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[Drama 2018] My Mister, 나의 아저씨 - Best Drama at 2019 (55th) BaekSang Arts Awards


Go Seung Ji

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Rather than glorifying violence didn't the drama try to make the statement that violence is a heinous crime in every aspect? That's why dong hoon went back and shouted and lashed at kwang gil as his behavior with Ji An was totally unacceptable for him. If the writer has a problem with the way dong hoon and his brothers/friends tackle situations, then I have nothing more to say. This is not like the first time we are seeing things like this in a show. I mean there are movies made on bank robberies, there are Spielberg movies where a con artist has been depicted as a hero and these movies get awards for these types of projections. Dong Hoon said from the start if anyone was hurting his mom he would go as far as killing him too. And I think any normal loving and caring person would feel that way so I don't get what the fuss is about. But I am still glad that she thought the drama is more about dong hoon and Ji An, so we don't necessarily disagree on the main subject matter I guess haha. Although I am still scratching my head over whether dong hoon was really crying in his apartment thinking of Ji An, I wish there were some proofs to confirm this lol. 

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Personally, I never saw Yoon Hee as the “perfect criminal” wife that no one can sympathize with, because I honestly felt for her even if I don’t agree with what she did.  She’s not evil, but she was weak and selfish, an intelligent woman who made a huge mistake.  But I understood how lonely and neglected she must have felt in her marriage.  When she told Dong Hoon about the times when she would ask him where he was and he would say he’s eating with his family, i.e. mother and brothers, I believe she was right to feel hurt because as his wife, she should have been part of that family.  (That, to me, was very telling about how Dong Hoon defines his relationships as well as the extent - or lack thereof - of his love for Yoon Hee.)

 

Hence, taking that into consideration, I never for one second had the illusion that Park Dong Hoon is a perfect man.  He’s very flawed and I think he would be the first to say that.  I think he realized that he had a lot of shortcomings insofar as their marriage is concerned, but what really hurt him was Yoon Hee’s infidelity and deliberate attempt to collude with Joon Young in destroying him.  Yoon Hee may have had just cause initially against Dong Hoon, but her subsequent actions effectively weakened her stand and she knew that.

 

However, it also doesn’t change the fact that there is a double standard prevalent here.  For example, Yoon Hee as the wife was expected to be less succesful than her husband.  She was expected to integrate herself into his family but there didn’t seem to be the same expectations with him.  At least, I’m basing this solely on what the drama had depicted about Yoon Hee and her marriage to Dong Hoon.

 

I’m not exactly sure why this author seemed to think that Park Dong Hoon was being shown as a perfect man. He wasn’t.  I’m sure everyone would agree with me. But what makes his character shine is the fact that, despite his flaws, his innate goodness and integrity comes through and in the end, it was that which gave him the courage to finally stand up to those who subjected him and others who relied on him - his team members and Ji An most especially - to injustice.

 

And what’s this about the age gap again being an issue?  I thought we were against double standards here. 

 

 

 

 

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4 hours ago, kdramafanlsk said:

 

@kdramafanlsk  said " When JA said she hates JY because ajhussi hates him, DH replied "dont call me mister, call me manager". What does that mean? Was it correctly translated? Seems DH was establishing their relationship as a professional one?"

(Btw, on ep 9 it was clearly established that DH likes JA. It was JY who said that if DH eats and drinks with a woman it meant he likes that woman. That is why in the following scene when he waited for JA when she missed her stop and JA emerged from the subway looking for him and their eyes met and stayed in contact the entire time he was crossing the street, it totally took a more romantic undertone. =) gosh, i can rewatch that scene again and again. :wub:)
 

When Ji-an said that she hates CEO because Ajusshi hates him....it probably struck a cord inside Engineer Dong Hoon.  He doesn't expect this young woman with her hard life where she can barely get by, to fight his battle....  He was very touched, so he warns her to treat him as a manager, and not a personal friend.  He did not want her hurt in his struggle.... after all it is between him and the CEO.

 

Secondly, what she said shows that she care a great deal about him, with very strong feelings for him, so much that he is not prepared to reciprocate, despite his own strong feelings for her.  He is after all, still married with a son who is still trying to put on the façade of a successful happy man.

 

In his way, he is trying in episode 9 to keep a small distance between them, for his comfort and peace of mind....for she represents DANGER...to his self control. In episode 1 when his brothers commented on his scruples, he later whispered to himself  "because I've never been tempted".....

 

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18 hours ago, chickfactor said:

 

 

Inchon Business

If It's Love, than even Phone-Tapping is ok? "My Ahjussi" should have been rated Age 19

[TV Review] Thoughts after Drama is Over

Kim, Sun-Hee

5/28/2018

 

I want to think over "My Ahjussi" once more, which has already finished airing. It is a masterwork that follows the pedigree of "Misaeng" and "Reply 1988" so it is difficult to escape its 'imagery' and compared to the viewer ratings, it has inspired a great deal of fondness, so I have a feeling it will have a long, lingering impact. On the other hand, there is never-ending controversy calling attention to the twisted "sexual consciousness" of men who desire relationships with young women. Despite that, this drama was “can’t miss” for me, and I enjoyed it. “My Ahjussi” had the deep, human scent of “Misaeng” and “Reply 1988” and filled the empty space that those dramas had left, enveloping me in an inescapable [__] of sympathy.

