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On 3/25/2020 at 5:20 PM, Dhakra said:

@CamelKnightOh my god. Where of the sudden do you come from.

 

I play nice, but same old story here. Unfortunately. :( 

Out of the woodworks lol :D Nah, just been bored. I've been working from home since 2 weeks and it's getting slower at work so I've got time to kill. Thought I'd go here again :)

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  • 2 months later...

@humblebeeMhm. This depends on quite a few things, how long are we in a relationship, how settled is the relationship and how much trust do you have in each other. In a fresh, newly started relationship we actually would try to hide it, I would even say we hide it more often than not, because we actually fear or worry that you will get jealous. Spending time with another girl, even just a friend, while being in a relationship is always kinda weird, unless your relationship is in such a settled, strong state that nothing can shake it.

Maybe hiding is the wrong term. Well, maybe we don't hide it per se, we rather do not speak about it unless asked. Hiding it would make it suspicious, we rather try to not mention it to worry the girl we're with. 

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@Hijau It could mean different things, so based on your words the "very young girl" is younger than the boy she likes? It could mean that he thinks of her more like a sister. If they are around the same age it could also just mean that he thinks of her like a good friend. 

But in both ways it doesn't seem like he is reproducing the same, romantic, feelings like her.

So basically it means he thinks more of her as a friend than a partner.

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  • 3 weeks later...

so my boyfriend of almost two years is currently studying for a certification for his job and is using his sundays to dedicate his time to do so. we live about an hour apart so usually when we see each other he comes to my place and spends the weekend (he lives with 5 other people in a house and i rarely go to see him because d we usually get into fights when im at his place bc it's uncomfortable - this is how he prefers it?) Because of this, he he rarely gets to see his friends since for the entire year and a half we've been together he has been driving up to my place to spend his free time with me. 

 

anyways, sobecause of quarantine he has shifted the days to spending time with me from friday night to sunday morning to thursday - saturday late afternoon/night so he can go home and wake up early to study on sundays, because of that, our time spent together these days is usually:

(1) thursday night (when he comes) we hang out till we pass out (usually 11pm or 12am for me, he sleeps at 2 or 3am usually) 

(2) friday we both work until 5 or 6pm and hang out till we pass out (again usually me first) 

(3) saturday he sleeps until noon - i usually wake up really early because I can't sleep past 10am, and we hang out until he leaves to go back home around 6 or 7pm. 

 

so saturday is really the only day we can do anything and spend quality time together - about 6 or 7 hours. 

 

a few weekends ago the weather was nice and finally our state opened up. he was very excited and suggested we go try some new places to eat and maybe even go fishing. on saturday he woke up at noon and we went to go to a restaurant near a nice park area and after we were done eating i suggested we go to the park - which he said no to because he didn't want to go without his dog (who needed tick medicine - last time we went hiking he got a few on him). his friends were also having a bbq that day and he jokingly said we should go but we didn't because we had a few fights last months when i went to his place for his friend's parties. anyways, after the park we went back to my place, took a quick nap, and he went home (around 6 or 7pm? I forgot). so he goes home, sees his friends and tells me they ask him to go fishing with them sunday morning. i didn't wanna be rude so i said "you should go" - but he told me he had to study on sunday so i figured he wouldn't go. anyways, next morning i text him and he sends me pictures of going fishing with his friends. then after fishing he goes home to take a nap which ends up being from 4pm until 10pm because he was super exhausted since they woke up around 5am to go. so he basically didn't study at all that day which he said he was going to do. 

 

i don't know, but am i overreacting? i still feel pissed about what happened even though we made up. he said he has to dedicate his sundays to study but instead he goes fishing with his friends. he usually does use his sundays to study so this is a one time thing but i felt pretty hurt and not a priority because the time we've been spending together lately hasn't really been quality time (working, sleeping, watching netflix, and cooking/eating at home) 

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@oooroosayHey :) 

 

I see. So you think if he skipped studying, then he could also have stayed until Sunday and spent more time with you. 

 

I wouldn't say you're overreacting. I can understand your pov. I would rather say don't read too much into it and let it slide. I'm sure he didn't go home with the mindset of going fishing. If it was only one Sunday where he went fishing then that's totally fine. As a guy it is really hard to resist if five other people are talking and trying to convince you to go fishing or do any other sort of activity. You don't want to be the only one being left behind and the only one not having fun. You can imagine they didn't stop asking him the next morning and fishing is more fun than studying for sure. And since you also gave your go the night before, it was all cool for him. 

