Ask The Fellas

[Guest]

9 hours ago, smileyoo3 said:

Hi

 

There is this guy who have told my friend that he is interested in me and we have started talking and even hung out together with other mutual friends. During the hangout, we all shared what our ideal boyfriend/girlfriend type is (because we talked about high school crushes) and when it was his turn - he didn't answer the question and the subject was changed immediately. Of course, not in an unnatural way, but he just decided not to answer the question and no one else asked him again/ & I got the hint to not ask again... Just wondering why didn't he just share what his type is to me/us?? 

 

+Btw, the mutual friends were also aware that he is interested in me and he wasn't extremely shy talking about relationship outlooks...

Hi  

 

Does he know that you know about his interest towards you? If that's not the case, you have your answer. If he is interested in you, it seems like you are pretty much fitting his ideal type.

That means if he had to answer the question, he either would have described someone like you...or even had to say your name. To prevent that he changed the topic. The only other option would have been to lie and describe a different type of person. But then everyone around him would have known that he is lying. Except you in his mind.

Of course you were curious to know, because you wanted to know if his "ideal type" is similiar to you.

 

So instead he dodged the question. Because in his world you don't know about his interest towards you. 

 

On 25.3.2018 at 1:25 AM, aok said:

its been a little over a month since we've last seen each other and so he wanted us to spend saturday together. of course i was excited but then half the day goes by not hearing from him and when he did finally get back to me he asked if i wanted to see him for a little bit because his friend had asked him out for dinner later that night around 7/8pm. of course i got angry because i dont get to see him often and its an hour drive to him. it was 4 almost 5pm when he ask to see me. that doesn't even give us any time to do anything. so i told just told him that we'll do it another time. he asked when and i told him when he makes the time just for the two of us. was what i said too aggressive?

 

i know he has a life outside of me and im not trying to take away his time with his family and friends but when its our time together he always cuts it to go hangout with his friends who he just spent time with the day before. that makes me angry.

No, what you did was right. Good call on your part, the way you said it was fitting and really good. It wasn't too aggressive, your words were well chosen. 

 

I'm completely on your side.

[smileyoo3]

7 hours ago, Dhakra said:

Hi  

 

Does he know that you know about his interest towards you? If that's not the case, you have your answer. If he is interested in you, it seems like you are pretty much fitting his ideal type.

That means if he had to answer the question, he either would have described someone like you...or even had to say your name. To prevent that he changed the topic. The only other option would have been to lie and describe a different type of person. But then everyone around him would have known that he is lying. Except you in his mind.

Of course you were curious to know, because you wanted to know if his "ideal type" is similiar to you.

 

So instead he dodged the question. Because in his world you don't know about his interest towards you. 

 

Thanks for your answer!!  What about if I'm 99% sure that he knows that I know about his interest towards me... Would that change your answer a bit? 

[Guest]

5 hours ago, smileyoo3 said:

Thanks for your answer!!  What about if I'm 99% sure that he knows that I know about his interest towards me... Would that change your answer a bit? 

Do you just assume that or are you absolutely certain? My answer won't change unless you were absolutely sure at that point that he knew that you were aware of his interest towards you.

[CamelKnight]

16 hours ago, smileyoo3 said:

Thanks for your answer!!  What about if I'm 99% sure that he knows that I know about his interest towards me... Would that change your answer a bit? 

Even if he does know, admitting it, especially in front of friends while you're there, is pretty difficult. I've only done so on a bluff, knowing I'd never get the girl so I'd bluff my way out of it. That, I might add, never ended in a relationship.

Want to know if he likes you? Get him alone and snuggle up against him. If he pushes you away, he's not interested. If he doesn't, you've got yourselves a boyfriend  

[Guest aok]

On 3/26/2018 at 1:19 PM, Dhakra said:

No, what you did was right. Good call on your part, the way you said it was fitting and really good. It wasn't too aggressive, your words were well chosen. 

 

I'm completely on your side.

Thank you. I wished he would understand a little but he doesn't seem to be because he hasn't talked with me since.

[Guest]

13 hours ago, aok said:

Thank you. I wished he would understand a little but he doesn't seem to be because he hasn't talked with me since.