 

These are the reasons I determine that this drama is a masterpiece.

 

First, it depicted reality in such shudder-inducing detail that it inspired deep introspection about the recovery of humanity, and in the lives of these plain people, the savory flavors of philosophy and aesthetics were inherent.

 

Second, Dong-Hoon and Ji-An, the main characters, their match was truly amazing. You could not even imagine either of them played by anyone else. They were not the Lee Sun-Kyun and Lee Ji-Eun we had been watching before. It was to the point that if we watched them in their previous works (in other mediums) it felt unfamiliar and you wanted to turn your head. It made you wonder if half the work of a drama is about finding the right actors for the parts, that was how perfectly these roles fitted them.

 

Third, even the small roles and their rough characters seemed so alive, and had so much charisma and gravity that the lines between the main characters and supporting characters blurred.

 

But there are still many problems that we close our eyes to. On top of the age difference between the main character, there is excessive violence, glamorization of crime, inequality in education level, etc. - it became the subject of endless controversies. But despite all that, everyone's story was told with gravity. In the end, everything was wrapped up in the larger meaning, and left a beautiful and strong message, so the show concluded amidst a storm of applause. In the hearts of the modern audience who live repressed lives due to the hard lines of our society, they felt the existence of strong sympathy and humanity and (the drama) left them a warm, healing message.

 

Watching this drama, I felt like I was watching a swindler with his hand on my money pouch strapped to my waist. The drama’s problematic factors were clear, but when I watched without paying attention, it felt like the swindler’s hand reached inside my money pouch. No, at some points, I preferred to be deceived.

 

The Problem Elements of “My Ahjussi” that I Observed

 

These are the problem elements I discovered.

 

First, it was clearly the objective (of the drama) to show a romantic relationship between an adult man and a young woman. There are many pitiful situations in the drama, but Dong-Hoon treats only Ji-An with too much deep empathy and his behavior (towards her) is excessive. The drama subverted these “suspicions” in sophisticated ways and provided meaningful pretext.

 

Looking down at Ji-an’s feet in short socks that exposed her ankles and wearing worn-out sneakers Dong-Hoon said, “Why do you wear such short socks in winter? Do you think it’s sexy?” He goes to a bar in which he had a drink with her before, looks around and asks the owner, “Did you see that girl who came with me before, by chance? That pretty girl…” The drama’s PD insisted that he wanted to depict human love rather than man-woman love, but he insisted on referencing “sexiness” and “pretty,” thereby not letting the viewer’s expectations for romance die. He is a skilled hunter who killed two rabbits with one stone: get high ratings and silence the critics.

 

The second is the glamorization of violence and crime. In the drama, the “victim mentality” is handled with violence. Especially, there is a “solidarity conscience” in which familial or tribal rules govern their actions (rather than government rules), in which people determine for themselves what is right despite being adults, and to assume all consequences (in proportion to) how difficult their lives are. The main character who is in his mid-40s and his family have each failed to achieve independence from such existence and continue to surround each other, and band together in a “sticky” bond and straddle the line between warm human love and collectivism.

 

The most serious thing is the glamorization of Ji-An’s phone-tapping. She begins tapping Dong-Hoon’s phone with the purpose of committing a crime, but through it, she feels compassion and love. But even after she becomes “on his side” and no longer his enemy, the tapping continues. After she is on his side, she feels more compassion and supports him more through the phone-tapping.

 

Through the hot tears of the viewers, many excellent scenes are shown that involve the phone-tapping. If someone comes to truly love you and you become precious to them, then is it okay to be phone-tapped? In this world, would anyone ever feel okay to be phone-tapped? Even if I think about this 100, 1000 times, and it is still appalling.

 

This drama is a genius alchemist, able to draw out the emotions of the viewers. Especially, the phone-tapping becomes the alchemist’s most effective and novel tool. That this feels beautiful actually makes me fearful. So this drama should have been rated Age 19, at least.

 

Third, the biggest, most unpleasant element is that it is centered on one cuckolded man. Dong-Hoon’s wife, Yoon-Hee is having an affair. Her partner happens to be an old foe of her good-hearted husband. Thus, Yoon-Hee’s purpose becomes a "perfect criminal" than no one can sympathize with. None of the character nor any viewer has any reason to sympathize with her.

 

Yoon-Hee is successful in her career, with a kind husband and treated like a queen by her humane (thoughtful) in-laws. But she was lonely. Even after her husband became a father, he regarded his mother and brothers first in his heart and did not give affection to Yoon-Hee. Without missing a day, he hung out with his brothers and neighborhood friends, leaving the spot next her empty.

 

He married, but his heart could not become independent, and he found social satisfaction with his parent, brothers, and friends, so it was a chilly marriage. The drama made sure that Yoon-Hee could not receive sympathy and emphasizes Dong-Hoon’s loneliness. Not only that, Yoon-Hee reproaches herself harshly and determines that she will accept any punishment that Dong-Hoon gives her. She even atones by taking Ji-An’s side, the woman who now fully occupies Dong-Hoon’s heart and helps him sincerely. It cannot be denied that the story is weighted towards the man’s perspective to the point of cruelty.

