[Drama 2018] My Mister, 나의 아저씨 - Best Drama at 2019 (55th) BaekSang Arts Awards

[Raymond]

6 hours ago, sweetroad said:

 

That's great you're going through those posts. It ended up being very long, if I remember correctly.

 

 

Yes, the show builds up their friendship and relationship little by little, and the TU-C paper describes it so well. Most importantly Ji An was all for DH, and supported him, which is what he needed after learning YH had betrayed him with both the affair and with knowing about the bribe. And Ji An, through physically listening to DH, was impressed by his goodness and values. I need to read the paper again to remember all the good stuff!

 

 

Very good! I enjoyed it a lot; it had very soothing colors and music. Two of the secondary characters were difficult and exasperating to watch, but the show was the best when it just focused on the main couple. The clothes are very dapper, too.

 

 

That's what is striking me on this rewatch now (I'm through episode 9, for the nth time) - DH is so relaxed with JA. In contrast to his conversations with YH where he's silent, tense, or even just abruptly gets up and walks out the door, with JA he remains engaged, he's listening to her, and responding to her in ways that makes sense in "normal" human interactions.

 

I still think it's strange how he just ignores Yu Ra the first time he meets her at Jung Hee's, but the brothers explain it away as him being extremely shy (which further highlights that his un-shy interactions with Ji An are not the norm)...but it still feels rude.

 

This time around I'm feeling even more touched by Yu Ra, too - the things she says about the neighborhood being broken are so moving. And knowing that Ki Hoon intentionally insulted her and made life miserable for her 10 years ago, I can see how conflicted he is. The writer really wrote their story quite well.

I do bow my head, take my hat off to all of you providing all those super analytical reviews in Soompi and Fangirlverdict sites. What a gathering of international experts with different backgrounds and expert fields! Some of you are super frank, even sharing personal experiences, just amazing. With my engineering background, I have no ability to observe all those details like all of you. I normally use logic in observing and making decisions. I also applied the mathematical principle of approximation to for the ending. It is a certainty that there is an outcome in this drama on the future relationshop development direction of DH/JA, which we don't see, and that will be decided solely on whether DH has romantic feeling or not on JA. So gathering the evidences provided by all the analysis you people provided, on what the PD/writer shown us, there can only be one outcome, hence I considered the ending closed (that made your Road Back Together a possibility). In addition there are so many kdramas that the main leads separated mid way in the last episode and reunited at the end for a happily after ending.

Also regarding JH, one of the best female characters here besides Yu Ra. She is certainly the smartest here other than JA, and she is the one who understands the relationship between DH and JA would be extremely complex with DH a married man with a son, much more difficult than her own with the monk. And I assume she won't know YH's affair at this stage, so JH really not in position to offer JA any advise and has to keep it private between DH and JA.

[Unclouded]

5 hours ago, sweetroad said:

I still think it's strange how he just ignores Yu Ra the first time he meets her at Jung Hee's, but the brothers explain it away as him being extremely shy (which further highlights that his un-shy interactions with Ji An are not the norm)...but it still feels rude.

 

I thought the same thing, it was really surprising that Yu Ra just brushed off being ignored so casually. I think it's because he's at his comfort place, that he doesn't bother with social niceties with people he doesn't know yet. If it were work, he'd probably say something in that kind of situation rather than letting his shyness come through. 

 

It's interesting that DH is so shy, because I'm not sure how much of an introvert he is. He spends a lot of time seeking out other people's company, whether it's JA, or his brothers and friends at the bar. The more isolated life that a lot of introverts would prefer - spending most their time alone with their partner - is what he avoids. And he never seems like he's enjoying any of the time spent alone, he doesn't recharge that way. If his social or emotional battery ever recovers, it's from spending time with people like JA and the monk. His brothers and Jung Hee don't seem to know what to say to him to make him feel better, which is kinda sad, but on normal days I think they keep him stable rather than tiring him out. 

 

6 hours ago, sweetroad said:

And knowing that Ki Hoon intentionally insulted her and made life miserable for her 10 years ago, I can see how conflicted he is. The writer really wrote their story quite well.

