Am I approaching this right with Asian parents and dating?

[Crunchyrunchy]

So I am Chinese and I am currently dating someone that is of Asian descent. I have heard horror stories from people that have dated Asian S/O, and having to meet their parents. For me.. I am a person that is firm if I have opportunities. I am not scared to meet Asian parents because I have done numerous job interviews and from what I have read, it is something similar to that.

For example, if I were to meet my S/O's parent for a night I would put on this fake professional attitude even if they were rude assholes. If the S/O's parents were richard simmons I would pull my S/O aside and tell her that they were richard simmons to me and ask her if they are going to be a problem in the relationship. If so, then that is a problem and she is going to be the one fighting the battle because it is not mine. I am not dating the parents so I don't care if they are richard simmons but I do care if they hinder the relationship in any ways. However, I am not going to interact with them very much. If they are going to make trouble then my girlfriend will have to decide because I take no richard simmons. I see it as a non-desperate person interviewing for a job. If the interviewer is a richard simmons then I would just go and apply for other positions.

Seems reasonable right? What do you guys think? I just don't want to be a little richard simmons.

 

[MiDnite89]

Let's be honest here. There's no significant other, is there?

[zantac_2]

^haha.

[Crunchyrunchy]

13 hours ago, MiDnite89 said:

Let's be honest here. There's no significant other, is there?

 

Nah. Saying that I have one makes it easier.

[5880]

For background purposes, I'm also a Chinese guy, late 20's. 

I don't know about this man. It's fine if you live your life with a "I don' take jack from anyone" attitude, but I think a lot of people are just going to think you're the equivalent to an average hoodrat sagging down Compton. Doesn't matter whether the way you express that attitude is as a lowbrow thug or an eloquent snide, the impression is easily taken to be abrasive. 

Rather than a job interview, I would describe meeting her parents is more so similar to a first date. The goal of both is to leave a strong and positive first impression, but the approach of the interviewer is different; a job recruiter is looking for the best reasons you can give to prove you're worthwhile while [traditional Asian] parents are looking to discredit you as unworthy of their daughter. You're going to get interrogated at times, that's just their way of looking out for their child. You can pretend your way through it, but that just seems cowardly versus facing their questioning and proving you're worthwhile. This sounds mentally draining, but if I voluntarily agreed to meet my S/O's parents, then the relationship is probably serious and there is a possibility that they may become part of my family in time. I wouldn't treat it as a hassle and I certainly wouldn't leave my S/O to deal with the problems alone, should they occur. It's not her responsibility to clean up any misunderstandings that happen between myself and her parents.

The only situation where your attitude might be applicable and be considered reasonable is if say, you had a DTF tinder buddy or were casually dating someone and they suddenly threw you under the bus by bringing their parents to meet you. In that circumstance, yes, I can see where you're coming from. Otherwise, what I said stands.

::EDIT::
wording
Not gonna lie, when I saw "Asian" in the thread title, I was expecting a passive-aggressive post from that history guy

[Lmangla]

here's my perspective as an asian woman living in asia -- I would be really hurt and feel extremely insulted if my parents were not given due respect by a significant other. While you are not dating the parents, they are still a part of her and common etiquette and respect must be given to elders. You don't have to like them and they don't have to like you but protocol should be followed. I would dump a guy immediately if he acted like that because when a guy is insulting my folks, he is also disrespecting and insulting me.....and a woman has her own self-respect as well. peace!

[Guest severus]

Chill dude. My very Asian mother might ask "so why u not doctor?" but otherwise it's not that intense. 

[halfmoonsmile]

18 hours ago, 5880 said:

 

::EDIT::
wording
Not gonna lie, when I saw "Asian" in the thread title, I was expecting a passive-aggressive post from that history guy

Lmao just ignore him!

[BingBong_514]

My Mother hates overly-handsome men.

 

Fin. (& I'm not even French)

[Crunchyrunchy]

On 2/5/2016 at 11:37 PM, 5880 said:

For background purposes, I'm also a Chinese guy, late 20's. 

I don't know about this man. It's fine if you live your life with a "I don' take jack from anyone" attitude, but I think a lot of people are just going to think you're the equivalent to an average hoodrat sagging down Compton. Doesn't matter whether the way you express that attitude is as a lowbrow thug or an eloquent snide, the impression is easily taken to be abrasive. 

Rather than a job interview, I would describe meeting her parents is more so similar to a first date. The goal of both is to leave a strong and positive first impression, but the approach of the interviewer is different; a job recruiter is looking for the best reasons you can give to prove you're worthwhile while [traditional Asian] parents are looking to discredit you as unworthy of their daughter. You're going to get interrogated at times, that's just their way of looking out for their child. You can pretend your way through it, but that just seems cowardly versus facing their questioning and proving you're worthwhile. This sounds mentally draining, but if I voluntarily agreed to meet my S/O's parents, then the relationship is probably serious and there is a possibility that they may become part of my family in time. I wouldn't treat it as a hassle and I certainly wouldn't leave my S/O to deal with the problems alone, should they occur. It's not her responsibility to clean up any misunderstandings that happen between myself and her parents.

The only situation where your attitude might be applicable and be considered reasonable is if say, you had a DTF tinder buddy or were casually dating someone and they suddenly threw you under the bus by bringing their parents to meet you. In that circumstance, yes, I can see where you're coming from. Otherwise, what I said stands.

::EDIT::
wording
Not gonna lie, when I saw "Asian" in the thread title, I was expecting a passive-aggressive post from that history guy

 

The thing is that I met a lot of Asian parents and I have been through dinner with them. If they are looking to discredit me as unworthy of their daughter, then what would traditional Asian parents be looking for? I pretty much dated girls where I made more so I don't have to feel insecure about this if they ask about work. It seems from all the stories and from my experience, they seem to care most about what the guy does for work.

An interrogation implies that the person being asked the questions aren't allow to ask questions in return. Can you make this more clear?

The goal of a meeting is not only for me to prove myself but also for them to prove themselves to me. I think this would be the most professional path as that is how I have been conditioned to think. What do you think?

 

[CamelKnight]

8 minutes ago, Crunchyrunchy said:

The goal of a meeting is not only for me to prove myself but also for them to prove themselves to me.

And that, my friend, is where you're wrong

You're meeting them to show them who you are, what person you are, what you do as a man. All so they will allow you to handle the most precious thing they own: their daughter. It is you who should be on your knees, thanking them for bringing life to the girl of your dreams (or at least she should be, otherwise, what are you doing with that girl?). Not them for you being there and making more money than them.

Now, whether you believe the above or not is not my concern. But it is how you should at least act. Otherwise, you're indeed unworthy and they've got the right to interrogate the hell out of you. If you act like a snob, don't expect to be treated like the savior of their child, who they raised and loved for the entirety of her life. You've just come around. 
The second you start treating them like business partners, you've at least lost my respect and most likely, their's too. Followed suit by the girl's.