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RayAmbler7

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There is this topic on mind that I would like to ask about your opinion. It´s about the whole Jung Joon Young situation that went down. Now everyone that was friends with him is accused of being involved in that situation or that they had some knowledge of what he was doing. 

 

I agreed to a certain extend...because there is this quote: "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are". But then I thought to myself can I trully say that I know everything about my friends or that they know everything about me and what I do? There are some friends that I share more about myself then others. So is this guilty by association  fair?

 

What are your opinions?

 

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12 hours ago, sushilicious said:

Question to all. Why is it so typical for the guy to be the one to blame?is it possible to have the girl as the instigator?

 

Disclaimer - divorce is never cut and dry.  Like so many have mentioned, it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 to tango.  So whilst on the surface you could say one is more at fault than the other, usually when you scratch deeper, both are just as at fault.  I say usually, coz there are obvious cases of physical abuse, power plays, infidelity in which case there is one party which is glaringly more at fault than the other.

 

Is it typically the guy?  I thought in Korea, and in a lot of Asian countries, the woman is the one that is “blamed” first?  Women fight differently from men.  We play passive aggressive a lot.  And men tend to take it out more visibly.  So who’s more wrong then?  My son used to get pulled up in the playground for hitting the girl (when he was like 3 :lol:), and he’s the one who gets scolded but when you ask him why he hit her, you find out that she’s the one who said mean things in the first place?  So she gets away with it but he gets punished?  I am not saying that violence is the way to solve it but that’s just to illustrate the point that it’s never so clearcut.

 

So I tend NOT to take sides when I sit listening to a friend’s story.  I am on the side of marriage.  I try my best to counsel so the couple stays together - especially if there are children involved.  So I listen but I don’t apportion blame. I try to get the person I am listening to OWN the problem (because they are one half of a whole, more likely than not, they are partly to blame).  They can only fix their side of the problem.  Blaming the other party does nothing to solve the problem.  Contrary to popular opinion that children are better off NOT seeing mummy and daddy fighting all the time (and therefore divorce), it’s actually better for them to see the fighting and then watching them work through to resolve it together.  It’s the stuff of legend.  Marriages that have struggled from the pit and come out the other end are more resilient and stronger.  But it does take 2 to tango.  BOTH must resolve to put every effort into making it work.  It’s hard but it is worth it.  Nothing in life is easy.  If it is, it’s probably not worth it.

 

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15 minutes ago, cenching said:

@Sarang21

Nowadays there are lots of female sexual predator who prey on young boys. But they received much lesser sentences than the male counterpart. I am a mother of 2 boys, IF one of my boys is abused by any of those females dog I would hunts her down and make sure that she receives the same sentences as a man....:skull: There were many cases in US where under the influences of the mother in order to gains upper hand in divorce court, daughter made false testament that dad molested her.

 

We should not take a higher moral ground when it convenient. Two wrongs don't make one right....

 

 

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Chingu....It´s like you are in my mind. I agreed with everything that you said. Gender equality should be in all aspekt! 

 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Lawyerh said:

I didnt know ure song x song shipper. But shes getting prettier each day to me. Moving on well! 

 

916.

 

+2 :relaxed:

 

not too shipper. But I just love them both :wub: :dissapointed: I hate SJK :bawling:

 

 

btw this a song from a man, who used to be, was so broken hearted hahahaha :joy: he was the victim but I love it because he produced a song to released his emotions.  This is creative :heart:

 

 

 

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Sarang21 said:

There is this topic on mind that I would like to ask about your opinion. It´s about the whole Jung Joon Young situation that went down. Now everyone that was friends with him is accused of being involved in that situation or that they had some knowledge of what he was doing. 

 

I agreed to a certain extend...because there is this quote: "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are". But then I thought to myself can I trully say that I know everything about my friends or that they know everything about me and what I do? There are some friends that I share more about myself then others. So is this guilty by association  fair?

 

What are your opinions?

 

+2

 

In some ways I do believe in a Japanese proverbs that say, "If you are unclear about the man's personality, look at his friends". In JJY's situation I would say, innocent until proven guilty.

 

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In my own perspective why the controversial articles came about and on fire are partly the divorcées & their fans fault that pretty much causes everything to go haywire.

 

Fans wise, if they just don’t start spreading and hype the entire situation nothing would have happened and I believe cause of this hype, the actress then release the nips thing? If that’s the case, it’s pretty much the fans who helped to get to this point.

 

At the same time it feels like a scheme to promote reputation...

 

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2 minutes ago, sushilicious said:

In my own perspective why the controversy articles came about and on fire are partly the divorcées & their fans fault that pretty much causes everything to go haywire.

 

Fans wise, if they just don’t start spreading and hype the entire situation nothing would have happened and I believe cause of this hype, the actress then release the nips thing? If that’s the case, it’s pretty much the fans who helped to get to this point.

 

At the same time it feels like a scheme to promote reputation...

 

926

 

 

In celebrity divorce cases, the public will know what is going on ONLY IF the celebrity involved made an "announcement". As a public figure who has many followers in SocMed, the moment you post something especially the juicy stuffs, it will spreads like wild fire. The reason why a public figure should be careful in SocMed....

 

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8 minutes ago, sushilicious said:

 I believe cause of this hype, the actress then release the nips thing?

Eh lol... no.. dont think so :lol: 

 

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1 minute ago, Lawyerh said:

Eh lol... no.. dont think so :lol: 

 

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But I’m kinda sure that she first reveal why she wants to leave then fans starts burning then she comes out of the statement then nips!

 

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15 minutes ago, cenching said:

 

In some ways I do believe in a Japanese proverbs that say, "If you are unclear about the man's personality, look at his friends". In JJY's situation I would say, innocent until proven guilty.