 

Yeah, I like Yu Ra much more than Ki Hoon in that storyline, she didn't really do anything wrong. And I kinda like that she ends up separated from him and in a better position in the end, she deserves it. 

 

1 hour ago, Raymond said:

In addition there are so many kdramas that the main leads separated mid way in the last episode and reunited at the end for a happily after ending.

 

At some point I thought back at all the romance kdramas I'd ever watched, and I felt like 90% or more of them had the leads separate and then re-unite in the story. At least in My Mister there's a good reason for it, unlike other stories where it feels like the writers just ran out of plot and needed to have some unnecessary drama. 

[Raymond]

21 hours ago, Unclouded said:

 

At some point I thought back at all the romance kdramas I'd ever watched, and I felt like 90% or more of them had the leads separate and then re-unite in the story. At least in My Mister there's a good reason for it, unlike other stories where it feels like the writers just ran out of plot and needed to have some unnecessary drama. 

Totally true. Even with the development similarity the ending of MM is perfect to me (the separation a must and it made everyone thinks) while most others are the weakest points and forgettable.

Also want to add this separation is different to those in other dramas. With JA in Pusan DH and JA can easily communicate via mobile phones. So for platonic love physical separation is really not a factor, DH shouldn't  be sad about it. But no, all he wants is her physical presence from time to time, no alternative. And the only person he would talk to about JA is the chairman, the 1st person who knows his wife's ugly affair and his relationship with JA.

[sweetroad]

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

Also want to add this separation is different to those in other dramas. With JA in Pusan DH and JA can easily communicate via mobile phones. So for platonic love physical separation is really not a factor, DH shouldn't  be sad about it. But no, all he wants is her physical presence from time to time, no alternative.

 

So true - if he only had friendly feelings toward JA, he wouldn't be so sad that she's leaving for Busan. Having her by his side helped him breathe, so when she left, a vital part of him left as well.

 

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

And the only person he would talk to about JA is the chairman, the 1st person who knows his wife's ugly affair and his relationship with JA.

 

I'm still so "proud" of DH that he shared everything with the Chairman, at least about the affair (I wonder what he did share with the Chairman about his relationship with JA?). In an honor/shame culture like Korea, admitting to your esteemed Chairman that your wife had an affair, that you're failing in your marriage, would have definitely been part of DH's humiliation. But he did it, and he did it calmly, and the Chairman showed he was worthy of hearing DH's secrets. He was so gracious and kind. And DH experienced the best outcome from it: the Chairman encouraged him, and said he would ask Park Dong Un to be lenient toward JA.

 

On 9/4/2023 at 9:16 PM, Raymond said:

With my engineering background, I have no ability to observe all those details like all of you. I normally use logic in observing and making decisions. I also applied the mathematical principle of approximation to for the ending. It is a certainty that there is an outcome in this drama on the future relationshop development direction of DH/JA, which we don't see, and that will be decided solely on whether DH has romantic feeling or not on JA.

 

Yes! DH's feelings are a clinching factor.

 

I so appreciated (and still do! Learning a lot from you and @Unclouded!) the discussions here and on the Fangirl Verdict, seeing people apply different principles and perspectives to MM. As someone with an engineer background, did you resonate with the building/ reconstruction motifs in the show? They showed cracks quite a bit :). And I had never heard of structural engineering before watching the show, but it was helpful when DH explained to JA that he helped ensure the internal forces could withstand the external pressures, for example in a food court.

 

22 hours ago, Unclouded said:

It's interesting that DH is so shy, because I'm not sure how much of an introvert he is. He spends a lot of time seeking out other people's company, whether it's JA, or his brothers and friends at the bar. The more isolated life that a lot of introverts would prefer - spending most their time alone with their partner - is what he avoids. And he never seems like he's enjoying any of the time spent alone, he doesn't recharge that way. If his social or emotional battery ever recovers, it's from spending time with people like JA and the monk. His brothers and Jung Hee don't seem to know what to say to him to make him feel better, which is kinda sad, but on normal days I think they keep him stable rather than tiring him out. 

