Ask The Ladies - Read First Post

[Guest wackkie]

nvm.

edited out.

sry.

[Guest ovovoovo]

 

[Guest shopaholicx2]

I've noticed from talking with some of my friends that ... 

When an unattractive guy does something they will consider it creepy, weird, or stalkerish.  However, when an attractive guy does the exact same thing he's soooo kind, thoughtful and romantic!

Why?!

Well there is a reason why they are considered creepy, weird and stalkerish depending on his actions, but I guess it's more tolerable if someone they find attractive does the same thing, but vice versa, if a girl who is attractive vs. someone who is unattractive, guys will feel the same way. It's human nature, we are such shallow human beings (well in my perspective everyone is shallow to some extent, it's the matter of if they admit it openly or deny it upfront). But do you want to explain what kind of things these guys are doing?

[Guest samstring]

@samstring- based on the way you worded it, your message seemed to be one that isn't supposed to invoke a reply, so i wouldn't expect one.

to be honest, if i were her,i wouldn't want to be your friend anymore. maybe after a while, i could be a friend again, but it wouldn't be as close as you said before. that being said, i am not her. maybe you can talk to her again, after her exams as she suggested, and start off with apologizing and say it was a spur of the moment decision, and see how it goes from there.

Hi Kiwi. First of all I would like to thank you for taking your time to read my post and giving some constructive inputs. That being said, I believed the offer of talking after exams has lapsed the moment I sent that msg. And I do not feel that what I had done at the end was a spur of moment. I don't see a point in apologizing for that. But I did include apologies for parts of the argument that I thought I was wrong in my last msg.

There were 2 ways to how matter would end, a resolution or a closure. Whatever the case, I took a peaceful approach while she had it otherwise.

It seems you really treasure your relationship with her to the point that you'd disregard your pride. Just give it a few days for her to reply (she's most probably trying to write a message that sounds just right). However, if she doesn't, don't fret. You did everything you could to salvage this relationship. If she doesn't text you, it's not because she hates you. Trust me. Sometimes there isn't a way to express how you feel through words. She doesn't hate you, but she doesn't want to be more than friends with you.

To be honest, this had happened to me as well. A guy friend of mine all of a sudden confessed to me, and I was really confused and sort of angry with him. The reason was because I treated him as a friend and did not expect him to like me (at this point I was fed up with that because, not to sound cocky or anything, people kept telling me they liked me). Sometimes, all a girl wants is to be platonic friends. She probably thinks that you will think that she's giving you a second chance by once again being friends.

Either way, if she doesn't reply, just don't send another text. If she wants to contact you, she will. If not, then it's best that you put your relationship with her behind you.

Hey orange. Thanks for sharing your experience. You echoed almost the same sentiments as me! TBH, I did struggle against myself when I had to beg her. I probably wanted to salvage some lost pride when I sent that last piece of msg, but it was thought out rationally. 

I don't quite get you at the end. You seem to contradict your own sentence. If you said that she is trying to give the impression that I will think she's giving a second chance, shouldn't I be the one that takes the initiative to ask for the chance? But later, you said I should just wait for her to contact me. That bit is confusing.

But anyway, I wouldn't mind putting the friendship behind as I am a v reciprocal person. If you don't interact with me, I don't see why I should I interact with you. Takes 2 hands to clap. The only reasons why I felt reconciliation were better because 1. I still have a crush in her and I enjoy her companionship (though the crush is diminishing by day) and 2. It would be awkward when both of us hang out together with our circle of friends. The only way that I can think of is taking turns to bail ourselves out from such gatherings and we don't really wish to let our friends know what happened between us. It will just complicate things even further especially when they start choosing sides.

[orangesmartie92]

Hey orange. Thanks for sharing your experience. You echoed almost the same sentiments as me! TBH, I did struggle against myself when I had to beg her. I probably wanted to salvage some lost pride when I sent that last piece of msg, but it was thought out rationally. 

I don't quite get you at the end. You seem to contradict your own sentence. If you said that she is trying to give the impression that I will think she's giving a second chance, shouldn't I be the one that takes the initiative to ask for the chance? But later, you said I should just wait for her to contact me. That bit is confusing.

But anyway, I wouldn't mind putting the friendship behind as I am a v reciprocal person. If you don't interact with me, I don't see why I should I interact with you. Takes 2 hands to clap. The only reasons why I felt reconciliation were better because 1. I still have a crush in her and I enjoy her companionship (though the crush is diminishing by day) and 2. It would be awkward when both of us hang out together with our circle of friends. The only way that I can think of is taking turns to bail ourselves out from such gatherings and we don't really wish to let our friends know what happened between us. It will just complicate things even further especially when they start choosing sides.

