadays lol.) She asks me to "hang out and join her for lunch." Should I pay for her? I wasn't sure since it's not really an official date, and it's the first time we're meeting. Just trying to get opinions.

It depends on her personality, really. Some girls think it's very gentleman-like when a guy offers to pay, whilst some girls don't like it because she likes being "independent." First see the vibe you're getting from her. I'd say to be safe, offer to pay and see what her reaction is. From there, you'll be able to judge whether or not you should pay or not. Good luck to you

Outta curiousity... I've been liking this girl ever since 2nd semester of the school year. Now its the summer and we have only been in contact through Facebook and msn. I realized that talking to her and walking her home has always made me happy . Now i really want to confess but so many things are getting in the way...

You've probably had someone like me in your life, where they doubt there capabilites and even down size themselves... Right now the thing that is holding me back is the fact that i think of myself as a sort of a "pest" because i'm the one that is always starting the converstions and the one that has to find her... With this in mind i doubt that she even feels the same. But on rare occasions she does start the conversations.. Its kinda sad cause i told myself that i was going to give up on her.. but it was when she messaged me that i began to like her again...

Having that mess ^ running through your mind.. i just wonder what i should do... My friend recently has pushed me to just tell her how i feel and i gladly agreeded.. but it ended up that she was unable to attend the event where i was going to confess... Shes going on vacationn sooon tooo.. Will it be too late if i wait till she comes back? (though i really wanna do it before)

>_< what are your thoughts on my epic fail.. and i'm extremely sorry for how messy this is... I really hope that you can make out how i exactly feel.

I know exactly how you feel. A friend of mine has been in this exact situation before... I think that you should just be totally honest with her. What have you got to lose? You're young (I'm assuming), and it's experiences like these that will help you later on in life. The worst that can happen is that she rejects you, but it's better than living with the "what if's." Confess to her. No regrets!!! Best of luck .

[Guest Castial]

haha thanks for the advicee ill try my besttt ~ who knew this fourm were full of such nice people ! TBH though... she was the one that told me about this fourm xD ><.

[Eclectic]

With reference to another thread, what exactly does it mean for a guy to have a mean personality?

thanks

[judii]

With reference to another thread, what exactly does it mean for a guy to have a mean personality?

thanks

i think it depends on what the girl perceives as mean...

imo i think a guy has a 'mean personality' when he constantly picks on others for fun even if he doesn't mean it as if it's the only thing he can talk about or likes doing or i hear him make snide/uncalled for comments about people...esp. when they're friends with whoever they are making comments about.

this is not also necessarily mean but it really annoys me too when guys like to troll...do it once in a while or occasionally is fine...but when they do it 24/7..then =_= and esp. when they're making comments to girls like 'she's dtf' to her face (i just recently figured out what that meant XD)

haha so it might sound like i have a lot of mean personality factors but i actually havent met many ppl like that ^^"

[Guest Angxizzle]

What are your thoughts about a stay at home father?

It's a nice idea but not for me. I want for me and my husband to both be supporting our family not just one or the other I don't find it fair for the one working or the one staying at home. I've seen it when my father lost his job how much my mother suffered, don't wanna be like that for my whole life. Also we would make more money to support our family if we were both working and wouldn't have to worry as much if any bad events happened or we wanted to go on vacation we save sooner. If heaven forbid me and my husband got divorced I wouldn't want one of us to end up with nothing because we didn't have a career. i've seen it happen to my mom's stay at home friends too many times. one of the many reasons i don't believe stay at home is right for me.

[Guest ms. rachellica]

With reference to another thread, what exactly does it mean for a guy to have a mean personality?

thanks

for me, it's someone who is condescending

[Silf]

I've already posted in the thread about guys with no money and whether they were worth getting into a relationship with.

However I didn't get any reply there (except I got a +2, which I don't know how to interpret).

I guess my post was too specific in a thread where people were making generalizations, trying to outline main ideas on the subject (or maybe people just didn't care about what I was saying, which can be it).

So I thought I would post here and ask you girls directly about my case specifically (before I give up on getting any answer).

I just turned 20. I still live with my single mom.

I'm still in my studies (hopefully becoming a civil engineering a couple of years from now).

We're kind of broke. But I'm working during holiday breaks trying to compensate for it.

