Does a good girl last forever? (asian culture)

[radiocat]

Most girls before marriage have the edge to play around on the pretext that they are not bounded by a vow and have aplenty of suitors. Then we have girls who become materialistic and secular after coming out of school and to work in a new transition in the phase of life. Lastly we have women whom after marriage and kids might feel neglected/lack of care and find some spark elsewhere.
I know two ladies personally both are in their late twenties, both are born and raised in an asian culture and upbringing. Well one of them is from a lesser affluent background, down-to earth, whom was a good girl and still a good girl, i can say that she achieved financial freedom herself with some help from her s/o who i can call a "nice guy" and has always remained faithful to him since the start although the only downside is that she has more "dominance" over the guy somewhat like" my sassy girl" the movie. The guy is willing though.
The other lady is from a much affluent background, born with a silver spoon and never got to worry about anything. She used to be a "bad" girl when she was mid teen to early twenties not entirely bad but just playful as she had the opportunity to. She met her s/o whom i can say is a "good guy" but not directly a "nice guy" and she has remained faithful to him ever since. In this relationship the guy has more "dominance" over the girl, but the girl is still in the schooling phase. I guess this girl would not be susceptible to stray, being less needy thus less impressionable coming out to the workforce.
 My question is it realistic to think that a girl that is faithful, obedient and dutiful to her partner would remain so, at any stages in life be it in school, at work , or even being a mum? Even if a guy is putting utmost effort in doing his part in the relationship. We know that sometimes a girl will be put off by a guy that care too much/ mr. nice guy; what are some reasons/factors that a girl may stray? e.g having no religion or strong family values? How do a guy maintain a balance of being a nice guy to his girl but not being taken for granted? Ultimately, how do a guy keep a good girl his good girl forever?

Thanks for reading, any input would be appreciated

[Guest phalken]

Are you defining a "good girl" as "faithful, obedient, and dutiful"? In which case you're going to have a lot of problems getting serious answers out of this forum because I can say with confidence that almost no modern woman would define "good" as "obedient". That is seriously very last century and/or extremely conservative.
I believe one of the most important lessons we learn when we grow from children to adults is that we don't own anyone, nor should we be able to. No one is "ours" forever, and that urge (i.e. "my best friend is mine and mine alone") rarely leads to good results. Therefore no one can truly "keep" someone "his" forever, nor is it healthy to want to.
I believe a person's morals and character aren't necessarily tied to either religion or family values. Sure, having strong faith in religion or family upbringing can help you develop a strong set of morals, but at the same time it can be argued that if your morals come from an external source, then the're in fact very fragile. It's like the difference between learning something by being told, or learning something by working through it yourself; generally the latter is stronger imo. There's of course people who take the time to work through things themselves after being told-- I have several religious friends, for example, who I've had extensive moral discussions with that I really respect because I can see they've thought about what they believe rather than parrot back what their church says.So in short, I believe strong morals must be self-developed, though the process may involve religion or family values for some and not for others.

[radiocat]

Thought-provoking.. i will get back to this soon..

[Guest j3nnnny]

it's easy to categorize someone as "good" or "bad", but in reality everyone has shades of characters... someone who seems to be "good" can have their bad days, and vise versa. Most of the time, people that have more solid & defined characters are self-confident, know their strengths & weaknesses, and know what they want in life. I think that's what most of us strive to be... So a girl that is mature and knows herself well enough and stays true to her morals, with the right guy, will "last forever".

[Guest chibi_chibi]

I don’ think you can ultimately define someone using their morals and characters as “good” or “bad” in a relationship sense. I believe that people who have great morals and characters are still susceptible of making “bad” choices. By having a great upbringing/traditions/family values and religion does not automatically exclude you from making bad decisions and vice versa. The act of being faithful, obedient, dutiful, that you’ve described, to sums up a “good girl” are all choices and decisions made by said “good girl”.  

I believe that our decisions help develop our morals, granted the environment where these decisions are made have significance as well. By deciding between different factors and taking in the consequences of each, we make up in our mind what is right for US and what is wrong for us. Different situations garners different sets of believes. A “good girl” given the worst of scenario will make “bad” decision and “stray” and vice versa. There are a lot of different reasons as to why anyone would stray but it’s the DECISION of that person to stray that is important.

In a relationship, you can try to “keep” someone yours forever that is YOUR decision. You can’t impose your decision on the other person. Your “good girl” will only be yours “forever” if she decides to be it.

[radiocat]

Thanks for the feedback people! I see lots of alpha-females here lol, and especially @phalken modernization has brought us now equality of rights because of gender inequality, so now there is meritocracy where women has an opportunity to compete against men. However, remember there is always an evolutionary arms race in society and between sexes, evolution has gave rise to alpha-females so there has to be beta-males to fit in, but remember there is always still alpha-males around and whatever tension results in "gender deviation neutralization" where the women somehow has to compensate for her atypical behaviour from the norm of the male being the head of the household. I know it is changing where women can do this etc. but changing doesnt equate to changed; and men should and should always respect and treat their women well first before the lady listen to him (i know it sounds really cliche lol,i really dont know how to put it but imagine its the vice versa)
Thanks for views and and pointers people i can see it with a different light from a females point of view.

edit: @chibi_chibi I know what ever choices and decisions are the choices and decision made by the girl and that they are invoked by the circumstances. That is why i am here to know the factors/ and reasons that may influence the girl to make decisions of higher probability in staying with the guy "forever" and not directly imposing my decision on her.

