Ask The Fellas

[raymondc27]

oooroosay said: what is the best way i can get back at my ex-boyfriend for all the stupid stuff he has done to me? 

[raymondc27]

Daisy-W said: I was wondering if you guys had any certain "rules" they like to use while in a relationship? For example, I have a friend whose boyfriend always pays for her because he never lets the girl pay. My brother's rule is the boyfriend never eats at the girlfriend's house because the gf's house is not a homeless shelter. I think my brother's rule is kind of meh.. but kind of interesting to what guys have in mind.

[raymondc27]

utellah said: On our first meeting hanging out with mutual friends at a bar, he sat diagonally from me, but moves over to the empty seat to my left. He strikes up a conversation and asks how my friend (our mutual friend) and I met and so forth.. and asks things like, "What were you like as a kid?"  ... "Tell me a funny story." ..What I did for a living and why I chose that career field.

Same night, at a second bar (no, no one was drunk) he was seated diagonally from me again. Asks what I want to drink, but I decline nicely.. because I don't really feel comfortable making guys buy me drinks. He gets up to go buy a drink, but comes back and pulls a chair over to the empty spot to my left. The eight of us play a game, which I have never played before, he explains all the rules to me... over and over because I did not understand and kept asking him to explain. Does it nicely and never seems annoyed, genuinely trying to teach me the game. He doesn't play the first few rounds, helps me out instead and explains to me once again whenever I make a mistake. Game learned, night ends. (He also did this with me with another game on a different occasion.)

Couple months later after hearing about my embarrassing drunken nights -__- . He asks me why I always let them get me drunk (honestly, my tolerance just isn't as high) and tells me I got to stop letting them do that to me. Being a little tipsy, I ask him to help me. Haha. He doesn't drink, because he smokes. He tells me to just take the shot and spit it into my chaser... and so, I did a few minutes later when I had to take another shot.

He teases me about my work and doesn't make me feel weird for never having done something.. like never having coffee, or seeing a specific show/movie, etc..

Whenever we talk, he always, and I mean always, touches my stomach. Be it, poking my stomach or gently caressing it. He's always looking out for me and tries to pick little fights with me. Recently he was playing with my elbows as my arms were crossed and I asked him if he was playing with my elbow fat.. haha and he said, "yeah, a little elbow fat. It's cute though."

My question is... What is up with the guy??

[odaesan]

&rea said: Wait, what? Did you just say he had sex with his cousin?

[Ernie]

Don't mind me. I'm reading around.

[Guest ketchup?]

Hey guys, I have a bit of a novel to write but I'm hoping I can get some insight from you all.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2.5 years. We met in college and started dating right away. He lived on my floor and we saw each other every day, and thus we got serious fast. The honeymoon stage was great. I remember all the little things he used to do to surprise me and how much he enjoyed talking to me. Fast forward to us living together for a year, everything came out. We argued often but we'd always work things out. We learned how to manage living together and splitting up responsibilities, and things were okay again. Last year, I had to leave campus and go back home to start nursing school and he ended up commuting instead of staying on campus. We went from being together all the time (which I honestly didn't mind because I felt like I always had my best friend with me), to talking sometimes at night (and he ended up telling me he hated talking on the phone with me and that it was boring) and he'd stay over a night during the weekends. Sometimes I really wanted to tell him certain aspects of my day (nursing school was a big transition for me and I didn't know anyone) but he'd be uninterested. He'd spend his time on Facebook looking through pictures of other girls but he couldn't text me. I found out he'd lie about going to sleep at night just to avoid talking to me but he'd be on Facebook/watching movies/porn/etc.