Sorry for the confusion!

I meant that she probably doesn't want to contact you because she thinks that becoming friends with you again will give off an impression that she's giving you a chance(dating wise), which she probably doesn't want. She wants your crush on her to wear off but once you guys are friends again, it's very possible that your feelings for her that are dwindling right now will come back. Maybe it's immaturity from her part to ignore you like that but I'm sure she's an overall nice girl with a good personality since you still like her; it's just that people deal with certain things differently.

Reconciliation will come when the time passes by. You will find someone else you like, and she too will find someone else she likes. About the friends choosing sides, you can't really avoid that if they are the type of people to do it. I can't really give you any advice on that because I've never experienced it, so hopefully it won't happen.

[Guest jellie_kookie]

Questions!

1) Do girls prefer guys who are upfront and direct about everything or a little bit shy (e.g. feelings)?

2) Quiet guys or loud guys?

3) How well would you want to know a guy before you would consider dating him? Or how long?

4) Would you rather have an emotional boyfriend or one who is (seemingly) always strong?

5) How would you rank the aspects of a guy? (e.g. 30% looks, 50% personality, 20% other)

1) Not TOO shy but not TOO upfront either. I don't like guys who don't get straight to the point, but I don't like blunt guys either.

2) How quiet and how loud? I like guys with whom you can comfortable silences with but can be loud at times, too, so we can be loud together.

3) I'd want to know him when he's around his friends AND family, so you can see how he really is. I don't mind how long as long as it isn't less than a week or something. 

4) Someone who is seemingly strong, but there's a boy inside. I want a guy who can protect me but will not be afraid to show how he feels.

5) I have no ranks, hahahaha. I don't have an established rank yet, but whatever comes...comes!

[fabrications.]

I already asked this in the Ask The Fellas thread, but I wanted a female POV on this:

In girl terms, what's the difference between a "lady's man", a "flirt", and a "heartbreaker"? Because all of these terms scream "PLAYER!" to me. Am I wrong?

lady's man = flirt

heartbreaker = person that hurts you

player -> a different field. is all in it for the game or "bragging rights." I consider this one the wannabe.

Ever get confused if you like the guy for who he is  or his actions / genuine feelings?

How do you tell the difference?

Sometimes I like the guy for both. haha.

Who he is = interested in him, want to get closer, wanna care for him

Actions/genuine feelings = feeling special, flattered. may become infatuated.

Both = really like him, or love even

[isha_himitsu]

I already asked this in the Ask The Fellas thread, but I wanted a female POV on this:

In girl terms, what's the difference between a "lady's man", a "flirt", and a "heartbreaker"? Because all of these terms scream "PLAYER!" to me. Am I wrong?

Haha I couldn't help but laugh but we basically share the same thoughts! I think players are everything - lady's man, a flirt, a heartbreaker, etc. Everything rolled into one and the term for them is a player. Sorry, I'm not helping!

[Guest neshpa]

- removed post -

[Guest icantthinkofacoolusername]

Hey - just need a bit of help.

It's my girlfriend's birthday coming up and I know that there's a dress she likes but I'm unsure whether to get it or not.

How do girls feel about getting clothes from their boyfriends? Is it ok to do?

I definitely know it's the dress she likes and I know what size to get so I'm not worried about offending her in that way.

I'm just a bit confused about whether or not it's ok to give clothes as a present though.

Thanks in advance

[fabrications.]

^is it a serious relationship? if so then yeah, I think it should be okay.

[Guest iono]

If you asked a guy to your formal (prom), you'd have some interest in him right? So if a guy friend asked you to formal (prom) would you assume he had some interest in you?

[orangesmartie92]

^

It all depends. How did she ask you?

I would assume that if he didn't tell me a reason as to why he wants to go with me, he is somewhat interested in me. It's hard to tell, but it's really all about the body language.

More often than not, if the guy is not awkward about it, then he probably just wants to go with me as a friend. If he's all nervous and whatnot, i would say it's likely that he likes me and is afraid of rejection.

[Guest hkukaudition]

How would you girls feel if your BF met up with a girl-friend say every month or so and mainly talked about sex? Is it weird for a guy to girl to talk about sex so much?