 

+2

 

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like gay men will mostly hang around with gay men too? Or with the girls? 

 

Or calm people will be friend with calm people too. Noisy people with noisy people. Stone headed people with stone headed people. Soft people with soft people.. etc..

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1 minute ago, Sejabin said:

 

+2

 

like gay men will mostly hang around with gay men too? Or with the girls? 

 

Or calm people will be friend with calm people too. Noisy people with noisy people. Stone headed people with stone headed people. Soft people with soft people.. etc..

 

Like a normal worker will hang out regularly with a well known Yakuza, pimp, convicted pedophile or drug addict. In JJY's case his crime is hidden in his phone and certain circle. Without a solid evidence we can't say that every single mortal around him is involved in his crime.

 

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1 hour ago, Sarang21 said:

What are your opinions?

I think it's a grey area. Reputation helps others to get an idea as to how is that person like and relatively the people around them. I think it's pretty common to bad mouth others just because they are with those 'bad apples' but having said that it divides into two category.

 

1)Friends who know

2)Friends who doesn't know

 

1) makes the friends around him more guilty because their conscience of knowing the deeds & not saying it is to blame. But this divides in to more in-depth stuff. Like friends loyalty/betrayal/Have the friend done it too etc. This side is complicated, but they are guilty still.  

 

2)It is said that the one who doesn't know is forgiven. But in terms of fans' case. It's a no. Like i said on paragraph one,bad rep of an individual would cause those around him to get affected even if they are innocent. This is just the 'I made bad choices to be friends with someone who do these.'

 

So to round off. It's a grey area on whether they are guilt or not. But we do not know if he knows what JJY have done prior to the arrest, so we can't really deduce.

 

But out of it, as long as they are friends with the bad apple it will probably be automatic whereby the friends would get targeted as well just because of one man's fault. Like whatever they will do, people will probably be whispering about the bad apple being friends with them.

------

 

Going back to your question. May or may not have gone through the line. But im back.

 

So for friends right, there is no right or wrong regarding sharing the amount of infos, it's not guilty in my opinion choosing what to say and what not to say . But my take is,it will only be guilty if you start to gossip about friends just to associate with others.

 

Like i said. Bad rep is bad...bad for the person and the people surrounding them.

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13 hours ago, sushilicious said:

 

Question to all. Why is it so typical for the guy to be the one to blame?is it possible to have the girl as the instigator?

 

 

This is a difficult question to answer because there is no one answer. I think historically, there are a lot of factors that have contributed to this - some of it @Lmangla had already brought out - that in former generations, women relied on their husbands to provide for the family so the women were mostly confined to managing the home and the children. First of all, this wouldn't have given the woman many chances to meet someone else and second, it was less likely for a woman to want to put herself and her children at a disadvantage.

 

But that being said, this isn't the only reason. I think that we also have to understand that men and women have very different needs. IF we stick to just cheating - men typically cheat physically while women cheat emotionally. I am not saying that this is true in every case but there is some truth in that men seem to be able to disassociate emotion with the physical act while women typically develop feelings first before they get physical. So in essence, it's almost easier for a man to cheat than it is for a woman. 

 

At the end of the day, I do believe the both men and women are capable of being the instigator. It's all about the choices we make on a daily basis. To love someone means to choose that person every day. It takes commitment and constant effort from BOTH parties. Ask couples who have been married for more than 30 years and they'll tell you it's not easy. But one thing they will tell you - that divorce was not an option for them - meaning that they were in it together, come what may. That is what marriage means. 

 

This is why divorce hurts. Because think about it - you've been playing for the same team all those years.. building a life together, working towards your dreams together, having children, looking at the same direction.. then one day, you find that you are no longer in synch and you don't recognize the person in front of you. And if there is a 3rd party involved, that hurts even more because now the special bond you shared with your mate is broken. 

 

I agree with @nrllee in that divorce is never cut and dry and there are a lot of factors to consider. Really then, we must be respectful of the parties involved and let them sort it out on their own. They're the only 2 people who knows what really happened in their marriage and they're the ones that have to live with the consequences of their choices. If they choose to stay together or divorce, it's their choice, their life and they will be the ones to live said lives. 

 

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11 minutes ago, Lawyerh said:

938

Sounds complicated @sushilicious your essay hahaha..... 

Life is complicated Lawyerh...Life is complicated.

 

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42 minutes ago, sushilicious said:

But out of it, as long as they are friends with the bad apple it will probably be automatic whereby the friends would get targeted as well just because of one man's fault. Like whatever they will do, people will probably be whispering about the bad apple being friends with them.

------

@Lmangla dont like apple sushi. Change the fruit :joy:

 

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1 hour ago, Sejabin said:

not too shipper. But I just love them both :wub: :dissapointed: I hate SJK :bawling:

Is this the same hate as you hate KJW? :lol:

 

On a serious note, since both SJK and SHK are keeping quite, it's difficult to guess what might have happened to cause the divorce. So it's better not to go around hating one party. For all we know, he might be the more innocent party. I agree that both parties are at fault to certain extent.

 

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Talking about divorce in non celebrity or people who I know personally in real life, I RARELY want to get involved.  I don't even want to give out much opinions because as a married person myself I know how complicated marriage life is.....I don't even want to get involve in hubs-wifey or lovers quarrels. Because most of the time when they already made peace with each other the outsider who gave advice will become the bad guy....:skull: Usually I only provided  a listening ear....:sweat_smile:

 

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2 minutes ago, cenching said:

lovers quarrels. Because most of the time when they already made peace with each other the outsider who gave advice will become the bad guy....:skull: Usually I only provided  a listening ear....:sweat_smile:

 

This is eh oh so true.....well said. 

 

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