[hotmilk]

I think you got the culture part a bit off.It does not matter where you're from, what culture or religion you follow. In the end, a girl is a girl.
I have dated both Asian and Caucasian women. And I can tell you right now, both sides come with their ups and downs. If you want a good girl to stay, then treat her right, make her feel special and appreciated. You shouldn't have to go look for the easiest girl on the planet so that you can make the least amount of effort to please her.
Coming from a Christian country with a large Atheist population, I can say off the bat that the Caucasians here are very carefree and harder to stick to than the Asians who come from a more respective culture, where cheating, or having many boyfriends/girlfriends is taboo. But i have had relationships with Asian girls that ended just as fast as it started, and I don't enter relationships easily, so it comes to show that in the end, its not a culture you're dating, but a person, and a person can have a change of heart at any time, regardless of where they're from. 
If you find someone you love, and that you feel loved by, then make it count, regardless of culture.

[halfmoonsmile]

I don't exactly support men or women straying from their partners but I do understand why they do it. I've never been in a relationship in my life, however, I do observe other people's behavior. There was someone I know whose husband became a broken man after being fired from restaurants. He drank wine, slept on the couch all day and night, became a burden. After a while, she met another man who paid attention to her and discussed their broken marriages. One thing led to another and they had an affair. It's easy for me and others to judge people like them because we are all taught to think a certain way.

Sorry I didn't really answer your questions
       I am not interested in discussing on how to keep a grown woman as a "good girl".

[Guest cristolephe]

Well, I take it that you're not going to date these two girls since they already have partners. Hm, I guess since you know what you want, you just need to look for it in a girl. Then again, girls are girls, doesn't really matter which culture, unless one has various reasons which are understandable such as communication, etc. 

[x_intotheblue_x]

Two important lessons here:
Lesson one: NEVER EVER assume that being too nice to your spouse will encourage straying. This "Girls can't stomach / tolerate too nice guys" thing is crap. 
Being a jerk, or trying to "balance out" being a nice guy with being a jerk... Is a pretty darn good way to encourage the woman to leave. 


The ONLY thing that will encourage a woman to stray, is her moral character. Even if the guy is a total twatwaffle, cheating is never the right answer. The smart thing to do, even if kids are involved, would be to leave him if things are bad in the marriage and can't be settled. A person's morals is not reliant on their family, religion or social/financial status. It can be influenced by it, but its not reliant on it. A person of good moral character and maturity will not commit adultery. And if there are extenuating circumstances, such as their partner being unfaithful, abusive or a general twatwaffle... If they're smart, they'll just do the smart thing and leave... Not cheat.



Lesson Two: Getting hung up on the "Obedient and Dutiful" thing is a good way to end up in the twatwaffle category. This isn't the 1950s where the woman is little more than a glorified house keeper. Unless you're willing and capable of fulfilling the 1950s male counterpart to the "Obedient and Dutiful" wife. And that means bringing serious bacon to the table, support, stability and acting like a mature individual and sole provider rather than a man child. Most men I've met who seek "Obedient and Dutiful" are seeking replacement mothers and fail to fulfill the other end of the arrangement. Some women are cool with that, but not many that I know.
Marriage is a partnership, a wife is a partner, not a subservient member of the relationship to expect to be "obedient and Dutiful". Just as men should not be looked at as an ATM. But if you expect the former, you should be prepared to be the latter. Marriage is about compromise and helping each other. Not obeying. Not merely completing one's duties. And that goes for both the Husband and Wife.
And just because a Man marries a woman who is in possession of a spine and isn't a push over, does not make her an "Alpha" nor him a "Beta".I'm not "Obedient and Dutiful". And my Husband is by no means a Beta personality. If he were, he wouldn't be able to put up with me.
And consider this: A confident person wouldn't NEED a Submissive partner to feel validated. If you're actively seeking a submissive partner, its because you feel the need to control someone else and are likely intimidated by the prospect of having an equal or confident / independent partner. Which would also explain the additional concern of trying to determine what might lead a woman to stray (fear of not being able to keep / control?) 
A Woman is most likely to stay forever, with a man who respects her and does not treat her as a lesser being in the relationship.

[Guest melody19]

I also don't think that the way a girl behaves depends on her cultural background...rather than that, the way she was raised AND the experiences she made are important for making her the way she is
And if you wanna find a girl which  will stay faithful and commited to you, you just need to be a guy worthy of that
The  reason why girls cheat is mostly because they are not satisfied with the relationship anymore
Maybe because their partner doesn't make them feel attractive,  treats them without any respect or just doesn't do anything to make them feel as if they are important to them
but if you can make a girl feel respected, desirable and important to you, she will most likely stay with you or at least I think so
I know it sounds weird with the whole desireable thing but that was the reason why my relationship almost fell apart, because my boyfriend would always call other girls cute and pretty and would never give me any compliments which hurt me a lot and made me feel ugly and unwanted ugh T^T...
at that time it crossed my mind to find someone different who will make me feel as if he really needs and wants me by his side( I know it was bad of me... I really tried not to think like that..but the truth was I couldn't stop this thoughts from crossing my mind)
but we solved that problem after talking with each other ( since I really wanted to make try everything I could before giving up) and now we are still dating with both of us staying faithful and happy with another
note: it is still my first boyfriend and we've been together for 3 1/2 years now

[Roasty]

Only if she wants to. Too bad for the guy its a toss of the coin really, if they are one of the lucky ones.