My BF regularly meets up with this girl who he used to go to school with and from what i know it was going on before we met, but the other day, he told me that hes meeting up with her but he doesnt want me to come and when i asked him why he said 'well we talk about alot of private things.. mostly about sex.'

I'm fine with him having girlfriends.. but not so fine that he talks to them about sex... im not exactly sure what kinda stuff he talks about but i would be horrified if he went through details of our intimacy. I know that guys like to brag to their guy friends about stuff like that.. but why would he want to divulge the information with a girl? And meet up regularly to talk about it?

What would you girl be like? Of course im letting him- i dont really have any reason not to.. but i cant help but feel uncomfortable with it. Also, sunday is our only day together since we work on different days and sunday is the only day we both have off.. but hes spending it with her instead.. so im going to have to spend sunday on my own since most of my friends have gone back home whilst ive stayed in town to work over the summer. So im also a little bit miffed that he couldnt schedule it on the day when he has off anyway and im at work.

[Guest Sannyson]

How would you girls feel if your BF met up with a girl-friend say every month or so and mainly talked about sex? Is it weird for a guy to girl to talk about sex so much?

My BF regularly meets up with this girl who he used to go to school with and from what i know it was going on before we met, but the other day, he told me that hes meeting up with her but he doesnt want me to come and when i asked him why he said 'well we talk about alot of private things.. mostly about sex.'

I'm fine with him having girlfriends.. but not so fine that he talks to them about sex... im not exactly sure what kinda stuff he talks about but i would be horrified if he went through details of our intimacy. I know that guys like to brag to their guy friends about stuff like that.. but why would he want to divulge the information with a girl? And meet up regularly to talk about it?

What would you girl be like? Of course im letting him- i dont really have any reason not to.. but i cant help but feel uncomfortable with it. Also, sunday is our only day together since we work on different days and sunday is the only day we both have off.. but hes spending it with her instead.. so im going to have to spend sunday on my own since most of my friends have gone back home whilst ive stayed in town to work over the summer. So im also a little bit miffed that he couldnt schedule it on the day when he has off anyway and im at work.

My BF looong time ago was BFF with a girl, which I didn't mind, but I absolutely hated that he talked to her about sex. Like, extremely personal stuff- how we had sex and different styles what kinds of things they like done to themselves and the condoms they use. Idk I think it's extremely weird and I was really uncomfortable with him divulging all this to a girl I really didn't know, and then relaying what she said about herself to me.... TMI! I can understand why they talk to another girl about it, because you know guys don't really talk to other guys about sex with their serious girlfriends/fiances/wives (new girlfriends, "flings" are different). A lot of men don't want their guy friends thinking about their girlfriends in that way so when they talk to a girl they feel more secure. But yeah, it's weird. Especially since he does it on the only day the two of you can spend together, and to specifically say he doesn't want you to come. Like you're not even allowed to meet the girl? He probably doesn't realize it's weird, especially since he's been doing this before you two were even together.

But I really don't have much advice because I didn't say anything to my BF about it when we were together. But I ended up breaking up with him so....... XD

[Guest hkukaudition]

My BF looong time ago was BFF with a girl, which I didn't mind, but I absolutely hated that he talked to her about sex. Like, extremely personal stuff- how we had sex and different styles what kinds of things they like done to themselves and the condoms they use. Idk I think it's extremely weird and I was really uncomfortable with him divulging all this to a girl I really didn't know, and then relaying what she said about herself to me.... TMI! I can understand why they talk to another girl about it, because you know guys don't really talk to other guys about sex with their serious girlfriends/fiances/wives (new girlfriends, "flings" are different). A lot of men don't want their guy friends thinking about their girlfriends in that way so when they talk to a girl they feel more secure. But yeah, it's weird. Especially since he does it on the only day the two of you can spend together, and to specifically say he doesn't want you to come. Like you're not even allowed to meet the girl? He probably doesn't realize it's weird, especially since he's been doing this before you two were even together.

But I really don't have much advice because I didn't say anything to my BF about it when we were together. But I ended up breaking up with him so....... XD

Well i spoke to him yesterday and he told me that he was only joking- but i dont really believe that because i dont really see why you would joke about that. He assured me that he doesn't go through anything in detail though but i dunno. I don't think he was joking but im going to let it go, as long as he sticks to his promise and doesnt say stuff that should be between the 2 of us. Cuh~ Guys are so annoying sometimes! Its really difficult to bring up something that you find uncomfortable when they think its perfectly normal to do.