 

On the other hand, Sang-Hoon (older bro) and Ki-Hoon (younger bro) were excited the moment they became aware of Ji-An’s existence. They wondered if a flirtation had begun between a young woman and their brother, Dong-Hoon, and they became happy and envious. And when they found out about Yoon-Hee’s affair, they became even more enraged and sad than Dong-Hoon did. To show these scenes side-by-side in the same drama feels so shameless that I cannot suppress my feelings of displeasure. In the final episode when Dong-Hoon sobs in his empty house while thinking of Ji-An did we finally have the “space” to properly see the relationship between Dong-Hoon and Ji-An.

 

After being wounded by the perfect criminal Yoon-Hee, Dong-Hoon, who did not have to recover easily, that is this ahjussi’s victory. And for the pursuit of his personal nirvana, Kyum-Duk left Jung-Hee, leaving her with lifelong regret. So for “the greater cause” (of their men) were Yoon-Hee and Jung-Hee sacrificed? It’s hard not to jeer at the excuse that people use, this concept of “the greater cause.”

 

In the end, the loves depicted in this drama are not healthy. Many characters have focused too much of the needs of their original family and never became independent even after their marriage. And the very concept of their family is too biased towards the man’s blood relatives. Dong-Hoon and Ji-An, the man and woman couple is buried in their excessive compassion.

 

It speaks of endlessly warm humanity, but...

 

This drama speaks of endlessly warm humanity. But it is all based on someone’s assumed unconditional sacrifice and devotion. In the end, it skillfully and sophisticatedly indoctrinates a very old-fashioned patriarchal perspective that is dream of by men. But after absorbing its lingering imagery and the many varied opinions, I discovered an even greater monster. More than I expected, I witnessed many people saying, “This is the type of adult I would like to become.”

 

What other drama can so easily transform men and woman of all ages to kind and innocent children, in just one instant? I had a terrifying thought that even the patriarchy was a sacrificial lamb to the needs of this society. (???)

 

The many strifes in this drama was always left to be solved by an individual. Dong-Hoon, who felt deep compassion for Ji-An goes alone to the feisty loan shark in his 20s, Kwang-Il and fights a life-and-death battle with him. Ji-An is left alone to care for her old, infirm grandmother who is also deaf. Seeing her situation, Dong-Hoon tells her to seek government assistance, and Ji-An begins to be saved by Dong-Hoon.

 

Two unemployed brothers in their 40s live with their mother, eating her warm food. When they learn that Dong-Hoon was beaten by Kwang-Il, Hoo-Gye-dong’s residents ran out prepared for battle. When Ji-An’s penniless grandmother dies, Sang-Hoon gives all his hard-earned money he earned by cleaning so that Ji-An can have a grand funeral for her.

 

A mother’s endless sacrifice, a head-of-household who cannot collapse due to his family’s expectations, the wife who endures everything in order for one man to achieve his fulfillment, and the granddaughter, the neighbor… perhaps the irresponsible desires of society are hidden in these “beautiful customs?” We are being given a lifestyle with a different shape. And therefore, time has come for us to acknowledge and protect individual wants and needs in our society rather than sacrifice for the greater good. Thinking about it, this drama's language is too familiar and suits our tastes too well.

 

When our days are bound to be busy and difficult to conquer, it comforts and appeases us so skillfully. Suddenly we have become gentle sheep, making us chant, "Yes, those were the good old days." But we have come to cross a pond that we cannot turn back from. To achieve our current society in which eating and living has not become so difficult, many individuals had to sacrifice so much. Our lives are so that we barely have enough space to save ourselves. Haven't we all experienced so many times in which the most important thing was so protect ourselves?

 

Now that we solved the problem of how to make a living, and now demand protection from society, "My Ahjussi" tells us this. "The old days were good, that is the true way to live," it tells us warmly and beautifully. When I get to this point, in my heart, "My Ahjussi" transforms into "Just an Old Fogey." This is the limit of the swindler's fancy hand tricks.

 

Rather than aprehensive critize those review was sound ambigue pov like some of soompier write here. When we start talking the distinction between Man and women ,i am sure it is impossible for us to make ends meet.

MA could critize in any and each aspect in the point  which edge you most favour to seen.however it would not take much effort or brain  to devise how depth the writer brought such unpleasant issue and mastering in once lenght conclussion at the end,  how beautiful though, unselfness could safe a wandering soul to find her/his own home.this the essential thought i could found to ease my mind to recover the open ending.

Mysoginity,feminist? lolita complex? Patriatrichal? Age gap?lousy writing?

Whatever!?:rolleyes:

Those all stigma no new at all.

Ones i trully apreciated and value this drama the most is the consistency in each character, we earth bound humane we supposed to cry, fragile, sad and  happy but sometime the toughness of life not allowed ourself to do so.seeing how all the character in MA struggle to finding the meaning of their existence could made us take a look our journey as human too, those all the beauty we ever seen in MA.

And of course by all means the heartfelt love line between Jian and DH is the most appealing romance in my dictionary, i still hungry and weeping over their chimestry, goodness can the writer  writing just about them.(i missed their walking talking date so much)

 

lastly this drama would be stand at present with all longlife issue and complexcity attention they draw i belief they are good for next generation.ahead of time.

 

IMG_20180520_141715.jpg

 

Happy wednesday blues..soompier-_-

 

Jianaa miss you girl..

Dong honssi are you call her already..?