 

What you did wasn't wrong in any way. You don't need to back down. If he doesn't understand you or your actions, the problem lies within him.

[Guest]

@konayukiWell I don't have many followers, so I can't tell you something from this pov, but what I can tell you is my opinion as a guy.

 

First of all, I appreciate that you do not delusion yourself, this is good. You do know that he will have a lot of traffic in his inbox and that he won't have the time to answer everything.

If Bob really has so much follower and gets a lot of attention from girls, you can bet IG isn't his only social media platform. He will get a lot of messages from girls each day, and many of them will have another tone than yours.

Some girls really lose all their manners and will sent him messages daily.

 

Honestly? Sending a second message is totally fine, but I wouldn't wait for so long. Like you said, you just have the wish to learn more about him, it's not like you definitely need him in your life. So a week is totally fine aswell, waiting a year feels more like keeping the wish alive that he may answer the time you write him. 
Like I already mentioned, he will get messages from the same person all the time. 

 

3 hours ago, konayuki said:

"Sup, I think you get a lot of messages so I'm not sure if you saw mine. Can you simply let me know that you got it and you're not interested? Thanks mate." 

I wouldn't do that to be honest. It pretty much feels just like "Notice me please". No matter how it turns out, you won't get anything out of it. If he doesn't answer, you feel bad, if he just answers "I'm not interested" or "I noticed it", you will feel bad aswell. And he won't write you normally because he would have done it the first two times.

 

So basically, wait a week or two, write something again and if he doesn't answer, move ahead. Nothing good will come out of it anyway. You don't want to be penpal friends with someone where you have to more or less beg him to write you.  

[lavenderskyy]

13 hours ago, konayuki said:

So I'm generally not attracted to guys. Like yes I know there are guys who are cute and hot to a lot of ppl and they most likely have a great personality as well, but I never get attracted to them. So I was on Youtube and came upon this funny video, it was a "Karma is a bit" challenge video. One of the guy from the video was super duper cute and there was a comment with maybe 300 upvotes asking for his instagram. I found his instagram from the comments.

This guy - let's call him Bob. I think he's attractive and I would want to be penpal friends with him. That's really it, like I'm not expecting anything more. He lives somewhere in Asia, and well, I don't live there. So he has like around 20K followers. I'm just guessing that he gets a lot of messages and comments. I messaged him once on Instagram and he hasn't replied. I think if a guy hasn't replied within a week or two, you can absolutely be sure they're not interested, right?

And I'm fine with him not being interested. I know you really can't force attraction. You really can't force a person to talk to you. And that's fine if the guy is not interested. 

But the thing is - since he probably gets so many messages on Instagram, would he have missed my message? I don't know. I don't have that many followers on Instagram so I'm just guessing that he gets a lot of messages. Maybe someone who has a lot of Instagram followers and is "attractive" can confirm or refute? 

So if Bob solely missed my message on timing, I was wondering would it be socially acceptable to send him a 2nd message like some time in the future, like a long time away, like a year or two. I'm not like "I really need this guy to talk to me." It's more of a "Well he seems interesting, it would be nice to be penpal buddies." Like I'm not going to be like, "Omg I'm very excited to send him a 2nd message, etc." It's more like one of those things where you think, "Hm. I wonder if it will 'work' on the second chance." Like how you know sometimes you're just watching Family Guy on TV or you're watering your plants and you randomly think of a cute cat pic you saw on Youtube and you're like "that's cute" and then you go back to watching Family Guy or watering your plants. So I may throw out a 2nd message in the far future, I may be chatting with my sisters and we're talking about cute guys, so Bob's name come up and I send him a 2nd message. 

I try to not be concerned so much, in that like I'm trying to not think about these hypothetical situations. But then I just got to thinking and was wondering if this is a socially acceptable thing to do. To be clear, my question is, - Is it socially acceptable to send a 2nd message in the future? By future, like a year or two. And if, if, he doesn't respond, would it be socially acceptable to send a follow up message like this? The message would be like, "Sup, I think you get a lot of messages so I'm not sure if you saw mine. Can you simply let me know that you got it and you're not interested? Thanks mate." 

