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shyyraa

I need relationship advice

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Hi I'm a 27 year old who is a complete newbie when it comes to relationships.

In fact this is my very first one. I'm roughly around 6 months in this relationship.

 

I actually considered myself to be an aromantic and asexual because I'm just not interested in any of these things.

So its honestly a complete surprise for me to actually find myself to be in a relationship right now.

Whilst I don't feel any romantic or sexual attraction to my current boyfriend, I think a platonic attraction is good enough for someone like me so I thought why not just give this relationship a go and so I did. Also because of the pressure from my family of wanting me to get myself married before I turn 30 so I thought why not and give this dating thing a try. I have to be honest, I think its quite alright so far. He's a great guy and I do like him as a person and I can see him as a good companion.

 

The problem though is that I'm not as proactive(?) as how a girlfriend should be. I can't be as romantic or flirtatious towards him. I'm not an expressive person and some people might see me as the 'cold' type but that's just how my personality is. and I feel so bad lol. Also, I'm an introvert and I LOVE my alone time. But being thrust into a relationship means changes in my lifestyle. That means lesser alone time and more hanging out and socialising with a person. That just tires me out. lol. My boyfriend is the type who wants to see and hang out with me any chance he gets so if he is free for the entire week, he would literally want to meet me every. single. day. LOL. I just find that suffocating to be quite frank. SO sometimes I would make up excuses just to avoid having him come over to hang out. Which i know is bad because I'm kinda lying to him. I need my alone time and I can't get it if he were to see me almost every day in a week. Even my mom is lowkey questioning why he's coming over so frequently and jokingly asked me if I don't get tired of seeing each other so often. hahaha. Should I be worried if a guy wants to see me too often? I hope its not a red flag for anything because the last thing I want from my first relationship is to have a controlling and obsessive boyfriend. lmao. but so far he's been a great guy tho so I don't think so? well except for this part of him of always wanting to see me. lol. I mean I can handle talking on the phone everyday but seeing each other everyday? isn't that a bit too much? Isn't the seeing each other everyday part after marriage? Lol. Or maybe he's trying to make up for my lack of proactiveness? Idk

 

I have so many thoughts and I don't know if its because I'm not ready to have a relationship seeing as how this first started due to pressure from my family members. To be more specific, we got introduced by my aunt. So yeah. I don't want let my aunt and her efforts down. 

 

I know I should talk to him about my thoughts but the thought of talking to him about it is giving me anxiety. LOL

I just don't know how to bring my points across without sounding offensive.

 

Any advices or thoughts to share? It'll be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my rantings. haha

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6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

Hi I'm a 27 year old who is a complete newbie when it comes to relationships.

In fact this is my very first one. I'm roughly around 6 months in this relationship.

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

 

I actually considered myself to be an aromantic and asexual because I'm just not interested in any of these things.

 

When I was 27 I confused with my feelings too and what I wanted in life. 

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

So its honestly a complete surprise for me to actually find myself to be in a relationship right now.

 

You don’t know how you feel but you are in the relationship with him? .. it will hurt him. Make sure about your feeling first.

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

Whilst I don't feel any romantic or sexual attraction to my current boyfriend, I think a platonic attraction is good enough for someone like me so I thought why not just give this relationship a go and so I did. Also because of the pressure from my family of wanting me to get myself married before I turn 30 so I thought why not and give this dating thing a try. I have to be honest, I think its quite alright so far. He's a great guy and I do like him as a person and I can see him as a good companion.

 

Are you straight?

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

The problem though is that I'm not as proactive(?) as how a girlfriend should be. I can't be as romantic or flirtatious towards him. I'm not an expressive person and some people might see me as the 'cold' type but that's just how my personality is. and I feel so bad lol.

 

Oh yes you are bad

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

Also, I'm an introvert and I LOVE my alone time. But being thrust into a relationship means changes in my lifestyle. That means lesser alone time and more hanging out and socialising with a person. That just tires me out. lol. My boyfriend is the type who wants to see and hang out with me any chance he gets so if he is free for the entire week, he would literally want to meet me every. single. day. LOL. I just find that suffocating to be quite frank. SO sometimes I would make up excuses just to avoid having him come over to hang out. Which i know is bad because I'm kinda lying to him. I need my alone time and I can't get it if he were to see me almost every day in a week. Even my mom is lowkey questioning why he's coming over so frequently and jokingly asked me if I don't get tired of seeing each other so often. hahaha. Should I be worried if a guy wants to see me too often? I hope its not a red flag for anything because the last thing I want from my first relationship is to have a controlling and obsessive boyfriend. lmao. but so far he's been a great guy tho so I don't think so? well except for this part of him of always wanting to see me. lol. I mean I can handle talking on the phone everyday but seeing each other everyday? isn't that a bit too much? Isn't the seeing each other everyday part after marriage? Lol. Or maybe he's trying to make up for my lack of proactiveness? Idk

 

Relationship is not a game. You should end it if you are not ready or you will be hurting others feelings. People’s heart is not a game to play for.