Sure, you didn't want to be the mean gf saying no, but if you had any concerns about it, say it. Not directly and harsh, but sprinkle it in between the words that you would be fine with it, but......

Maybe, and that depends on his character, you can even ask him, since he went fishing, if there is a chance he could come a day earlier the next time or that she wants to have just a day more with him, since you really missed him.

Especially if you feel like the past few weeks you didn't have any quality time, say it. Communicate. We guys are REALLY bad and seeing those things. 

 

But overall, if it was just one Sunday and the next Sunday he is studying like normal, just wave it off, let it slide and don't care too much about it. 

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Hello, so my partner and I have different views about substance abuse and excessive alcohol consumption. He thinks it's okay for teens/adolescents to do drugs if they come across it as it is their learning curve and experimental time in their early life when dealing with life stressors. I disagree I guess because I've never touched drugs and dealt with whatever life threw at me differently (I talked about it with my girlfriends). He then goes on to say, "If I do drugs, what are you gonna say? You're still going to love me, you're not gonna leave me"

Is it good or bad that we don't see eye to eye on this topic? Also, I'm now overthinking about the fact that he used himself as an example and it's tearing me up inside because if he is doing drugs behind my back, it would hurt me T_____T

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@X_XFanatic Hey, welcome :) 

1 hour ago, X_XFanatic said:

"If I do drugs, what are you gonna say? You're still going to love me, you're not gonna leave me"

 

This almost sounds like a threat. And I think it's a bad statement. "No matter which bad decisions or actions I'll make, you're not gonna leave and be my side." I think he is a little too confident about you.

 

But there is a problem here: I won't comment on if teens/adolescents should do drugs or not if they come across it, because that's an opinion thing, but him saying that he would do drugs is written on another piece of paper, because HE is not a teen or an adolescent. He would be fully aware of his actions. 

 

2 hours ago, X_XFanatic said:

Is it good or bad that we don't see eye to eye on this topic? Also, I'm now overthinking about the fact that he used himself as an example and it's tearing me up inside because if he is doing drugs behind my back, it would hurt me T_____T

 

During a relationship you will never be on the same page on every topic. You just have to sort it out and see if you can go along with it. 

If he would do drugs, knowing that you have this kind of view on this, it wouldn't be nice and considerate of him. I am not a fan of drugs either, so I can understand you here.

I think it's not bad if you don't fully agree on this, the question is how he would react if his own kid would be in this situation and do drugs. Would be be calm and react the same?

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Just now, Dhakra said:

@X_XFanatic Hey, welcome :) 

 

This almost sounds like a threat. And I think it's a bad statement. "No matter which bad decisions or actions I'll make, you're not gonna leave and be my side." I think he is a little too confident about you.

 

But there is a problem here: I won't comment on if teens/adolescents should do drugs or not if they come across it, because that's an opinion thing, but him saying that he would do drugs is written on another piece of paper, because HE is not a teen or an adolescent. He would be fully aware of his actions. 

 

 

During a relationship you will never be on the same page on every topic. You just have to sort it out and see if you can go along with it. 

If he would do drugs, knowing that you have this kind of view on this, it wouldn't be nice and considerate of him. I am not a fan of drugs either, so I can understand you here.

I think it's not bad if you don't fully agree on this, the question is how he would react if his own kid would be in this situation and do drugs. Would be be calm and react the same?

 

Exactly, he WOULD be aware of his actions whether he's under the influence or not.

 

On another note, when guys get drunk and they talk negatively to their partner, is it usually how the person feels? I am in a constant battle because the person is different when they're sober compared to when they're under the influence of alcohol. I try not to take it to the heart but unfortunately, I think I actually do and I just sweep it under the rug..I still love him..But is the drunk person actually who they are vs sober? 

Just now, X_XFanatic said:

 

Exactly, he WOULD be aware of his actions whether he's under the influence or not.

 

On another note, when guys get drunk and they talk negatively to their partner, is it usually how the person feels? I am in a constant battle because the person is different when they're sober compared to when they're under the influence of alcohol. I try not to take it to the heart but unfortunately, I think I actually do and I just sweep it under the rug..I still love him..But is the drunk person actually who they are vs sober? 