 

Wow - this is so insightful! You're absolutely right - he only seems to really recharge his batteries when he's with the monk and with JA. That would fit with introversion, preferring deep connection with just a handful of people rather than deriving energy from a whole bunch of people. And sometimes I wonder how close DH really is to the ahjussis at JH's bar. They seem to talk a lot to each other, and they definitely know him, but I wonder how much he invests in them as far as being open and vulnerable. He seems to enjoy their company to a point, but it's almost like they're a comfortable shoe that he slips on at the end of the day. He's used to them and to that lifestyle, especially if it means getting away from home... But how much does he actually confide in them? In his more melancholy moments he can be found at the other restobar, not at Jung Hee's.

[Raymond]

22 hours ago, sweetroad said:

 

So true - if he only had friendly feelings toward JA, he wouldn't be so sad that she's leaving for Busan. Having her by his side helped him breathe, so when she left, a vital part of him left as well.

 

 

I'm still so "proud" of DH that he shared everything with the Chairman, at least about the affair (I wonder what he did share with the Chairman about his relationship with JA?). In an honor/shame culture like Korea, admitting to your esteemed Chairman that your wife had an affair, that you're failing in your marriage, would have definitely been part of DH's humiliation. But he did it, and he did it calmly, and the Chairman showed he was worthy of hearing DH's secrets. He was so gracious and kind. And DH experienced the best outcome from it: the Chairman encouraged him, and said he would ask Park Dong Un to be lenient toward JA.

 

 

Yes! DH's feelings are a clinching factor.

 

I so appreciated (and still do! Learning a lot from you and @Unclouded!) the discussions here and on the Fangirl Verdict, seeing people apply different principles and perspectives to MM. As someone with an engineer background, did you resonate with the building/ reconstruction motifs in the show? They showed cracks quite a bit :). And I had never heard of structural engineering before watching the show, but it was helpful when DH explained to JA that he helped ensure the internal forces could withstand the external pressures, for example in a food court.

 

 

Wow - this is so insightful! You're absolutely right - he only seems to really recharge his batteries when he's with the monk and with JA. That would fit with introversion, preferring deep connection with just a handful of people rather than deriving energy from a whole bunch of people. And sometimes I wonder how close DH really is to the ahjussis at JH's bar. They seem to talk a lot to each other, and they definitely know him, but I wonder how much he invests in them as far as being open and vulnerable. He seems to enjoy their company to a point, but it's almost like they're a comfortable shoe that he slips on at the end of the day. He's used to them and to that lifestyle, especially if it means getting away from home... But how much does he actually confide in them? In his more melancholy moments he can be found at the other restobar, not at Jung Hee's.

I am in different engineering field to DH (but seems similar work experience), so no insight at all in the civil/structural area. But what described in MM is very sound principle. Cracks appeared outside usually caused by something rotten inside, something not visible externally and must be fixed, just patching up outside no use.

Don’t forget the chairman did his own investigation after the BBQ incident and found out the affair himself. And JA confessed in front of everyone in her interview and she became the chairman’s favourite girl after that, may be. The chairman is the only person provided practical help on DH and JA’s relationship, rest just provided emotional help at the best. The happy ending won’t come in so short a time in just one year without the chairman.

Watched a few episodes of It is Okay to Not be Okay as per recommendation. A patient told his wish in a group therapy in the hospital ‘I want to marry IU’! The main leads’ relationship seems quite mature viewers only in the beginning, in a fairy tale background. But before the handshake DH and JA’s relationship also for mature only in a different way, secretive, unequal boss and staff, unhealthy in many levels, and the smack on JA’s head is definitely not suitable for children, no way to explain to them. The handshake carries the signal that now they are equal, in non secretive relationship, all healthy (rarely boss shakes hand with staff while still boss).

[sweetroad]

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

Cracks appeared outside usually caused by something rotten inside, something not visible externally and must be fixed, just patching up outside no use.

 

Good to know and this makes sense with the rest of DH's life.

