Ask The Fellas

[kfreak]

Do guys take texting seriously? How long have you gone without texting a girl back and did they get mad at you when you finally responded?

I am actually curious about this. Do you guys text a lot and initiate conversations (via text) with the girl you like or do you the same with a good female friend? 

[Guest HERMIT]

Thoughts on girls with full back tattoos? Not that it'd change anything, but it's nice to know. 

Personally, full back tattoos would be a bit overwhelming for me.  I might think she were probably associated with the yakuza or something.
 

[oooroosay]

I recently got out of a relationship with a guy I met on OkCupid. At the beginning he was very sweet and nice and would call and text me very often. 

When we finally met up, I was instantly attracted to him and decided to continue and maintain the relationship. After about 4 weeks of talking to one another he asked me to become official with him. I thought it was very cute how he asked me and decided to give it a shot.

After our second date, he asked me if he could meet my friends. I was a little uncomfortable about introducing him to my friends due to a bad experience I had in the past with an ex boyfriend. I decided I would take it a little slow and wait until I could fully trust the guy I was dating to introduce him to my friends.

Many things he did in our relationship (that only lasted about a month) came off as shady. In addition, he had a very bad temper and difficulty communicating when we had issues. (when we would hang out or talk on the phone he acted happy and like nothing was wrong but later would text me to tell me he was angry).  

A few weeks ago I told him that I would introduce him to my friends this upcoming labor day weekend, but decided last Sunday to change my mind because a week before he flipped out on me and started acting shady again.

The day after that, i messaged him and he broke up with me and told me never to speak to him again 

My question is 

(a) Why was he so desperate to meet my friends?

(b) I understand that I did not treat him nicely sometimes either but why couldn't he communicate and work out our issues rather than running away and resorting to texts as the only form of communication? 

Edited August 30, 2015 by oooroosay

[nn_nn]

I recently got out of a relationship with a guy I met on OkCupid. At the beginning he was very sweet and nice and would call and text me very often. 

When we finally met up, I was instantly attracted to him and decided to continue and maintain the relationship. After about 4 weeks of talking to one another he asked me to become official with him. I thought it was very cute how he asked me and decided to give it a shot.

After our second date, he asked me if he could meet my friends. I was a little uncomfortable about introducing him to my friends due to a bad experience I had in the past with an ex boyfriend. I decided I would take it a little slow and wait until I could fully trust the guy I was dating to introduce him to my friends.

Many things he did in our relationship (that only lasted about a month) came off as shady. In addition, he had a very bad temper and difficulty communicating when we had issues. (when we would hang out or talk on the phone he acted happy and like nothing was wrong but later would text me to tell me he was angry).  

A few weeks ago I told him that I would introduce him to my friends this upcoming labor day weekend, but decided last Sunday to change my mind because a week before he flipped out on me and started acting shady again.

The day after that, i messaged him and he broke up with me and told me never to speak to him again 

My question is 

(a) Why was he so desperate to meet my friends?

(b) I understand that I did not treat him nicely sometimes either but why couldn't he communicate and work out our issues rather than running away and resorting to texts as the only form of communication? 

so how long in general have you guys been talking/getting to know each other? Same thing happened to me before my current bf but we were seeing each other for 8months. Into the 6 months, I asked to meet his friends because I want to see how/who he is as a person, how different is his character compare to his friends and with me. Though never once was he acting shady to me or wanting to breakup. Its always me that wanting to break up because we couldnt resolved the misunderstanding, and issues that we had ..

maybe you should sit him down to have a talk, tell him how you feel and see if theres any compromises out of it ...if he doesnt willing to make the compromise then uhm, let it go I guess

[oooroosay]

^ we knew each other for id say a month and a half... 

he dumped me and seems to never want to speak to me again  

[cakegirl]

@edidi 
 
(sorry I can't work the quoting properly)

Wow..that relationship must have been very hard on you regardless..I agree, LDR's seem to end much more peacefully.
I honestly don't know many guys that have a mindset like you in person. It's lovely though, guys should be more like you. 
Well, I got my answer. I met him Thursday (27th) and spent a lovely and unexpected day together.  I now know that I should always trust my gut because he does like me. A week or so before we met he "confessed" to me and said if he was living in my country for a long time, he'd make me his girlfriend.  He also said previously to me that he'd be sad if I got a boyfriend.
Anyway, to keep a long story short..we met up in the morning, chatted over coffee and then when it was time for lunch, we went to a local place he loves. We talked and it was so comfortable with him. I was very nervous that morning but my fears melted pretty quickly.

In the afternoon, we went to the park and we wandered around for a while..he kept changing his mind on where he wanted to bring me but eventually he settled on a bench overlooking really pretty flowers. 
We sat down and I asked him since seeing me in person, had his feelings changed towards me/did he feel different? and he replied "No..I like you more and more."
I leaned back on the bench a little bit and then put my head on his shoulder. I told him my feelings..that I liked him too, that I'd date him if our situation was different but that we're better off being friends in the long run. He listened, told me he understood. He held me, stroked my hair, my arms, kissed me on the side of my face and the top of my head. Then he started calling me some cute names, telling me that "I want to be together with you" and telling me he loved me.  He told me his favourite things about me..
I was leaning against his chest at this point and his heart was POUNDING.  He held my face with one of his hands and then kissed me quickly on the lips. Really light and soft..then suddenly more intense kisses. Now..I was shocked. It felt pretty good though so I kissed him back. After kissing, we cuddled a while until we had to go..I moved to stand up but he said "Noo..5 more minutes" and pulled me back in. 

