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hai everyone.. the night was approaching..  to a team add @Lmangla @Ameera Ali @corey   @MayanEcho  @partyon   @iksunijini@sadthe1st @Min2206 @Thong Thin   @pompyavi @mirmz @larus @joccu  @M

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@LSGLMH_88 ~ am a little under the weather and so apologies, if this post is a little over the place. different families react to the situation differently.. so just sharing from my experience

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for us, the biopsy report took two weeks. my family is faith driven and so we found it easier to accept the diagnosis. our belief is that we go whenever it is God's will and we have already been blessed in so many ways. our treatment approach was more palliative (meaning managing the condition as best as possible). my friend shared from her experience (her dad already had a partial paralysis from stroke when he got cancer) that one has to be realistic -- some cancers, we are simply buying time with treatment but there's no cure. so her approach was to look for treatment with least side effects. we are friends from childhood and very similar and so I got her view and very much agreed with her.

 

was very firm that we did not want chemo as my dad was quite weak. we were very blessed that God sent us good doctors who also thought like us. initially they suggested radiation but felt that wasn't a good fit either and finally hit upon target therapy which is just medicines. some of the side effects are like chemo but they are much more minimal. by God's grace, he is able to handle the medicines alright.

 

"live up to your name" had all sort of plot holes but it really was a Godsend - heo im says that "patients do their bit, doctors their part and the rest is up to heaven's will". it really reminded me to set realistic expectations of what we can expect from treatment. so thats how I encourage my dad -- to eat the food and medicines even if he doesn't like it because he has to do his part.

 

as caregivers, there is a lot of stress. for me, my faith has made things easier. I don't break my head about tomorrow because I have no idea what the future holds. if I think about tomorrow, I get extremely stressed and I can't handle today's problems. so I don't think about those things. only what needs to be done today and frankly that itself can very overwhelming. I told my dad that I have no intention of crying buckets and I will cry when it is time to cry but not now. so every day, we simply thank God for the blessings we receive and go on as regularly as possible.

 

my dad does worry about the things he hasn't completed but most of the time, he has accepted that God will take care of things and he needs to let go. I have also told him repeatedly his journey will be very different from my uncle who also had lung cancer -- a. they were in different stages on diagnosis (my dad is in stage 3 while my uncle was in stage 4)  b. my uncle opted for chemo while we didn't.

 

unfortunately, people don't really understand cancer and so they spout stuff from their experiences which can make things more confusing. so my suggestion would be understand that cancer is an umbrella of diseases and so their journey may not be the same as yours. people are going to tell you all sorts of things but be clear about the diagnosis, the limitations, the treatment options and your choices. running around like a mad chicken because someone said this is better or that is better will just break you down.

 

as caregivers, you really need to take care of yourself. eat well, sleep well, exercise and yes, relax with dramas. if you are not sane to handle the situation, who else is going to do it? there will be days when it is supremely overwhelming but take it one day at a time. that is all we can do. cheers

 

 

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@LSGLMH_88

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am glad that my words helped a bit. it is very difficult to wait for the biopsy report but all we can do is try and be relaxed as possible. my mom is a strong woman of faith but I also know that if I crumble, she will too. so we need to be strong for each other especially as my brother lives far away. whenever my dad gets worried and doesn't understand what the doctor or nurse says, I have to explain in a calm manner and then he is like "oh, I can handle this". otherwise, he starts to get anxious and eats our heads. so you need to keep yourself sane and steady for the family.

 

definitely helps when you understand that cancer is an umbrella and everyone's journey will be different. I was getting so annoyed and frustrated when people are like "did you take this test? this treatment, this hospital etc" and I was like "ummm, this is a different cancer?"... for lot of people, it can be very hurtful and very confusing when someone says "so and so had this type of cancer and they were cured etc" and you are wondering why that option isn't available etc.

 

so it is very important to get your brain switched on and remember that your family's journey will be different depending on his diagnosis, area of body and yes, his capacity for treatment. whatever choices you make, accept them and don't second guess even if others poke questions. you make the decisions as best as you can and rest is up to God's will. we can only do our part, doctor do theirs and rest is really up to Heaven's will.

 

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@LSGLMH_88

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Your words hit me close to home since I lost my father in the beginning of last year. He was diagnosed with lung cancer (smoking...) back in 2012 and he was already in an advanced stage. He was only given 6 months but he surpassed it by far. Sadly, when he was diagnosed, the cancer cells were already spreading. He did his best and was able to live almost normally outside of his treatment periods.

I think the best times were when all of us as a family spent time happy together without the need of letting cancer redefine our relationships or our father. We would go on nice trips and also enjoy outings to eat out or watch movies.

I honestly never cried in front of him because of his illness.

The thing that annoyed me the most was when people used to act as if they knew some miracle medication to cure him or compared someone's experience with cancer with his. Even the same type of cancer won't have the same outcome with different people.

Luckily there were people recommending good oncologists and giving us direct contact information while being respectful and tactful and also those who knew how to give us good moral support.

I hope you have this kind of people around you and will be able to face this together. My friend's father also had lung cancer but he could get rid of it and I am really happy for them.

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@LSGLMH_88  I cannot better what words have already been given you.  All I can do is say that I will be praying for you, your family and most of all your father.  Because of my own fathers battle with Cancer I understand where you are.  The waiting is horrible and even hearing the word Cancer does something to you inside.  It's understandable to be afraid but take courage too so that he can see the hope in you... 

 

What you shared with us here and the heartfelt replies that you were and continue to be given is the very reason I love this thread.  It inspires our hearts and gives us the feeling that we are not alone... Because we're not!  That words and prayers can come together and lift you up and give you strength. 

 

In my faith I believe no matter where or what I have to face my God is already there waiting for me.  His love and His arms are open wide willing to comfort me.  I pray that we too can give you comfort and strength in the days that lie ahead.  Remembering and trusting  that you're not alone...:wub:

 

 

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@LSGLMH_88 My thoughts and prayers with you and your family. Remember to look after yourself as well. Hugs.

Sending hugs as well to @Lmangla and @daloula.

 

This is the reason why this is my home thread. Know that you can always share your happiness and burdens here. 

 

Sending :heart: to all.

 

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Four out of 5 people's family members have cancer in this thread alone. I don't even want to look at the large picture. Where have we gone wrong really?? It is said that we have turned a new leaf in medical and health services in this millenium, but how true is that....it's only getting worse and it seems like we are going backwards. Medical services are not to be blamed actually, after all there are more cancer survivors these days than say a few years back. It's our own lifestyles and how we decided to live that is bringing all this richard simmons. Even if a person is living his life healthily and carefully, he might just get a cancer because of a mutation in a single Gene for which he is no where near responsible. The whole system is damaged and we all are being poisoned without even knowing. Sigh. 

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