Ask The Fellas

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Sejabini said:

oh.. so distance can effect man's behaviours? I think.. age gap play big role because for some reason I can sense that he wants respect perhaps because he is 15 years older than me. other than that his character almost as same as me. we both are very playful hahahaha

 

No, not necessarily. But if you never met in person this is something that should be taking into account and is something that changes the variables. If HE is 15y older than you, you should also take this into account, because usually men are more interested in younger women, especially when it comes down to relationships. This is of course not true for every man, but this explains why he has such an interesting in you, besides all the interests that you both share. 

 

4 hours ago, Sejabini said:

to be honest this confusing me. what is it confessing without really confessing. without giving too much away. surely if it's so then this guy is the most complicated person I've ever met.

 

It's not complicated at all. You girls pretty much invented this reading between the lines. He just says something without saying it. We can do it too, but we tend to give you a hint or wrap it up into something that make you think.

 

5 hours ago, Sejabini said:

yes.. and I actually asking what's in me that can created an interest. 

 

This is something I cannot answer. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Sejabini said:

why are you explaining this like we are in a Math Class.. but if in that case then he is a confident type for being able to having an interest to a girl (because I am too much younger than him so I might just look like a girl to him) that he has never met before. plus he sent her a remembrance gift. what's probably or might make him dares to takes this step? plus he has a lot of friends perhaps models too. and younger too. why with a girl that would make him take 8-6 hours of flight to meet? 

 

These are all questions that I can't answer either.  Your thoughts on this or why you I'm also not able to comment. Simply because I don't know him or you. If I comment anything it would be purely on assumptions. So all the questions you ask can only be answered by him or by yourself by looking back.

 

But I can tell you this. All men are interested in "model types", but the reality is different. You won't find a man who says "Oh I'm not interested in a good looking hot girl, I want the opposite". But we are aware that wishful thinking and reality are two pairs of shoes. 

Hey, I want a Kim Yoohyeon, Kyung Soo-Jin, Kang Min Kyung or one of my other Kpop girls aswell. But men do know that reality lies somewhere else and that love works different. Our type of girls are something completely different from what happens if love hits us. 

 

1 hour ago, Sejabini said:

f you were him what would you see in a girl that 15 years younger than you?

That I would be soon in prison by breaking the law.  

 

But I get what you try to say, the thing is, I am not him, so whatever I say doesn't resemble his point of view. If I fall in love, I do not care about the age, if she older or younger. There are more important things than age.  

 

1 hour ago, Sejabini said:

would you feel a feel in a romantic feel to that baby girl? can you feel that? if we turn back the clock and he was a university student then it will be like he has an interest to a pre-elementary school girl. please explain.. well in my side I've never thought that used to be, he will be that older. when I found out I already feel comfortable to communicate with him because he is wiser and perhaps because he is older than me he thinks 15 years ahead than me. and he always explain something to me patiently. with I don't know perhaps this is just his character he is soft in choosing words. or perhaps because he is expert in using words. in short, I am more messy than him in thinking and talking

 

Well you are no baby girl, you are a grown up woman, so I would get rid of these thoughts. Problems that you do not have, are problems that you do not have. Again, this is something I can't answer, because I know too less and do not want to give wrong advice. I can provide a mans point of view or explain behavior,  but I cannot read minds. 

 

Maybe you should start and sort out your feelings about him. 

 

 

[Guest]

7 hours ago, Sejabini said:

is it because he is curious? 

 

Could be or maybe he feels connected to you in a romantic way already. 

 

7 hours ago, Sejabini said:

no.. I can obviously see that he is interested in model type because he likes beauty. any beauty thing. beautiful words beautiful picts beautiful videos he is the fan of beauty not only a fan he can even created those beautiful things. if you understand what I mean lols wkwkwkw.. which is can make some girl, scared. lols. .. btw you think that love hits him? you said before that he is just (this is from me) has an interest. love is different.

 

Again, all men do love pretty things. This isn't something unusual. You already questioned yourself why he has acts like this in front of you. Some things can turn into something beautiful that you cannot even imagine.

 

I don't know, to differ between love and interest I'm missing some cruel informations. I don't know how he interacts with you. But If you are seperated by two continents, I would wait a long time till I would call anything love. So I would correct myself into just an interest.

Sorry if I accidentily gave the assumption of him being in love. 