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

 

I have so many thoughts and I don't know if its because I'm not ready to have a relationship seeing as how this first started due to pressure from my family members. To be more specific, we got introduced by my aunt. So yeah. I don't want let my aunt and her efforts down. 

 

I know I should talk to him about my thoughts but the thought of talking to him about it is giving me anxiety. LOL

I just don't know how to bring my points across without sounding offensive.

 

Just end it

 

6 hours ago, shyyraa said:

 

Any advices or thoughts to share? It'll be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read my rantings. haha

 

Think seriously before starting any relationship or you will be regretting it and hurting others.

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Opposites do attract -- Ms. Introvert meets Mr. Obsessive :joy:Kidding aside, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to give relationship advices but lemme try ... 

 

Here goes ...

 

First of all, just be yourself. You cannot be someone you are not because you want to please your boyfriend and be an ideal girlfriend. You guys allowed yourselves to be in THIS relationship because you both like each other to begin with. He courted you for the kind of person that you are, so don't ever change your personality just to fit into that "ideal" kind. Being romantic and a little flirtatious in a relationship is okay but you don't have to rush things, that can be learned later. Take your time and don't 
pressure yourself. 

 

Second, communication is key. Talk to your boyfriend about the kind of set-up that you want for the two of you... and be honest with him. He may not have an idea right now that he's being clingy. Telling him so may make him realize that! Who knows, he may just being a sweet and dedicated boyfriend by sticking on your side 24/7. Guys have this notion that we, women need them like we need  O and H2O ... like duh! Lol!

 

You may have this set-up: You see each other once a week (have a romantic dinner date on a cozy resto), casually talk to each other on the phone (anytime of the day, if that is okay with you). Well, you have to meet halfway. You have to do your part also...

 

I may edit this later. I'm too tired to think. Goodnight!

 

Let me leave you with this:

 

Relationship of all kinds are like sand in your hands. Held loosely, with an openhand, sands remain where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeezed tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to it, but most will be spilled. By: Kaleel Jamison

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@Sejabin, there is no topic in Soompi that could ever escape from you :joy:. When I saw this post a while ago, I know you'd be replying..

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21 minutes ago, thanie said:

@Sejabin, there is no topic in Soompi that could ever escape from you :joy:. When I saw this post a while ago, I know you'd be replying..

 

Because soompi is my #1 social media HAHAHAHAHA :relieved: I spend most of my times in soompi than in fb or IG xixixix :relaxed:

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I think that for the lying thing, if he actually wants to be with you, that  you should explain  your TRUE nature. If he is worth  being  in a  relationship with than he  will want to help you feel comfortable. if he doesn't  than leave him. Don't be pressured into a relationship that will hurt both sides. Besides, my mom didn't marry till she was 32 and now she lives in a 2.7 acre land with over 5 rooms in her house. Sometimes waiting for the right person is more important than rushing into a relationship just to please others. Just be willing to feel love when it comes. and love isn't just a feeling. It also has to be respect in the relationship. If you can't be honest while your dating, do you think it will get better if you even get married?

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11 hours ago, Sejabin said:

 

Because soompi is my #1 social media HAHAHAHAHA :relieved: I spend most of my times in soompi than in fb or IG xixixix :relaxed:

Same here,  though NOT that often. I log in to Soompi if FB, IG and Twitter gets boring.. or if I get suffocated and pressured with too much work. This serve as my breather from the "usuals" 

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@shyyraaI would like to give you quotes from someone I admired. "When you felt anxious, do take an ACTION". This will make you feel better, as the root cause of anxiety is uncertainty.

 

You have stated some action to take :

 

1. Talk to your bf about your personality, which is introvert, and you feel tired easily with too many social interactions. 

 

2. Just be yourself. In any case, he seems to love you for how you are, as it is. If you forced yourself to change one night, he will somehow feel it, if its lack of sincerity. 

 

Lastly, enjoy your relationship for now. Nobody know what the future holds. You might love him more, you might don't want to continue. There's nothing wrong with what you felt. 

 

P.s I totally can understand your need to have 'alone time'.

 

I hope you find my advice helpful. CHEER UP! 

 

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