Ask The Fellas

[Guest taija]

The Professional Dater and The optimist

I have a male friend who is seeing a friend of mine, they have been seeing each other for three years now. Twice a week they go out and he buys her expensive gifts and gives her money. Whenever she does her hair she calls him to come pay and he does so. Problem is this girl is seeing 4 other guys who also cater to her needs, he has been hoping to give her the d but she always manages to get out of the situation and he is still hopeful. Its been 3yrs now and I want to tell him to get out of the situation but I don't want to mess up my relationship with him and her as she is a friend of mine, I didn't know about her dating habits up until recently. Apart from playing guys she is a pretty decent person. What do I do in this situation. The guy has even proposed to her which she rejected as she is currently engaged to somebody else. What do I do in this situation?

[Guest writerstale]

taija said: The Professional Dater and The optimist I have a male friend who is seeing a friend of mine, they have been seeing each other for three years now. Twice a week they go out and he buys her expensive gifts and gives her money. Whenever she does her hair she calls him to come pay and he does so. Problem is this girl is seeing 4 other guys who also cater to her needs, he has been hoping to give her the d but she always manages to get out of the situation and he is still hopeful. Its been 3yrs now and I want to tell him to get out of the situation but I don't want to mess up my relationship with him and her as she is a friend of mine, I didn't know about her dating habits up until recently. Apart from playing guys she is a pretty decent person. What do I do in this situation. The guy has even proposed to her which she rejected as she is currently engaged to somebody else. What do I do in this situation?

[Guest]

nana544 said: Just a thought, when a girl finds a guy stares at her; she usually think he's creepy, pervert, and etc of all the bad names that you can think of....
But if a girl tells a guy that she wants to have his baby because she finds him attractive or etc?? Being a guy, do you think she's creepy or a pervert in that sense?

[Guest]

Snowy-Nights said: I went on a date this Friday and it was absolutely great. He already graduated and is currently working in the area. Meanwhile, I'm still a student. We spent the weekend catching up with our own friends but we have been texting for a bit throughout the weekend. 
I really enjoyed our date and I think he's great so I do want to keep this momentum going. I think for now, we're just enjoying the moment and I'm open to whatever happens. If something more happens, then GREAT! If not, I'm cool with being friends with such a great guy but at the same time I don't intend to let myself get friendzoned haha.
We're both pretty busy and I think it's hard for us to meet. I live on campus and it's not the most metro accessible place. He lives in the suburbs so he has to commute to the city everyday for work and then go back as well. He also works long hours. I'm pretty busy as a student too. So I think we can only meet on Friday or weekends. 
I used to be a shy, quiet girl waiting around but throughout college, I grew tremendously and learned that I have to be proactive. So first question, what can I do to keep him interested/keep this going? Would texting be okay or is that too much? And when we text should I just keep it surface level and we talk about what we do each day? I like having deep conversation and I feel like every person that I've met that I've shared my deep insight connects really well with me. But in this case, is it too soon/too risky? 
I've done a lot of initiating. Like adding him on FB and sending him a message. He responded well and suggested that we should meet up since he worked in the area. So since I live in the city, I know it more than he does and initiated places to go for Friday and I'm sure he really liked it. He paid for dinner which was really really expensive. I paid at the dessert place and also offered to pay for our drinks at the bar later on. But it still comes out uneven compared to dinner. Anyway I walked him to the bus stop since he had a long commute home and then later texted him to check if he got back alright. From there, that's how we started texting throughout the weekend. He hasn't suggested of meeting again 
My second question is how to figure out how much he's interested. AKA how to understand male behavior haha. So to describe him a little bit, he's good-looking. He's also mixed. He has a very social and outgoing personality. He was really involved his frat (it's an asian frat) during college. He is a people person and treats people/girls well. So all these factors makes him popular and I'm sure he attracts a lot of girls. When he texts, he doesn't say much and it's not as "lively" as me. But he does reply to me at some point. Since he's a friendly person I'm not sure if he's just being friendly or if he's displaying behavior that he's interested. He did get touchy like putting his arm around me as we walked around, hugging me at the end of the date and it was like 30 seconds. But because of how comfortable he is with people, I wonder if he would do this with anyone. 
He also talked about his history of girls starting from his first girlfriend from when he was 17. He didn't mention anything sexual but there was this one point where he said that with this one girl it was just physical and quickly followed up and tried to clarify that it wasn't anything sexual at all. I asked one of my guy friends and he said that this guy is bragging. Which I feel like is male behavior lol. To prove something. My friend said that he wants to show me that he's casual and can talk about sensitive topics like his love life etc. At the end of his story, he concluded that he's still friends with all of the girls. I told my friend this and he said that he's just trying to show that he's not such a bad guy. Anyway that's my interpretation, but I just wanted to hear other guy perspective on why they would share their history of girls with someone on a date. 