Sometime action is more powerfull than a words...take action please.:)

 

 

 

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49 minutes ago, tiger457_stv said:

@kdramafanlsk  said " When JA said she hates JY because ajhussi hates him, DH replied "dont call me mister, call me manager". What does that mean? Was it correctly translated? Seems DH was establishing their relationship as a professional one?"

(Btw, on ep 9 it was clearly established that DH likes JA. It was JY who said that if DH eats and drinks with a woman it meant he likes that woman. That is why in the following scene when he waited for JA when she missed her stop and JA emerged from the subway looking for him and their eyes met and stayed in contact the entire time he was crossing the street, it totally took a more romantic undertone. =) gosh, i can rewatch that scene again and again. :wub:)
 

When Ji-an said that she hates CEO because Ajusshi hates him....it probably struck a cord inside Engineer Dong Hoon.  He doesn't expect this young woman with her hard life where she can barely get by, to fight his battle....  He was very touched, so he warns her to treat him as a manager, and not a personal friend.  He did not want her hurt in his struggle.... after all it is between him and the CEO.

 

Secondly, what she said shows that she care a great deal about him, with very strong feelings for him, so much that he is not prepared to reciprocate, despite his own strong feelings for her.  He is after all, still married with a son who is still trying to put on the façade of a successful happy man.

 

In his way, he is trying in episode 9 to keep a small distance between them, for his all comfort and peace of mind....for she represents DANGER...to his self control. In episode 1 when his brothers commented on his scruples, he later whispered to himself  "because I've never been tempted".....

 

Thanks @tiger457_stv! Now I get that line, it got lost due to translation for me... What's ironic is by the end of ep 9 he has gotten irrevocably involved in JA's life. He got into a fist fight with Kwang Il.

 

What needs to be pointed out is that after getting info on JA DH chose to help her and confront her tormentor. The same way that JA after learning things about DH thru the bug, chose to help him. They both could have chosen otherwise. Exactly why DH forgave JA about that bug.:)commentaries on MA that put much emphasis on that bug as a breach of confidence have to view it from DH's perspective. 

 

There is a saying, intimate information about you is like a knife, foes are those that use it against you. Friends are those who wont.

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I wonder if it ever occurred to those who complain about the age gap that there is a purpose to that. It was never intended to pander to the sexual fantasies of middle-aged men.  It was put there because it will make Park Dong Hoon’s moral dilemma about his relationship with Ji An all the more acute and his inner conflict all the more intense. He’s a morally upright man.  I’m sure when he first started helping out Ji An, he thought he was merely being kind to a girl who was little more than a child in age as far as he’s concerned.  The last thing he probably expected was to realize that Ji An was not a child but a woman.  And that she saw him as a man.  And that he would feel such a deep connection to her that she would matter so much to him, almost beyond rhyme or reason.  That probably  drove him up the wall, so to speak.

 

Yet throughout the drama, we can see how steadfast and determined he was to keep a certain distance between them.  You will never see him take advantage of Ji An, even avoiding any physical contact, regardless if the situation calls for it. Take for example how he ran away from her after they brought her grandmother to the living facility and how he made sure to sit somewhere where she won’t have any space to sit near him.  Then when she was crying at the morgue when her grandmother died, he took care to just hold her upper arms to help her up but he still made sure to hold her away from him. And when he finally found her in that shed at the dump, she was so broken and yet he never held herto comfort her, not even a mere touch of the hand.  He just watched her as she cried. And he refused to hug her the first time she asked.  He only allowed it when he knew it would be the last time they would see each other. Even then, you could see how stiffly he held himself, indicating the level of control he was exercising then.

 

So I don’t see how some people think there’s something wrong with their age gap in this drama. Honestly. :huh:

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2 minutes ago, akhenaten said:

I wonder if it ever occurred to those who complain about the age gap that there is a purpose to that. It was never intended to pander to the sexual fantasies of middle-aged men.  It was put there because it will make Park Dong Hoon’s moral dilemma about his relationship with Ji An all the more acute and his inner conflict all the more intense. He’s a morally upright man.  I’m sure when he first started helping out Ji An, he thought he was merely being kind to a girl who was little more than a child in age as far as he’s concerned.  The last thing he probably expected was to realize that Ji An was not a child but a woman.  And that she saw him as a man.  And that he would feel such a deep connection to her that she would matter so much to him, almost beyond rhyme or reason.  That probably  drove him up the wall, so to speak.

 

Yet throughout the drama, we can see how steadfast and determined he was to keep a certain distance between them.  You will never see him take advantage of Ji An, even avoiding any physical contact, regardless if the situation calls for it. Take for example how he ran away from her after they brought her grandmother to the living facility and how he made sure to sit somewhere where she won’t have any space to sit near him.  Then when she was crying at the morgue when her grandmother died, he took care to just hold her upper arms to help her up but he still made sure to hold her away from him. And when he finally found her in that shed at the dump, she was so broken and yet he never held herto comfort her, not even a mere touch of the hand.  He just watched her as she cried. And he refused to hug her the first time she asked.  He only allowed it when he knew it would be the last time they would see each other. Even then, you could see how stiffly he held himself, indicating the level of control he was exercising then.

 

So I don’t see how some people think there’s something wrong with their age gap in this drama. Honestly. :huh:

 

Exactly. And maybe why they got IU who looks even younger than her age coz she is so small. This drama was never meant to sexualize the relationship. It instead showed how circumstances and choices can slowly build a connection between 2 persons.