 

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

Don’t forget the chairman did his own investigation after the BBQ incident and found out the affair himself. And JA confessed in front of everyone in her interview and she became the chairman’s favourite girl after that, may be. The chairman is the only person provided practical help on DH and JA’s relationship, rest just provided emotional help at the best. The happy ending won’t come in so short a time in just one year without the chairman.

 

Very true, it's nice that the Chairman was around to see all of these different dynamics at play (DJY and DH at the campsite, JA's honest feelings during the interview, DH's confessions over lunch with him). He even got to hear the audit director tell his suspicions that DH found something on DJY but wasn't sharing it. The Chairman ended up being an almost-omniscient character (at least, he received and perceived a lot of information from a lot of people). Good thing he was a good guy, otherwise things could have gone differently.

 

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

Watched a few episodes of It is Okay to Not be Okay as per recommendation. A patient told his wish in a group therapy in the hospital ‘I want to marry IU’! The main leads’ relationship seems quite mature viewers only in the beginning, in a fairy tale background.

 

It's Okay to Not Be Okay was my first Kdrama! I was lightly obsessed with it for a while, before I found My Mister. Haha. I just watched it again - introducing it to my husband's family - and was reminded of how good it is, both story-wise and production-wise. Ko Mun Young is so unlikeable in the beginning of the show, but her narrative arc is beautiful and so touching. And how the two brothers' relationship changes and grows always moves me to tears. Hope you can finish the show - it is done so well. The main character, Moon Gang Tae, reminds me of Park Dong Hoon, in that both start out numb and repressive and wake up to themselves and their own needs and desires.

 

20 hours ago, Raymond said:

But before the handshake DH and JA’s relationship also for mature only in a different way, secretive, unequal boss and staff, unhealthy in many levels, and the smack on JA’s head is definitely not suitable for children, no way to explain to them. The handshake carries the signal that now they are equal, in non secretive relationship, all healthy (rarely boss shakes hand with staff while still boss).

 

Yes! And (as some Give Me Slippers articles have mentioned) I love how the show portrays them moving from secretive darkness to light at the end.

[Raymond]

On 9/7/2023 at 10:26 AM, sweetroad said:

 

It's Okay to Not Be Okay was my first Kdrama! I was lightly obsessed with it for a while, before I found My Mister. Haha. I just watched it again - introducing it to my husband's family - and was reminded of how good it is, both story-wise and production-wise. Ko Mun Young is so unlikeable in the beginning of the show, but her narrative arc is beautiful and so touching. And how the two brothers' relationship changes and grows always moves me to tears. Hope you can finish the show - it is done so well. The main character, Moon Gang Tae, reminds me of Park Dong Hoon, in that both start out numb and repressive and wake up to themselves and their own needs and desires.

 

Interesting to see how the complex relationship of Moon Gang Tae and Ko Mun Young and their very complex characters developed, as well as their provocative conversations (like JA's), they are characters with depth, same as their acting (similar to MM). Moon G T probably found Ko M Y compatible reading the moving, meaningful, yet shocking, fairy tale of the limbless mother and her child. The following pickup of her in the rain is heartfelt.

In MM all agreed DH and JA moved to their next stage in episode 6 in their ‘pretty’ drink, it is their 1st happy date which I watched repeatedly. JA already in love, came alive, full of hope and expectation, eyes full of sparkles, during that encounter. Because they don’t talk much at all, imagine they have a momentary eye to eye contact sitting opposite to each other, and DH caught a glimpse that sparkles, which he missed from YH for a long time, won’t his heart melt, at least for that moment? He would got drunk even without the alcohol.

[Unclouded]

On 9/5/2023 at 9:18 PM, sweetroad said:

And sometimes I wonder how close DH really is to the ahjussis at JH's bar. They seem to talk a lot to each other, and they definitely know him, but I wonder how much he invests in them as far as being open and vulnerable. He seems to enjoy their company to a point, but it's almost like they're a comfortable shoe that he slips on at the end of the day. He's used to them and to that lifestyle, especially if it means getting away from home... But how much does he actually confide in them? In his more melancholy moments he can be found at the other restobar, not at Jung Hee's.