[Guest taija]

I've been in a similar situation before where I broke things down for the guy, wasn't friends with the girl, we were in the same digs (commune). She went ape richard simmons and jumped me, then broke a bottle and came at me with it fortunately I didn't get hurt just a few bruises from pushing her off me because I'm not the fighting type. Based on the advice received its best I stay out of this one.

[Guest nana544]

Would you choose the one you love but she doesn't love you, or the one that loves you but you don't love her?

[Guest writerstale]

nana544 said: Would you choose the one you love but she doesn't love you, or the one that loves you but you don't love her?

[Guest]

nana544 said: Would you choose the one you love but she doesn't love you, or the one that loves you but you don't love her?

[Guest annarhsaur]

Lately I've been really confused with the intentions of my friend. I really like him, and have for a while, but I can't understand whether or not he feels the same or I'm just getting played. He knows I like him, yet his friend told me that he wants to "look around" because he thinks he can get a girl who is 'better' than me. Also, that I might have a chance in a few years?
Anyways, the other night he suggested us to go out for dinner (since it was my birthday) with just the two of us. He paid for dinner even though I offered to split half. I have strict parents, so they started calling me all night asking when I'll be home. He knows this, yet he still suggested us to go watch a movie or go to the beach at night (after dinner), regardless of my phone constantly ringing. I feel like his testing how much I like him and the extent I'm willing to go to push back against my parents for him. After saying that I wanted to go home instead (after A LOT of persuasion), he caught the train with me home, even though he lived 1 hour away in the opposite direction.
My question is - I don't understand why he wanted to spend extra time and do stuff with me (stuff you'll usually do with your bf/gf) when he said I'm just a "friend" and that his willing to take me home in the middle of the night with PUBLIC TRANSPORT when its so inconvenient for him? I feel like I'm dragged as some sort of backup in case he doesn't find a 'better' girl in the future. So far, we haven't talked since then and I'm not planning to initiate anything unless he does. What do you guys think? Any thoughts and suggestions would be great

[Guest writerstale]

annarhsaur said: Lately I've been really confused with the intentions of my friend. I really like him, and have for a while, but I can't understand whether or not he feels the same or I'm just getting played. He knows I like him, yet his friend told me that he wants to "look around" because he thinks he can get a girl who is 'better' than me. Also, that I might have a chance in a few years?
Anyways, the other night he suggested us to go out for dinner (since it was my birthday) with just the two of us. He paid for dinner even though I offered to split half. I have strict parents, so they started calling me all night asking when I'll be home. He knows this, yet he still suggested us to go watch a movie or go to the beach at night (after dinner), regardless of my phone constantly ringing. I feel like his testing how much I like him and the extent I'm willing to go to push back against my parents for him. After saying that I wanted to go home instead (after A LOT of persuasion), he caught the train with me home, even though he lived 1 hour away in the opposite direction.
My question is - I don't understand why he wanted to spend extra time and do stuff with me (stuff you'll usually do with your bf/gf) when he said I'm just a "friend" and that his willing to take me home in the middle of the night with PUBLIC TRANSPORT when its so inconvenient for him? I feel like I'm dragged as some sort of backup in case he doesn't find a 'better' girl in the future. So far, we haven't talked since then and I'm not planning to initiate anything unless he does. What do you guys think? Any thoughts and suggestions would be great

[athirah]

Hi guys, i need some advice...
I've been going to the gym daily at my office for about 7-8months, im the type of person who listens to their ipod and focus on their workout more but occasionally i do talk to people if i need their help on how to use a machine or smile/small talk when i happen to make an eye contact with them.
However last week, there is this one guy who is a familiar face at gym suddenly asked me a question which few people in the past had asked me the same question so i thought him as being friendly and just being curious why i go to the gym everyday. I answered his question and we continue doing our workout like usual, i didnt ask him back or anything. 
We made an eye contact last monday and smiled at each other, after the smile he walked from his place to mine and started talking. Then the same thing happened today, he was doing workout when i entered the gym and we smiled at each other. He then again walked from his place to mine , but i approached him first and we made small talk and stopped when people started coming in. Soon after that while i was on the treadmill, i didnt realised he was doing workout somewhere close to me and only realised it when he poke/touch me at the shoulder saying that he's going now and we said goodbye to each other. The thing is, he usually do weight training and nothing else, but he did bicycle today and the bicycle section is close to the treadmill where i was.
My question is, is he interested in me or he's just being friendly? I never had this kind of situation so im very confused... 