Never had a girlfriend before.

Based on just those information, would you consider dating (someone like) me?

I always thought that being broke and the fact that I live with a borderline over-protective mom repelled girls.

- being broke: I always worried about what I could come up with for hang-outs. Treat the girlfriend to a lunch? Can't. A movie? Can't.

Now it's less of an issue since I'm working but still, since I'm supposed to save that for school tuition etc.

- over-protective mom: couldn't invite a girl home. Besides, a guy being seen outside, most of the time with his mom, is sort of a turn-off, I guess.

All that lead to me never having the guts to confess to my crushes. Was it the right choice not to confess?

Am I overthinking this? Is it just me trying to make up excuses to conceal my cowardice? I don't know.

That's the point of my present enquiry.

Well, that's it for now. If I'm not making any sense, please let me know, I'll try to clarify myself.

(If it helps:

- France-born Asian, always lived there. So why am I posting on a English speaking board? No idea.

- Only crushed on Caucasian girls before. And keeping it that way since I meet too few Asians here.

- Been asked out twice but wasn't my type. So on top of all that, I'm picky. yay)

[Guest c0lap1nada]

^ My cousin met his current gf at his church. They practically date in the church. And the church is free.

So I guess if the girl understands, your hang outs don't have to cost money unless its bus fare.

And if the girl understands your family condition, she should understand why your mom is over-protective. Although I don't see why the girl couldn't help out your family by cooking for your mom or whatnot.

And why not confess? Confessing doesn't mean the girl's going to say yes. If you meet the right girl, I don't see why she can't overcome these minor barriers... you're not gonna be broke for the rest of your life unless you make it happen..

....so it's probably just you.....

[judii]

I've already posted in the thread about guys with no money and whether they were worth getting into a relationship with.

However I didn't get any reply there (except I got a +2, which I don't know how to interpret).

I guess my post was too specific in a thread where people were making generalizations, trying to outline main ideas on the subject (or maybe people just didn't care about what I was saying, which can be it).

So I thought I would post here and ask you girls directly about my case specifically (before I give up on getting any answer).

I just turned 20. I still live with my single mom.

I'm still in my studies (hopefully becoming a civil engineering a couple of years from now).

We're kind of broke. But I'm working during holiday breaks trying to compensate for it.

Never had a girlfriend before.

Based on just those information, would you consider dating (someone like) me?

I always thought that being broke and the fact that I live with a borderline over-protective mom repelled girls.

- being broke: I always worried about what I could come up with for hang-outs. Treat the girlfriend to a lunch? Can't. A movie? Can't.

Now it's less of an issue since I'm working but still, since I'm supposed to save that for school tuition etc.

- over-protective mom: couldn't invite a girl home. Besides, a guy being seen outside, most of the time with his mom, is sort of a turn-off, I guess.

All that lead to me never having the guts to confess to my crushes. Was it the right choice not to confess?

Am I overthinking this? Is it just me trying to make up excuses to conceal my cowardice? I don't know.

That's the point of my present enquiry.

Well, that's it for now. If I'm not making any sense, please let me know, I'll try to clarify myself.

(If it helps:

- France-born Asian, always lived there. So why am I posting on a English speaking board? No idea.

- Only crushed on Caucasian girls before. And keeping it that way since I meet too few Asians here.

- Been asked out twice but wasn't my type. So on top of all that, I'm picky. yay)

It depends....I don't mind if a guy is seen outside with his mom all the time...if he's really nice to his parents and treats them well its +++++

But being broke...does that mean you won't ever be able to pay for anything or get her a gift on birthdays, etc? I think then that's just not making an effort...my sis bf right now is currently 'broke' in that he has no job, studies in uni and lives at home with his parents but somehow he still manages to scrape together money to buy occasional presents for her, treat her, etc. I'm not saying that a guy has to buy things in order to be attractive but if you're broke but still willing to make the effort then that's pretty sweet

[Guest Javus]

Just wondering if girls also apply the 3 date rule too. By the 3 date rule, I mean by the 3rd date either you know you like him and want to continue seeing him(not necessarily in a relationship but at least continue dating) or you don't and break it off.

[Guest HERMIT]

^

Wait, is that the rule?