Throughout our relationship he's lied to my face countless times. He's never cheated, but to be frank, I don't trust him. If I made a list of reasons why I don't trust him, I'd put everyone to sleep. Anyway, lately we've fought a lot because he says he doesn't feel like we need to text much throughout the day and that we should withhold talking to a little bit every night and he'll visit me on Fridays. I don't feel like it's what I deserve. He has all the time in the world to creep on people online but it's a hassle to text his own girlfriend. The other night we got into a huge argument after I surprised him in the morning at his house. He was still in bed but his laptop was open and I saw that he'd been on Facebook five hours after he told me he was asleep. And lo and behold, he was on his ex girlfriend's (5 years ago) grandmother's page going through her pictures. Yet he ignored my good night message. When he woke up and saw what I was looking at, he became very destructive smashing his glasses and breaking things and screaming. He said he was tired of me and if I don't trust him   then he doesn't want to be with me, cussed me out, etc. I'd never seen him like that and I didn't quite know how to react. And what really hurt was I didn't plan on that happening... I just wanted to surprise him.

We've tried to work things out since then but I'm very hurt and I know I don't deserve this BS from him. And he keeps saying he knows I deserve better yet he refuses to put in the effort to treat me right. At the same time, he doesn't want to break up (even when he's said so out of anger plenty of times). We don't talk during the day anymore like he requested and I feel like I shouldn't have to do that when I've always had to fix what he's ruined in our relationship. And yes, I've tried to talk to him about it and he ended up blowing up saying he wants his space from me because he can't stand me and that I've taken away most of his college experience and that he feels the relationship is suffocating... And you might wonder the reason why I always put up with this is simply because I love him and we've gone through so much together, I'm not sure how to let go. We've tried breaks, we've tried talking things out, we've tried a lot; The problems are still there.

As much as it breaks my heart, I've got so much ahead for me, I can't keep this relationship going by myself anymore. I know he loves me, but at the moment he's too selfish to be in a relationship, but he doesn't want the pain of a break up.

What do I do??

[raymondc27]

Your in a tough situation that i could suggest things but you truly know in your heart what to do. breaking up with him will do you some changes and more time to study but you might regret it for some time. When your in a relationship the years before marriage is preschool stuff, since he's already starting to act like a kid what do you think what'll happen when you guys get married? You guys can work out your problems now but eventually someone's going to stop caring and just want to be away from these problems. As a guy we want our personal spaces but lying is the first problem in a relationship. First is lying the second is cheating and so on. 
in all ways i'm sure you've decided upon to deal with this problem. There's a saying i always keep to heart, the harder the fight is the bigger the reward but what do you sacrifice for that war. What are you willing to endure till the end.

[Guest Roger1430292245]

Daisy-W said: I was wondering if you guys had any certain "rules" they like to use while in a relationship? For example, I have a friend whose boyfriend always pays for her because he never lets the girl pay. My brother's rule is the boyfriend never eats at the girlfriend's house because the gf's house is not a homeless shelter. I think my brother's rule is kind of meh.. but kind of interesting to what guys have in mind.

[Guest Hades1430292066]

[emytran]

what do you guys really mean when you say, "I think we need to slow down because i'm really busy this semester and i need some times to myself." and then text me back a week later and say that he wants to hang out. When i told him we should stays as friends. This is what he actually texted "look, the reason why I didn't text back for a week was because I wasn't sure if I wanted to date anyone at that moment. That was then. Are you sure you don't want to?...why can't we picked up where we left off before that...it's only been a week, how could those feelings go away?". Is he trying to play me ? Is he just saying all of that as a reaction to my decision of being friends? Does he sounds like he's falling for me?

[ayahuasca]

utellah said: Thoughts on dating your best friend's girlfriend's best friend..

yay or nay?

[odaesan]

Hades said: After reading my profile, why do you think I have a number of people crushing on me?