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50 minutes ago, kdramafanlsk said:

Thanks @tiger457_stv! Now I get that line, it got lost due to translation for me... What's ironic is by the end of ep 9 he has gotten irrevocably involved in JA's life. He got into a fist fight with Kwang Il.

 

What needs to be pointed out is that after getting info on JA DH chose to help her and confront her tormentor. The same way that JA after learning things about DH thru the bug, chose to help him. They both could have chosen otherwise. Exactly why DH forgave JA about that bug.:)commentaries on MA that put much emphasis on that bug as a breach of confidence have to view it from DH's perspective.

@kdramafanlsk  Many soompians have commented about Engineer Dong Hoon…. that he is very constant on how he see the world and act.   He analyzes before he acts (most of the time unless he gets angry and resort to fisty-cuff).   He sees clearly what is right and what is wrong.  He empathizes with people because he can see it from their viewpoint.  that is why he forgives Ji-an so quickly after finding out about her invasion of his privacy.  he understands why she did it,  and knowing well her character, realizing that like him, she is a victim,... a victim of her desperate poverty with responsibility toward grand-mother beyond anything that he could imagine.  He also realizes that she did not intent him any harm, and is grateful for being his shadow, hearing his thoughts, his anguish, cheering for him in his torments, his distress..... a good man who listens to those he cares about.

 

@kdramafanlsk also said quoting @akhenaten:  Exactly. And maybe why they got IU who looks even younger than her age coz she is so small. This drama was never meant to sexualize the relationship. It instead showed how circumstances and choices can slowly build a connection between 2 persons.

 

This reader says:  And that is why this relationship will last...because it is built on a solid foundation.  Like concrete, the longer one let it set, the stronger it becomes.

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On 5/28/2018 at 10:35 PM, akhenaten said:

Was re-watching the clip in Episode 16 when Dong Hoon was driving Ji An back from visiting her grandmother.  She was sitting at the back of the car and watching him drive.  She was focused on how one hand lightly held the steering wheel while the other was just resting on his thigh and she commented on how he was a totally different person when he drives, which I take to mean that he’s more confident and relaxed.  It drove home to me again that her awareness of him is so acute it’s almost preternatural.  

 

As a woman. I found this scene charged with sexual tension. They are just so physically aware of each other and the way they shot the scene, the camera observing his body, was extremely intimate.

 

19 hours ago, chickfactor said:

To me, the "buy me new slippers" scene is basically a love confession. He is making it clear that he will not let her exit his life for convenience, and to him, that is huge. That's why she had that ZOMG look on her face, because she understood what it meant.

 

It's like Jae-Chul said, they are speaking in code to each other. The audience knows the code, because the writer-PD taught it to them. You can refuse to see it if you need absolute confirmation via traditional visuals (kissing, etc), and/or don't want to believe in this romance, which is fine. Everyone has that choice. But the code is there, and it's quite clear and consistent.

 

Slippers was the turning point for me as well when a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, OMG! It's a love story!

 

13 hours ago, maddymappo said:

She was protected by them The alpha dog (DH) had introduced her to the pack and so she was accepted, even grandma's funeral.

 

No to me the alpha dogs are Jae Chul and Sang Hoon! Dong Hoon is definitely a beta....

 

10 hours ago, sadiesmith said:

@ninaanin and @justamom, I am a Christian and saw no rudeness in your comments. The pastor has replied back and posted a question to you, @justamom. After you read it I dare you to show him the link to your fabulous fanfic. :lol:

 

HAHA. I just saw it. Thanks for the compliment. Can you share it instead? Don't want to sound too obsessed :ph34r:

 

BTW if you're reading my fic and left me a comment under a different name, drop me a PM! Always good to know who I'm talking to... :)


@h2ogirl loved all your thoughts and analysis in that post, carefully laid out just like an engineer, haha!You ladies and men, reading this thread is really like Film Criticism Theory 101. Everyone's comments have been so thoughtful and meticulous. I'm in awe!! 


What do you all think of setting up a My Ahjussi fan page, like the Secret Love Affair Soompi forum did after the show? I just feel like all these awesome threads and conversations should be archived!

 

http://pianoconversations.wordpress.com/

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26 minutes ago, justamom said:

HAHA. I just saw it. Thanks for the compliment. Can you share it instead? Don't want to sound too obsessed :ph34r:

 

BTW if you're reading my fic and left me a comment under a different name, drop me a PM! Always good to know who I'm talking to... :)

 

 

I would be happy to share your fic, but should I tell him that you wrote it and that's how you would see "the relationships pan out?" :D

 

Here it is again for those who missed it the first time:

https://www.blogpastor.net/2018/05/my-mistermy-ajusshi-a-reflection/

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We're approaching the two-week mark of life without DH & JA. 

 

Just wanna take a sec to say I LOVE Y'ALL. I can't possibly make it through this period without you guys. Big big shout out to @justamom @chickfactor @h2ogirl for your mad analytical skillz. Everytime I read your comments, I wanna shout: CHINGU, OMG OMG CHINGU, I FEEL THE SAME WAY! 