 

I wonder how much of this is due to the hierarchical divides that age seems (as far as I can tell through watching dramas) to create in South Korea. Other than JA, the people who DH is closest to are his brothers (connected by blood), and then Jung Hee and Sang Won, who are both the same age as him. I agree that he doesn't seem close to everyone else at the bar, the rare conversations he has with them seemed entirely superficial. And I think that's because of the age gap, they're all older than him, and that stops them from being close. He doesn't spend much time with his sister-in-law (Ae Ryeon), and yet she seems to understand him a lot better than the ahjussis he interacts with every day, and that's because they're the same age and have shared experiences as classmates. 

 

But JA cuts through all of that, she refuses to talk to him differently because of the age gap from almost the very beginning (ep 3), and he acknowledges their similarity soon after (end of ep 4). I'm curious about what he means when he says then that he's sad that she (JA) knows him. I don't think he cares about her enough yet to be worried that he's setting a bad example or causing her to be unhappy (the way he is when he talks to her at the shack). Is it the feeling of having his vulnerabilities discovered? But he doesn't even know about his wife cheating on him at that point. Maybe he's thinking that it's his unhappiness, the dreariness of his life that would let the people around him down, and that might be why he reacts so negatively when JA asks him in the previous episode what his parents would think of his life. It's kinda sad that he has this fear of discovery even before he knows the extent of his failure. 

 

On 9/6/2023 at 8:26 PM, sweetroad said:

Ko Mun Young is so unlikeable in the beginning of the show, but her narrative arc is beautiful and so touching. And how the two brothers' relationship changes and grows always moves me to tears. Hope you can finish the show - it is done so well. The main character, Moon Gang Tae, reminds me of Park Dong Hoon, in that both start out numb and repressive and wake up to themselves and their own needs and desires.

 

I also liked IOTNBO a lot, but I feel like it was almost the opposite of My Mister in some ways. I felt like the heart of that show was the relationship between the two brothers, and that KMY was basically a plot device (albeit a very interesting one) for them to get their feelings through to each other. While in My Mister, the relationship between the two leads is central, and everything else builds that. 

[Raymond]

IOTNBO have a lots of heart-warming moments, need to watch it slowly to digest. Seems no one else in the drama understand the deep connections of the 3 childhood friends, really can't compete. Like DH, Moon GT also fighting his own feeling for different reasons.

Repeating the 1st dinner/drink in episode 1 of MM is way too entertaining and funny. I have to say DH accepting the invitation just using the excuse on concern for the bribe money, but actually using the opportunity to fulfill his curiosity on JA, asking her all those personal questions in his mind. Suggesting JA to leave her boy friend seeing her black eyes, as she could easily find someone else for her type of person, seems showing him found her attractive, and not as a child? Him giving her compliment on her look, felling her his notice on her foot, and she exposing her secret behind her sun glasses. Both flirting (viewers are justified emotionally with his dead marriage already shown, or it is not romantic according to production team). He is so nervous there acting like some young one in a forbidden encounter, no sign of him the boss, even when caught by his brothers.
If one found someone attractive, usually just somrthing superficial in the beginning, like being different, pretty etc in DH/JA’s case, and that someone sensed it and took the next step for a private engagement etc, is a standard possibility for something romantic to develop in real world. Of course JA sensed his interest and just toying with him for the bribe money.

[Raymond]

Reading through the Fangirlverdict posts (very long) just realised my observation/opinion above in episode 1 a kind of repeating actionscript's. My apology.

In IOTNBO the hitting by the normally great self controlled Moon GT on that bad husband who slapped Ko MY, then feeling happy afterwards even getting suspended from work, is so similar to the fighting of DH with the loan shark. Doing everything, no matter how out of character, for the special one who could arouse such passionate reaction. The white knight fighting for, and saving the princess story, every boy's dream. Dramas use this moment to reveal the secret in his heart, to the girl, himself, and viewer's. Nothing in MM suggested any difference. That's why DH not truthful to everyone to keep his secret (I suggest why he is sad when someone knows him even he kept quiet about his inside). Unlike JA, this shows DH rarely truthful in keeping the secret in his heart. 