[raymondc27]

Hades said: So this has been on my mind for a long while, so I now turn to you, strangers of the internet.
I'm often the center of a love triangle, or am at the receiving end of a love confession (though love is a strong word). The thing is, I honestly can't see why. Don't get me wrong, I don't have confidence issues; I think some of my facial features could be improved but self esteem isn't an issue here either. I'll give you a profile of me, and maybe you could give me your theories?
In short, I'm a tomboy. I wear only unisex or men's clothing and own nothing close to feminine. My hair is short and I enjoy bleaching and dying it alternative colours. I don't wear makeup, because why buy it and waste twenty minutes of my morning if I'm just going to take it off at the end of the day. I do however, take care of my skin. I alternate from being talkative and humorous to a quiet wall flower, but I'm normally very friendly; almost to a point where people think I'm flirting. I can honestly say I have more male traits than I do female ones. I'm rough, blunt and on top of that have a dirty mouth. I always give good advice but always try and remain unbiased, even I do lose brownie points. I'm oblivious when it comes to emotions of others', and I never open up - just to keep my strong image.
It's brief and if you want some more details for your theory, feel free to ask.
Back to my problem, I always have someone pining after me. If someone gives up, another one starts despite my enthusiastic argument of 'I don't plan on entering a relationship any time soon'. I've even had someone break up with his girlfriend just to have a chance with me. Startling, that's for sure. I'm aware that this is pretty silly to ask, but I've asked a lot of guy friends and they seem biased/sugar coat it, so who's better to ask than people who don't know me? It's a far stretch, seeing as no one here knows me on a personal level, but for fun I'm just rolling with this.Bottom question: After reading my profile, why do you think I have a number of people crushing on me?

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@ketchup?
Sorry to say, but at the rate of the relationship is going, i dont think it will end very well for you.
I know that you guys have been dating for a while.. but the fact that he's acting this towards you, the relationship seriously is having a really really bad bump.
Surprisingly though, this actually happens quite often. In many relationships, the guy always starts off really sweet, caring, nice, blah blah blah, but after the honeymoon stage is over, there comes a time when most guys do get sort of tired of the whole cutesy thing.
I can speak from experience that the whole giddy part of the relationship does die down but at the same time, it shouldnt be leading to him throwing richard simmons across the room, cussing at you, or anything of that sort. I dont know how old you guys are, but the way he is handling the situation isnt very mature.
So i suggest you be the mature one and try to have a sit down convo with him and basically tell him how you feel. Right now you dont know what he is thinking and he doesnt know what you're thinking. So have a cup of tea or coffee, or boba, or whatever you guys want and talk it out!
Good luck! Hopefully things will turn out better for you!

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@emytran
honestly, i wouldnt trust this guy at all.. i cant tell if he was just failing at playing hard to get.. or he is just being dumb by saying what he said.. either way, i don't get a good vibe off the way he worded that text. be careful!

[raymondc27]

emytran said: what do you guys really mean when you say, "I think we need to slow down because i'm really busy this semester and i need some times to myself." and then text me back a week later and say that he wants to hang out. When i told him we should stays as friends. This is what he actually texted "look, the reason why I didn't text back for a week was because I wasn't sure if I wanted to date anyone at that moment. That was then. Are you sure you don't want to?...why can't we picked up where we left off before that...it's only been a week, how could those feelings go away?". Is he trying to play me ? Is he just saying all of that as a reaction to my decision of being friends? Does he sounds like he's falling for me?

[Guest yourface]

utellah said: Thoughts on dating your best friend's girlfriend's best friend..

yay or nay?

[Guest aztecgold]

This guy I've known for about nearly 4 months. We talk nearly everyday cus he's my neighbour and we usually see each other in our back garden (its shared) and we talk about serious things and jokey things too. We flirt a lot and he sometimes used to touch my arm or my hand while talking. The other night we were messin around and I told him about something stupid i did over the weekend that i was really embarrased about and he was laughing at me so i got playfully mad and so he hugged me. When i kind of pulled back he kept his arms around me and then we sorta kissed. but after i kissed him i got sorta embarrassed and made an excuse to go back into my house. I do sort of like him but im not sure what I want. anyway i've seen him twice since then and things have been normal but he never bought  up the kiss and neither did i. should i bring it up or wait for him to? or should i pretend like it never happened? and if i was to bring it up what would i say?! so confused!