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29 minutes ago, akhenaten said:

I wonder if it ever occurred to those who complain about the age gap that there is a purpose to that. It was never intended to pander to the sexual fantasies of middle-aged men.  It was put there because it will make Park Dong Hoon’s moral dilemma about his relationship with Ji An all the more acute and his inner conflict all the more intense. He’s a morally upright man.  I’m sure when he first started helping out Ji An, he thought he was merely being kind to a girl who was little more than a child in age as far as he’s concerned.  The last thing he probably expected was to realize that Ji An was not a child but a woman.  And that she saw him as a man.  And that he would feel such a deep connection to her that she would matter so much to him, almost beyond rhyme or reason.  That probably  drove him up the wall, so to speak.

 

Yet throughout the drama, we can see how steadfast and determined he was to keep a certain distance between them.  You will never see him take advantage of Ji An, even avoiding any physical contact, regardless if the situation calls for it. Take for example how he ran away from her after they brought her grandmother to the living facility and how he made sure to sit somewhere where she won’t have any space to sit near him.  Then when she was crying at the morgue when her grandmother died, he took care to just hold her upper arms to help her up but he still made sure to hold her away from him. And when he finally found her in that shed at the dump, she was so broken and yet he never held herto comfort her, not even a mere touch of the hand.  He just watched her as she cried. And he refused to hug her the first time she asked.  He only allowed it when he knew it would be the last time they would see each other. Even then, you could see how stiffly he held himself, indicating the level of control he was exercising then.

 

So I don’t see how some people think there’s something wrong with their age gap in this drama. Honestly. :huh:

EXACTLY!! I feel like thats all Ive been saying. I just really agree with a lot of the different insights everyone has provided. DH has really held himself and stood by it, until the time where theyve had to part. Also a reason why I was so looking forward to this drama when I first heard about it. The plot sounded good and different, I wanted to see how they were going to make it work. 

Thats why it was also annoying when theyve decided to address controversies. I feel like that really has a chance to ruin the flow of a story. I remember My Introverted Boss, about two episodes in, there were people complaining about the lead female’s character. I liked the story but it just makes you wonder how it couldve gone had people not decided to complain about it otherwise. Their opinions, critics, really altered the story telling. Like, why not wait for the plot to develop first. 

 

 

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@chickfactor agreed with everything you said there especially re: Ji Seok being a plot device. I believe Yeon Hee's sister is in the US as well. That's how I believe their future pans out (and it's in my fic too, haha): Dong Hoon hangs around a bit, pretends to be a goose father to his friends with his wife and son in the US (it's supposed to be cool for upper class Korean males), then Ji An walks back to his life and BAM! Game over.

 

“When you had an affair with that guy, you passed a death sentence on me.” --> how on earth would any man be able to reconcile with his wife after experiencing this??? Pastor is this man Christ??

 

6 hours ago, kappy said:

"Adult man and a young woman"

Me:  How about "adult man and adult woman"?  She's younger, it is true, but she's also an adult already.

 

I checked with my Korean tutor and "grown man and young woman" is probably a better translation. The word in Hanja is 即成年 for those of you who read Chinese.

 

6 hours ago, kappy said:

- "...many pitiful situations...but DH treats only Ji An with too much deep empathy and his behavior (towards her) is excessive.  

Me:  Too much empathy?  Well, the more pitiable the situation, the more empathy it deserves, I think.  And what exactly was this "excessive behavior"?

 

 

I think her point was more there are many things to find pitiful/sympathise with in this show, but Dong Hoon's reactions towards Ji An go way beyond pity (like we all have been saying for pages and pages)

 

6 hours ago, ccl82 said:

She's a championlah. 

 

Yah lor :lol:

 

39 minutes ago, akhenaten said:

I wonder if it ever occurred to those who complain about the age gap that there is a purpose to that. It was never intended to pander to the sexual fantasies of middle-aged men.  It was put there because it will make Park Dong Hoon’s moral dilemma about his relationship with Ji An all the more acute and his inner conflict all the more intense. He’s a morally upright man.  I’m sure when he first started helping out Ji An, he thought he was merely being kind to a girl who was little more than a child in age as far as he’s concerned.  The last thing he probably expected was to realize that Ji An was not a child but a woman.  And that she saw him as a man.  And that he would feel such a deep connection to her that she would matter so much to him, almost beyond rhyme or reason.  That probably  drove him up the wall, so to speak.

 

THISS! YESS!!! I am just triple highlighting it because it's so important and that's why the age gap criticism falls flat.

 

Dong Hoon, the more you run, the more obvious you get....

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20 minutes ago, sadiesmith said:

I would be happy to share your fic, but should I tell him that you wrote it and that's how you would see "the relationships pan out?"

 

Here it is again for those who missed it the first time:

https://www.blogpastor.net/2018/05/my-mistermy-ajusshi-a-reflection/

 

Nope :ph34r: Singapore is a small enough place (where your schoolmate's brother is your husband's soccer buddy and that sort of thing) and I'm trying not to leave too many online traces of my personal life though oh god what have I been saying here in the past two months :ph34r:

 

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2 hours ago, akhenaten said:

Personally, I never saw Yoon Hee as the “perfect criminal” wife that no one can sympathize with, because I honestly felt for her even if I don’t agree with what she did.  She’s not evil, but she was weak and selfish, an intelligent woman who made a huge mistake.  But I understood how lonely and neglected she must have felt in her marriage.

 

 


 

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 When she told Dong Hoon about the times when she would ask him where he was and he would say he’s eating with his family, i.e. mother and brothers, I believe she was right to feel hurt because as his wife, she should have been part of that family.