 

I've had this happened a couple of times before and the next day, he would come to me and not know what he had said but I'm already hurt and trying to bandage myself up..then I gotta deal with the fact that he can't remember what he had said like it never happened..What to think.......... =/

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1 hour ago, X_XFanatic said:

On another note, when guys get drunk and they talk negatively to their partner, is it usually how the person feels? I am in a constant battle because the person is different when they're sober compared to when they're under the influence of alcohol. I try not to take it to the heart but unfortunately, I think I actually do and I just sweep it under the rug..I still love him..But is the drunk person actually who they are vs sober? 

 

No, it doesn't have to necessarily be that way. I also wouldn't think of him having multiple personalities.  Alcohol has the ability to showcase some bad personalities and flaws. I wouldn't take anything for granted under the influence of alcohol, but if he talks negatively about you or his behavior makes you uncomfortable, that's an issue you should address. And if he can't handle himself while drunk, he should stay away from alcohol.

I think you do well with not taking it to the heart, but I can see why it's bothering you, I would feel the same. 

 

If he is easy on alcohol and doesn't put much thought into it, especially also considering his drinking habits affecting the people around him, I can see why he doesn't see the issue of teens starting/experiencing with drugs. :( 

 

1 hour ago, X_XFanatic said:

I've had this happened a couple of times before and the next day, he would come to me and not know what he had said but I'm already hurt and trying to bandage myself up..then I gotta deal with the fact that he can't remember what he had said like it never happened..What to think.......... =/

 

Address it. 

 

Guys aren't capable of thinking by themselves in these moments, especially on the emotional level without help. If we think everything is fine, then everything is fine for us. If you suffer in silence and we don't know anything is up, we don't see it. And even if we have an idea, we usually aren't bringing it up, because we think, if there is a problem, then you would say anything. And we normally avoid conflict, especially with our gf. 

 

Also, another thing, if you address it, don't expect him to see the issue right away. Men are stubborn as hell. We never see the issue the moment you address it. We instantly go into defense and at one point, if the discussion goes on, into offense. (Not violenty of course, but we try to blame it somehow on you or try to hurt you on a emotional level, we are somehow like that, so try to not let it come to that).

Rather let it sink for a day or two, wait until he comes an thought about it, and if it didn't address it again, but keep at it this time. 

 

 

Just don't use this a general blueprint, I don't know him or his personality, I don't know how he ticks or behabes, all I say is based on experience. 

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Just now, Dhakra said:

Guys aren't capable of thinking by themselves in these moments, especially on the emotional level without help. If we think everything is fine, then everything is fine for us. If you suffer in silence and we don't know anything is up, we don't see it. And even if we have an idea, we usually aren't bringing it up, because we think, if there is a problem, then you would say anything. And we normally avoid conflict, especially with our gf. 

 

Also, another thing, if you address it, don't expect him to see the issue right away. Men are stubborn as hell. We never see the issue the moment you address it. We instantly go into defense and at one point, if the discussion goes on, into offense. (Not violenty of course, but we try to blame it somehow on you or try to hurt you on a emotional level, we are somehow like that, so try to not let it come to that).

Rather let it sink for a day or two, wait until he comes an thought about it, and if it didn't address it again, but keep at it this time. 

 

 Yeah confrontation can be difficult because I'm trying to shine some light on the issue but initially he would get defensive and offended until I try to sizzle it down and make him understand. Just can't talk to a guy like he's a girl really lol

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8 hours ago, X_XFanatic said:

 Yeah confrontation can be difficult because I'm trying to shine some light on the issue but initially he would get defensive and offended until I try to sizzle it down and make him understand. Just can't talk to a guy like he's a girl really lol

 

Mhm, yeah, that sounds difficult. 

 

 

3 hours ago, Penn Sylvan said:

I'm new here.  How come I cant post a new topic?

 

Well, the answer isn't here. But maybe because you're new. 

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  • 5 months later...
On 5/16/2007 at 2:40 PM, Guest Dedicate* said:

Why do SOME guys try to embarass you infront of their friends? Lol.

Because they had no heart.

On 6/30/2020 at 2:47 AM, Penn Sylvan said:

I'm new here.  How come I cant post a new topic?

Click "Start new topic" button in the main page.

 

2a8b560cfa9a728b3407dae62b435183973874b2

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  • 1 month later...

I got rejected because he said he doesn't fully know who I am.

 

If that was the case to fully understand someone before going into a relationship, why didn't any of the relationships work out? 

 

Wouldn't that mean he didn't really know that person to begin with? 

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