[Unclouded]

On 9/4/2023 at 4:45 PM, sweetroad said:

That's what is striking me on this rewatch now (I'm through episode 9, for the nth time) - DH is so relaxed with JA. In contrast to his conversations with YH where he's silent, tense, or even just abruptly gets up and walks out the door, with JA he remains engaged, he's listening to her, and responding to her in ways that makes sense in "normal" human interactions.

 

I think the only exception is when JA tries to talk about her feelings for him, and then (for most of the show) he behaves the same way he does with his wife. He'll try to avoid her, walking faster, moving away from her. Maybe the difference is how JA reacts to that. She's not disappointed, she doesn't have an expectation of a romantic relationship with him, so she can take this kind of rejection. In episode 13, where he speeds up as soon as she starts asking him whether she made him feel uncomfortable, and then dispassionately rejects her offer of a hug, JA takes that so calmly. 

 

But I think YH is hurt by this same type of coldness, because the things he does for her aren't what she needed. And he never seems to let her know him well enough to give her a pathway to meet him halfway, to understand him. It feels like a big deal when they're just talking normally with each other, when they're listening to trivia on the radio in the car.

 

Another thing I was wondering about is during the very last scene. As JA and her colleagues are walking into the cafe, one of them seems to say (according to the translation) something like 'Really? They make it too obvious'. And that happens right before she hears DH's voice and walks over towards him. Is that supposed to tell the audience to look deeper into the relationship here?

[Raymond]

Near the end of the Fangirlverdict posts it is very fortunate to have the points of views from E Harris which brought out all the detailed, convinsing analysis from the experts. In brief he viewed MM, being a 'real life' drama, as part of the conservative Korean society, not a drama on its own. Accordingly DH being a decent man, can never fall in love with a much younger woman like JA. Everything he done for her can be applied on Mr Kim given the same situations.  Here I just wish to add that using the most analysed 'Give Me Slippers' incident, would make his theory not workable.

JA asked DH to hit her to get rid of her personal feeling (love) on him, and he did. JA retrieved the slippers gift from him as a result. So the slippers definitely represent her love of DH which he understands. As a decent man, if DH has no personal feeling on JA, he might just later apologise for hitting her, but would never mention the slippers again. So JA would understand their future relationship would have no personal feeling involved. Case closed. But DH did the opposite. Demanding for her gift of love back for whatever excuses (DH would not ask for any gift just for helping JA's grandma to nursing home, no one would), while having no reciprocal feeling would be very selfish, irresponsible, fooling around with the heart of a vulnerabie young woman, totally not decent in any form of society. DH as a most decent person would never do that.

Using the focus of E Harris on 'decent', could this be concluded this is his confession instead?

The use of Mr Kim to replace JA on DH's actions should never be applied as he would never ask DH to hit him to get rid of his love.

[sweetroad]

On 9/7/2023 at 8:45 PM, Raymond said:

JA already in love, came alive, full of hope and expectation, eyes full of sparkles, during that encounter. Because they don’t talk much at all, imagine they have a momentary eye to eye contact sitting opposite to each other, and DH caught a glimpse that sparkles, which he missed from YH for a long time, won’t his heart melt, at least for that moment?

 

So true. We know from his flashbacks that it's been a long time since Yoon Hee looked at DH without being frustrated or exasperated with him. He's had to play defense (or just ignore her) for a while. Not a great marriage dynamic.

 

On 9/7/2023 at 9:25 PM, Unclouded said:

I'm curious about what he means when he says then that he's sad that she (JA) knows him. I don't think he cares about her enough yet to be worried that he's setting a bad example or causing her to be unhappy (the way he is when he talks to her at the shack). Is it the feeling of having his vulnerabilities discovered? But he doesn't even know about his wife cheating on him at that point. Maybe he's thinking that it's his unhappiness, the dreariness of his life that would let the people around him down, and that might be why he reacts so negatively when JA asks him in the previous episode what his parents would think of his life.