I know you wouldn't have tried kissing..but I wonder why he did?
He messaged me saying that he didn't expect to kiss me but when he cuddled me, he wanted to kiss me because I was so lovely and cute. 
I worried that I would hurt him by responding to his touches so I said that to him and he said "I'll never hurt..because you like me"

I asked him was he was okay with being friends and he said "no".

He DID hold my hand..I did what you said..but at one point, I had one of my arms at my side waiting to cross a busy street and he was so smooth about it..he slipped his hand in mine. I mentioned it and he told me he had a reason. He said there's too many people and cars around..I have to keep you safe." After the park, he held my hand all the way back..through all the streets we walked. I felt safe when he did that..and nice?

Yeah, that's true. He told me that he wants to maintain this relationship and if our feelings don't change, we'll be together in the future. He said "you never know what will happen in the future" but I told him that if he meets someone and falls in love, I'll be happy because he deserves that.
I honestly don't know, I feel things have gotten a lot more complicated with our feelings now. I don't regret what happened but I wish things were different. I mentioned in my original post that he was staying until next year but that's changed now..he's going in early October. :/ 
He's visiting me next month for two days..and that'll be the last time I see him. He said he wants to kiss me again. I don't want anything more than that and he knows but he does want more from me I think. He treated me so gently..it felt special. 

He paid for our food(I tried to) and he brought me a cute present. 

I realised after it all happened that he was trying to find out how I felt that morning..he was asking me what was the differences between a date and hanging out with friends(everything we did would be seen as a date for him back home) and then asking me how I felt about PDA's in public. I'm pretty shy so I said "just a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek?"  and he agreed with me. 
 

Thank you for everything! I was very safe and ensured my sister was in the city as well(if needed)

Edited August 31, 2015 by cakegirl

[nn_nn]

^ we knew each other for id say a month and a half... 

he dumped me and seems to never want to speak to me again  

I know its easier said than done but forget about him and move on. It seems like he doesnt know what he wants, if you put up with his richard simmons & go back to him. You will be even more hurt in the future. it is difficult to find good guys on OKC i know, but there is someone out there for everyone. Dont rush, Dont look for it, when the time comes he will find you. 

[Ninshark]

Has anyone here waited out a girl's entire relationship and actually succeeded at becoming her bf after her breakup? I wanna know about this.
you meet a girl, you guys click, she has a bf, so you are her friend, you stay as her friend, she eventually breaks up, what happens next?

[5880]

 

Never, because it's a terrible idea.

Consider what it says about the person. Are they really the girl's friend or just an opportunist using friendship as a means to an end? Even if she ends up breaking up with her b/f and they suddenly jump in and succeed, is it because there was a genuine connection resulting in a spark leading to a relationship or is it because the person was a manipulative scumbag who's attacking only because the girl is probably emotionally unstable and is using her state of mind as a cheap opportunity to create rapport?

Be her friend if she's a worthwhile person worth holding on to. She's with her current b/f for a reason, and you have to respect that. If she ends up single sometime in the future, be there for her as a friend if you want, but do it honestly. Once she's recovered, you can present your interest in her and attempt pursuing a relationship. If she tells you she's going through a single's phase and ends up dating someone else, then you never had a chance to begin with and you move on.

Don't be like Tanner.

[Guest severus]

Thoughts on girls with full back tattoos? Not that it'd change anything, but it's nice to know. 

Personally, full back tattoos would be a bit overwhelming for me.  I might think she were probably associated with the yakuza or something.
 

Mob wife lyfe.

[frenchtutor]

I recently got out of a relationship with a guy I met on OkCupid. At the beginning he was very sweet and nice and would call and text me very often. 

When we finally met up, I was instantly attracted to him and decided to continue and maintain the relationship. After about 4 weeks of talking to one another he asked me to become official with him. I thought it was very cute how he asked me and decided to give it a shot.

After our second date, he asked me if he could meet my friends. I was a little uncomfortable about introducing him to my friends due to a bad experience I had in the past with an ex boyfriend. I decided I would take it a little slow and wait until I could fully trust the guy I was dating to introduce him to my friends.

Many things he did in our relationship (that only lasted about a month) came off as shady. In addition, he had a very bad temper and difficulty communicating when we had issues. (when we would hang out or talk on the phone he acted happy and like nothing was wrong but later would text me to tell me he was angry).  

A few weeks ago I told him that I would introduce him to my friends this upcoming labor day weekend, but decided last Sunday to change my mind because a week before he flipped out on me and started acting shady again.