 

7 hours ago, Sejabini said:

why are you so worried that we might assumpting that you are him. you are not him so it's ok to give oppinions. yes I agree with you. if I haven't talk with him when I know that he is 15 years older than me, I might not be too crazy when talk with him wkwkwkwk.. because he is a sunbae. but we both already talks and jokes too much when I found out his age. and lately, I don't care about age wkwkwkw.. he can match my youth wkwkwkw

 

I am not worried that I am him, why should I. All I want to say is that advices have limits and that sometimes I hesistate to give an answer, if I'm not sure that it will add any more insight. On top I like to stick to the facts and not include any what-if's.

 

7 hours ago, Sejabini said:

why are you suggesting this? you think.. he might need that? he can just ask and I will answer. simple. I am not as complicated as him. 

 

Like I said, mean like to beat around the bushes until we know that the girl feels the same. It takes a lot of confidence to just get it out. Especially if he's way older and lives so far away. 

 

And for men, girls are the most complicated thing in the world.  

[Guest]

@SejabiniHe writes you "I miss you" every day? Well, it seems like he is pretty far away from "sister and brother". It seems to me like he tries to confess without using the word love. 

 

No, if we say cute we just think you look cute or beautiful. It doesn't include anything that would suggest we only see you as a girl, and not as a women. 

 

Not really, only if the women is older perhaps, but that's different from person to person.

[Guest]

@SejabiniNo, peeking someones cheeks is nothing I would do. Doing that as a guy would be somewhat.....weird. I guess you can do that to your kids, but otherwise.

No, he is not complicated, I mean, it is kinda weird to say that he misses you, because well, I do not understand what to miss, because both of you never actually met, but hey.....who am I to judge if he has feelings for you, because as you continue writing, it becomes more and more clear. 

 

"It feels like the half part of me has gone"? I wouldn't say this is "an expert in writing", I would rather see it as an alarming sign. Because this is very unusual considering that you both never actually met and are living on different continents. It is a little too much. 

I doubt this is a joke, it seems he really has an interest in you and I would be cautious. 

 

Because he is older and doesn't want to rush or put you at discomfort. You were also saying that he reached out for you before and you wanted to stop writing him. So he doesn't want to lose you again. 

Easy as that. 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, Sejabini said:

you think.. he has feelings but he doesn't want to show it obviously? right?

 

Yep.

 

6 hours ago, Sejabini said:

oh! I've never thought like this before  he is so kind right?  if he doesn't want to put people at discomfort. that's why I told you he is 15 years ahead in thoughts than me.

 

I would rather call it mannered than being "so kind". It's normal to comfort the girl. But you don't need to be 15years older for that behavior.  
 

As far as I can tell, it seems that he is interested in a relationship with you.

[Guest]

@Sejabini All generations have manners. This is not something that you are born with, this is something you create or that you learn from your father/parents. I was born 1987 and I have manners too.

 

Because it's pretty much obvious from what you say. His behavior is nothing that you do normally or with any person. This is something highly unusual that a guy only does if he is interested or created feelings for someone. 

Like I said, he doesn't want to go too far, he's scared to lose you again, so he will keep distance and play along. But sometimes he will drop hints that he has more interest.

At least that's what I got from your messages so far. 

 

Wiat a second? Your "first" chat last week? So you both know each other for only....one....week? 

 

10 hours ago, Sejabini said:

"if someday we aren't talk anymore, I will see you picts and read your writing whenever I miss you."

Some things he says are a little....I don't know......worrying

 

[Guest]

 

8 hours ago, Sejabini said:

no.. you and I discuss about this, first, last week. something from that discussion makes me think about the way he thinks.

what is it worrying from what he said? is he that is worrying? or is it his sentence looks worrying?

 

Ah okay. 

The things he says are just very unusual and kinda awkward to say to someone who you haven't even met. I would be cautious.

[GiaGia]

@Sejabini do you have feelings for him? If you like him, tell him ;).

[Guest]

@SejabiniDoes that mean you have? This would also change things. Then one of you should make the first step. But it could be very complicated because of the distance. But based on his behavior, it is very clear that he is in love with you. 

[Guest]

@SejabiniWell, congratz then.

[CamelKnight]

On 8/14/2018 at 9:22 AM, Sejabini said:

if a guy tells you that you are his very dear friend.. is that mean that you are like his sister? 

No, but he doesn't look at you as a lover either. You're like one of his bro's. Don't read more into it.

[CamelKnight]

5 hours ago, Sejabin said:

I am just curious... if a guy has a hobby to take picts when making love with girl is this a disease or mental problem or just for having fun? how can we trust a guy like this to be a husband? thanks very much before

 

NEVER. EVER. TRUST A GUY THAT TAKES NAKED PICTURES OF YOU. PERIOD.