[Guest j.park]

Here is my problem. Hope u ladies can help me and pardon my lack of forum etiquette as I've only lurked forums my entire life and I lack confidence in expressing myself with just words.*quoted image*

I had confessed to a good friend because I thought we there was some connections between us judging her body languages, but my feelings got rejected. She used to text and call me almost every night, seldom refused to hang out with me even during the oddest of times. This isn't the case after the day I confessed. She contacted me less often and I often got rejected when I asked her out privately. I need to reiterate that we did share such private and close moments frequently in the past.

One thing I like to highlight is that we had agreed to remain as close friends and do things we would normally do after the day of my confession. But things did not turn out to be as expected and I was extremely dissatisfied. For that, I often quarrelled with her about how she was not treating me the same as before even though we had that mutual understanding. I was trying to get her to admit that she hasn't truly gotten over with me confessing to her. And when she finally blurted it out, she said she would forsake this friendship altogether, and continued saying mean stuffs like how she hates me so much now, don't really care about our friendship, persistently threatening to hang up the phone; basically stuffs that would shatter this friendship.

Believing that she was being v impulsive and what she said was in the fit of anger, I tried to persuade her to reconsider what she said. I even went as far as begging her not to end things in such a way. It worked somehow when she told me we can talk about it again after she finished her exams. But after a few hrs passed, I sent her a "nicely constructed" msg, asking her to just call it quits and end things amicably, even going as far as wishing her well in her future endeavours. The msg was probably something I would regret but due to the my stubbornness getting the better of me and to redeem myself for begging out of my will, I sent it anyway. I myself am also baffled that I could send out such an extraordinary msg while still being infatuated with her. She hasn't replied ever since.

My immediate question is: Will I expect any reply from her? How should I interpret it when she ignores the msg? Secondly, is there still any leeway to reconcile this friendship or has it become a lost cause? And if there is, any ways for it to revert back to the pre-confession days? I really appreciate if someone could advise me on this and I promise I will take no offences even if u are gona be critical about my actions.

Kudos to you for confessing. And that  girl's reaction was, in my opinion, extremely uncalled for (see #3).  Anyways, prep yourself for some brutal truth, my friend.

1. You will not be getting a reply from her. Has it been awhile? Enough to know that she'd read the message, but has chosen to not reply? If so, then yeah don't wait around your inbox buddy. If she wanted to reply she would have. But for example, say she suddenly changed her mind and wanted to reply after some time has passed. Despite how much she wants to, I can almost surely say: she still won't. To reply a while after, knowing that you know that she read it long time ago, she'd probably feel dumb. If I were the girl and I got the message and chose not to reply... and then wanted to reply a week later, I'd keep myself from doing so. I'd just end up feeling dumb. I'd say the same thing would go for her.

2. You can interpret it in many ways but what's the point of that? Honestly. You can try acting like you might know her reasons but you will never know until she directly tells you. My advice to you regarding how to receive and react to the ignored message: Don't assume. Don't dwell. Otherwise, you're only damaging yourself even more. And she's not even worth it.

A friend who cared about the relationship wouldn't let mini cooper like that destroy it. It should take more than a confession to break a true friendship. But more into that later.. just keep that in mind.

3. When she had that fit of anger, it could've been just an impulse. And she might have had too much pride to really face you and apologize or something. But if you already begged her even after all of that and she still refused to become friends with you again..Then well. Sorry, but it wasn't her pride getting in the way of her saying sorry. It was probably just that she was actually serious about the things she said. Probably not to the exact degree of when she was mad, but the basics were probably true. For ex, she really has non intentions of being friends with you again..... for now.

That confession, for whatever reason, was obviously very detrimental to your guys' friendship and so for the time being, no it cannot go back to being the same. Trust me when I tell you: TIME HEALS!!! But I think the bigger question is......... Is it even worth it?

I understand that pre-confession days were golden and perfect. But any relationship without any problems is great. It's when problems arise that the true value of the friend is shown. You did pretty much what you could to save that friendship. She really didn't try very hard. No matter how hard YOU try, friendship is a 2 way street (as cliche as it sounds).

Honestly, if the girl cared about the friendship as much as you obviously did, she wouldn't let something like that destroy it so easily.  I can't even really understand why it would be such a big friendship breaker, to be honest. So what, the guy has feelings for you and you don't. I can understand awkwardness because I mean, the guy's pride may have been hurt and things will not be the same. But I cannot grasp why anyone would get mad, if they cared enough about the relationship.  So he confessed to you. Big deal. He knows he doesn't have a chance, he'll get over it, and you should both be able to just move on from that..... If she was not able to react in that way, idk I say you're better off without her.