 

 

 

Nobody stopped her to join him when he went to eat with his family, or to go t Jung-Hee's. DH must have known how she felt about going, about her distaste, hence why he stopped bring this to discussion. Slowly, he no longer told her about those things, which is not his fault. If she was the first to refuse or started treating those with hostility, that's her own fault. I'm pretty sure Yun-Hee was the first one to slowly detach herself from her in-laws and from the neighborhood. If she became passive and expected DH to take responsibility for her OWN detachment, that's her own fault. DH is not responsable for her own feelings, she is. If there is anything she felt was not viable, she should have brought it up and discuss it. Instead, she let rot more and more. I don't think it's fair make DH guilty for YH being a coward and ignorant woman.

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 For example, Yoon Hee as the wife was expected to be less successful than her husband.

 

 

I never heard his mother complain about her job, but her attitude. The fact that she seemed so arrogant and never seemed to motivate DH, but not for her own ego, but for what he needed. At least to me, it looked like the mother was rather upset that YH was not so open to her husband as DH was to her, that DH was focused more on her than he should have been on himself.

Even when she left, the mother did not talk bad not so much about why she left, but the fact that it looked like YH abandoned DH when he needed his wife's support the most. Pretty sure the mother sensed the decay in her son, and she expected YH to give DH what her son gave his wife all these years.

Not trying to deny that Park mamma is not acting cold towards her daughter-in-law, but I don't think she ever dismissed people who have success. Look at YR or JH, they are both successful, yet they are humble, and the mother does treat them well. Maybe it's the fact that they are humble and do not expect her sons to be more that they are. The mother's attitude towards YR changed only when she asked too much from KH, when she tried to force him out of his way when he was not yet prepared to make the first step.

 

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 She was expected to integrate herself into his family but there didn’t seem to be the same expectations with him.  At least, I’m basing this solely on what the drama had depicted about Yoon Hee and her marriage to Dong Hoon.

 

When you marry, you are expected to do certain things. C'mon, this is happening with modern couples too - when you enter a family, certain obligations arise. I'm not saying that DH is not a momma's boy sometimes and that he might be too attached to his family, but if what you wrote was right, then these would not be happening:

 

1. DH and YH would be living with his family, not in their own apartment.

2. Their son would not be living overseas, but studying nearby.

 

These are two major moves DH did for the sake of his wife, which in korean cultures are for some families unimaginable. And it's not like momma Park would not seriously object her grandson to be sent overseas. The fact that it happened, shows DH made some sacrifices too - he has to see his son via phone, just to comply to his wife's wish. Even more, he ALLOWS him to remain in the states, although he would WANT him to return. Talk about expectations, really now !

 

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I’m not exactly sure why this author seemed to think that Park Dong Hoon was being shown as a perfect man.

 

 

To me he seemed an average man, nothing special.

 

Quote

And what’s this about the age gap again being an issue?  I thought we were against double standards here. 

 

Ironically, viewers have nothing against historical dramas, where a 15 yrs old bride marries a king in his 50s, or maybe even older. Or when noble men deflower Kisaengs that barely grew off their puberty.

But that's tradition...

 

 

 

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34 minutes ago, akhenaten said:

The last thing he probably expected was to realize that Ji An was not a child but a woman.  And that she saw him as a man.  And that he would feel such a deep connection to her that she would matter so much to him, almost beyond rhyme or reason.  That probably  drove him up the wall, so to speak.

wow thank you so much for this, couldn't have said any more perfectly!

 

Also thanks to @chickfactor for translating the article and then your insight. I agree with you on it 100%. And I'd like to rant a little myself, because it kind of gave me a new perspective and more things that I pondered over. For a second there, the article and the points emphasized caught me off guard, making me think: "wait a minute, how come I didn't see all these things and it didn't bother me?" but soon enough I realized that the author exaggerated and overdramatized her article (I'll just refer to the author as a she), aimlessly blaming the drama for things it didn't actually contain. I'll just break my arguments into few parts, here it goes: 

 

1. The article author looks down on DH and JA's relationship and their feelings for each other. To perceive their relationship as an attempt of the drama writer to encourage old men in pursuing young girls is just a shallow way of thinking. DH has never shown interest toward JA in a dishonest way. In fact, he is drawn to JA in a very subconscious way. She is in no way first pitiful or young girl that has crossed paths with DH. What we have here is a classic example of soulmates. Platonic or romantic, DH and JA are soulmates, attracted and drawn together without no conscious reason. I fail to understand how the blog writer can see DH's comment about JA not wearing socks as something sexual. All I see is an innocent surprise at how someone could walk around dressed so coldly in the middle of the winter. It was never DH's intention to fall for JA, it just happened. He is instinctively interested in her, like how he chose JA's CV just by the word running. There are no physical and earthly desires. DH and JA's souls are drawn to each other. 

 

2. Sexism and Patriarchy. Again, the article author is unnecessarily reading in between the lines, seeing things that aren’t actually there. Makes me think that she wrote this review as a poor attempt at being a social justice warrior, hmph. I’ll just focus on SH’s teasing and how the journalist emphasizes it as an example of double standards. It seems to me that the blogger doesn’t have a sibling and has now idea about how sibling dynamics work. Siblings tease each other about everything and everyone and 99% of those jokes are harmless and unserious in nature. SH would never even assume that DH whose middle name is “moral”  could actually fall for young girl like JA while married and with a child. All SH wanted was to amuse himself and have fun, cue to his comment after DH coldly dismisses the teasing. As for the brothers being mad about YH's affair, their reaction is completely realistic. What kind of a sibling wouldn't be mad after hearing such news? The reaction would be 100% the same if DH was a woman and had sisters/brothers, it's just a natural response and has nothing to do with gender, hence with double standards as well. 