 

Those pictures will haunt you forever. A guy who wants to take pictures of you while you're naked is up to no good. He may (seem to) mean no harm now, but you never know what will happen to those pictures when he walks out the door, or even puts on his pants, let alone when the relationship ends. Before you know it, those pictures are online and can NEVER be removed.

 

Be a smart girl. Never let them take your picture. There are thousands of websites out there which thrive on naked pics and clips of girls having sex. If he really wants to see that, point him towards those sites. If he REALLY wants to see you naked, there's always a next time to get naked before his eyes, but never before his camera!

 

I can't stress this enough. NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER  DO THAT!

 

 

Oh, and to asnwer your question: it's not his hobby. He's just trying to take advantage of you. it gives him a kick, it's exciting because he shouldn't be doing that. I wouldn't call it a disease or a mental problem, it's most likely "just" hormones but it's not something you should give into. Most of the time, they'll grow out of it though.

[GiaGia]

What makes a guy only wants to message certain girl? Is it because of her looks? What goes through a guy's mind when he message a girl online/dating app? asking for a friend

[GiaGia]

7 hours ago, Sejabin said:

 

I think it's not only for guys @rosierosie I meant me too only send messages to certain people certain guy and etc .. this is so normal.. btw he might needs a friend. he might feels lonely and he doesn't meet someone who can talk to him in real like really talk then he start to find someone online.. 

Yes for women too. Hmm yeah that make sense.Thanks :).

[GiaGia]

Why would a guy chat with you, but not ask you out on a date? Or do it indirectly? Is it because he is shy?

[GiaGia]

On 9/9/2018 at 4:26 AM, Sejabin said:

 

because.. He can not be sure about your answer if he asked. he wants to be 99% sure that you will said yes to anything he asked you wkwkwkkwwk  ok I like your guy @rosierosie he is logic and knows what he wants. 

lol  I don't know. I have not talk to him for 2 days now and he isn't talking to me too. It looks like we are playing a game who can ignore whom the longest. 

[CamelKnight]

On 9/3/2018 at 9:52 AM, rosierosie said:

Why would a guy chat with you, but not ask you out on a date? Or do it indirectly? Is it because he is shy?

So many possible reasons...

He might be interested, he might be bored, he might be looking for a hook up, he might be looking for a friend. We'd need more info before we can tell you what he might be thinking

[GiaGia]

3 hours ago, CamelKnight said:

So many possible reasons...

He might be interested, he might be bored, he might be looking for a hook up, he might be looking for a friend. We'd need more info before we can tell you what he might be thinking

Like I text him, then he text me back, and ask me how I'm doing. He also texted me wink emoji   ?

[Guest aok]

Wow, so I was shown text messages from a friend between her and her boyfriend. My intuition from reading the conversation tells me he's cheating but then she starts going off about me not knowing anything because I've never been in a relationship and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, it seemed to me like he just gave himself up while he was trying to defend himself at one point.

 

So the coversation kinda goes like this... he thought she was going on a date (automatically assuming it was with a man) because she was looking nice (from a pic she sent him). Then he was all like...

 

Bf: if you want to be with another man just tell me. don't go messing around behind my back and playing me. I really care about you and I need to know you feel the same way.

 

Gf: i do feel the same way.

 

(and then this is where i start suspecting him from how he just kept talking)

 

Bf: good like i dont talk to other females that way at all. I dont send pics or anything to anyone except you just so you know.

 

Gf: dont talk to girls in what way?

 

Bf: like trying to get them. You dont talk to guys like that do you?

 

Gf: no i don't. Since you asked I'm going to ask you, Are you seeing another woman behind my back?

 

Bf: no like i said i care about you a lot and would never put you through something like that.

 

Gf: ok so how do you feel about me?

 

Bf: i care about you you're always on my mind. I always call you babe or baby and ask for your photos. That should point out how much i care about you.

 

(me: wow that's caring? dang!)

 

So what do you guys think? Was i thinking too much into it? Or is he seeing another woman? I don't know what to ask specifically but I need some inputs so i can have something to argue about with my friend from a guys point.

 

Other things to factor in are that he never wants to see her on the weekends. When he does want to see her it's when he decides to take a day off from work. They only see each other once about every two months (they live 40 minutes away from each other). Both works on weekdays only. She initiates the texts. Oh, and he's been hanging out with another woman during the weekends and only with that certain one.