 

Yeah, I think he says that she gets him partly (if not mostly) because of what she said to him in the conference room, when he confronted her about kissing him. She observed how he acted like he was under a life sentence of earnestness and wasn't happy.

 

On 9/14/2023 at 1:33 AM, Unclouded said:

Another thing I was wondering about is during the very last scene. As JA and her colleagues are walking into the cafe, one of them seems to say (according to the translation) something like 'Really? They make it too obvious'.

 

Interesting! I never registered that it might be a deliberate comment on what's about to happen.

 

On 9/15/2023 at 7:33 PM, Raymond said:

Demanding for her gift of love back for whatever excuses (DH would not ask for any gift just for helping JA's grandma to nursing home, no one would), while having no reciprocal feeling would be very selfish, irresponsible, fooling around with the heart of a vulnerabie young woman, totally not decent in any form of society. DH as a most decent person would never do that.

 

I think DH flip flops so much during the show - his decency of course won't allow him to start anything romantic with JA, but in scenes like this where he demands the slippers, he can't help but say things that do draw JA's heart deeper in love/like with him. So he's not purposely playing with her, but I think he's still crossing a line. However, he also says, "So that in 10 years or 20 years when we see each other again, we can greet each other happily...." which to me is his signal to JA that there might be hope for something in the future. Especially after ep 10 in which the bartender has already told DH that "whether it's 3 years or 10 years, a divorce is still going to happen," in DH's mind a divorce is going to happen, he just doesn't know when. So even though I don't think he's purposely stringing along JA, like you said this is one of his confessions and his heart for her won't just let her walk away.

[Unclouded]

On 9/23/2023 at 10:15 PM, sweetroad said:

I think DH flip flops so much during the show - his decency of course won't allow him to start anything romantic with JA, but in scenes like this where he demands the slippers, he can't help but say things that do draw JA's heart deeper in love/like with him. So he's not purposely playing with her, but I think he's still crossing a line.

 

The entire give me slippers speech can be seen as him leading her on.

 

He's denying what he's feeling. He tries to backtrack by saying things like 'in 10 years or 20 years when we see each other again', but when JA brings up her moving to Busan, he's sad, it moves him enough to agree to hug her. Maybe what makes My Mister feel more romantic than most (if not all) romance dramas I've seen is the shared understanding between DH and JA. He lies a fair bit (both to her and himself) and tries to deny his feelings, but she can see right through him. There just aren't lasting misunderstandings the way there are in every other show. The only disagreement after they're tied-up is in episode 9 when DH finds out about JA wanting to keep the bribe, but that makes him want to understand her more, and leads to the relationship getting even stronger. 

 

DH makes a commitment to JA early on ('No matter what I hear about you, I'll pretend that I didn't hear it'), and he asks her to pretend not to know if she ever discovers his secret: 'if nobody knows, it's not a big deal'. But the instant either of them have the opportunity to confront the person hurting the other (the loan shark / YH), they take it. They seem aligned in a rare way, they don't hold things against each other, they always try to understand the other, even when they're hurt. DH so effortlessly forgiving her for the wiretap might be the epitome of this. 

[sweetroad]

2 hours ago, Unclouded said:

He's denying what he's feeling. He tries to backtrack by saying things like 'in 10 years or 20 years when we see each other again', but when JA brings up her moving to Busan, he's sad, it moves him enough to agree to hug her. Maybe what makes My Mister feel more romantic than most (if not all) romance dramas I've seen is the shared understanding between DH and JA. He lies a fair bit (both to her and himself) and tries to deny his feelings, but she can see right through him. There just aren't lasting misunderstandings the way there are in every other show. The only disagreement after they're tied-up is in episode 9 when DH finds out about JA wanting to keep the bribe, but that makes him want to understand her more, and leads to the relationship getting even stronger. 