I want to be clear again. I'm not necessarily super intent on becoming penpal buddies with him, I'm more on wanting to know if a 2nd message is socially acceptable (and if the follow up message is as well). I'm kind of not good with social skills, to be obvious.

 

 

nothing wrong in sending second message, i sent someone a message on a language learning app he replied more than a month later ( till i forgot that i sent him ) .so this is normal  since he has so many followers .

send your second message and put something he is interested in as a question and you want to know more that may catch his interest and reply to you .

when he post something does he interact with his followers comments?? if yes be active and comment too so when he see your message he would recognize you .

 

[umbrellaguy]

15 hours ago, konayuki said:

But the thing is - since he probably gets so many messages on Instagram, would he have missed my message? I don't know. I don't have that many followers on Instagram so I'm just guessing that he gets a lot of messages. Maybe someone who has a lot of Instagram followers and is "attractive" can confirm or refute? 

I want to be clear again. I'm not necessarily super intent on becoming penpal buddies with him, I'm more on wanting to know if a 2nd message is socially acceptable (and if the follow up message is as well). I'm kind of not good with social skills, to be obvious.

If he has 20k followers, he might not even bother checking messages. You should look at his posts to see if he responds to any comments, cause there are people that don't really bother responding to their followers because they don't see any point (possibly because there's just so much, or otherwise)

When you're at the point where you have tens or hundreds of thousands of followers, unless you really have a lot of time on your hands you probably won't be responding to everything you get. It just isn't feasible, especially if this is just a hobby.

 

As for whether it's socially acceptable; sure, follow-up, try a different way to approach him, whatever. If it doesn't show that he "viewed" it then it's possible he doesn't bother looking at random messages.

[CamelKnight]

On 31-3-2018 at 9:16 AM, konayuki said:

So I'm generally not attracted to guys. Like yes I know there are guys who are cute and hot to a lot of ppl and they most likely have a great personality as well, but I never get attracted to them. So I was on Youtube and came upon this funny video, it was a "Karma is a bit" challenge video. One of the guy from the video was super duper cute and there was a comment with maybe 300 upvotes asking for his instagram. I found his instagram from the comments.

This guy - let's call him Bob. I think he's attractive and I would want to be penpal friends with him. That's really it, like I'm not expecting anything more. He lives somewhere in Asia, and well, I don't live there. So he has like around 20K followers. I'm just guessing that he gets a lot of messages and comments. I messaged him once on Instagram and he hasn't replied. I think if a guy hasn't replied within a week or two, you can absolutely be sure they're not interested, right?

And it's fine if he's not interested. 

But the thing is - since he probably gets so many messages on Instagram, would he have missed my message? I don't know. I don't have that many followers on Instagram so I'm just guessing that he gets a lot of messages. Maybe someone who has a lot of Instagram followers and is "attractive" can confirm or refute? 

So if Bob solely missed my message on timing, I was wondering would it be socially acceptable to send him a 2nd message like some time in the future, like a long time away, like a year or two. I'm not like "I really need this guy to talk to me." It's more of a "Well he seems interesting, it would be nice to be penpal buddies." Like I'm not going to be like, "Omg I'm very excited to send him a 2nd message, etc." It's more like one of those things where you think, "Hm. I wonder if it will 'work' on the second chance." Like how you know sometimes you're just watching Family Guy on TV or you're watering your plants and you randomly think of a cute cat pic you saw on Youtube and you're like "that's cute" and then you go back to watching Family Guy or watering your plants. So I may throw out a 2nd message in the far future, I may be chatting with my sisters and we're talking about cute guys, so Bob's name come up and I send him a 2nd message. 

I was wondering if this is a socially acceptable thing to do. To be clear, my question is, - Is it socially acceptable to send a 2nd message in the future? By future, like a year or two. And if, if, he doesn't respond, would it be socially acceptable to send a follow up message like this? The message would be like, "Sup, I think you get a lot of messages so I'm not sure if you saw mine. Can you simply let me know that you got it and you're not interested? Thanks mate." 