The day after that, i messaged him and he broke up with me and told me never to speak to him again 

My question is 

(a) Why was he so desperate to meet my friends?

(b) I understand that I did not treat him nicely sometimes either but why couldn't he communicate and work out our issues rather than running away and resorting to texts as the only form of communication? 

Let me break this down for you

(a) He was so desperate to meet your friends because guys like him assume that if a girl asks a guy to meet her friends it means that she thinks he is cool enough/braggable. He only wanted to meet your friends for self-affirmation/ to feel like a trophy boyfriend

(b) Guys like this are impatient, verbally and sometimes physically abusive, tend to guilt trip, may feel inferior to you (you went to a better school, have a lot more friends) so will put you down instead of helping you grow, always wanting it done his way (my way or the highway mentality, and have sudden bursts of anger. These ARE his ways of communication and working out issues. The only reason why he texts is because he is too much of a little b***** to talk to you over the phone or in person. In other words, it is so much easier to text things rather than saying them

On to the next guy (or girl) :]

[Guest]

-

[frenchtutor]

Q1. What song(s) would you like a girl to sing to you?

Q2. Do you prefer natural hair color or dyed hair on a girl? Or, either one is fine as long as it looks good?

Q1. Songs like Sweater Weather, pumped up kicks, something cool? acoustic version of mainstream songs.. korean love ballads would be okay too. I wouldnt mind cartoon theme songs haha, pokemon? duck tales? anything fun. any panic at the disco or fall out boy I will marry the girl o_o

Q2. Either one is fine but sometimes when a girl switches it up by dying her hair out of nowhere it is super attractive to me. brown, scarlet red, psychic blue, anything pretty much

[odaesan]

Q1. What song(s) would you like a girl to sing to you?

Q2. Do you prefer natural hair color or dyed hair on a girl? Or, either one is fine as long as it looks good?

I prefer natural hair color but I will say that I have an affinity for reds so if she has brown hair that looks like it could be reddish, that's good too.

Q1. What song(s) would you like a girl to sing to you?

Q2. Do you prefer natural hair color or dyed hair on a girl? Or, either one is fine as long as it looks good?

 

Q1. Songs like Sweater Weather, pumped up kicks, something cool? acoustic version of mainstream songs.. korean love ballads would be okay too. I wouldnt mind cartoon theme songs haha, pokemon? duck tales? anything fun. any panic at the disco or fall out boy I will marry the girl o_o

Q2. Either one is fine but sometimes when a girl switches it up by dying her hair out of nowhere it is super attractive to me. brown, scarlet red, psychic blue, anything pretty much

What the hell is psychic blue? Did you just make that up?

[Guest]

-

[frenchtutor]

@odaesan @jennibear01

Yea guys I made that s*** up

jk, back in high school psychic blue was the term the fob koreans used for dyed hair that was a subtle blue where it only shows in light so you barely notice it. Without light the hair looks completely black.

I guess this is the closest example, it needs to be more black with more subtle blue but it is pretty close (wish the photo looked more serious? lol)

 

Also one time I took a 3 week break from my ex girlfriend. We met to talk about our relationship and I saw that she dyed her hair light brown. I immediately threw her on her bed and... watched some netflix :]

[NaughtyDog]

@odaesan @jennibear01

Yea guys I made that s*** up

jk, back in high school psychic blue was the term the fob koreans used for dyed hair that was a subtle blue where it only shows in light so you barely notice it. Without light the hair looks completely black.

I guess this is the closest example, it needs to be more black with more subtle blue but it is pretty close (wish the photo looked more serious? lol)

 

Also one time I took a 3 week break from my ex girlfriend. We met to talk about our relationship and I saw that she dyed her hair light brown. I immediately threw her on her bed and... watched some netflix :]

[frenchtutor]

@NaughtyDog

o_o .. i see that you live up to your name lol

[Guest Tofu_Cloud]

I have a question for guys in terms of a girls appearance.

I love plaid on myself but i know for sure i absolutely HATE when men wear plaid! Do men dislike it when women wear plaid as well?

Also in terms of what you find attractive in a women's nose (afterall it's  the centre of theit face) what is more important, higher than a flat asian  nose bridge, or high nose tip? (the middle and top part between the eyes where u will rest your glasses on vs the shape of nose tip)

 

 

Thanks

Edited September 8, 2015 by Tofu_Cloud

[Guest HERMIT]

I love plaid on myself but i know for sure i absolutely HATE when men wear plaid! Do men dislike it when women wear plaid as well?

Also in terms of what you find attractive in a women's nose (afterall it's  the centre of theit face) what is more important, higher than a flat asian  nose bridge, or high nose tip? (the middle and top part between the eyes where u will rest your glasses on vs the shape of nose tip)

About plaid, I don't know.  I can't recall a time when I've seen a woman wearing plaid for some reason.  All I can say is that I don't think I would dislike it.  I guess it depends on how well the particular woman pulls off wearing that style. *shrugs*

As for noses, I'd have to say that in general, I prefer a higher nose tip (as you've described it).  Unfortunately, I hate to say that I don't particularly find flat noses attractive.