Because in my experience, it's apparently been only a 1 date rule.

Sometimes even as quickly as into the 1st hour of that one date.

[MrPower]

For all the questions below, please consider outer appearances along with mannerisms, behavior, etc.

What is your definition of a feminine man?

What are you boundaries for dating such a man? (what is the feminine deal-breaker?)

Given a choice, would you rather date somebody who's on the more masculine, or feminine side?

[Guest cutemonster]

Just wondering if girls also apply the 3 date rule too. By the 3 date rule, I mean by the 3rd date either you know you like him and want to continue seeing him(not necessarily in a relationship but at least continue dating) or you don't and break it off.

Usually, it usually is a 2 date rule though. So if you are on a 3rd date... congrats.

[Guest oreoo]

For all the questions below, please consider outer appearances along with mannerisms, behavior, etc.

What is your definition of a feminine man?

What are you boundaries for dating such a man? (what is the feminine deal-breaker?)

Given a choice, would you rather date somebody who's on the more masculine, or feminine side?

Feminine men tend to remind of... I know this is bad but--Heechul from Super Junior (ha...ha...) but in terms of a feminine man in America, I think of someone who is kind of sensitive to what they wear and constantly kind of bothered if their outer appearance isn't perfect. There's a difference between metro and feminine, but I tend to lump the two together? In terms of mannerisms, I think of the guy being a softie. Someone shy and who kind of looks meek and laughs/smiles a little too much.

I think it's okay for a guy to "have a feminine side" but I don't want a guy to BE feminine. Just imo. Some girls might like it, but I like to be the one to depend on the guy. I guess the deal-breaker could be if the guy cares too much about what he looks like all the time. Personality deal-breaker would be if he's too emotionally sensitive.

Given a choice, I would date someone masculine who can at times be sensitive at the appropriate times. Girls are different though, you're just getting one side of the spectrum from me.

[Guest selinaym]

For all the questions below, please consider outer appearances along with mannerisms, behavior, etc.

What is your definition of a feminine man?

What are you boundaries for dating such a man? (what is the feminine deal-breaker?)

Given a choice, would you rather date somebody who's on the more masculine, or feminine side?

A man who constantly stresses over his (long) hair. Delicate movements. Pretty? Skinny. Their sense of fashion is often a prominent feature as well e.g. DBSK around the time they've just debuted. I'm not interested in dating feminine guys.

[Guest likelovers]

For all the questions below, please consider outer appearances along with mannerisms, behavior, etc.

What is your definition of a feminine man?

What are you boundaries for dating such a man? (what is the feminine deal-breaker?)

Given a choice, would you rather date somebody who's on the more masculine, or feminine side?

I don't judge much on just outer appearance because I have a number of friends who hold a more feminine look (I guess comparing like "flower boys" to "beastly idols"), but they are some of the strongest people I know in brute strength, heart, and mind.

To me, feminine guys... will end up having the gf taking care of them emotionally.  Like a role reversal.  You know how, stereotypically, girls are the ones who usually are clingy or jealous or easily hurt by one phrase being interpreted wrong; well, if a guy is like this instead, I consider him feminine and that's when I can't date him.

But this is just a personal preference because I'm not very stereotypically girly (emotionally), so I prefer a man I can be all weak in front of LOL If that makes sense.

Therefore, I would rather date someone who's more masculine emotionally.  (Physically, I like flower boy style more than beast hehehe.)

I feel like my response hardly answers your question ahaha.

[Guest Javus]

Might be a silly question, but whatever lol. Do you girls ever find it a little inconvenient to carry around flowers on a date?

[Guest kitty_N]

^ Yes!!! I prefer just one single rose. Any more than that and there is nowhere you can put it and the wrapper makes loud crinkly noises that I really hate. Just one gorgeous flower by itself and that's it

[Guest HERMIT]

Here's some interesting and maybe thought-provoking questions for the girls:

Which would you admit more to having done - Googling your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend or your current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend? Or both?

If you have done either/or, what were your reactions to what you found out? Good or bad? Care to share your experiences/thought process?

If what you discovered was not to your liking/not in your favor in either case - which one of the above scenarios would make you feel worse? (ie. the ex's new GF was really hot or the current BF's ex-GF was gorgeous)