I want to be clear again. I'm not necessarily super intent on becoming penpal buddies with him, I'm more on wanting to know if a 2nd message is socially acceptable (and if the follow up message is as well). I'm kind of not good with social skills, to be obvious.

Well, considering I've got 23 followers on Instagram, I guess you could say I'm pretty popular. So with that in mind, I think I'm the right kind of person to respond to your questions.

 

With that amount of followers, it's probable he either hasn't read it (yet) or doesn't read them at all. He must receive a load of requests from many people. If I were you, I'd send him a new msg. No need to wait a year or two. Just a week or two would be cool. Keep it short and simple: "Just wanna be penpals if you're interested". Nothing more. He'll know what the deal is when he just glances at it, doesn't have to read massive amounts of texts, doesn't need to weed through massive amounts of "OMG YOU'RE SO HAWT" (I know that problem all too well) and other remarks which are unsuited for this forum.

[unicorns4life]

I know lots of girls dress good just to make the guys notice. Do you guys actually notice??

[CamelKnight]

On 5-5-2018 at 1:25 AM, unicorns4life said:

I know lots of girls dress good just to make the guys notice. Do you guys actually notice??

Nope. We don't have that fashion sense.

What we do look for: low cut, nice legs, cute behind.

It has seriously only happened to me Twice that I noticed a girl dressing well. One was a girl in high school, the other was the girl I ended up marrying  

 

I should add we also look for Great Personalities, but let's be honest, first impressions are about looks, not about how nice you are. That stuff comes later (and yes, I've also been turned down by women who look good but have a bad personality).

[GiaGia]

I messaged a guy that I used to know how is he doing, and he has not respond. Why does he do this?! Is he doing this because he thinks I'm interested in him, even if I'm not and only wants to ask in a geneal sense?? 

 

***He's not busy because I can tell he reads the message and has been on IM.

[GiaGia]

25 minutes ago, Sejabin said:

@rosierosie why do you messaging him if you are not interested with him? why you want to talk to him? there are many guys .. that you can message. why him? 

lol because I just wanna see what's up. And I do this with my other guy friends too, but they reply, so this guy is weird maybe just weird??? 

[CamelKnight]

@rosierosie there could be a million reasons why he hasn't replied. Perhaps he was busy, perhaps he thought you're interested in him but he's not interested in you, perhaps he thinks you're a bore, perhaps he's just an ....

There's not much to go on really. I wouldn't let it bother me though. Just msg him again in a few days, asking what's up. If he doesn't respond, he clearly doesn't think you're as close as you think you are.

[Guest]

Okay, let's answer the first bunch of questions: Man-mind activated.

 

Honestly I want to answer the question in the opposite order, because I think the last three questions will answer the first ones more easily and accurate. 

 

5 hours ago, Sejabini said:

he said that he does the same with his other close friends.

 

1. does a guy always send a remembrance gift to all of his close friends?  is this a normal behaviour?

2. what is the meaning of close friend to a guy?

3. when being asked what does he mean by send that he answered "you know the answer" <~~~~ what is this mean? how come people can know something without being answered

 

1. No, absolutely not. It is something very unusual, to A close friend this can be normal as a gift, but to all of his close friends? I don't know. It has the feeling of collecting and have options to all different directions. It isn't a normal behaviour. It would be normal if you were dating and it's a personal gift. But doing it towards all close friends.....it is kinda odd.

 

2. That's something you can't say in general, this varies from person to person, but I would say someone that you can trust and more importantly, where you can behave like yourself and doesn't need to change your attitude. Someone you can talk to freely and doesn't need to worry about saying something wrong.

I, for example, always say a close friend is somebody I can call in the middle of the night, being naked in the desert, hunted by bad guys and can ask them for a car, money, clothes and all they respond is: "Automatic or manual gear for the car?"

 

3. Because men like attention and it sounds romantic. During the early stages we all want this hollywood movie scene. We want to believe that you know the answer, we want to believe that you know what we already know. If we say "you know the answer" we don't want to say the, for us, obvious answer, but instead we want YOU to say the answer or avoid it (either because we are shy or just to make you say something) by believing that you know it. It is a way to comfort ourselves to believe into something (that may even not exist). 