[5880]

athirah said:

[Snowy-Nights]

So my friend has been with her boyfriend for over a year. He's gain a lot of weight due to being so busy and stressed about school. She wants to tell him this and ask him to work out. How should she do this? 
To clarify, she's not being shallow. She has been a very loyal girlfriend, always patient and loving. She does not love him any less because he got fat lol. It's just that as a girl, she would like her boyfriend to work out for her and show her some manliness I guess. They have a little trouble with their sex life because he doesn't initiate as much as she does and doesn't feel satisfied. I figure as a guy, you would want to work out for your girl. I know a guy that recently got a new girl and he's going on a diet and trying to work out so he can impress her. Anyway, what's the best way for her to approach her boyfriend?   

[Guest writerstale]

Snowy-Nights said: So my friend has been with her boyfriend for over a year. He's gain a lot of weight due to being so busy and stressed about school. She wants to tell him this and ask him to work out. How should she do this? 
To clarify, she's not being shallow. She has been a very loyal girlfriend, always patient and loving. She does not love him any less because he got fat lol. It's just that as a girl, she would like her boyfriend to work out for her and show her some manliness I guess. They have a little trouble with their sex life because he doesn't initiate as much as she does and doesn't feel satisfied. I figure as a guy, you would want to work out for your girl. I know a guy that recently got a new girl and he's going on a diet and trying to work out so he can impress her. Anyway, what's the best way for her to approach her boyfriend?   

[raymondc27]

So my friend has been with her boyfrien

d for over a year. He's gain a lot of weight due to being so busy and stressed about school. She wants to tell him this and ask him to work out. How should she do this? 

To clarify, she's not being shallow. She has been a very loyal girlfriend, always patient and loving. She does not love him any less because he got fat lol. It's just that as a girl, she would like her boyfriend to work out for her and show her some manliness I guess. They have a little trouble with their sex life because he doesn't initiate as much as she does and doesn't feel satisfied. I figure as a guy, you would want to work out for your girl. I know a guy that recently got a new girl and he's going on a diet and trying to work out so he can impress her. Anyway, what's the best way for her to approach her boyfriend?   

[Snowy-Nights]

writerstale said: Snowy-Nights said: So my friend has been with her boyfriend for over a year. He's gain a lot of weight due to being so busy and stressed about school. She wants to tell him this and ask him to work out. How should she do this? 
To clarify, she's not being shallow. She has been a very loyal girlfriend, always patient and loving. She does not love him any less because he got fat lol. It's just that as a girl, she would like her boyfriend to work out for her and show her some manliness I guess. They have a little trouble with their sex life because he doesn't initiate as much as she does and doesn't feel satisfied. I figure as a guy, you would want to work out for your girl. I know a guy that recently got a new girl and he's going on a diet and trying to work out so he can impress her. Anyway, what's the best way for her to approach her boyfriend?   

[Guest writerstale]

Snowy-Nights said: writerstale said: Snowy-Nights said: So my friend has been with her boyfriend for over a year. He's gain a lot of weight due to being so busy and stressed about school. She wants to tell him this and ask him to work out. How should she do this? 
To clarify, she's not being shallow. She has been a very loyal girlfriend, always patient and loving. She does not love him any less because he got fat lol. It's just that as a girl, she would like her boyfriend to work out for her and show her some manliness I guess. They have a little trouble with their sex life because he doesn't initiate as much as she does and doesn't feel satisfied. I figure as a guy, you would want to work out for your girl. I know a guy that recently got a new girl and he's going on a diet and trying to work out so he can impress her. Anyway, what's the best way for her to approach her boyfriend?   

[Joyce]

How do you guys feel about girls wearing heels? I'm short so I appreciate the extra height sometimes, lol. The highest I have is 4 inches and I dress pretty conservative/simple overall. It's just that when I do wear heels I notice guys would point it out and make a comment. Even a male relative of mine tsked at me when I wore 2 inches. 

[5880]

lol I'm not sure why your male relative scoffed at you, but I think heels aren't particularly bad; they're just another part of the visual lie that we expect from women. Just try to keep it modest, like 1 - 2 inches, if you're wearing them regularly. Otherwise, 3 - 4 inches are fine if it's for special occasions or nights out.

Something to note, the things you hear about heels helping build posture and messing up your feet are both true, but moderation is key to minimizing the negative aspects.

[MrPower]

Joyce said: How do you guys feel about girls wearing heels? I'm short so I appreciate the extra height sometimes, lol. The highest I have is 4 inches and I dress pretty conservative/simple overall. It's just that when I do wear heels I notice guys would point it out and make a comment. Even a male relative of mine tsked at me when I wore 2 inches.  I may be alone in this, but I think heels are overrated. Many women wear it for the posture and height, but I'd rather hang with somebody that's comfortable on their feet. If you MUST wear heels, 1-1.5 should be enough. Do you watch modern family? Remember the time Gloria wore high heels to Disneyland?

GG.
Case Closed.