[honeyboo]

First of all, damn. I haven't been on soompi in like 4 years. Things have sure changed!
Advance apology for my long richard simmons entry ): I'LL TRY TO KEEP IT KINDA SHORT...
I've been talking to this guy since November. We were complete strangers before but thanks to my cousin we clicked. After a week or two of talking he formally asked me out on my first real date (I'm 18 going on 19). I have never been in a serious relationship and he's the long-term relationship type of guy. My cousin knows him really well and when he's interested in a girl, he's interested. I'm lucky that I even got him hooked, she says. Flattering. So the date went well, it was cute. We think the same about relationships and all that, it's nice to know someone understands. Anyways, time went on, still talking and flirting and stuuuffffff. The thing about him is that he's still trying to get over his ex. It was his first REAL love. He was going to marry her and all that. So he's... depressed. And I'm not just saying that to over exaggerate his sadness, he really is. 
There were a couple of times when he picked me up from school and we would just hang out and he would help me with school. During these times he was still interested in me, and the way he would show it was noticeable. At that time we never did anything like cuddle. We were never 'touchy' because we both knew what each other wanted and I just feel like we're holding ourselves back with respect as being one of our important values. Like there's this line between us that I can't cross and he can't either because he doesn't want to hurt me and I can't cross it because he's still hurt. (I got real hurt from my last 'thing'. Gave him my all and put up with this guy for a year but ended up screwing me over. hard. went through depression as well.) So yeah. AND THEN, this one day before he was about to move back to his normal home (he stayed at his grandmas. family issues), we hung out. And here... we cuddled. And kissed. And i have never had this moment happen to me before LOL, it was heaty. I mean, I've kissed but not like this. In the end I had to stop it because I knew it was wrong. We aren't in a relationship and we're both just confused about how we feel and I know this is his outlet. We just sat in silence after. I knew he felt horrible for doing that because it wasn't supposed to happen. And of course I was sorry too for going along with it. Ever since that night, it just wasn't the same. And he got worse with his depression (school, family, heartbreak)
And just this month he told me that he just doesn't want to deal with girls and he doesn't trust them. And it makes me feel kind of butthurt because I've been there for him and I think that i can be a better girl for what i went through. We both have flaws, so we can be flawless together right? He doesn't even trust me with his feelings, and I understand where he's coming from 100% because I went through that. 
But what about the date? He wouldn't have asked me out if he didn't think I was 'the one' because that's who he's looking for. And I am too. He was so interested and now he's just pushing himself away from the feeling where here I am, liking him more everyday because his struggle is what makes me like him. I find him amazing, he really is. His ambitions and values... they're attractive. He knows that I'm still interested and that I'm just trying really hard not to fall for him. I'm not gonna give my all when the other person isn't willing to catch me. And I know that he's scared to fall for me because I'm the type of girl that he wants to be with his, his 'ideal'. And it's messing him up. 
BOTTOM LINE IS... if you were scared to fall for a girl because everything about her is 'real' and she could potentially be 'the one' after getting your heart broken, are you waiting for her to just spill her feelings out to be able to get you started? I just don't want to come off like that when he's not willing. His walls are so high up now, do i just leave it? 

[Guest xphant0mwing]

@honeyboo
Whoa there..that is a pretty complicated issue,
Anyhow, how old is this guy anyways? If he is like 19-20.. i dont know what he was thinking about marrying that girl. and first love and what not.. But, either way.. i would be really careful with this guy simply because he said he was trying to get over his ex girlfriend. That is basically a red flag for, rebound..
When youre rebounding, you say all sorts of things.. I know how hard it may be, but uh, i think the best way is to talk it out with him. Letting each other know how you guys feel about each other would probably be the simplest way of finding out what you are to each other.
This being said, it could completely end the relationship and what not. But, if it does end because of a little talk, then that means it wasnt meant to be in the first place. Good luck! i wish you the best.