 

Based on 3 I would say that 1 is only a way to make it less awkward by saying something more awkward. Does that make sense? He plays it down by saying that he gives it to all his friends, so he doesn't need to admit that he only does it for you. 

 

6 hours ago, Sejabini said:

if a guy sent you something like something that he has too. like 2 pieces of thing you have the other one and he has the other one and told you that is a rememberance, my questions are:

 

1. what does he mean?

2. does he want to be remembered?

3. why a guy wants to be remembered?

 

1. He wants something that reminds you of him and the other way around. Something that, if you look at it, reminds you of the two of you.

2. Yep.

3. Because we want to be your girls only ones. We want to be someone special. We like the feeling of you thinking of us when looking at something. Men like when girls swool about us. It pushes our confidence and gives us the feeling about being loved. And on top, it's a sweet little present, although a bit cheesy tbh. But hey, that's love.

[CamelKnight]

@Sejabini ask him to who else of his female friends he's given something like that. If he responds immediately you're just a friend. If he has to think for a while or has no answer, he's interested in you as a female.

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Sejabini said:

nah he has MANY close friends then.. I guess so.. he is very friendly.

 

if he said it that way it will be easier to understand. btw why giving something to people you care can be a kind of awkward? *rolling eyes 

 

he is special. why must be unconfidence? I can't understand.. 

 

Like I said, it can be very different from person to person. @CamelKnight probably also has a different opinion of what close friends are and can provide you with a different explanation.

 

Because we always beat around the bushes and like to play something down rather than to commit onto something. We don't want to give you a false idea while being not sure if you feel the same as we do.

 

Because men are always unconfident around the girl we like. No matter how special we may be. 

 

[Guest]

28 minutes ago, Sejabini said:

really? I thought that men always more confident than women. 

he was confident to sent something.. (considering that thing needs 2 weeks to reached my place) 

what are you meaning with false idea? it will be easier if a human can tell about what does his mean directly and clear.. plus it will be funny to think about false idea while that guy and that girl are already gluing like a glue

*rolling eyes.. 

 

so my psychologist friend accidentally read his letters and asked me "does he like you sis?" 

it was me who wasn't sure and said "is it? how come you can be so sure?"

she said "because I won't tell you that I am grateful to meet you" and so on..

but later he said, that guy, "only me knows what's inside my heart." 

 

Some are more confident than others, but around a girl we like we are pretty shy.

 

Wait....this is some additional information that might change a few things. It needs two weeks to arrive at your place? And I remember you said to my bold dutchie buddy that it takes around 6-8h of flight from his to your place? So you both never actual met in person?

That suggests he lives on a different continent. The distance between the two of you should also be accounted into is behaviour. 

And if there is an age gap, also keep in mind that this doesn't really play a big role online.

 

Yes, I agree, but he does not know if you feel like he does and on top, you are thousands of kilometers away. It's easier to say something like this when you meet in person and he can see your immediate reaction.

 

 

Well, I can tell you from my place that, based on your tellings, he likes you. It's pretty clear. 

 

39 minutes ago, Sejabini said:

I was like (?_?) .. I really really really want to pinch his cheeks btw

 

That is....interesting. Because pinching his cheeks is more an action of a bigger sister.

 

40 minutes ago, Sejabini said:

 

NOTE: what was he mean by saying "only me knows what's inside my heart.." <~~~ does he plays with heart?

 

Nah, it's not that. It's amore cryptic way of saying that he probably has feelings for you. It's confessing without really confessing, and because of that I would not read to much into it. It can mean a lot of things without giving too much away. 

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Sejabini said:

what are you meaning btw? 

 

when I was too bored I said I want to be coffee and he said he will be the donut to my coffee. so we both are like you know coffee and donut. 

 

That from my point of view, he tried to tell you that you are in his heart by suggesting that only he knows what (or who) is in his heart. Like I said, it's a little cryptic. But he says that without really saying it, so he disguises it with these words.

It's a little hard to explain. 

 

But it seems to me that he has created an interest towards you.