Contrary to the blogger, I don’t see any Patriarchal undertones in the drama. Where is it? Where did she see it? Does she see it in DH who has no problem with his wife being a successful lawyer, who never questions YH’s loyalty and does all the house chores? Again, she points out things that doesn’t exist in drama.

 

3. Collectivism. Here as well we have a dramatized speech about how DH is depended on his family and squad. Well, excuse the man for trying to look after his old mother and supporting brothers. All I saw was genuine and honest human relations, what’s bad in having people on whom you can depend and just spend a good time? Absolutely nothing. Life is hard as it is.  I come from an individualistic society where a place of a family, i.e. siblings and parents is very important. I respect DH for being such a devoted son and brother. Married doesn’t mean that your only family is your significant other and children, that’s just bull**it. How do you go on not caring about people with whom you grew up and raised you? The criticizing is absolutely unnecessary and lacks any substantial evidence.

 

I guess, that’s everything I wanted to say about the article. For the second part of my post I’ll touch YH’s affair and the marriage. In no way can I justify her infidelity, she herself admitted that there were 1000 reasons to why she cheated but none of them were real. As some of you pointed out, YH is a very clever woman. All along, she knew well enough what she was doing. Indeed, she didn’t go and cheat on DH impulsively. It was a fully conscious decision. What I blame her in is how well she knows DH but chooses to stand aside and never tries to understand him, his intentions, never supports his decisions or pushes him to do better. YH decides to stand aside and watch DH wallow in self-pity, blaming everything on him. Granted, their marriage is a grey matter. YH isn’t the only suspect in their dysfunctional family, but she might as well attempted to somehow extend her helping her husband, I’m sure DH would gladly accept her support. But she remained cold and decided that she had nothing to do with his husband inner problems and let him separate his immediate family and wife. I have said many times and will say again, that it’s clear as a day that DH and YH never really functioned well as a husband and wife, what we saw in the drama is a result of years of falling apart. DH’s mom always worried about him. Why? Because he was never actually happy.

 

Oh geez I wrote so much, all the ideas just keep coming and I itch to write them and share it here.

 

BTW here’s another beautiful  oneshot, I’ve shared her work before as well, she’s very talented and just pictures JA and DH’s dynamics so well, show her some love http://eatalottransferstudent.tumblr.com/post/174353221842/youre-trembling-park-dong-hoon-had-said-as

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I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I really dislike YunHee's character for having her happiness depending too much on the others., which rises the further question - why didn't she have any friends of her own, to spend time with? Even if she disliked her husband's, why didn't she have some people to share her time with. This makes her actually hypocritical - she judges the entourage of DH, yet she has none. Ok, it would be different if she actually had some friends, better than those who DH spends time with. But she doesn't, she just criticizes what she is not able to get. She blames others for what she lack the determination  to do, for her refusal to get out of her comfort zone. No matter how dull or passive DH became over the years, he actually, takes responsibility for his decisions and does not blame others for whatever happens to him, even if it's slow and in a passive way.

 

Also, what I disagree with other people - DH is in no way a selfless man, on he contrary, he is also very selfish. In order to maintain a connection with someone, he gives, but not freely - he must also feel that he receives back what he gives. That's why he hates DY, because he knows he never gets back from his what he wants.  He did not start to help Ji-An, not until she was the first one to help, to prove that the efforts he would invest in their connection would give him the feedback he expects.

He can't detach himself from materialism and become like his friend, linked to nothing on this world, because he knows he already gave too much to do that. Ironically, that's the source of his suffering  - not receiving back the amount he gives, which hurts his pride and ego.He feels worthless because he can't determine others to return like he gives, hence why he would rather die than to admit his wife won't give him the same amount he thinks he has given all this years. He would rather hold onto her than to let her go for someone that his pride doesn't consider worth.

Yet, this selfishness, masked under a humble attitude, is what makes him more interesting, my opinion. The fact that he learns that he is selfish and his wife is too, that all people are. I believe that's the reason why trusted and got closer to Ji-An: he recognized, unconsciously, in her, the attitude and the thoughts he tried to repress in himself. Once he learns he is selfish and there is not wrong with that, he is able to free himself of all the burdens.

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1 hour ago, ccl82 said:

We're approaching the two-week mark of life without DH & JA. 

 

Just wanna take a sec to say I LOVE Y'ALL. I can't possibly make it through this period without you guys. Big big shout out to @justamom @chickfactor @h2ogirl for your mad analytical skillz. Everytime I read your comments, I wanna shout: CHINGU, OMG OMG CHINGU, I FEEL THE SAME WAY! 

 

I am just going to second what @ccl82 said above and add @akhenaten, @kdramafanlsk, @tiger457_stv, @anipanch,

and many more that I can't list.  Many times I wanted to write something but before I could even finish gathering my thoughts someone already posted what I wanted to say and in a much better way.  You're all keeping me alive.  THANK YOU!!

 

 

 

 

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