And if you're thinking "You can't blame her for her reaction. I should've expected this when I confessed to her." WELL NO. That is some bs. Friendships CAN remain as they were post-confession. It just take effort from both parties. I've had a similar thing happen to me, me being the girl. My best guy friend confessed to me but I told him I didn't see him that way. He accepted it and we decided to distance ourselves for a while so that he could get rid of his more-than-friends feelings. He told me the same thing you basically told your friend. He said despite his confession he knew I didn't see him that way but he just had to get it out. But he still wanted things to be the way there were and so did I. We didn't talk much for a couple weeks. After a while, he did get over his feelings for me. Out of sight, out of mind you know. We resumed talking. He told me his desire to still be my best friend outweighed his desire to take the relationship to another level by far. With that in his mind, he did get over his feelings and we are still to this day extremely close. It can happen. The relationship just has to have been strong enough, going both ways.

Your willpower will be tested for awhile but I promise you, time.heals. Depending on your decision:

A) You will get over her. And find another girl as time goes by that is actually worth your time. Or you will meet a girl, who becomes your new girl bff, but this time she'll care enough to take the steps that I did.

B ) The girl will get over it. You'll go back to her. You guys will be friends again.

People come and go. I say, let this one go.

She is not worth your feelings, nor your friendship.

As a human being you deserve to be with people who care about you, as much as you care about them.

I highly recommend path A but....in the end, it's all you.

GL ~jas

Edit: btw throughout my entire post, I'm assuming you guys were close before you confessed. And that you value the friendship too much to watch it just disappear like that (I still say: just let it.)

I already asked this in the Ask The Fellas thread, but I wanted a female POV on this:

In girl terms, what's the difference between a "lady's man", a "flirt", and a "heartbreaker"? Because all of these terms scream "PLAYER!" to me. Am I wrong?

This is all in my own opinion.

A lady's man is someone who knows what women like. So in turn, many women are attracted to them. The positive spin on this would be the "gentleman." He knows what women like, and when he finds that special someone, he will be the best. However the negative spin, "lady's man" is 1/2 same with the positive. He knows what women like. But instead, the lady's man will use that knowledge and abuse it...take advantage of it. He is not looking for the one, he is looking for anything female and attractive.

A flirt is someone who just ..flirts. It has a negative connotation but really, we all do it.

Heart breaker is just someone who broke a heart. Could be anyone. Could be you. We might all have to be one at one point in time.

*A player is someone who deliberately makes multiple girls believe he has interest in them, when really he doesn't... Players usually have underlying self-esteem issues. So much so that they have this need to base their importance on how many girls they can get. Smh.

* - could be girls. I just want to note that girls can be players too.

[Guest Zumreed]

If you asked a guy to your formal (prom), you'd have some interest in him right? So if a guy friend asked you to formal (prom) would you assume he had some interest in you?

None of these answers compare to the answer he would give you if you straight up asked him, but that defeats why you're here.

How close is he to you? If you aren't too close, he probably has interest in you or just thinks you're attractive. If you guys are pretty close, he probably wanted to go with his "buddy".

[Guest yummylove]

I've noticed from talking with some of my friends that ... 

When an unattractive guy does something they will consider it creepy, weird, or stalkerish.  However, when an attractive guy does the exact same thing he's soooo kind, thoughtful and romantic!

Why?!

It's the same from the opposite perspective too~~ for example, when an unattractive girl is flirty, she's considered annoying, but when an attractive girl flirts around, she is considered a tease~ maybe it does not have so much to do with whether they're ugly/pretty but more about whether you like that person or not~ usually, when you like someone you find them more attractive, whereas when you don't like someone, you find them less attractive~~

[Guest Shangming]

Hi girls,

I'm a socially awkward guy, and a girl wants to hang out with me (not dating or anything, just friends) soon. Last time at around New Year's, we just went to get a drink (not alcohol) and sat down and talked for 2 hours, catching up on stuff as I go to university in a different city. Then we just parted and said goodbye and this just didn't feel right.

Any ideas? What do your guys friends normally do with you when you hang out (be specific =d)? I mean, it's hard for me to perceive the line between a pair of friends and a gf/bf, especially when hanging out one on one.