 

Totally. Love all of this. Instead of moving away from each other, they're constantly moving toward each other, at least in the big things (all while DH literally moves away from JA when they're walking down the street sometimes ). This is why I love the scenes in the restobar, too - they're relaxed in their cocoon, and each scene brings their friendship/ relationship deeper.

 

2 hours ago, Unclouded said:

But the instant either of them have the opportunity to confront the person hurting the other (the loan shark / YH), they take it.

 

And both DH and JA pound on DJY, too. Poor DJY; he just can't win at anything.

 

2 hours ago, Unclouded said:

They seem aligned in a rare way, they don't hold things against each other, they always try to understand the other, even when they're hurt. DH so effortlessly forgiving her for the wiretap might be the epitome of this. 

 

Beautifully said. Regarding them being aligned, I was re-reading the Ep 15/16 open thread over at The Fan Girl Verdict website, and someone said something similar - that couples need to not only look into each other's eyes but also be looking in the same direction. JA and DH are definitely looking in the same direction, and seeing the world with similar perspectives.

 

I just love how from a very hostile, uncertain beginning to their acquaintanceship, there blooms such an intimate knowledge of each other and a profound care for the other. Sooo good.

[Raymond]

10 hours ago, Unclouded said:

He lies a fair bit (both to her and himself) and tries to deny his feelings, but she can see right through him. 

Exactly. In episode 2 JA confirmed the affair between JY and YH just by JY keeping quiet when JA questioned what's the attraction of a older woman. Same applied in the subway car when JA confessed, DH suggested  her feeling probably caused by pity, and JA said he would have same feeling on her also because of pity, and DH never denied directly. So to JA his feeling on her very very clear. KH confirmed YH having an affair by same technique, question and no answer. Here just another one of DH's unspoken confessions.

[sweetroad]

On 9/26/2023 at 3:51 AM, Raymond said:

KH confirmed YH having an affair by same technique, question and no answer.

Thanks for pointing out this pattern in the show. That’s a nice insight. Another scene that follows this approach is when Yoon Hee asks, “The reason you want to stay in this marriage isn’t because you still have affection for me, right?” and Dong Hoon is silent. 
 

Any other scenes you can think of that have this pattern?

[partyon]

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[Raymond]

23 hours ago, sweetroad said:

Thanks for pointing out this pattern in the show. That’s a nice insight. Another scene that follows this approach is when Yoon Hee asks, “The reason you want to stay in this marriage isn’t because you still have affection for me, right?” and Dong Hoon is silent. 
 

Any other scenes you can think of that have this pattern?

The pattern in MM is people won't lie, just kept quiet when someone suggested something on them they considered inappropriate, but true. The other scenes would be all the meetings with the directors preparing for the promotion interview and after discovering the wiretap. DH considered the suggested special relationship between him and JA mostly true other than the sleeping together part, but he can't defend one but not the others. If all not true why didn't DH just said he was helping someone young and poor?

Your near the end comment in Fangirlverdict that 'in other shows MM would definitely be considered romantic',  perfectly nailed it. Watching Behind Your Touch with 2 more episodes to go, reviewers already said the 2 man leads definitely would be the 'endgame' and I can't even recall they have any private dinner nor drink together in the first 14 episodes!, and the main female lead even attracted to the 2nd male lead!

[Unclouded]

On 9/28/2023 at 12:19 AM, sweetroad said:

Thanks for pointing out this pattern in the show. That’s a nice insight. Another scene that follows this approach is when Yoon Hee asks, “The reason you want to stay in this marriage isn’t because you still have affection for me, right?” and Dong Hoon is silent. 
 

Any other scenes you can think of that have this pattern?

 

What does silence mean here? An inability to deny? Confirmation? I think he feels both ways. He does still have affection for her. And he does feel betrayed by her. It's not one or the other. The way he tells her to not talk to Joon Young in episode 3 says volumes.

 

I think one time where DH does deny it is when he says 'I'd do the same if it happened to you' when his coworkers are telling him his concern for JA seems weird. At the time I wasn't totally convinced, but maybe all these other times where he admits things through his silence means that he was truly being honest there.